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How to respond to polite rejections?

orkie123

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 21, 2023
Messages
218
Met up with few friends who I haven't seen in a while. They invited over this girl I had seen 2-3 times before in this social group in the past year or so. I'm 90% sure she is single and she's given me some iois but nothing concrete. She is relatively shy and from a country where the man has to take the lead.

I'm being somewhat cautious here. This isn't a close social group but they are chill and the kind of friends who I would probably hang out more if I was in a relationship. So I played it low-risk direct:

The day after the event, I followed her on insta and this was the convo:

Me: No pics of your doggo in your profile?
Me: I'm shocked

Her: Haha it's because he's got his own profile :D
Her: @Dog's insta

Me: Haha you got me there
Me: Where does >dog's name< usually walk you out to? (She had said in person that her dog is heavy and pulls her around)

Her: :D
Her: We usually go to the mountains near where I now live
Her: It's not easy for me :D (...to walk the dog, her English isn't perfect)

Me: The mountains next to XYZ? I hike there often
Me: I'm actually going there next weekend
Me: You and >dog's name< should join

Her: We have been there as well yes hahah
Her: That's also a very nice place
Her: I made plans already but thank you, we'll join one day for sure haha

I know its not totally dead yet, but I think that's just being polite given that we have mutual friends.

My view is just to like her last comment and then restart next time I meet her or if she posts a relevant story, starting from scratch using non-risque texts again (ping, banter - soft close approach)

Problem is, I feel like just liking her comment may come off as being sulky but also I don't want to go to a pointless text tennis match.

Thoughts on the above plan?
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
6,070
Well, that's what happens when you lead with "specific date -- want to come?" You will run into girls who already have plans at the time you propose.

Anyway, you can just do "no worries, we'll link up another time", but with stuff like this where it's social circle and you're bound to see her again, I like little jokes best:

HER: I made plans already but thank you, we'll join one day for sure haha​
YOU: No worries. I will name a trail rock in your honor when I'm there :D

It's funny, and girls will often pick up on it to banter with you next time:

HER: "So what kind of rock did you name after me?"​
YOU: "Oh there was this big rock by the trail... it totally looked just like you. I named that one with your name."​
HER: "It looked like me? Did you take a picture? I want to see!"​
YOU: "Must have slipped my mind. I'll point it out to you next time we're both there."​

But anyway, an ounce of prevention's worth a pound of cure... here's how to do this next time:

YOU: The mountains next to XYZ? I hike there often​
YOU: We should totally join forces one of these weekends, you, me, and this Instagram dog star​

Then when she agrees to that, you check her availability on it: "Cool. Let me know what weekend's good and we'll plan it out."

Chase
 

orkie123

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 21, 2023
Messages
218
Well, that's what happens when you lead with "specific date -- want to come?" You will run into girls who already have plans at the time you propose.

Anyway, you can just do "no worries, we'll link up another time", but with stuff like this where it's social circle and you're bound to see her again, I like little jokes best:

HER: I made plans already but thank you, we'll join one day for sure haha​
YOU: No worries. I will name a trail rock in your honor when I'm there :D

It's funny, and girls will often pick up on it to banter with you next time:

HER: "So what kind of rock did you name after me?"​
YOU: "Oh there was this big rock by the trail... it totally looked just like you. I named that one with your name."​
HER: "It looked like me? Did you take a picture? I want to see!"​
YOU: "Must have slipped my mind. I'll point it out to you next time we're both there."​

But anyway, an ounce of prevention's worth a pound of cure... here's how to do this next time:

YOU: The mountains next to XYZ? I hike there often​
YOU: We should totally join forces one of these weekends, you, me, and this Instagram dog star​

Then when she agrees to that, you check her availability on it: "Cool. Let me know what weekend's good and we'll plan it out."

Chase

It's so easy when the masters do it. Thank you again Chase.


Normally I don't do specific days, but as I did plan to go there that weekend, I thought leaving 2 potential days to do it and about a week in advance would be sufficient. Won't do that again as I could have still been generic initially, then I would at least be more likely to know if the rejection was actually due to timing.

I went with a slight variant of your funny response, as I really like that kind of vibe.
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake
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