- Joined
- Apr 18, 2017
- Messages
- 13
Say you've been seeing someone for a bit and they are giving you relationship vibes, but then, after you do a few things you question in retrospect, she cools off. She was obsessed with you before, but now you don't get nudes or cutesy txts anymore, she goes silent in return, and so on.
What's the best way to recover? Do you go into the next meet-up with the idea of seducing her all over again? Or do you try to diagnose, like in Chase's article on escalation windows, exactly what may have caused her to cool off and try to address it?
In my case, I may have caused her to cool off by a combination of not being in touch for a few days, responding poorly to the feeler txts she sent, trying to compensate with badly timed sexually-charged txts to force the issue, and then mucking up the bone she threw me to take the conversation in a positive direction. I may have given her the impression that I was seeing someone else, or didn't care to converse with her in a non-sexual way. However, I'm nervous to try to correct it by, say, adjusting value (correcting crassness) and attainability (making sure she knows I value her). Chase discusses fixing attainability by honestly saying you're pretty into her and like spending time with her. But is this appropriate at this much later stage, non-initial stage? Could it backfire? I'm not even Positive it was anything I did (for all I know she could have taken another lover), but asking about why she's cooled off seems like a big no-no.
P.S. say you were going to go visit this girl in a week. Would you wait till you see her in person to do anything, or would you try to start the process beforehand by txt?
P.P.S. As background so you guys can get a sense of the depth of the change, this girl had bought me a toaster oven out of the blue before - that was the previous level of her "commitment."
Thanks for your advice everyone
What's the best way to recover? Do you go into the next meet-up with the idea of seducing her all over again? Or do you try to diagnose, like in Chase's article on escalation windows, exactly what may have caused her to cool off and try to address it?
In my case, I may have caused her to cool off by a combination of not being in touch for a few days, responding poorly to the feeler txts she sent, trying to compensate with badly timed sexually-charged txts to force the issue, and then mucking up the bone she threw me to take the conversation in a positive direction. I may have given her the impression that I was seeing someone else, or didn't care to converse with her in a non-sexual way. However, I'm nervous to try to correct it by, say, adjusting value (correcting crassness) and attainability (making sure she knows I value her). Chase discusses fixing attainability by honestly saying you're pretty into her and like spending time with her. But is this appropriate at this much later stage, non-initial stage? Could it backfire? I'm not even Positive it was anything I did (for all I know she could have taken another lover), but asking about why she's cooled off seems like a big no-no.
P.S. say you were going to go visit this girl in a week. Would you wait till you see her in person to do anything, or would you try to start the process beforehand by txt?
P.P.S. As background so you guys can get a sense of the depth of the change, this girl had bought me a toaster oven out of the blue before - that was the previous level of her "commitment."
Thanks for your advice everyone
