Special Girl How to deal with regret / missed opportunities

[Spyce D]

I had this girl with whom i went on date a few times but never even kissed despite she asking me about my hookup history and was very sexual on our first date .

I was a pussy back then when it came to this stuff . These days I am getting the gist of it .

My regret with her is that she wanted me to hookup initially but due to me not taking any action ... Things fade away from her .

Not being in the right headspace , there is no spark between us bla bla bla .... Even though initially she was the one sexualising the convo initially .

My verbals were solid enough to pass her shit tests but due to me moving really slowly with her killed her attraction towards me .

I feel regret that had I just made a move with her ... Things wouldn't have gone stale .

Even though i appreciate that experience cuz it helped me learn a lot of things that you just can't learn deeply while approaching . E.g , attraction has an expiry date , move fast , stop Overproviding good feelings, girls don't wait for long .

How do I handle this feeling of regret cuz I had a hookup ready in front of me but I didn't took any action ?

I have taken up all my lessons from it but just can't shake the feeling of regret .

I feel like i could have done things better and could have banged her on the first date but I never even got a kiss even after going out with her on 4 occasions... Cuz I was scared of some b.s. might happen if she rejects me ( part of my then ocd ) .

I feel like i disappointed her as she was dtf with me .

But I promise to never repeat the same mistakes ever again .

But No idea how to process this feeling of regret . ...

And I want to live my life and sleep at night without regreting over anything

 

[Higher]

Just embrace it. It's trying to help you.

Let's say you got rid of regret. So now you don't feel any pain about this girl at all. She's just someone you dated recently and that was it. You'd probably still pat yourself on the back for actually going on four dates with her (which is not bad, as some girls would give you only one chance), but you'd feel nothing else at all and you'd peacefully sleep at night like nothing happened.

The problem is that now you'd still realize you fucked up, but you'd dismiss the thought in a split-second. This would cause you to miss the learning potential of the whole experience and keep you at your current level. Instead, your mind wants you to grow.

Yes, it sucks. Yes, it'll keep you up at night. But all regret is trying to do is to decrease your chances of doing the same mistake again by forcing you to analyze what happened again and again. It's an ally here.

Btw, meet more girls. Regret's gonna sting less.

 

[Lover]

Hey Spyce. Not much to do besides accepting the feeling and accepting what happened. And of course, learn from the experience so mistake won't get repeated.

Remember, you only know what your mistake is and what to do next time because you took action. If you look at it like this, you actually did improve!

And I want to live my life and sleep at night without regreting over anything

This is like a guy saying "I have to sleep with every hot girl I meet". No pun intended, but you will regret thinking like this eventually lol. You put a lot of pressure on yourself.

What I'm suggesting now can take some time getting used to. But if you look at things more in terms of process and less in terms of outcomes, it's hard to have any regrets. Why? Because you did something to improve yourself and get closer to your final goal. And regardless of the outcome, you either get your desired outcome or learn a lesson. It's a win either way

Onwards and upwards

 

[DarkKnight]

I understand this feeling but you will feel regret many times after this as well. Sometimes we feel because we learn game as if we should know or understand everything and give ourselves way too much power but the truth is world is full with wildcards. I understand a lot more than in the past have much more succes than ever. Still sometimes fuck ups happen or I try my best and get a nagging feeling that I have fucked up somewhere. Also dont forget that we read more about peoples wins instead of their losses. In real nobody is completely polished. You put too much pressure on yourself.

Nobody has 100% succes.

How do I handle this feeling of regret cuz I had a hookup ready in front of me but I didn't took any action ?

Meet more girls but this is still not perfect cure. I have regretted a fuck up years ago with my last one itis. Went on a hot streak after but this never erased the feeling of regret. I have carried that with me for a long time blaming myself. In hindsight I am still not sure if I was the only one to blame.

I think only way to cure regret is meeting a girl who you like just as much and this time do things right.

 

[ShioriGC]

I know how you feel man, I made the same mistake, she even said multiple times she wanted to go to my place. It caused me so much pain that I spam read articles, came back here and asked for advice. Also had me restructuring my life. The pain felt like a breakup. But it helped to rewire my brain to set new goals and refine parts of myself I didn't know existed..

the way I cope with the pain that I still feel is with art and remembering she is just one of many women out there - she isn't special.

 

[Spyce D]

What you guys say is true cuz I actually wrote in a notebook about my mistakes and made it clear to myself that I would never repeat those mistakes .

The good things about fucking it up with her was that it taught me lot of things by experience which I couldn't have learnt .

And cuz of her , i got rid of lot of my issues cuz I was working on myself with such a zeal kinda due to her effect on me .

Before meeting her , I was a guy with ocd , virgin , overthinker but after 2 months of talking with her I got rid of my ocd , virginity, and to some extent my overthinking .

It's like when you meet someone and they change your life .

I mean I learnt a lot of lessons from this experience .

I even learnt how to use sexual humour by talking to her , practised touching and what not , got comfortable expressing self around women .

I know what I did wrong .


And tbh I have done enough rumination, let's see how it helps me in the future .

As from tomorrow, I am approaching women again .

And funny thing is she was the girl whom I manifested ( I used to think about a specific type before meeting her ) and she was the one lol .

I know that I will get better women in future .

Few things to note in mind is :

Never complain in front of women .
Never show your insecurities.
Move fast .
If the girl gives you hints , move faster .
Never show that you don't have other hoes .
Always prioritise myself first .
Don't be so good that she categories you as a friend .
Don't be afraid of uncertainty ( cuz thats what lead me to not make any move )
If a girl goes on a date with you , do ' it ' .
Lead , dont expect her to lead . And a few more.
Confidence matters while escalation.
Don't talk about negative stuff .

These are the things that I have internalised due to her experience.

Good thing is now I have experience of dates , no longer a virgin , and how to handle resistance from women , how to respond to hints ..... I might have experience easier time with women from now .

 

[Spyce D]

Update :

The regret is hitting rn , a lot .

And IT IS making hard to sleep .

Thinking about her everything ... Now I know what I have to do ...
But DAMN! I am experiencing this feeling for the first time ..

But the only good this that happened out of all this is that my ocd has went down .

I used to have a thought pattern that If things end up with a girl then I will lose my shit and would go out of control .

Just realised that it's full of b.s.

It's like I was looking at her to heal me and infact I was looking at women to heal me rather than someone to have fun with .

I am already healed up .

 

[DarkKnight]

I am already healed up .

Doesn't seem like it buddy, but I understand.

Just go meet more girls man, enough introspection. Don't post anything else until you talk to more girls, prove your regrets then

 

[Spyce D]

Ok , so it seems like we might meet up again.

But I am not sure if she still seems me as a sexual option .


Last night , we were on a call and there was an ongoing frame battle between us .

And I was inducing some sexual elements in it .

This time I want to run my date with a sexual undertone .

It seems like I have to be the man and go for it .

Is any there any way to create date sexual when for 4 dates , I didn't kiss her .

( Note : I have been meeting more girls too )

 

[SteelbookCollector]

it naturally makes sense that guys, men, will deal with far more regret than women ever will in regards to their dating lives/sex lives.

 

[Beck Bass]

I think only way to cure regret is meeting a girl who you like just as much and this time do things right.

Yus, but the only way to do things right with a girl you dig as much is to actually go out and meet more girls!
There's no easy way, only more hard work, so just embrace that.
Even if you succeed with the girl, relationships are work too, even sex, like a ONS can be work, if you want to make an impression, really fuck a girl's brains out lmao

So you gotta find that drive to meet for girls, to go work hard. You gotta tell yourself that you CAN get a girl as hot, cool or whatever as her, you just gotta get out there and find another one, and do it!

Is any there any way to create date sexual when for 4 dates , I didn't kiss her

Honestly you should just move on, if you go out with her and it works out, whatever, but stop investing so much of your thoughts and feelings into this girl, this is only making you choke even more, because she seems like such a big deal (trust me, no girl is as big of a deal as some girls can seem in our mind when we start getting that invested). Just stop giving a fuck, and maybe you have a chance, but like for real, you have to stop caring about succeeding with her, can you even do that at this point?

 

[Adventurer]

I remember reading something from Chase where he said you should have 10 seconds of introspection after a failure. You deliberately think about what you could have done better for 10 seconds, and then stop thinking about it altogether, and correct the mistake next time. In my experience, this works really well.

Of course, this is easier said than done when you are in scarcity, or if you really liked the girl in question. But it helps to separate useful learning experience from pointless regret

 

[Spyce D]

it naturally makes sense that guys, men, will deal with far more regret than women ever will in regards to their dating lives/sex lives.

And why is that ?

 

[SteelbookCollector]

And why is that ?

because for all time, if your a guy, man, love and sex is never gonna find you someday, but however its the opposite for women.

 

[fog]

because for all time, if your a guy, man, love and sex is never gonna find you someday, but however its the opposite for women.

hey, your statement is confusing here

i read it like this

because for all time, if your a guy... man, love and sex is never gonna find you someday, but however its the opposite for women.

could you clarify that this is not the meaning of your statement?

 

[SteelbookCollector]

typo error, what inspired me to write this was from a medium article from the social media app Medium:

I’m gonna call it like it is. As a man, you’re in a position no woman will genuinely understand, because you as a guy, must make the first move, ask the woman out, initiate the relationship. They can afford to sit back and let love and sex find them and they know it will. However, if you do that as a guy, two things will happen.

1. You’ll never have sex again or ever.
2. You’ll die alone

So this is something you need to master as a matter of urgency and life or death, unless your content with living a celibate and lonely life.

 

[fog]

typo error, what inspired me to write this was from a medium article from the social media app Medium:

I’m gonna call it like it is. As a man, you’re in a position no woman will genuinely understand, because you as a guy, must make the first move, ask the woman out, initiate the relationship. They can afford to sit back and let love and sex find them and they know it will. However, if you do that as a guy, two things will happen.

1. You’ll never have sex again or ever.
2. You’ll die alone

So this is something you need to master as a matter of urgency and life or death, unless your content with living a celibate and lonely life.

REJECTION = DEATH? thats what im seeing here

 

[SteelbookCollector]

REJECTION = DEATH? thats what im seeing here

thats not what i meant, what i mean is, men for all time, men will obviously have to deal with hundreds or thousands of times more rejections than women ever will, and a lot of rejection can easily destroy mens self-esteem and make them not want to try anymore, make them not want to approach and pursue anymore, but obviously thats a death sentence for remaining forever single and celibate.