How to get rid of upspeak?

[Winston]

I have had several guys gave me the feedback that I should get rid of uptalk/upseak (ie. ascending tone at the end of my words and sentences).

I have started to do some drills to try to correct it (talking about random stuff alone in my place, while focusing on not doing that) but I am not sure it makes any good.
When I listened to my recent sets, I keep spotting it again and again. It is painful to hear.
All the work that I am doing alone seem to not have any effect on it. This is depressing.

This seems to be an emotional thing and not necesserally a thing that be corrected outside of any social context. I do that when I talk to guys or girls while being uncertain about myself (probably approval seeking). It is a giveaway of how I feel around people. And this is ruining many of my interactions.

If I talk to myself in my room this is not difficult to not uptalk, but when I am in set this is almost impossible to not uptalk.
So what can I do?
Should I do focus on my mindset in sets, and with the right mindset it will automatically go away?
Or are they some more specific drills that I can do, that can help me get of ride of it like a bad habit?

 

[mist]

Watch videos of CEO's, Bosses, Charismatic Actors.

Speak from your ball sack and breath deeply, slow down your rate of speech, and if your tone does go up don't get jumpy or freeze up just correct it.

Vocal Tonality For Picking Up Girls • Absolute Ability

What is the best vocal tonality for picking up girls? Read this article to find out what voice you should use.

www.absoluteability.com

Executive / CEO Frame

How to talk to girls with masculine authority.

www.goodlookingloser.com

This Video

Speak Up, Stand Straight, Eye Contact • Absolute Ability

Imagine a man in a hushed whisper, like a little baby girl, “Hi…I just wanted to say, umm, you look really great today? Hi…” That’s what most new guys sound like. Then their approaches fall apart and they come back to me with, “I just don’t know what to say. Tony. What do I say!?” “Don’t...

www.absoluteability.com

These are excellent articles and a video on the mentality.

It is a giveaway of how I feel around people. And this is ruining many of my interactions.

This will improve your interactions, but understand that it is your reaction to what is happening that kills the interaction even more.

I only realized this recently when I did things that would have gotten me " I have a boyfriend." objections or made her or me eject.

It doesn't have to be the end. You just gotta meet tons of people and focus on your tonality rather than the content of your words for awhile.

Until you do it infield and are ok asserting your space in your interactions with people this will be an issue for you.

Internalize that uptones are not bad but they aren't great in all cases either. It's ok to be unsure of yourself. If need be saying you're a bit nervous or shy is ok albeit maybe lower odds.

At the very least you won't have created a shadow in your reaction to your behavior and exasperated an issue you are having by poorly concealing it.

Letting people know you're working on speaking with people to better yourself is ok too or that you're looking for some friends.

It's ok to be basic and a simple dude to start out and just get your footing.

Integrate your tone of voice into your life in general. When I was working on this I even addressed my Aunt and Mother with "CEO" Tone.

Eventually it became autopilot purely because I used it everywhere.

Still mastering it though.

This seems to be an emotional thing and not necesserally a thing that be corrected outside of any social context. I do that when I talk to guys or girls while being uncertain about myself (probably approval seeking). It is a giveaway of how I feel around people.

You got it too.

You just gotta meet more people and focus on your vocal tonality with that interaction.

You'll find as your upspeak decreases this was unnatural anyway and pretty draining. Neutral tone and down tone is much more natural. Especially neutral tone.

 

[ocean_eyes]

Mist22 said: Focus on your tonality rather than the content of your words for awhile.
This is key IMO.

PS Check out some Youtube videos on getting in touch with your Chest voice.

 

[Winston]

Many thanks @Mist22 for the detailed and nuanced answer!
I think I see some progress with the end of my sentences. But I still do it with my words everywhere in my sentences. I guess I should be patient and keep focusing on this.

Eventually it became autopilot purely because I used it everywhere.

May I ask how long was it between when you started to work on this and when its became autopilot?

 

[mist]

Five months give or take. I also have performance experience and while working on it I had back to back emasculating situations occur that made it both more natural and an uphill battle of asserting my space.

We're all just a bit different. Here's some of what I did

1. I'd say the biggest thing for me was not thinking so hard about words, but instead how I said everything and how fast.

2. Listening to poetry, great speakers, music and podcasts.

3. Go somewhere and listen to really confident people. Alpha at the party, salesmen, whatever you find confident and emulate that demeanor and learn to understand that mindset and position.

4. Don't worry too much about congruence if your brainy like me. Just keep drilling and eventually it'll move closer to the place that fits the most attractive you.

5. Write your goal on paper and give it a thought before going into interactions.

6. Went to places that completely intimidated me and usually fell into rapport seeking, but when I stuck it out I'd get my footing or at least the pride in knowing that regardless of rapport or my status I'm still alive. Pride and entitlement are good feelings for diminishing up speak.

7. Watch infields. It's so helpful for me. My approaches after Denton, Todd V, Goodlookingloser, and Hector in the beginning were so helpful.

8. Ultimately, you have to realize seeking rapport in your tone or body is the lowest percentage towards actually achieving it and when achieved it'll come from a place of weakness rather than genuine connection and appreciation.

If that doesn't matter to you then upspeak makes people not take you seriously and when you make moves it'll creep em out thus less pussy, less money, less freedom.

If that doesn't matter to you than upspeak is a way you apologize for existing. Are you sorry for your desires?

The point being find a reason or lots of reasons why upspeak needs to be dealt with by you.