A
Anonymous
Guest
Alright guys, allow me to cut to the “chase” and explain my situation. Back when I was a senior in high school, I was hooking up with this girl at school who was two years younger than me for a span of roughly 6 months. This was my first experience seeing some consistent play on the field and it made me feel very good about myself; I was finally becoming a man and it gave me a real shot of confidence. This girl and me got a long really well; I really liked her as we shared similar values, had similar personalities, and people thought we were great together. However, we never classified our relationship as having a girl friend/boyfriend status. I wasn’t really sure I wanted something with that level of commitment, having never had a girlfriend before and she played along. So we kept on fooling around for a good few months, shared many intimate moments together, until the time came where summer rolled around and I was graduating from high school and about to leave town for the summer. In turn, I was forced to make a decision whether I was going to stay with this girl who was just a junior in high school, or end it for good. If I were to stay with her, it would imply a long distance relationship given I was off to college while she had 2 more years of high school to complete. It was a real conflict for me because on one hand, I really did like her, but on the other hand, I was that excited high school graduate who felt like he was about to meet so many new girls at college and experience so many new things in life, so why would I want to be tied down to a little girl in the city?
After consideration of my options, I decided to end things with her.
This left her emotionally devastated for a few weeks. She went off to a summer camp and over text told me, she started hooking up with a new guy. This didn’t bother me at the time, as I was also now back on the market, looking for new girls. However, as time passed that summer, I wasn’t finding anyone who intrigued me like she did, and I was comparing every girl to her as my ideal standard. I went off to college and scored a few girls here and there in the beginning, but I then found myself missing her again. We kept in touch via text messaging and skype during the course of my first year away at school, which I know is what made me miss her even more. A big mistake on my part, you don’t have to tell me.
Now for the icing on the cake. This guy who she started hooking up with at that summer camp has since been her boyfriend for the past 3-4 years. When she told me she started seeing this kid, it made me jealous. She explained to me that it was the only way she could move on from me, which I understood. I explained to her that I was beginning to realize that leaving her was a mistake on my part and that we should try and salvage what we once had. Could this have been partly due to me not scoring enough girls to keep me distracted? Perhaps. Her excuse was that if she could be with me she would, but she wouldn’t be able to do long distance because I wouldn’t be there for her if she needed me. What’s ironic is after dating this guy for a year, she ended up doing long-distance with him. Long story short, I was miserable during all of first year at college because I couldn’t have the girl that I once had, and now found myself wanting, who is now taken by someone else.
Fast-forward, I am now a senior in college, still single, and she is a junior at the same school. I see her from time to time, but the communication has become far less than what it used to be. It is still very hard for me to see her on facebook, and it’s even harder when I see her in person (sometimes with her long distance boyfriend) or when she messages me at random saying its been so long. I think it’s important to note she attempts to maintain contact, when I have attempted to distance myself. Although so much time has passed, I find myself still dwelling on our history, and how much I miss her. And I’m rattled that I haven’t found someone yet that I feel as good about as I do about her. She is now regarded as a real looker among my social circle, and all my friends keep telling me how hot they think she is when they see her. She always seems very excited, happy and even shy when we run into each other. As well, I still get a flirty vibe from her.
So in conclusion, I am seeking advice from you, Chase, and all the other experienced veterans on the board. I have read your articles, but really believe a personal background on the situation may be worth noting. I want to know whether you guys think this situation is salvageable, and if so what is the appropriate strategy to get her back. I’ve waited for 3 years and I’m done playing the passive role. What is my next step?
Looking forward to hearing from all you, I truly appreciate it.
Berto
After consideration of my options, I decided to end things with her.
This left her emotionally devastated for a few weeks. She went off to a summer camp and over text told me, she started hooking up with a new guy. This didn’t bother me at the time, as I was also now back on the market, looking for new girls. However, as time passed that summer, I wasn’t finding anyone who intrigued me like she did, and I was comparing every girl to her as my ideal standard. I went off to college and scored a few girls here and there in the beginning, but I then found myself missing her again. We kept in touch via text messaging and skype during the course of my first year away at school, which I know is what made me miss her even more. A big mistake on my part, you don’t have to tell me.
Now for the icing on the cake. This guy who she started hooking up with at that summer camp has since been her boyfriend for the past 3-4 years. When she told me she started seeing this kid, it made me jealous. She explained to me that it was the only way she could move on from me, which I understood. I explained to her that I was beginning to realize that leaving her was a mistake on my part and that we should try and salvage what we once had. Could this have been partly due to me not scoring enough girls to keep me distracted? Perhaps. Her excuse was that if she could be with me she would, but she wouldn’t be able to do long distance because I wouldn’t be there for her if she needed me. What’s ironic is after dating this guy for a year, she ended up doing long-distance with him. Long story short, I was miserable during all of first year at college because I couldn’t have the girl that I once had, and now found myself wanting, who is now taken by someone else.
Fast-forward, I am now a senior in college, still single, and she is a junior at the same school. I see her from time to time, but the communication has become far less than what it used to be. It is still very hard for me to see her on facebook, and it’s even harder when I see her in person (sometimes with her long distance boyfriend) or when she messages me at random saying its been so long. I think it’s important to note she attempts to maintain contact, when I have attempted to distance myself. Although so much time has passed, I find myself still dwelling on our history, and how much I miss her. And I’m rattled that I haven’t found someone yet that I feel as good about as I do about her. She is now regarded as a real looker among my social circle, and all my friends keep telling me how hot they think she is when they see her. She always seems very excited, happy and even shy when we run into each other. As well, I still get a flirty vibe from her.
So in conclusion, I am seeking advice from you, Chase, and all the other experienced veterans on the board. I have read your articles, but really believe a personal background on the situation may be worth noting. I want to know whether you guys think this situation is salvageable, and if so what is the appropriate strategy to get her back. I’ve waited for 3 years and I’m done playing the passive role. What is my next step?
Looking forward to hearing from all you, I truly appreciate it.
Berto
