FR+ How To Set-up the Second Date?

[Anonymous]

Hello all,
I'm admittedly a dating noob, having come off two long term relationships (4+ years). I'm a 25 male, in good shape (marathoner/triathlete) and decently educated. But I pretty much suck at texting women/reading women/and the dating process in general. I should preface all of this by saying I've read 5 of Chase's articles, and these really helped, but I failed to read them before any of this happened.

So Basically a few days ago on Thursday, I went out with a girl who I called and asked out on a date. She's three years younger than me if that's at all relevant. Our first date was simple enough, just a walk at a local park. She had to work later that day (at 4 pm), so we met at 12 and walked until 3. We had great conversation, but I didn't use much kino or get very physical with her (Yes, I realize that would have been smart to do. I'm open to tips on how to initiate this on a first date--for whatever reason it feels too weird to me when I've just met a girl).

So we're walking and talking, and I just tried to enjoy myself and have fun. I figure what's the worst that can happen. We ended up having very fluid conversation and talked about a lot of stuff. When she found out my age, she mentioned that it was good that I was older since she had only dated guys younger than her and that didn't work out, so "it was cool that I was older." (I'm 25 and she's 22.). This did provoke the subject of her ex-boyfriend, whom she talked about for a little bit. That sucked, but I just listened and learned when they broke up and for what reason.

After the walk, we were driving back and I was pretty famished. I asked her if she wanted to grab some Taco Bell (Ahhh yes, good ol' Taco bell!) and she agreed. We ate for a bit. It enhanced the date slightly and conversation continued. Since it was getting close to 3, we returned back to our vehicles. At that moment, I moved in for the kiss and landed one on her lips. She smiled and I told her that we should try to meet up sometime next week. We tentatively set a date for Thursday. She agreed and we both left.

Shortly after this is where I just failed.

Fast forward a few hours after I get back... I text her: "Hey Kelly. it was fun seeing you today. Although I did earn a ticket on the way home..." That went well enough and she ended up texting me back twice a bit later asking about the ticket. I was busy and basically fell asleep before I could respond. So in the morning, I responded: "Oh it looks like I passed out before I got your message. Yeah, I tried to befriend the officer, but it was a no-go." I go on about what I was doing etc. At this point, I have no idea what I am doing via text. I hadn't read any of Chase's articles and so she keeps texting me and I foolishly keep responding. She tells me about her day, and I write long awkward texts that suck, and it culminates with my comment: "What happened to the nice old lady stereotype?" and her responding "It's dead and gone."

I pretty much took this to be an end to the conversation, and I knew I hadn't handled that conversation well.

Nevertheless, the following day on Saturday, instead of taking the loss and changing my behavior, I opted to press on! I knew that the previous day (Friday) she was going to a baseball game. So I thought: "Hey, maybe I should text her in the morning (Saturday) and ask her how the game went." Note that this is 2 days after our first date, which was on Thursday. At the time, I hadn't heard of the cold text and I really had no idea what I was doing or what I thought I would accomplish by texting her. Funny how that is for someone just starting out.

So Basically, she tells me that she LOVED the game and even got on TV. And me being the noob that I am, I sent her a double text...first telling her how great it was that she was on TV and second letting her know about my day (even though she hadn't asked because why the hell not?) She only sends one text message back saying: "Oh darn haha". Once again, I take it that that's the end of the conversation. I don't send any more messages.

Her last message was sent on Saturday morning and I haven't replied since. It's now Monday at 10:00 PM and I haven't heard from her. Originally, she had initiated texts and sent several messages. Now I feel that I've both reversed that dynamic and lost value in her eyes. I'm thinking that I probably came off as needy or clingy with my last series of texts.

In any case, I decided it was best to wait at least 3 days before making a move. As for the move, I'm not sure what to do. I figured that if she didn't text me after those 3 days, I would probably call her and leave a chill voicemail asking her if she's up for a date on Thursday. If she did text me, however, I'd feel a lot better about initiating contact. I also considered just letting her go and accepting the fact that I messed up and I should move on and learn from my mistakes.

So, what do you think about the situation? How badly did I mess up with my last series of texts? (double text/texting on a weekend/cold text/telling her how great she was)

Does anyone have tips on how they would respond, and if they have experienced something similar in the past and how they dealt with it.

Thanks.

 

[NarrowJ]

We had great conversation, but I didn't use much kino or get very physical with her (Yes, I realize that would have been smart to do. I'm open to tips on how to initiate this on a first date--for whatever reason it feels too weird to me when I've just met a girl).

Don't worry! It won't be weird. Kino is just light touch. It can be incidental. You don't just throw your arm around a girl all of the sudden. Kino is touching her arm as she sits down, or comparing hand sizes or telling her to give you her hand so you can examine one of her rings or a bracelet. Or incidentally touching your legs together. As you progress you can start getting away with more and more. I've gotten to the point that I can touch a girl enough within the first 30 minutes of a date, that she won't feel weird if I put my hand on her leg or something.

This did provoke the subject of her ex-boyfriend, whom she talked about for a little bit. That sucked, but I just listened and learned when they broke up and for what reason.

This can be good deep-diving, just remember to re-thread the conversation back to something positive quickly after a discussion about something like this. You want her to associate good feelings with you.



Also- yeah you're texting needs some work. If you follow the advice on this site and the forums here you'll be golden. I would give her a little radio silence, but not too much. Maybe a couple days. Then you need to text her with an objective of getting her out on another date. Make sure the logistics are favorable, lead her, get compliance/ move her to your place, escalate and take her to bed.

 

[Anonymous]

Hey NarrowJ, thanks for the reply and the advice.

I really enjoyed what you wrote about kino (added to a word file) and will have to use some of that in later efforts. I never really thought about making it incidental or innocent (i.e. comparing hand sizes). That's so simple and brilliant.

As for the boyfriend part, that also makes sense to change gears and end on a positive note. A lot of this feels like creating as many positive emotions as you can for the girl. After all, who doesn't like that?

And I have to agree with you about my texting. It absolutely blows and thanks for confirming that. I'll read up on the articles here and try to be more straightforward and goal-oriented whenever I text.

Thanks for the help!

 

[NarrowJ]

You're welcome, man!

I forgot something really important: get more girls! You need an abundance mentality. It's the old "plenty of fish in the sea" drivel, but believe me it's the most important thing to being successful with women. If it doesn't work out with this one girl, then so what?! You've got this site and the forums to help you on your journey. There are literally millions of pretty girls out there. An abundance mentality keeps you from being outcome dependent.

To expand on kino: it basically just gets the girl accustomed to you touching her. It also can build a ton of sexual tension. Think about it- if you're making her feel good emotionally on the date, deep diving and forming a personal connection, and touching her too... She's going to form a subliminal connection to (1) you touching her and (2) her feeling good.

Make sure you keep us up to date. I'll be looking forward to seeing more field reports from you!


Cheers,
NJ