How to respond to people who nitpick, condescend, or treat you as lower status?

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

Hi guys. I recently rented a room in Air BnB and had a really WEIRD situation. I booked a private room and this guy had positive reviews, seemed nice, but I noticed he was trying to one up me and condescend me when I arrived.

I went to a East European country and noticed that the toilet was a bit different. Instead of the regular toilet, it had like a chain on the ceiling that I thought was something else. Anyway, I take a piss and come outside

Me: Hey dude, is there a flush for the toilet?
Host: No shit, there's a flush thing on the ceiling (condescending)
Me: Oh shit, I never saw that before. (flushes toilet)

This was literally our first convi and we start just getting to know each other.

We talk about our travels and I tell him I went to Dubai recently and apparently he goes to Dubai all the time.
I tell him about my experience as a first time.

Me: Yeah, I went to Dubai it was great. Camel riding, sick food, sand-surfing, indoor ski, good stuff
Host: You went indoor ski-ing at Dubai? Why the hell would you do that? I would never go to Dubai to Ski. (Me thinking wtF? Why is he nitpicking shit?)
Me: That's your perspective.
Host: I know that's my perspective.
Me: That's great dude, I liked the indoor ski-ing experience. I'd do it again.

Anyway, I kind of get weirded out by this dude for trying to one-up me as soon as we meet. He tells me how he had therapy and a lot of counseling, crying, all that stuff. Too much.

I go to sleep and the next day, he's back home.

We start talking about the inflation situation going on and what the world's been like traveling.

Host: Inflation is getting crazy all over the world..
Me: like 08 and 09 (referring to America)
Host: He starts YELLING: I FUCKING KNOW. I KNOW. STOP INTERRUPTING ME.

At this point I was really just taken back. I got shocked psychologically and froze for a bit.

Anyway, afterwards I just started ignoring him.

When I would see him, he would mean mug me and I really wanted to just ask him if he had a problem.
But I had all my stuff in his Air BnB and didn't have a place to go so I just ignored it until I finally got out.

How do you handle this? People are usually very decent to me but I noticed sometimes other guys would start YELLING or RAISING THEIR VOICE when I'm talking to finish their sentence as if they need to assert their dominance.

I had this happen a few times where I got psychologically shocked cause they raise their voice out of nowhere
And then after a few times, I just say

"Ey hold up, dont ever fucking raise your voice at me again, you understand?" And they do a 180 in their behavior.

But I noticed that I get condescended, commanded (told what to do), or berated a bit when I first initially meet some guys that are insecure and I kind of freeze.
Sometimes I used to let it slide, but I noticed that I lose major status with people that are watching if I let people condescend me.

Any advice?

 

[trashKENNUT]

I'm not sure.

Because your stuff is in his Airbnb. I like to ask you to confront him but then, I would have to put a disclaimer on this post.

I'm not the right person to ask this advice but given where society is going, where rubber is hitting the road, it's a 'Allah Taala or die' modus operandi.

Which means that it's either my way or the highway.

And that's good. A lot of chaos, violence, and I avoid defending females on TikTok and social media. The society deserves to die. It's part of the play of existence. I must let America destroy itself. I must allow low value men attack women online. I must allow women be the biggest solipsism hypocrite with all men except me. It's part of the play of existence.

TLDR: Don't be too hard on yourself if you have to punch this motherfucker and pretend that you didn't, the next second.

We live in a world where is 'Islam or Die' per se modus operandi. Don't be too hard on yourself.

z@c+

 

[Rakehell]

The guy just sounds like a weirdo. If there are other people around i’d just look at them quizzically with a “is this guy serious” expression.

If it’s just 1 to 1 I’d keep a poker face, with strong eye contact, keeping my replies short to something like “oh is that right?”, acting pretty bored nonverbally. Keep it nonverbal. Backturns, start looking at your phone, clean your nails.

Air bnbs are a transaction, not like the guy was letting you crash for free. Why converse with someone so obviously rude.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Air bnbs are a transaction, not like the guy was letting you crash for free. Why converse with someone so obviously rude

He doesn't have a place to go. That's the problem.

That's today's problems with everything including all of us that have jobs, property and so on.

It's a fucking minefield everywhere, which I hope it blows up. The society deserves it.

 

[Searcher]

All these things with people taking digs at you, being passive-aggressive and subtly trying to dominate you will be very common.

Everyone has an ego attached and it's the ones who can't control it that resort to these sort of behaviours.

All you have to remember then is that it's them who drew first blood so you shouldn't be concerned about hurting their feelings or having empathy when you defend/counter attack.

As for how to respond in these particular scenarios.

Me: Hey dude, is there a flush for the toilet?
Host: No shit, there's a flush thing on the ceiling (condescending)
Me: Good boy. (flushes toilet)



Me: Yeah, I went to Dubai it was great. Camel riding, sick food, sand-surfing, indoor ski, good stuff
Host: You went indoor ski-ing at Dubai? Why the hell would you do that? I would never go to Dubai to Ski. (Me thinking wtF? Why is he nitpicking shit?)
Me: What the fuck was that. Anyways (continue what you were going to say)

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[ART]

First of all, I hope you gave him a not so good review.

Secondly, it's one good reason why you should always have enough money with you in case shit like this happens. You can book a hotel, gather your shit, tell the guy to 'fuck off' and leave. Then again, I'm not entirely sure what the AirBNB policy is for refunds or dealing with shitty hosts.

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

First of all, I hope you gave him a not so good review.

Secondly, it's one good reason why you should always have enough money with you in case shit like this happens. You can book a hotel, gather your shit, tell the guy to 'fuck off' and leave. Then again, I'm not entirely sure what the AirBNB policy is for refunds or dealing with shitty hosts.

Yeah, I made a mistake of booking for one month and no refund policy. I never had a problem like this so def a lesson learned.

 

[Will_V]

Block him out. If he talks to you, ignore him unless it's something important. Act as if it's your room and he's another tenant from some other corner of the house you can barely tolerate and you only offer basic politeness when it's given.

Why doesn't he feel apprehensive about having you in his house after what he's done? That's the question you need to answer for yourself.

Every man should be able to 'flip', because if you were able to do that none of this would seem all that interesting. By 'flip' I mean that if someone physically attacked you, could you go to 100% violence in a moment without a bad conscience? If you could do that then all this becomes trivial. He hasn't attacked you, he's only getting what you want to give him. So give him nothing. Problem solved, you can chill and if it ever changes, you know what to do and could even find it satisfying. If that was your mindset, he would smell it from a mile away and keep his distance.

Yes I would have simply pointed out things I didn't like at first when they happened, but when he yelled there's no way to deal with that, I would have simply walked off and not spoken to him thereafter (pretty much the same way you'd treat a woman).

Maybe you could deal with this in some deft way but personally I think yelling crosses the line, it's something I wouldn't accept from even a woman who is by nature emotional, so for a guy to do that is instant and complete loss of any respect.

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

Block him out. If he talks to you, ignore him unless it's something important. Act as if it's your room and he's another tenant from some other corner of the house you can barely tolerate and you only offer basic politeness when it's given.

Why doesn't he feel apprehensive about having you in his house after what he's done? That's the question you need to answer for yourself.

Every man should be able to 'flip', because if you were able to do that none of this would seem all that interesting. By 'flip' I mean that if someone physically attacked you, could you go to 100% violence in a moment without a bad conscience? If you could do that then all this becomes trivial. He hasn't attacked you, he's only getting what you want to give him. So give him nothing. Problem solved, you can chill and if it ever changes, you know what to do and could even find it satisfying. If that was your mindset, he would smell it from a mile away and keep his distance.

Yes I would have simply pointed out things I didn't like at first when they happened, but when he yelled there's no way to deal with that, I would have simply walked off and not spoken to him thereafter (pretty much the same way you'd treat a woman).

Maybe you could deal with this in some deft way but personally I think yelling crosses the line, it's something I wouldn't accept from even a woman who is by nature emotional, so for a guy to do that is instant and complete loss of any respect.

Thanks Will!

It definitely caught me by surprise. It took me awhile to process what was happening and started to resent it. I'm not afraid of physical violence, and I'm thinking about booking this place again to get rid of my resent. I should've put him in his place.

 

[Will_V]

Beware of escalating first, when you feel defensive it's easy to escalate thinking you're just defending. Goes for both verbal and non verbal. Remember you are in his home.

Not saying this is the case here just something to keep in mind. That's why being able to block someone out and/or move on with complete chill is essential, so if they want to continue they must pursue you and escalate first.

In that sense I personally wouldn't go back because doing otherwise would feel like I went there for something. I have done it in public places but i would not do it in someone else's house. Overall it's not great to put yourself in conflict without something to gain, so I advise against it altogether. Fuck a woman or work the bag instead and focus on tomorrow.

 

[Skills]

You need to develop tough skin, he was seeing you were getting bother a bit.. none of that would have bother me, it also seem he did not have patience saw you as slow socially in his eyes

Also roomates is super difficult people are use to a dynamic someone else in totally annoys

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

You need to develop tough skin, he was seeing you were getting bother a bit.. none of that would have bother me, it also seem he did not have patience saw you as slow socially in his eyes

Also roomates is super difficult people are use to a dynamic someone else in totally annoys

Funny, cause I thought he was the socially slow one.

 

[Skills]

Funny, cause I thought he was the socially slow one.

yeah so maybe he was the one slow, but again he lacked patience in your communication style, there was friction also you being in his territory, this happens with change of dynamic in living spaces... not only roomates, happens with friends, gfs, family members... Just new people in living space is annoying, and fucks up routines...