How to not let rejections hurt

[timra]

Hello amazing teachers and helpers,

I do not know where to post this, but thought that maybe the beginner place would be best, since I am a beginner.

How can you let rejections not get to you? I am not just talking about dating rejections, but also rift between friends..

I am afraid of rejection from asking out girls of course, if it is a girl that I do not know I am usually not offended if they reject me. I am working on how not to be afraid to approach girls and might ask more questions later. But if it is a girl I know and friends with and they reject me, it hurts A LOT. How does one get over that?

The other thing is even if you are not interested in a friend but you offend them (on accident or purpose) and then they block you or do not want to be friends it also hurts.

For example:

A friend of mine who I have been friends for you years who is from Vietnam, but lives in Canada. I asked "How do you meet people in Canada?" I got a curt reply "That's none of your f*cking business." I apologized and tried to change the subject, but never got a response back. That hurt and has left a small scar even years later.

Recently I had a friend who I also have been friends with for three years say she was at the store and she would message me when she left. I waited about a day and then sarcastically said, "Wow, you have been in the store for over a day."

I got a response of "I do not like what you said. I will not bother you anymore." I apologized said "I am sorry if I offend you. It is a joke." (Still do not understand how it is offensive). I got a response of "I do not like your joke, bye" and then an immediate block.

This is one thing that really hurts when you get de-friended/rejected over something small. It does two things for me.

1. I am always afraid of what I say will hurt someone (makes me shy and awkward around anyone). How can I get over that?
2. I keep people at a distance (if I am not close to them I will not get hurt), I do not delve deep and try to get to know them.

I kind of want to change the mindset of being able to get close to people, but if I offend them and they do not want to talk it out, just letting them go. How can I do that.

Any help would be great.

Thanks,

timra.

 

[Adventurer]

Rejection always hurt but it depends on your mindset how much exactly. If you're confident you'll meet more girls and see it as a number's game, it helps. Though it's never completely painless

Being backstabbed like a friend like that sucks so much. Happened to me last year too. It's even worse than being rejected by a lot of girls imo. Back then I spent some time with my other friends, played videogames and engineered some easy wins to trigger winner effect, and it still took a few weeks to get over it.

As for offending people, it's not that easy to do. Most of the time they only care about themselves, not whatever things you said. I can guarantee you your friend didn't block you because of what you said. It's something else that may or may not be related to you

 

[Will_V]

Hello amazing teachers and helpers,

I do not know where to post this, but thought that maybe the beginner place would be best, since I am a beginner.

How can you let rejections not get to you? I am not just talking about dating rejections, but also rift between friends..

I am afraid of rejection from asking out girls of course, if it is a girl that I do not know I am usually not offended if they reject me. I am working on how not to be afraid to approach girls and might ask more questions later. But if it is a girl I know and friends with and they reject me, it hurts A LOT. How does one get over that?

The other thing is even if you are not interested in a friend but you offend them (on accident or purpose) and then they block you or do not want to be friends it also hurts.

For example:

A friend of mine who I have been friends for you years who is from Vietnam, but lives in Canada. I asked "How do you meet people in Canada?" I got a curt reply "That's none of your f*cking business." I apologized and tried to change the subject, but never got a response back. That hurt and has left a small scar even years later.

Recently I had a friend who I also have been friends with for three years say she was at the store and she would message me when she left. I waited about a day and then sarcastically said, "Wow, you have been in the store for over a day."

I got a response of "I do not like what you said. I will not bother you anymore." I apologized said "I am sorry if I offend you. It is a joke." (Still do not understand how it is offensive). I got a response of "I do not like your joke, bye" and then an immediate block.

This is one thing that really hurts when you get de-friended/rejected over something small. It does two things for me.

1. I am always afraid of what I say will hurt someone (makes me shy and awkward around anyone). How can I get over that?
2. I keep people at a distance (if I am not close to them I will not get hurt), I do not delve deep and try to get to know them.

I kind of want to change the mindset of being able to get close to people, but if I offend them and they do not want to talk it out, just letting them go. How can I do that.

Any help would be great.

Thanks,

timra.

When you have a problem across all areas of your social life you gotta take a look at how you are coming across. When people react emotionally like this it's usually because you come across in a way that a) provokes a response like that and/or b) makes it seem possible for them to 'get away' with it, either because you come across as weak and you'll let it happen, or because the friendship seems of low value to them and is expendable.

The foundation to solving social troubles of all kinds is to cultivate a strong and dominant character and then temper it with kindness. It works in dealing with both women and men. People tend to instinctively accept and conform to confident, dominant characters whereas they will question and push back against weak characters over even very small things. This is because most people are not leaders, they are followers - a leader will lead a weaker person, but a follower who encounters a weaker follower will simply take advantage to express their negative emotions toward them. This is particularly the case with someone who comes across as needy or dependent.

So there is no substitute for developing a strong character with a strong identity, values, and self esteem. Such a person creates an instinctive feeling of respect wherever they go that dissolves a lot of the problems that needy and dependent people experience. It doesn't mean you won't get challenged sometimes or suffer rejections and insults, but the difference is that it is much easier to absorb and accept that it is all just part of life when you also have the positive experiences of what your character is able to elicit from people.

And when you have developed yourself to the point where you feel in your core that you are an inherently successful, strong, and valuable person for others to have in their life, you will do a lot more of judging the worth of other people's friendships than they do of yours.

 

[Bill]

Read when I say no I feel guilty by Manuel J Smith

 

[timra]

Rejection always hurt but it depends on your mindset how much exactly. If you're confident you'll meet more girls and see it as a number's game, it helps. Though it's never completely painless

Being backstabbed like a friend like that sucks so much. Happened to me last year too. It's even worse than being rejected by a lot of girls imo. Back then I spent some time with my other friends, played videogames and engineered some easy wins to trigger winner effect, and it still took a few weeks to get over it.

As for offending people, it's not that easy to do. Most of the time they only care about themselves, not whatever things you said. I can guarantee you your friend didn't block you because of what you said. It's something else that may or may not be related to you

I see. Thank you for the encouragement. It is good to know I am not alone. I also agree being rejected by friends is a lot worse than being rejected by girls.

 

[timra]

When you have a problem across all areas of your social life you gotta take a look at how you are coming across. When people react emotionally like this it's usually because you come across in a way that a) provokes a response like that and/or b) makes it seem possible for them to 'get away' with it, either because you come across as weak and you'll let it happen, or because the friendship seems of low value to them and is expendable.

The foundation to solving social troubles of all kinds is to cultivate a strong and dominant character and then temper it with kindness. It works in dealing with both women and men. People tend to instinctively accept and conform to confident, dominant characters whereas they will question and push back against weak characters over even very small things. This is because most people are not leaders, they are followers - a leader will lead a weaker person, but a follower who encounters a weaker follower will simply take advantage to express their negative emotions toward them. This is particularly the case with someone who comes across as needy or dependent.

So there is no substitute for developing a strong character with a strong identity, values, and self esteem. Such a person creates an instinctive feeling of respect wherever they go that dissolves a lot of the problems that needy and dependent people experience. It doesn't mean you won't get challenged sometimes or suffer rejections and insults, but the difference is that it is much easier to absorb and accept that it is all just part of life when you also have the positive experiences of what your character is able to elicit from people.

And when you have developed yourself to the point where you feel in your core that you are an inherently successful, strong, and valuable person for others to have in their life, you will do a lot more of judging the worth of other people's friendships than they do of yours.

Thank you for the message. I am trying to work on myself. I am working on getting over my fear of approach and then I plan to work on my Charisma and maybe do Chase's class on dating. But it is all in the beginning stages, so let's see how it goes. ^_^

Thank you for your help and advice.

 

[timra]

Read when I say no I feel guilty by Manuel J Smith

Oh, I have not heard about it. Thank you. I will do some research and try and buy it.

 

[Police dog]

In my experience it always hurts. At the beginning from taking it personally, then from overthinking that you could have done something better/differently when analyzing how everything went but it’s too late now. That sucks. Tbh some of them will hurt even years after when you realize how you blew up some great opportunity…