How to Keep Attraction Over Time.

[Vee]

So I'm curious about how to keep attraction high over an extended period of time.

To give some background, I took a girl out on a date about 2 months ago and at the end we went back to my place and made out. While we were making out she said that clothes had to stay on etc. so I didn't really try much to push things past that. She's a virgin, and never done anything but make out, I've messed around but never had sex either. But that's another topic. I go to a college that is in a pretty religious area, so not having sex is more normal than having it. I've recently been screening for girls who will make out and mess around, I haven't been screening for more liberal girls who will have sex, that's just where I'm at right now.
Anyway, after we made out we were talking and I let her know I wasn't really one to rush into anything. (I didn't really want a relationship as I was going out with a couple other girls then as well). She said she was real slow that way, so it was fine. Since then we have been on mutliple dates and kissed more etc, nothing past that though, and I know I need to work on that.

At the start it was really great, we kissed a lot and it was really passionate, we could tell we liked each other but we weren't together. When we texted it was fun and flirtatious. But I don't really like texting a whole lot so I don't text her that much anymore, (I prefer to talk and spend time in person) and the texting isn't really flirty anymore. It seems like now, to be more of a game to see who can be less invested. And judging by her reactions etc the attraction isn't as high as it used to be, also for me I'm losing attraction for her as well.
It isn't terrible but its waining and I'd like to know how to stop the trend from continuing.

Was it just a honeymoon stage that was going on? How can you keep attraction high over an extended period of time? Also more importantly how can you do it without putting the girl into auto-rejection?

 

[Franco]

Hi Vee,

How can you keep attraction high over an extended period of time? Also more importantly how can you do it without putting the girl into auto-rejection?

The short answer is: you can't.

The longer answer is: you are trying to find a way around what this website is trying to emphasize: you have to move faster with women if you want to have success. And by success, I mean taking women as lovers (and then from there, as girlfriends).

Once you have taken a woman to bed and she views you as a powerful, sexy man, then there are tactics you can use to keep her attraction level high towards you. But until you've passed the point of making her your lover, then you are fighting an extremely uphill battle with very little satisfaction provided if you happen to even reach the top.

I go to a college that is in a pretty religious area, so not having sex is more normal than having it.

This is an assumption and a belief that most guys have about girls who are religious. A lot of the "religious" girls I knew in high school were extremely sexual (often even more sexual than atheists because sex was so taboo) -- they just had to be as careful as possible to hide it as to not be shunned by the rest of their religious community. (See more about using sexual frames to turn women on)

So the bottom line is: you should be focusing on moving quickly with women instead of trying to keep them attracted to you for long periods of time. Female attraction towards a man wanes when that man won't move things forward with her.

For more details on attraction, you should also check out Chase's article: "How to Attract Women"

Hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[Eric]

I've had girls take things from me before they moved, such as a ring. They'll then wear it all the time which constantly makes them think about me.

Try gifts that are wearable like a cheap goodbye bracelet.

Edit: thought post was about long distance

 

[Light]

Hey Vee,

Franco already mentioned it. You can't.

At best you can do is prolong the Curiosity stage, and by doing that you are not giving away much info about yourself, so you stay as a mysterious yet charming person. She will want to get to know you more.. and get to know you more...

But there is also a time limit on how long you can make that last... Everything has a time limit. At best you can only extend the attraction by a tiny bit.


Light

 

[Vee]

Hey Guys,
Thanks for the input, I needed to hear it. I know now I should really work towards having sex with girls instead of just the precludes to it.

-Vee

 

[Flames]

I'm not sure sure about this. I'll agree with some girls they 'give up' but as long as you don't burn any bridges they quite often come back.

I don't think it's the attraction that's dying so much as its some societal programming that says don't re-light old fires, or that you absolutely must move on, despite there being no real reason for it. I am of course not talking about those times when people just really don't get along.

As you say though maybe I just keep girls in a perpetual curiosity.

 

[Knight]

Hi Vee,

How can you keep attraction high over an extended period of time? Also more importantly how can you do it without putting the girl into auto-rejection?

The short answer is: you can't.

The longer answer is: you are trying to find a way around what this website is trying to emphasize: you have to move faster with women if you want to have success. And by success, I mean taking women as lovers (and then from there, as girlfriends).

Once you have taken a woman to bed and she views you as a powerful, sexy man, then there are tactics you can use to keep her attraction level high towards you. But until you've passed the point of making her your lover, then you are fighting an extremely uphill battle with very little satisfaction provided if you happen to even reach the top.

I go to a college that is in a pretty religious area, so not having sex is more normal than having it.

This is an assumption and a belief that most guys have about girls who are religious. A lot of the "religious" girls I knew in high school were extremely sexual (often even more sexual than atheists because sex was so taboo) -- they just had to be as careful as possible to hide it as to not be shunned by the rest of their religious community. (See more about using sexual frames to turn women on)

So the bottom line is: you should be focusing on moving quickly with women instead of trying to keep them attracted to you for long periods of time. Female attraction towards a man wanes when that man won't move things forward with her.

For more details on attraction, you should also check out Chase's article: "How to Attract Women"

Hope this helps!

- Franco

Hi Franco,
I agree that you cannot keep attraction and your points. However, why is it that I can be attracted to someone when I see them, then the attraction vanishes until I see her next? Sometimes it can be rather intoxicating. Do girls suffer from the same thing?

 

[Franco]

However, why is it that I can be attracted to someone when I see them, then the attraction vanishes until I see her next? Sometimes it can be rather intoxicating.

Hi Knight,

Well, that depends on what type of "attraction" this is! Is it physical attraction? Physical attraction usually never fades... you either find a girl physically attractive, or you do not. Everyone has their own preference on what they find physically attractive, but rarely do you spot a physically attractive girl and then later decide that she is not physically attractive. There are rare exceptions where she has "outdone" herself with makeup and other materialistic enhancers that make her look much more attractive than she actually is, but physical attraction is usually determined within seconds of seeing someone.

Personality attraction, on the other hand (also referred to as "chemistry"), can fade. One great example of this is something Chase describes in an article called "The 2 Year Drop."

This is the point in a relationship where a lot of the lust and physical chemistry can fade, and the direction of the relationship at this point is often determined by the level of determination each individual has to keep things new, fun, interesting, and sexually enticing.

Which type of attraction are you referring to?

- Franco

 

[Knight]

However, why is it that I can be attracted to someone when I see them, then the attraction vanishes until I see her next? Sometimes it can be rather intoxicating.

Hi Knight,

Well, that depends on what type of "attraction" this is! Is it physical attraction? Physical attraction usually never fades... you either find a girl physically attractive, or you do not. Everyone has their own preference on what they find physically attractive, but rarely do you spot a physically attractive girl and then later decide that she is not physically attractive. There are rare exceptions where she has "outdone" herself with makeup and other materialistic enhancers that make her look much more attractive than she actually is, but physical attraction is usually determined within seconds of seeing someone.

Personality attraction, on the other hand (also referred to as "chemistry"), can fade. One great example of this is something Chase describes in an article called "The 2 Year Drop."

This is the point in a relationship where a lot of the lust and physical attraction can fade, and the direction of the relationship at this point is often determined by the level of determination each individual has to keep things new, fun, interesting, and sexually enticing.

Which type of attraction are you referring to?

- Franco

Spot on, I was referring to Physical Attraction Franco.
The drop is also common in a business' life cycle. Although I cannot exactly how it works, a business will reach 'maturity' stage relatively fast and will have to change to remain relevant. When you get over that hurdle (95% or something of businesses don't make it through their first year, successfully) it's a lot easier to keep a reputation.

Off topic here Franco, but I really like Daniel Craig in your avatar. I have the same photo as my wallpaper.

 

[Franco]

When you get over that hurdle (95% or something of businesses don't make it through their first year, successfully) it's a lot easier to keep a reputation.

Very true. The initial hurdle of starting your own business is by far the largest, but if you put the effort into making it over that, then you can usually reap the rewards in the following years.

Off topic here Franco, but I really like Daniel Craig in your avatar. I have the same photo as my wallpaper.

It's a good one, isn't it?

- Franco