How to react when a girl chooses something else over a date with you?

[timtobbler]

There's this girl I've had two dates/hookups with, ended up in my bed both times, and she's been kinda iffy with me over being kinda not in a super outgoing mood over these past two dates. Now I asked her to get drinks with me at this place, she said she had to make up her mind between that and her volleyball club team, and ended up sending me this text:

"I think I'm going to volleyball tn, missed too many weeks so far. Rain check?"

How should I respond to this? Should I be cool like "nah that's fine, catch you whenever" or should I bust her balls a little (or a lot)? Obviously she chose volleyball over me, so it's not like she got nervous and flaked or something. What should I do here?

 

[ulrich]

I would propose something else on a different day in a chill note.

Yeah, she chose volleyball over you today but that seems important to her. You got to respect that.

 

[timtobbler]

Propose something now or wait a few days to let it simmer? And how would you respond now?

 

[Skills]

I understand, no worries! I hate chasing scedule put you in a chasing mode... dont act butt hurt be encouraging and emphatetic...

Me personally, would have said... oh shit i never knew this was happening, hope i did not interfere in your passion, i hate when women do this to me no worries go and kick ass...do not schedule anything ping banter soft close hard close...

^ i do stuff like this with women all the time they love this about me flash of sigma

 

[Chase]

Did you check her schedule first?

Sounds like it went like this:

YOU: Yo yo, let's do X on Y day.​

​

HER: I have a thing on Y day. Let me think about it.​

​

YOU: K lmk.​

​

HER: Hey, I think I still need to do my thing on Y day. Another time?​

​

YOU: ​

If you ask people to do things on random days without a schedule check first, you are always going to be at the whim of their schedules UNLESS:

1. They have literally nothing else going on in their lives (aside from you), or
   
   
2. They are so crazy drunk in love with you they will cancel anything and everything to be with you.

Does not sound like either is the case with this particular girl, at least not yet. Maybe if you get her in an LTR you'll become Priority #1 to her and she'll ditch all her activities... but anyway it's not at that point now.

If you don't like negative compliance (e.g., where you ask people to do something, and they decline to do it, building up regular precedent of telling you "no"), ask them their schedule first:

YOU: What's your schedule like this week, Tabby? Have a day it's good to meet?​

Then she just tells you when she's free, you pick a time, no negative compliance, no bad feelings, and it's all much smoother.

Now, if you did THAT, and you pick a day from among when she tells you she's free, yet she still comes back with "OMG I totally forgot I had volleyball that day" then you just say "No worries, we'll pick another day then, just send me your schedule once you've got a better handle on it" and you're done until she reaches out again.

Chase