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Originally posted in the first Girls Chase Forum on Saturday, 4 September 2010
Had a little epiphany tonight -- you know, one of those moments where a bunch of pieces you've been working on all fall in place together.
Had two girls I was potentially supposed to meet tonight; one of them I pushed back until tomorrow and the other I pushed back until Sunday. I’m also supposed to meet another girl at the same place I’m meeting the first tomorrow, and then a third after her. I haven’t even scheduled time with the girl who’s been trying to friendzone me lately and suggested she’d be more open to physical stuff on the weekend and then seeded us hanging on the weekend. She’s been pinging me all week but I’ve been super scarce.
So, with no scheduled meets for tonight, and nowhere to take a girl I’d pull from a club, I went with my pal and did a little social circle tonight, something that’s relatively rare for me. We went to a “house party” (more like a house gathering) to meet up with a few of he and his girlfriend’s friends. He and I were the only guys there; there were six girls at the end of the small house party, including his girlfriend. The two girls who showed up at the end were slender and ranging from a cute-but-older blonde French chick, and a pretty cute younger French Chinese chick. But there was also a drunk Mexican chick with an average body and an OK face who was on the rebound from just breaking up with her boyfriend, who had been cheating on her, and she was leaving the country in two days. She was exuding horniness, and immediately glommed onto me and chased me hard.
In other words, a lay-up.
The two French girls I liked, and I could tell they liked me, but I could also tell I wasn’t going to get anything with them tonight without a lot of work, and I’d already been up for eighteen hours so I decided to go for the low-hanging fruit. We all headed over to the nightclub area, and the Mexican girl got super close and affectionate with me. I’d hardly been giving her any attention up to that point; but she was horny and wanted to shag like crazy, and I was the best available option. She was touching me like crazy and telling me over and over again how drunk she was.
So I bounced her. She said she was tired; I said let me take you back to your place and we’ll have a drink. She agreed, then immediately retracted it and said she wanted to dance. My gut told me “NO!!!” but I ignored it and agreed to go dance. I felt like I was doing something I shouldn’t need to be doing, and like I was adding an extra step, and like I was letting her lead when I should have been leading, and helping her get what she clearly wanted. But I went to dance with her. The other two girls (the Frenchies) immediately left after we did; in fact, the Mexican girl noticed them leaving, and pointed them out to me. Instantly my gut said, “As soon as they only cute, available guy in the group paired off and left, their motivation for staying out dried up and they went home.”
At first there was still a strong sexual vibe between the Mexican gal and I, but despite my best sexy dancing, it gradually dissipated. I attempted to pull her a couple of times from the dance club, but it was no dice; eventually I asked her if I was ready to go; she asked me back if I wanted to leave, and said she could stay there if I wanted to take off. I bid her goodnight and left. Not cute enough to warrant me pushing harder.
But it should have been a lay. It should have been. Here I had a:
In other words, you probably couldn’t ask for a girl more desirous of a good ol’ fashioned booty pounding. But I made four critical mistakes:
Super tired now and in need of sleep, with a long weekend ahead of me (in addition to juggling four, possibly five, chicks this weekend, and hitting the club tomorrow night with my buddy, I also have to change apartments, finish proofreading, have a few international phone calls, and get a lot of other mixed work done – in the next two days), so won’t hash these out too much, but you guys know this stuff so certain this should be enough to flesh out what I’m realizing:
Overproviding Good Feelings
Think about this: let’s say a woman really wants to dance, like crazy, but you manage to take her somewhere and shag her brains out. How much does she want to dance now?
Now, the flipside: let’s say a woman really wants to shag like crazy, but you instead take her to a club and dance her brains out. How much does she want to shag now?
Mystery had the right idea when he said you want to get women chasing after validation from you. But it isn’t validation they’re seeking; it’s good feelings.
I’m becoming increasingly convinced that when a woman is spending time with you, she’s searching for good feelings, and will take them how she can get them. If you fundamentals are sound enough and you’re an attractive, sexy guy, she’ll be open to sex with you, but she’ll also be open to bonding with you, dancing with you, going shopping with you, or any other number of alternative ways for her to get good feelings from you besides sex.
Sex is only one way women can get their fill of good feelings from you. They can get them from other sources, too.
I’ve noticed this year that girls who wanted me whom I danced with for too long didn’t want me anymore. It confused the fuck out of me for a while, but in this light it makes a great deal of sense. They got their fill of good feelings form me and moved on.
To narrow the focus of chase frames down a little further, what you want is women chasing after good feelings from you. They can NOT get their fill without your cock, or sex becomes irrelevant.
Bond like crazy with a girl and she won’t feel the need to go shopping. Shop like crazy with a girl and she won’t feel the need to open up and tell you her life story. Dance like crazy with a girl and she won’t feel like going shopping. Shag her brains out and she won’t feel like bonding.
Once a woman gets enough good feelings from you in ANY way, she’s satisfied and doesn’t need or want any more for the day. You’ve satiated her.
A lot of the girls I’m failing to close, I’m realizing that I’m overproviding good feelings.
Adding Steps
Simply put, if your gut is telling you it’s time to shag a girl, you want to SKIP as many steps as possible, not ADD steps (like I did tonight). The more steps you add, the higher the likelihood is that you will end up doing the following:
Missing Escalation Windows
Do this and you’re done. See the window and act. See the window and act. See the window and act. It simply must be done – there’s no alternate path to intimacy. This is it.
Doing Stuff You Don’t Want to Do
So, a guy who’s super strong, independent, and highly regarded… how often does he do things he doesn’t want to do because someone else asked him to or pressured him to?
Answer: never. If he does things for other people, it’s because he wants to; if he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t do them at all.
The mistake I made here was letting the Mexican girl overrule my initial bounce to her apartment. She overruled it, I said OK; then, she asked me if I liked dancing, and I told her, “Sometimes a little bit.” In other words, not really.
So basically I:
At that point, things switched rapidly and irrevocably from being blatantly in my favor, to being blatanatly NOT in my favor. It was visible and unmistakeable; before, she was chasing hard and seeding like crazy; after, her chasing gradually diminished, and eventually dried up altogether.
If you want to close consistently then, it seems that these are some key principles:
Appreciate any of your thoughts or suggestions, gentlemen. I’m going to revise my book to include these once I refine them a bit. Need to keep these in mind as I continue working to increase my close percentage.
Cheers,
Chase
Had a little epiphany tonight -- you know, one of those moments where a bunch of pieces you've been working on all fall in place together.
Had two girls I was potentially supposed to meet tonight; one of them I pushed back until tomorrow and the other I pushed back until Sunday. I’m also supposed to meet another girl at the same place I’m meeting the first tomorrow, and then a third after her. I haven’t even scheduled time with the girl who’s been trying to friendzone me lately and suggested she’d be more open to physical stuff on the weekend and then seeded us hanging on the weekend. She’s been pinging me all week but I’ve been super scarce.
So, with no scheduled meets for tonight, and nowhere to take a girl I’d pull from a club, I went with my pal and did a little social circle tonight, something that’s relatively rare for me. We went to a “house party” (more like a house gathering) to meet up with a few of he and his girlfriend’s friends. He and I were the only guys there; there were six girls at the end of the small house party, including his girlfriend. The two girls who showed up at the end were slender and ranging from a cute-but-older blonde French chick, and a pretty cute younger French Chinese chick. But there was also a drunk Mexican chick with an average body and an OK face who was on the rebound from just breaking up with her boyfriend, who had been cheating on her, and she was leaving the country in two days. She was exuding horniness, and immediately glommed onto me and chased me hard.
In other words, a lay-up.
The two French girls I liked, and I could tell they liked me, but I could also tell I wasn’t going to get anything with them tonight without a lot of work, and I’d already been up for eighteen hours so I decided to go for the low-hanging fruit. We all headed over to the nightclub area, and the Mexican girl got super close and affectionate with me. I’d hardly been giving her any attention up to that point; but she was horny and wanted to shag like crazy, and I was the best available option. She was touching me like crazy and telling me over and over again how drunk she was.
So I bounced her. She said she was tired; I said let me take you back to your place and we’ll have a drink. She agreed, then immediately retracted it and said she wanted to dance. My gut told me “NO!!!” but I ignored it and agreed to go dance. I felt like I was doing something I shouldn’t need to be doing, and like I was adding an extra step, and like I was letting her lead when I should have been leading, and helping her get what she clearly wanted. But I went to dance with her. The other two girls (the Frenchies) immediately left after we did; in fact, the Mexican girl noticed them leaving, and pointed them out to me. Instantly my gut said, “As soon as they only cute, available guy in the group paired off and left, their motivation for staying out dried up and they went home.”
At first there was still a strong sexual vibe between the Mexican gal and I, but despite my best sexy dancing, it gradually dissipated. I attempted to pull her a couple of times from the dance club, but it was no dice; eventually I asked her if I was ready to go; she asked me back if I wanted to leave, and said she could stay there if I wanted to take off. I bid her goodnight and left. Not cute enough to warrant me pushing harder.
But it should have been a lay. It should have been. Here I had a:
- Girl who’d just broken up with her boyfriend and was on the rebound
- Girl whose boyfriend had been cheating on her, and she wanted revenge and revalidation
- Girl who was leaving in two days to return to another hemisphere
- Girl whose league I was clearly out of, but who knew she could have a quick fling with me and it’d be good
In other words, you probably couldn’t ask for a girl more desirous of a good ol’ fashioned booty pounding. But I made four critical mistakes:
- 1) I overprovided value
2) I added steps
3) I missed the escalation window
4) I did stuff I didn’t want to do
Super tired now and in need of sleep, with a long weekend ahead of me (in addition to juggling four, possibly five, chicks this weekend, and hitting the club tomorrow night with my buddy, I also have to change apartments, finish proofreading, have a few international phone calls, and get a lot of other mixed work done – in the next two days), so won’t hash these out too much, but you guys know this stuff so certain this should be enough to flesh out what I’m realizing:
Overproviding Good Feelings
Think about this: let’s say a woman really wants to dance, like crazy, but you manage to take her somewhere and shag her brains out. How much does she want to dance now?
Now, the flipside: let’s say a woman really wants to shag like crazy, but you instead take her to a club and dance her brains out. How much does she want to shag now?
Mystery had the right idea when he said you want to get women chasing after validation from you. But it isn’t validation they’re seeking; it’s good feelings.
I’m becoming increasingly convinced that when a woman is spending time with you, she’s searching for good feelings, and will take them how she can get them. If you fundamentals are sound enough and you’re an attractive, sexy guy, she’ll be open to sex with you, but she’ll also be open to bonding with you, dancing with you, going shopping with you, or any other number of alternative ways for her to get good feelings from you besides sex.
Sex is only one way women can get their fill of good feelings from you. They can get them from other sources, too.
I’ve noticed this year that girls who wanted me whom I danced with for too long didn’t want me anymore. It confused the fuck out of me for a while, but in this light it makes a great deal of sense. They got their fill of good feelings form me and moved on.
To narrow the focus of chase frames down a little further, what you want is women chasing after good feelings from you. They can NOT get their fill without your cock, or sex becomes irrelevant.
Bond like crazy with a girl and she won’t feel the need to go shopping. Shop like crazy with a girl and she won’t feel the need to open up and tell you her life story. Dance like crazy with a girl and she won’t feel like going shopping. Shag her brains out and she won’t feel like bonding.
Once a woman gets enough good feelings from you in ANY way, she’s satisfied and doesn’t need or want any more for the day. You’ve satiated her.
A lot of the girls I’m failing to close, I’m realizing that I’m overproviding good feelings.
Adding Steps
Simply put, if your gut is telling you it’s time to shag a girl, you want to SKIP as many steps as possible, not ADD steps (like I did tonight). The more steps you add, the higher the likelihood is that you will end up doing the following:
Missing Escalation Windows
Do this and you’re done. See the window and act. See the window and act. See the window and act. It simply must be done – there’s no alternate path to intimacy. This is it.
Doing Stuff You Don’t Want to Do
So, a guy who’s super strong, independent, and highly regarded… how often does he do things he doesn’t want to do because someone else asked him to or pressured him to?
Answer: never. If he does things for other people, it’s because he wants to; if he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t do them at all.
The mistake I made here was letting the Mexican girl overrule my initial bounce to her apartment. She overruled it, I said OK; then, she asked me if I liked dancing, and I told her, “Sometimes a little bit.” In other words, not really.
So basically I:
- Let her overrule my move to get her back to her place alone
- Implied that the thing I was going to do INSTEAD of going home alone with her was something I didn’t really enjoy doing
At that point, things switched rapidly and irrevocably from being blatantly in my favor, to being blatanatly NOT in my favor. It was visible and unmistakeable; before, she was chasing hard and seeding like crazy; after, her chasing gradually diminished, and eventually dried up altogether.
If you want to close consistently then, it seems that these are some key principles:
- Limit the good feelings you provide. Make women chase after good feelings from you so that they chase you all the way into your bed
- CUT steps
- Hit escalation windows
- Do what YOU want to do, and make it clear that everything you’re doing is because YOU want to
Appreciate any of your thoughts or suggestions, gentlemen. I’m going to revise my book to include these once I refine them a bit. Need to keep these in mind as I continue working to increase my close percentage.
Cheers,
Chase
