How to respond to a flake on a date

[ThePicker]

Hello hunters ,

So I was going to meet up with a girl who lives like 10-20 minutes away from my place.
I met her on Tinder and asked her out in less than 10 messages. (Well, it took a bit more of effort thou, she played a bit hard to get so it was more than 10 xd but you get the idea).
So we were supposed to meet today. In the meantime, we have been texting from time to time (I keep it as short as possible, we might've messaged an average of 2-5 messages/day) (that 'meantime' has been 1 week).

I texted her today to remind her of the date.
"You know, there's smth I hatr about you, and smth I really love... "

She: What you hate? It is more interesting

(As you can see, she has this teasy/play-hard-to get vibe)

"I'll tell you today. So at 18:00 at X. Remember that I am Spanish, so in reality I mean at 18:15"

She: Let's meet earlier?

"At what time"

She: 14:10
(It was 14:09 at that moment, so she was dropping a joke)

"Hahaha"
"(I reply to a story she just posted at that moment, it was a pic of her in a beautiful skirt (though she said it was a pijama) ) : So I see that you're already ready to see me "

And here the conversation strayed off a bit (I thought we were supposed to have already agreed to meet at 18:00 :/ )

And well basically, we had a casual conversation, i wanted to bring her to my place, so I was sending her some casual/fun pics of my room, asked her how good she was at preparing tea, showing her the teas I had, etc

Then I didn't reply for 1h (I was busy).
And 1 hour before the "agreed" time (Idk if she thought we were going to meet or not) I sent her the 'bus stop' at which we would be meeting (she lives 10-15 mins away from the place).
To which she never replied.
At the time we were supposed to meet (18:00), I sent her a fun message, "have you been abducted? Don't worry, I'll rescue you, I'll bring you pierogi, soplica.. " (She's polish and those are just typical polish stuff)
To which she hasn't replied either


The thing is

-I think it can be a test since she acts kinda 'teasy' with this 'hard-to-get vibe'.

-Maybe she thought we were not gonna meet or I was gonna cancel (since I didn't reply for an hour)

-Maybe both

Whatever the cause is,
What would the proper way to react to this be?
What should I text her next?

This is not the first time that Im in this situation.
I have already gotten dates and laids with women who had terribly flaked on me.
So I know that a flake does not necessarily mean lack of interest.


I have more women, and I find it easy to get dates with women here, but I really want to try to get this one. Cmon, she's just 10-15 minutes away from me. I must get her xdd.
What would you guys do?

Thanks !

 

[Rakkum]

So we were supposed to meet today. In the meantime, we have been texting from time to time (I keep it as short as possible, we might've messaged an average of 2-5 messages/day) (that 'meantime' has been 1 week).

Texting too much is certainly no good. Just as important is to look things in balance. With some chicks you need to build more intrigue and comfort than with others. I think it's also a good idea to disengage from the convo and return to it at your own pace. From my talks with chicks I've met, majority of the guys are needy and poor at boring over text. Be interesting, high value but not too attainable.

Texting 2-5 days per day several days in a row, seems a bit too much. But it really depends on the specifics of the interaction. Better to have 1-2 REALLY GOOD messages every now an then than constant stream of PRETTY DECENT.

"At what time"

She: 14:10
(It was 14:09 at that moment, so she was dropping a joke)

"Hahaha"

So she's got some character, that's a good thing!

I would've probably said:
"Mm, sure I'm free after X time" (Agree but on your own terms; that's not something you want to be doing all the time but she can't whiff a sign of neediness in you at this time)

"(I reply to a story she just posted at that moment, it was a pic of her in a beautiful skirt (though she said it was a pijama) ) : So I see that you're already ready to see me "

Good framing here but I would be very cautious when it comes to commenting social media updates. Danger of giving too much attention, seeming to obsessed about her.

And here the conversation strayed off a bit (I thought we were supposed to have already agreed to meet at 18:00 :/ )

After you've set up the date, text only as much you need to keep her engaged. Casual chatting is not good here. You want to keep up the positive vibe but keep things unambiguous as to where this interaction is supposed to move.

Btw, have you read Chases's texting manual? If you haven't, I' highly recommend you do. Skills,POB and some other guys here have great posts on texting too.

And well basically, we had a casual conversation, i wanted to bring her to my place, so I was sending her some casual/fun pics of my room, asked her how good she was at preparing tea, showing her the teas I had, etc

Sending picture of your room... yikes... again, probably not a good idea. Too pushy, needy. You should be bold in your intent but let it be shrouded in plausible deniability for her.

Then I didn't reply for 1h (I was busy).
And 1 hour before the "agreed" time (Idk if she thought we were going to meet or not) I sent her the 'bus stop' at which we would be meeting (she lives 10-15 mins away from the place).
To which she never replied.
At the time we were supposed to meet (18:00), I sent her a fun message, "have you been abducted? Don't worry, I'll rescue you, I'll bring you pierogi, soplica.. " (She's polish and those are just typical polish stuff)
To which she hasn't replied either

I think you blundered that with too much texting and especially with that room one...

At the time we were supposed to meet (18:00), I sent her a fun message, "have you been abducted? Don't worry, I'll rescue you, I'll bring you pierogi, soplica.. " (She's polish and those are just typical polish stuff)

I think you could have salvage it before this one? Now if you text her anything again, it's basically double texting.. To needy, too much.. more of what you dug into this hole, imo. This joke about brining her food is could be good when you she perceives you as unattainable (even then, not optimal). Here it's just bad, sorry.

What should I text her next?

Wait for her to engage (not likely, but could happen). Maybe she had a legit reason and will text you again. In that scenario be cool, understanding but don't rush to re-schedule.

To turn this around with more texting from you... is a challenge but you haven't got much to lose here anyhow.

 

[ThePicker]

Texting too much is certainly no good. Just as important is to look things in balance. With some chicks you need to build more intrigue and comfort than with others. I think it's also a good idea to disengage from the convo and return to it at your own pace. From my talks with chicks I've met, majority of the guys are needy and poor at boring over text. Be interesting, high value but not too attainable.

Texting 2-5 days per day several days in a row, seems a bit too much. But it really depends on the specifics of the interaction. Better to have 1-2 REALLY GOOD messages every now an then than constant stream of PRETTY DECENT.





So she's got some character, that's a good thing!

I would've probably said:
"Mm, sure I'm free after X time" (Agree but on your own terms; that's not something you want to be doing all the time but she can't whiff a sign of neediness in you at this time)



Good framing here but I would be very cautious when it comes to commenting social media updates. Danger of giving too much attention, seeming to obsessed about her.



After you've set up the date, text only as much you need to keep her engaged. Casual chatting is not good here. You want to keep up the positive vibe but keep things unambiguous as to where this interaction is supposed to move.

Btw, have you read Chases's texting manual? If you haven't, I' highly recommend you do. Skills,POB and some other guys here have great posts on texting too.



Sending picture of your room... yikes... again, probably not a good idea. Too pushy, needy. You should be bold in your intent but let it be shrouded in plausible deniability for her.




I think you blundered that with too much texting and especially with that room one...



I think you could have salvage it before this one? Now if you text her anything again, it's basically double texting.. To needy, too much.. more of what you dug into this hole, imo. This joke about brining her food is could be good when you she perceives you as unattainable (even then, not optimal). Here it's just bad, sorry.




Wait for her to engage (not likely, but could happen). Maybe she had a legit reason and will text you again. In that scenario be cool, understanding but don't rush to re-schedule.

To turn this around with more texting from you... is a challenge but you haven't got much to lose here anyhow.

Thank you for the ellaborated answer hunt mate


I know, it's a big challenge haha.
I would like to try though, there is nothing to lose and it's an opportunity to try new things.

I was thinking about framing everything in the following manner:
"I am not going to get intimidated by a flake"
(Just the same frame you'd have when you jump for the kiss and she moves away; showing her that you're not intimidated gives you value in the end)
The point is how
Because it's true that communicating that frame in this context is going to be difficult
Any ideas as to how to communicate/subcommunicate that in a message?

Thanks!

 

[Skjöldr]

How to respond to flakes? You don't. Let someone else teach her a lesson. You're too busy getting pussy.

 

[Rakkum]

How to respond to flakes? You don't. Let someone else teach her a lesson. You're too busy getting pussy.

Don't chase them, replace them, in other words. The attitude is dynamite. Especially if you're the shit.

But it's a delicate matter of balancing bravado with self-reflection and squeezing out maximum learning value from each encounter.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@ThePicker dude! As much as I agree with @Phoenix and @Rakkum it's only half the picture.

Check out the article on persistence:
1) Persist in your persistence
2) How to be persistent with girls: two strategies
3) Why chasing women doesn't work and why persistence does

Check out the article on flakes:
1) What to do when girl flakes
2) How to recover when a girl flakes
3) How to treat ghosts, flakes and reflections

Check out the article on what to do when she stops responding:
1) What to do when a girl doesn't text back

However this situation has been handled horribly. The picture of the bus stop when you're meant to meet and she hasn't responded. Following up in a playful manner (though accepting that she's flaked providing negative reinforcement) and even highlighting it and not getting a response. This shows that she perceives you as low value and there's low interest. High interest she'd have responded.

There's a few mistakes here and it's going to be very difficult to recover. Your best bet if you wish to persist is to go cold for 3 days - 1 week and then follow up in a nonchalant way. "I just seen this and thought of you, (reason to reach out) I hope you're well (consideration) I've been really busy...(new info and taking responsibility for lack of communication) how did whatever go/what have you been doing (a call to action, a question, a statement providing value that baits her to respond - this can be done with the very first point)

 

[Skjöldr]

I agree on being persistent. I don't mind double-texting girls at all (within a reasonable time frame ofc). I agree on taking control and being pro-active. But flakes man. I'm ruthless. If she messages me that she can't make it and sounds apologetic and offers to re-schedule, fine. But if she doesn't reply to my check in text before the date or something i wont show up. And if she does reply the day after it'll be straight to my place or nothing. I won't waste time on it. No girl is hot enough for that. It's usually a balance for me. If a girl is hot i will walk an extra mile. Give her benefit of the doubt. But with less hot ones i'm less invested and less broken when my investment blows. The uglier she is=the less leeway she will get. This is making hot women spoiled? ok. My goal is dick in pussy not saving hot women from spoildom.

 

[Skills]

the girl flakes cause she is not invested enough, you lost value through texting etc... Instead of dealing with flakes, do things in a way that it would be almost impossible for the girl to flake,,, eventually, I will see if in the future i show how to do this with tinder/bumble.. the thing is i use google voice, so now they changed the whole format, i can not copy and paste like i used to... i need to rely on screenshots...(i will figure something out eventually...) your texting lacks strategy/investment...

 

[ThePicker]

@ThePicker dude! As much as I agree with @Phoenix and @Rakkum it's only half the picture.

Check out the article on persistence:
1) Persist in your persistence
2) How to be persistent with girls: two strategies
3) Why chasing women doesn't work and why persistence does

Check out the article on flakes:
1) What to do when girl flakes
2) How to recover when a girl flakes
3) How to treat ghosts, flakes and reflections

Check out the article on what to do when she stops responding:
1) What to do when a girl doesn't text back

However this situation has been handled horribly. The picture of the bus stop when you're meant to meet and she hasn't responded. Following up in a playful manner (though accepting that she's flaked providing negative reinforcement) and even highlighting it and not getting a response. This shows that she perceives you as low value and there's low interest. High interest she'd have responded.

There's a few mistakes here and it's going to be very difficult to recover. Your best bet if you wish to persist is to go cold for 3 days - 1 week and then follow up in a nonchalant way. "I just seen this and thought of you, (reason to reach out) I hope you're well (consideration) I've been really busy...(new info and taking responsibility for lack of communication) how did whatever go/what have you been doing (a call to action, a question, a statement providing value that baits her to respond - this can be done with the very first point)

Thanks !
I will check them out
I must add to the story something I realized today: in one of the pics I sent her of my room there was a very visible box of condomns (I didn' realize!)
Maybe I triggered her shields?

Yes, I agree with your approach/frame.
It's good and necessary to move on and find new girls, but insisting and persisting can make you learn many things and realize many mistakes, and some times, you can also get laid.
It's very rewarding for how you feel about your game when you see that you have managed to turn the tables with girls you thought you had no chances with.

By the way: I didn't send her a pic of the bus stop, I didn't leave my home at all. All I did was send pics of my room/house (which were, ofc, contextually natural and congruent with the conversation we were having) to get her familiar with it.

By the way, I would like to explore a new idea I had:
So this girls looks like she really loves "confident/dominant guys", thou I think this could work with any woman.

What do you think // how could I frame my response/follow up to it in this way: " I am not getting intimidated by a flake/rejection. I want to meet with you and I'll charmingly persist without getting intimidated/reactive and pussy about your tests".
Do you get the idea?
It's like when a girl that shows interest moves away when you kiss her, and instead of reacting with worrysome, pussyness or lack of confidence, you just keep being charming and show that it's not a big deal (and that builds up more value).
Most guys would react reactively, by getting mad, upset or pussy about a flake.
I want to turn around the situation and use it to my own advantage, to build value.

 

[ThePicker]

the girl flakes cause she is not invested enough, you lost value through texting etc... Instead of dealing with flakes, do things in a way that it would be almost impossible for the girl to flake,,, eventually, I will see if in the future i show how to do this with tinder/bumble.. the thing is i use google voice, so now they changed the whole format, i can not copy and paste like i used to... i need to rely on screenshots...(i will figure something out eventually...) your texting lacks strategy/investment...

What do you mean by "do things in a way that it would be almost impossible for the girl to flake"?
Could you give an example?
Thanks for thr answer !

 

[Will_V]

I agree on being persistent. I don't mind double-texting girls at all (within a reasonable time frame ofc). I agree on taking control and being pro-active. But flakes man. I'm ruthless. If she messages me that she can't make it and sounds apologetic and offers to re-schedule, fine. But if she doesn't reply to my check in text before the date or something i wont show up. And if she does reply the day after it'll be straight to my place or nothing. I won't waste time on it. No girl is hot enough for that. It's usually a balance for me. If a girl is hot i will walk an extra mile. Give her benefit of the doubt. But with less hot ones i'm less invested and less broken when my investment blows. The uglier she is=the less leeway she will get. This is making hot women spoiled? ok. My goal is dick in pussy not saving hot women from spoildom.

Agreed, guys have to draw the line somewhere and that's a firing offence as far as I'm concerned. You can be as cool as you like but if you let a woman get away with stuff, they will start to lose respect. They are interested in how you treat them, not how zen you are.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Thanks !
I will check them out
I must add to the story something I realized today: in one of the pics I sent her of my room there was a very visible box of condomns (I didn' realize!)
Maybe I triggered her shields?

Yes, I agree with your approach/frame.
It's good and necessary to move on and find new girls, but insisting and persisting can make you learn many things and realize many mistakes, and some times, you can also get laid.
It's very rewarding for how you feel about your game when you see that you have managed to turn the tables with girls you thought you had no chances with.

By the way: I didn't send her a pic of the bus stop, I didn't leave my home at all. All I did was send pics of my room/house (which were, ofc, contextually natural and congruent with the conversation we were having) to get her familiar with it.

By the way, I would like to explore a new idea I had:
So this girls looks like she really loves "confident/dominant guys", thou I think this could work with any woman.

What do you think // how could I frame my response/follow up to it in this way: " I am not getting intimidated by a flake/rejection. I want to meet with you and I'll charmingly persist without getting intimidated/reactive and pussy about your tests".
Do you get the idea?
It's like when a girl that shows interest moves away when you kiss her, and instead of reacting with worrysome, pussyness or lack of confidence, you just keep being charming and show that it's not a big deal (and that builds up more value).
Most guys would react reactively, by getting mad, upset or pussy about a flake.
I want to turn around the situation and use it to my own advantage, to build value.

@ThePicker dude! I gave all the tools and information in how to follow up in my previous message. The frame you're looking to present comes down to how you follow up in a charmingly, cool, persistent way and not acknowledging that she didn't respond though in this case she doesn't have high interest/buying temperature and if you follow up to soon this looks like chasing and you lose value.

You can't acknowledge that she ignored you to tell her you're not bothered, it's your actions of following up nonchalantly and unfazed that does this. You're also having to recover from your mistakes so this is all low odds.

I advised you to give it 3 days to a week before you follow up and gave an example message that will cover it. The suggested articles give other examples and explains when and how to follow up. Read those articles dude!

 

[kristian]

My goal is dick in pussy not saving hot women from spoildom.

Love this!!!