- Joined
- Mar 25, 2019
- Messages
- 1
Hey everyone, this is my first post and the dilemma probably smells familiar to those with far more experience. I've been having positive social interaction with a girl on my community college campus for a while now. Since this February she has shown interest in multiple ways and made efforts to get close. I got her number, got coffee with them between class and so on. Now she's gone quite cold and I'm trying to salvage this show as best I can. The condensed timeline is given below for context.
Early March: Spring Break
We had made plans to go out and do something during Spring Break. We text back and forth about schoolwork, which is the bulk of our interactions together. We see one another 4 days a week, with 2 of those days (Tuesday and Thursday) giving us 4 hours of together time. We spend most of that spare time together doing work and chatting, sometimes going on walks. I text them to see if they want to do stuff on Wednesday, they say they can't because they are sick, but that they will get back to me when they feel good. True to their word, she texts back the next day about no longer being sick, giving me the cue. On the shit advice of my female sibling I decline and say that it'd be better to do it the next Friday.
The girl in question gets revved up and spends time with me as usual after this, taking me out for lunch on Tuesday at some mall and chatting for a bit. Thursday we get to class and notice the drab atmosphere, she texts saying she is tempted to skip. When she leaves, I cue my stuff and leave and catch her in the stairwell, both of us heading to the parking lot. We stop by her car and she says if I want to do anything tonight (they say walk their dog at the park, at 7pm lol? I know what she meant), I tell her sure first, then no, as I have no gas or energy to do things atm. As I drive home, she texts me about me needing to make plans for her to do if I won't walk her dog, tossing in a smiley face at the end. Missed chance, but I like to build suspense too much (to my own fault).
Mid March: Winter is Coming (Again)
By now we rarely are apart, with me getting dragged around for walks and conversation or schoolwork help. I'm pretty receptive and I've eased off the "cooldown" of my texts, usually responding as quickly as she does. Around a week passes and I pop the question on her to meet up on Friday for some abandoned military site to explore. Nothing fancy, but it gets us privacy and stuff to do (she suggested doing it, to my surprise, I mentioned it earlier as a hobby). I text her that Friday and she does not respond until the hour of the date, telling me she thought I wanted to do our excursion at 3am in the dark instead of the day. She also mentions being sick and not having eaten much that day. I use my genius deduction skills and coax her by telling her we can get food first, doing more things after if she does feel better.
The date goes fine, we talk about a lot of her nerdy hobbies and her upbringing. What stands out is that she has some serious issues at home, with no father and her mother and another relative living with the grandfather. She left home to live with three people in some ghetto part of our metro area, and mentioned being with an abusive ex for three years before leaving him and settling in a van before finally settling back home with her family. We ate, I asked her if she felt good about seeing the abandoned site, she agreed, so we went on a short trip only to discover the parking was closed off. I almost finish driving her back before I say: "Why don't we go to the park near your home, it seems like you enjoy it there and we can salvage this night since the site was closed off." She mentions her dog when we get to her home, and then I say "Well we don't need to bring them along really, we can just chill there". She agrees with a timid voice, getting ideas about what I want I suppose. She also asked me to park a little bit away from her driveway, in a hushed voice, because she fears her ex will see me.
We finally get to the park and it is flooded due to the rain, I picked a shit day I guess. We walk a little and go back in my car, then I drive her back home and tell her good night. No shag, no kiss or anything. I know she expected it, but I wanted to wait one more date to do it.
Late March: The Ice Age
Essentially the weekend two weeks ago. I text them the day after our date if she wants to do something on Monday after class. She takes an unusual amount of time responding and only gets back to me on Sunday, telling me she is looking forward to something and she can't. I see her Tuesday and she is in a grim mood, something about not having her wax pen and being sober for the first time in months. She is nice at first and agrees to meet me in the lab to work, so she sits next to me and we talk for a bit. I ask her how Monday went, and she mentions that her friend was fun to be with but it was boring otherwise. We go to sit outside class for 40 minutes and I ask her if she wants to jam to some tunes in my car or take a walk. She says she prefers to sit down in the hall, but I can go if I want. I stick around like an idiot and suggest a walk, which she seems more receptive to until she mentions its cold, and that is a fair point. I mention how her smoking to deal with sadness is a cope, and she admits it is. They seemed really burnt out and depressed, which is a bad sign.
The shitshow begins as soon as we go back to the lab to work on another assignment before a quiz. She seems surprised there is one, which is unusual since she is a good student and always knows ahead of me. She starts to get make irritated facial expressions and generally starts getting cold. I've lingered too long around her since I've finished, and she is finding every reason to wear out my patience and have me leave first. I hang around her like a dolt, checking my phone and asking about the classwork she did. While walking I ask if we could speak for a few minutes, she says "I have to do something" and disappears into the bathroom for a few minutes. I wait for five minutes and get the impression she is not coming out until class starts, so I go up and drop my shit off and head back down to wait for her. I catch her bringing back some chips, ask her to spare those five minutes and she agrees. We go outside and I say: "look, I suck at expressing myself because I deal with dumb and shitty people alot, but you are acting really out of character. What's going on with us?". She looks puzzled and asks "What do you mean?". I blabber about her behavior and how it seems like things are fucked, and finish with "are we on good terms or what?". She says we are, and that if problems come around she'll tell me.
Thursday comes along and the attitude is gone but she still seems distant. I got a haircut that day as well, so I'm worried I seemed try-hardish. I talk a little with her in the evening and she mentions she plans on skipping class to meet with her best friend, and that if I could take some notes for her. I text her that I planned on asking her to go out this night (I didn't, but fuck it). She responds by saying she only wants to skip because it is her best friend and she ditched her the day before. I tell her that I have a lot of stuff to do next week, including a lads trip to another city to see some friends. I tell her that I want to set something up the current week, and if she was open to Fri/Sat. She says she definitely can't do Friday, but Saturday might work. Then she brings up some babysitting obligations she had, with some disgust on her face, noting that she might be able to get someone to take her place. I tell her that's good, get back to me if you can. Saturday comes and nothing. I'm quite irritated, so I hold back and refuse to send any texts.
Today: Retribution
I opted on Sunday that I would do a mild silent treatment. If they approach me to sit down and talk, I'll indulge them casually and slowly. I read the article on this site regarding getting a girl back, and it stresses being patient and not giving into chasing after them or sudden mood swings. I go into class and look at the floor with a casual sleepy look, but I notice she glances at me a bit. She occasionally throws one my way until everyone is in their seats and ready to work, but today is a special day. The professor tasks us with setting up pairs between each other. I sit on the opposite end of the row from her, but we are on the same table. I look to the guy on my left and nod at him, while she looks to the guy on her right and pairs up with him. The games begin.
This girl had a lot of admiration for our professor, since it is a woman and she talks with her as much as she can. Our first date she says that the woman is her role model, and she wants to be her favorite. As we set into our group task, I notice my pair is far ahead of hers, she landed with a dolt who has no idea what he is doing and she can't do anything about it. She tries to be friendly and work out the problem with him, but they don't get very far and he blows her off since she isn't very capable either. I get some joy out of this, but even more joy when her idol comes to my group and throws praise on us for doing the best and being ahead of the others. My partner has no clue what he is doing, but I get us through this with ease. Lo and behold she gets frustrated with her lack of progress as her idol leaves the room and promises to return in half an hour. She eventually tells her partner she is leaving early, saying that she'll work on this stuff at home. When our professor returns she asks the whole class who left early, and everyone is in on the fact that she ditched the lesson. The professor is visibly bothered, I'm mainly amused.
I still want to do stuff with this chick, but I'm indulging in other women to curb the obsessive tendencies I showed last week and weakened my position. What are some pieces of advice you could all share? I've already resolved to mess around and try the newbie assignment for peace of mind, but I would like to know what options I have in this situation. We still have to see each other for this semester and the next, her birthday is next week, our situation is very tenuous, and I have no clue what to do besides continue the Silent Treatment Lite (TM).
Some important disclaimers:
-She is younger than me (19 vs 22), so I expected this kind of flaky behavior.
-I suspected her seeing other dudes, but she has no way of doing it realistically
a) she is stuck at home sharing a car with her relatives
b) she works in her spare time
c) she is around me during her school hours entirely, no dudes on campus can speculate without me seeing it literally
d) she has some friends she does stuff with, but even then that is a small pool to play with
e) her ex terrifies her in her own hometown
-I never initiated anything with her in the beginning. I gave her the cold shoulder for an entire month and she maintained a steady stream of approaches to get my attention or talk with me. Now that I've given her some validation and acted clingy last week, she seems different.
-Even if she is being cold, she still won't approach other guys in our classes. In our lab together on her bad day she still sat next to me and didn't even bother to strike up a chat with people from our class she enjoys talking to. It tells me enough that there is a sliver of hope, but I need to make some serious efforts to survive.
Early March: Spring Break
We had made plans to go out and do something during Spring Break. We text back and forth about schoolwork, which is the bulk of our interactions together. We see one another 4 days a week, with 2 of those days (Tuesday and Thursday) giving us 4 hours of together time. We spend most of that spare time together doing work and chatting, sometimes going on walks. I text them to see if they want to do stuff on Wednesday, they say they can't because they are sick, but that they will get back to me when they feel good. True to their word, she texts back the next day about no longer being sick, giving me the cue. On the shit advice of my female sibling I decline and say that it'd be better to do it the next Friday.
The girl in question gets revved up and spends time with me as usual after this, taking me out for lunch on Tuesday at some mall and chatting for a bit. Thursday we get to class and notice the drab atmosphere, she texts saying she is tempted to skip. When she leaves, I cue my stuff and leave and catch her in the stairwell, both of us heading to the parking lot. We stop by her car and she says if I want to do anything tonight (they say walk their dog at the park, at 7pm lol? I know what she meant), I tell her sure first, then no, as I have no gas or energy to do things atm. As I drive home, she texts me about me needing to make plans for her to do if I won't walk her dog, tossing in a smiley face at the end. Missed chance, but I like to build suspense too much (to my own fault).
Mid March: Winter is Coming (Again)
By now we rarely are apart, with me getting dragged around for walks and conversation or schoolwork help. I'm pretty receptive and I've eased off the "cooldown" of my texts, usually responding as quickly as she does. Around a week passes and I pop the question on her to meet up on Friday for some abandoned military site to explore. Nothing fancy, but it gets us privacy and stuff to do (she suggested doing it, to my surprise, I mentioned it earlier as a hobby). I text her that Friday and she does not respond until the hour of the date, telling me she thought I wanted to do our excursion at 3am in the dark instead of the day. She also mentions being sick and not having eaten much that day. I use my genius deduction skills and coax her by telling her we can get food first, doing more things after if she does feel better.
The date goes fine, we talk about a lot of her nerdy hobbies and her upbringing. What stands out is that she has some serious issues at home, with no father and her mother and another relative living with the grandfather. She left home to live with three people in some ghetto part of our metro area, and mentioned being with an abusive ex for three years before leaving him and settling in a van before finally settling back home with her family. We ate, I asked her if she felt good about seeing the abandoned site, she agreed, so we went on a short trip only to discover the parking was closed off. I almost finish driving her back before I say: "Why don't we go to the park near your home, it seems like you enjoy it there and we can salvage this night since the site was closed off." She mentions her dog when we get to her home, and then I say "Well we don't need to bring them along really, we can just chill there". She agrees with a timid voice, getting ideas about what I want I suppose. She also asked me to park a little bit away from her driveway, in a hushed voice, because she fears her ex will see me.
We finally get to the park and it is flooded due to the rain, I picked a shit day I guess. We walk a little and go back in my car, then I drive her back home and tell her good night. No shag, no kiss or anything. I know she expected it, but I wanted to wait one more date to do it.
Late March: The Ice Age
Essentially the weekend two weeks ago. I text them the day after our date if she wants to do something on Monday after class. She takes an unusual amount of time responding and only gets back to me on Sunday, telling me she is looking forward to something and she can't. I see her Tuesday and she is in a grim mood, something about not having her wax pen and being sober for the first time in months. She is nice at first and agrees to meet me in the lab to work, so she sits next to me and we talk for a bit. I ask her how Monday went, and she mentions that her friend was fun to be with but it was boring otherwise. We go to sit outside class for 40 minutes and I ask her if she wants to jam to some tunes in my car or take a walk. She says she prefers to sit down in the hall, but I can go if I want. I stick around like an idiot and suggest a walk, which she seems more receptive to until she mentions its cold, and that is a fair point. I mention how her smoking to deal with sadness is a cope, and she admits it is. They seemed really burnt out and depressed, which is a bad sign.
The shitshow begins as soon as we go back to the lab to work on another assignment before a quiz. She seems surprised there is one, which is unusual since she is a good student and always knows ahead of me. She starts to get make irritated facial expressions and generally starts getting cold. I've lingered too long around her since I've finished, and she is finding every reason to wear out my patience and have me leave first. I hang around her like a dolt, checking my phone and asking about the classwork she did. While walking I ask if we could speak for a few minutes, she says "I have to do something" and disappears into the bathroom for a few minutes. I wait for five minutes and get the impression she is not coming out until class starts, so I go up and drop my shit off and head back down to wait for her. I catch her bringing back some chips, ask her to spare those five minutes and she agrees. We go outside and I say: "look, I suck at expressing myself because I deal with dumb and shitty people alot, but you are acting really out of character. What's going on with us?". She looks puzzled and asks "What do you mean?". I blabber about her behavior and how it seems like things are fucked, and finish with "are we on good terms or what?". She says we are, and that if problems come around she'll tell me.
Thursday comes along and the attitude is gone but she still seems distant. I got a haircut that day as well, so I'm worried I seemed try-hardish. I talk a little with her in the evening and she mentions she plans on skipping class to meet with her best friend, and that if I could take some notes for her. I text her that I planned on asking her to go out this night (I didn't, but fuck it). She responds by saying she only wants to skip because it is her best friend and she ditched her the day before. I tell her that I have a lot of stuff to do next week, including a lads trip to another city to see some friends. I tell her that I want to set something up the current week, and if she was open to Fri/Sat. She says she definitely can't do Friday, but Saturday might work. Then she brings up some babysitting obligations she had, with some disgust on her face, noting that she might be able to get someone to take her place. I tell her that's good, get back to me if you can. Saturday comes and nothing. I'm quite irritated, so I hold back and refuse to send any texts.
Today: Retribution
I opted on Sunday that I would do a mild silent treatment. If they approach me to sit down and talk, I'll indulge them casually and slowly. I read the article on this site regarding getting a girl back, and it stresses being patient and not giving into chasing after them or sudden mood swings. I go into class and look at the floor with a casual sleepy look, but I notice she glances at me a bit. She occasionally throws one my way until everyone is in their seats and ready to work, but today is a special day. The professor tasks us with setting up pairs between each other. I sit on the opposite end of the row from her, but we are on the same table. I look to the guy on my left and nod at him, while she looks to the guy on her right and pairs up with him. The games begin.
This girl had a lot of admiration for our professor, since it is a woman and she talks with her as much as she can. Our first date she says that the woman is her role model, and she wants to be her favorite. As we set into our group task, I notice my pair is far ahead of hers, she landed with a dolt who has no idea what he is doing and she can't do anything about it. She tries to be friendly and work out the problem with him, but they don't get very far and he blows her off since she isn't very capable either. I get some joy out of this, but even more joy when her idol comes to my group and throws praise on us for doing the best and being ahead of the others. My partner has no clue what he is doing, but I get us through this with ease. Lo and behold she gets frustrated with her lack of progress as her idol leaves the room and promises to return in half an hour. She eventually tells her partner she is leaving early, saying that she'll work on this stuff at home. When our professor returns she asks the whole class who left early, and everyone is in on the fact that she ditched the lesson. The professor is visibly bothered, I'm mainly amused.
I still want to do stuff with this chick, but I'm indulging in other women to curb the obsessive tendencies I showed last week and weakened my position. What are some pieces of advice you could all share? I've already resolved to mess around and try the newbie assignment for peace of mind, but I would like to know what options I have in this situation. We still have to see each other for this semester and the next, her birthday is next week, our situation is very tenuous, and I have no clue what to do besides continue the Silent Treatment Lite (TM).
Some important disclaimers:
-She is younger than me (19 vs 22), so I expected this kind of flaky behavior.
-I suspected her seeing other dudes, but she has no way of doing it realistically
a) she is stuck at home sharing a car with her relatives
b) she works in her spare time
c) she is around me during her school hours entirely, no dudes on campus can speculate without me seeing it literally
d) she has some friends she does stuff with, but even then that is a small pool to play with
e) her ex terrifies her in her own hometown
-I never initiated anything with her in the beginning. I gave her the cold shoulder for an entire month and she maintained a steady stream of approaches to get my attention or talk with me. Now that I've given her some validation and acted clingy last week, she seems different.
-Even if she is being cold, she still won't approach other guys in our classes. In our lab together on her bad day she still sat next to me and didn't even bother to strike up a chat with people from our class she enjoys talking to. It tells me enough that there is a sliver of hope, but I need to make some serious efforts to survive.
