How To Go On Dates With Women?

[Ken]

2015 marked the first time that I ever asked a girl out. Then, over the course of that year, I asked out more and more girls. But, I noticed that all of these had one thing in common. Every time I asked out a girl, something happens that prevents me from going on a date with them. Things like girls asking me for my email or social media account (like Instagram), asking out a girl that I have orbited, or my least favorite one: the "I have a boyfriend" response. And at one point, I have forgotten to get the girl's number. This has been taking up space in my mind, to the point where I constantly obsess over it every day and hope to find a way to overcome it so I can finally have sex with a girl.

I wanted to post this later, but I needed to get this out of my system now. Last month, I talked about this with two girls in my college's newspaper, that I joined last semester. Not one of my best moments. They said that maybe I have been asking out the wrong girls. I want to get a second opinion on this from people who really know what women want. So I ask this: What am I doing wrong that prevents me from going on an actual date? How can I overcome so I can go on dates with girls and have sex with them?

 

[Bboy100]

A lot of girls have a hard time saying "no". And even if they don't, it's easier to say "yes" then make up an for not going on the date later. What this means is that basically, those girls aren't interested in you. Why that is, I can't say for sure. We'd have to have more information about you and your interactions with them prior to asking them out.

But I'd be willing to bet its because you're not attractive to these girls, or you haven't gotten enough investment from them. If it's the former, try improving your fundamentals. If it's the latter, don't ask them out until you've had a conversation with them where you feel like you're "in a bubble" with her. Or at the very least, until you've reached the "hook point"

 

[Ken]

Well, my interactions mostly start out like this:

I pre open her by touching her in the arm without making eye contact first, then:

Me: Hi
Her:Hi
Me: I saw you over there, and I think you're cute.
Her: Thank you.
Me: What's you're name?
Her: My name is (insert name here).
Me: Hello (insert name here), my name is Kenny.

And from there we just talk, sometimes deep diving, sometimes small talk. At the end, before we go our separate ways, I ask her for her number. It rarely works.

I have never been good with girls. In fact, girls don't really notice me. Or at least, I don't think they do.

 

[Bboy100]

That's still not really enough information. First of all, when you start talking to them, how do they respond? Do they seem excited to talk to you? Neutral? Uninterested? Dismissive? If you're not sure, pay attention to body language.
Second...do you feel like you've made an impression of some sort? Or is she likely to forget about the conversation you just had as soon as its over? You'll know because if you made an impression, you've definitely made it past small talk. And she'll likely be investing in the interaction on her own account(i.e. she might ask you questions about yourself, give more detail than necessary to answer the questions you ask, there'll be a spark in her eye, she'll touch you, etc.).

And even before the interaction itself, ask yourself...are you taking care of the absolute basics? That means:
- Do you have a good wardrobe/fashion?
- Do you keep good hygiene?
- Do you have a nice haircut/facial hair?
- Can you hold eye contact when you speak?
- Are you of reasonable weight. And when I say "reasonable" I don't mean "fit" or even "average". I mean...are you so fat you can't even see your feet when you look down? If so, that needs to change.

Finally...how do you feel when you're talking to them? Anxious? Relaxed? Excited? Neutral? Bored? Frustrated?

...All these things matter. And as you can tell, most of them don't have much to do with what you said to her or how exactly you approached her.

I have never been good with girls. In fact, girls don't really notice me.

I have a couple things to say about that:

1. Where are you meeting women? I guarantee you there are some attractive things about you. But you're talking to girls in an environment where they can't see that. Are you good at sports? Go somewhere where women can see your athleticism. Are you well educated? Go somewhere where you can show off your intelligence. etc.

2. I'm assuming your cold approaching. Not a bad thing. However...this means that it's very difficult to show off your attractiveness, and you have a very small window of opportunity to do so. Therefore, there will be a period of time where women will treat you like you're invisible. It's just the nature of the beast. Just keep grinding, and as your comfort and fundamentals improve, women will also start to notice you more. If there's anything I've already covered in this post which is NOT on point, fix that first. Cause all of those basic things will make a TREMENDOUS difference, and they take comparably little effort to fix (ex. You could literally go buy better clothes tomorrow, and you'll instantly become more attractive)

Keep your head up, it only gets better from here!

 

[Frost]

Like Bboy said, this isn't enough information to tell where you could have made a mistake. So here's some general advice:

-When you approach and open the girl, after a bit of small talk you should make the conversation interesting enough for her so that she wants to continue talking to you (and not just out of social courtesy). It's pretty easy to tell if she's interested or not: one difference can be the way she responds to your questions, or statements. Is she laughing, and trying to keep the conversation going or just giving you a straight answer hoping you'll go away? And if she doesn't seem very interested (which is usually what you'll get when you first open her) your job is to change that. Sometimes it's a joke you say or a topic you strike that sets the whole thing in motion.

-Get to know her a bit. Ask her about herself a little. It will keep the conversation going, build a little rapport and also give you material to expand the conversation based on the answers you get (that is if she happens to do something you find interesting, or maybe you have something in common). This point and the previous one work together; as you're getting to know her you should steer the conversation in ways that will get her interest.

-Get investment and/or move her. If she's sitting on a bench don't keep standing there talking to her. Tell her to go on a walk with you, or to move for you to sit next to her. One thing you can do if she's not totally uninterested is if she's sitting somewhere but there is no place for you to sit close to her, you can take her hand and tell her to stand for a minute and then take her seat and tell her that you'll give it back in a minute (in a playful way of course).

-Touch. Use incidental touch during the daytime, at night I believe you can escalate further.


So in essence you want her to consider seeing you again. If you can get an instant date and take her to a coffee place nearby it would be good. Otherwise you'll have to get her number to see her again. You can say something like this: "Well I think you're kinda cool. Let's exchange contact info" and give her you phone to put her number and call herself or whatever. If she objects you can reframe it (there are tons of articles on GC about that) and say something playful like "come on I'll only send you 100 texts per hour".

And after you get the number, if you're not both in a hurry stick around for a while and continue talking for a bit before leaving.

 

[Ken]

Bboy100,

Girls seem excited to talk to me. I seem to make an impression on them, as they ask me questions about myself and provide more information than necessary to answer my questions.

I think I have good wardrobe/fashion, but it could be better. I keep a good hygiene. I think I can hold eye contact when I speak. I am reasonable weigh, in fact, I am shaped like a stick figure. When I talk to them, I feel relaxed.

 

[Bboy100]

Well then the issue is lack of investment. Talk to them for a little longer...get some investment and compliance from them. Deep dive them a little bit more. Like I said at the start, you have to feel like you're "in a bubble". Like the rest of the world has just melted away and it's just the two of you. Once you get to that point, you'll know that she'll likely want to see you again.