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How to overcome this trap. "If you don't do X, you're a Y"

DaVinciMatrixStyle

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 26, 2020
Messages
194
I've seen this tactic before and not sure how to counter it. Whether it's on social media or in person, someone will say 'their way is the good way, if you don't think so you're obviously Y (insert label)".

"If you don't think black lives matter, you're a racist"
"If you don't think education is important, you're a retard"
"If you don't care about my feelings, youre a jerk"

These are just simple examples. (If you don't agree with my side, you're *label")

How do you counter this?
 

Glow

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
500
Those type of statements are often loaded and said in strong emotions. Oversimplified bursts.

Even if not - my go to is to label them:
- It sounds like this is an important topic for you, you seem agitated?
- You seem quite strong-minded about this?
- It sounds like black lives matters is a deeply important thing for you?


Mostly they explain their points.

I ask further in or mirror/label them, pace deeper ( always pace 2-3 times to really connect with "the paced one").

This part diffuses them
It part elicits how they see things in detail
That you can work with

Then dependent on the situation i engage as i se fit:
- Just talk about their points if good
- Lead with a higher mindset
- Assert my own point
- Bend them to my will.

Bu the key is to get them to show their cards and diffuse their emotion.

I am way ABOVE them when doing this if especially if theyre eg attacking me. Working on a higher level. Cool minded.
 
Last edited:

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
6,170
I've seen this tactic before and not sure how to counter it. Whether it's on social media or in person, someone will say 'their way is the good way, if you don't think so you're obviously Y (insert label)".

"If you don't think black lives matter, you're a racist"
"If you don't think education is important, you're a retard"
"If you don't care about my feelings, youre a jerk"

These are just simple examples. (If you don't agree with my side, you're *label")

How do you counter this?

It's a strawman followed by ad hominem. A very simplistic argument used to frame the other party as a holder of extreme views.

@Glow has great comments on defusing.

The biggest thing to recognize with these arguments is they are predicated on assuming, generally uncharitably, what the other party is thinking.

The most potent response if you ask me is to simply respond with, "You have no idea what I think or what my positions are. If you aren't interested in asking and finding out, don't make broad, dumb, sweeping assumptions."

The other party is left chastened, without ammunition to use, only feeling in the dark and incorrect.

If you need something shorter: "You don't know what I think, and appear to be empathically challenged."

If someone wants to know what your positions are, he should ask, not play a bad faith assumption-filled guessing game.

If it's a girl and she's just talking off the cuff and not directing it at you, on the other hand, there's no reason to engage in it at all. Just let her vent her emotions into the air, then change the topic and get back to seducing her.

Chase
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take
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