How to learn basic social skills if you have been socially isolated

[Marley]

Hey so I’ve kinda screwed up a bit. My whole life I’ve kinda just relied on the same group of friends and never really had to develop my social skills. Over the last year my social circle as kind of disbanded and I’ve been completely isolated. My social skills have declined as a result and they are pretty mediocre. I’m 25 so this is kind of embarrassing to say the least. What would you guys recommend as a good way to go from being completely socially hopeless to getting to at least a sufficient level of social skills and how long would it take. I’m trying to get it done as quickly as possible.

 

[theReason]

how long would it take

It depends, because

at least a sufficient level of social skills

is totally subjective.

Aim to become “the greatest socializer who ever lived,” expect it to take “forever,” and you will stay in the game long enough to get one or two lays.

You’ve been asking “how to start” for a while, so this article is for you.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/are-you-unique-special-individual-youre-probably-missing-basics

The dreaded “no magic pill” article.

I’d be remiss not to mention that I have a magic pill for socializing, though.

What is it?

It’s knowing what you want!

Whether it’s a conference room, a classroom, an interview, a courtroom, a gridiron, or a bar full of hot girls, the more comprehensively you understand your list of potential “positive outcomes” in a given situation, the higher your likelihood of walking away with one of them.

It comes with a) experience, and b) forethought.

It’s why sociopaths do so well.

It is also why people who say things like

I’ve kinda screwed up

I’ve kinda just relied

never really had to develop

kind of disbanded

this is kind of embarrassing to say the least

don’t do so well.

You’re pouring your mental energy into perfectly describing the issues you are facing.

That behavior has its uses, but you’re clearly going above and beyond, and it’s become “rumination.”

Instead, focus on: “What would be nice to have?”

“Do I want a girlfriend?” “What would she act like?” “What would she look for in a man?” “Do I want a big social circle?” “Do I want a small social circle?” “What kind of shared interests do I want to have among my social circle?” “Is there anything I can learn about that would help me filter out problematic people from my social circle?” etc.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-started-when-you-re-socially-hopeless

This article by Chase is helpful.

My one qualm with the article is that it makes it seem like you’ve got some massive mountain to climb; IMO, this is unlikely to be the most difficult thing you do in your life.

 

[Adventurer]

Same as every skill: deliberate practice. I've been through the basic social skills drills. It's not fun but it's also not the most difficult skill in the world

Find a book about social skills (there are a ton), read it cover to cover taking notes

And then talk to everyone around you and apply the advice step by step. The book recommends to be a good listener? Start to listen to people, see what happens. You will make mistakes but no one really cares

 

[TwoNameGame]

Hey so I’ve kinda screwed up a bit. My whole life I’ve kinda just relied on the same group of friends and never really had to develop my social skills. Over the last year my social circle as kind of disbanded and I’ve been completely isolated. My social skills have declined as a result and they are pretty mediocre. I’m 25 so this is kind of embarrassing to say the least. What would you guys recommend as a good way to go from being completely socially hopeless to getting to at least a sufficient level of social skills and how long would it take. I’m trying to get it done as quickly as possible.

I was in a similar place a few months ago. My best friend even expressed concern that after COVID, my interractions were "stiff" and less witty.

What worked for me was to use social momentum. Basically, get in a social mood by always being in a social situation. When you aren’t flirting, give quick, friendly compliments to people who stand out. I've complimented women's band/movie t-shirts and men's hair and jackets with 0 intention of anything. No one will react rudely to this, and it sometimes leads to a conversation. Heck, sometimes women flirt with me while I struggle to keep up with the conversation. But even an awkward conversation ends on a positive note because you helped them feel good.

Additionally, be curious, prosocial, and funny. See someone doing something cool? Tell a joke and talk to them about it, then have a conversation while using pickup techniques (ex. False time constraints, qualifications, calibrating energy). You'll learn a lot and maybe develop a good reputation in certain areas. Remember: seduction is just networking with sexual intent. Just don't escalate and you can reliably get friendzoned by people you actually want as friends.

My success story is at university. I headed to the food court after getting a girl's number, then stared at a guy's lunch because I thought it was Popeye's. He caught me, I was upfront, and we started talking aboht philosophy and goals. He and I have become close friends, and we talk about stuff I don't discuss in depth woth my best friend. Plus, people around campus say hi and know me as a social, insightful person.

 

[Bill]

Read the social skills guidebook and the definitive book of body language

 

[Skills]

Hey so I’ve kinda screwed up a bit. My whole life I’ve kinda just relied on the same group of friends and never really had to develop my social skills. Over the last year my social circle as kind of disbanded and I’ve been completely isolated. My social skills have declined as a result and they are pretty mediocre. I’m 25 so this is kind of embarrassing to say the least. What would you guys recommend as a good way to go from being completely socially hopeless to getting to at least a sufficient level of social skills and how long would it take. I’m trying to get it done as quickly as possible.

dale carnagie how to win friends and influence people is a good start..... I would read the book the game by strauss just by inspiration on how you can transform yourself... obviously lurke in the forum and chase main site...

 

[gameboy]

Social skills isn't like a school subject that you learn through books. You learn them by practice, and practice only.

Sure, books can help. But don't fall intot he same trap I did. I consumed GC and other pickup material for years and years before I FINALLY plucked up the courage to start approaching consistently.

 

[Adventurer]

Social skills isn't like a school subject that you learn through books. You learn them by practice, and practice only.

Sure, books can help. But don't fall intot he same trap I did. I consumed GC and other pickup material for years and years before I FINALLY plucked up the courage to start approaching consistently.

You absolutely have to practice, but books help you practice the right things