How to switch on cave man instincts

[orkie123]

Sometimes I get conflicted on what I want. An example from tonight in bullet points because its too long.

- Hot female friend wants to hang out now that im back to where I live after holidays
- She's hot and funny but can be trouble - has self-centred tendencies and will attempt reputation dmg if you get on her bad side
- but she's hot, and has hot friends
- im too tired to go out after plane ride and work so I tell her to come to mine to watch a movie
- she comes over and I kind of continue my chilled - just friends vibe that I always do with her cos I'm not sure whether I want to try sleeping with her
- Shes touchy the whole night, and we are constant contact while watching movie
- she is also a horny girl and after we finish the movie, starts giving me the kiss me eyes.
- Im kind of tired, kind of overthinking it, decide I dont want to. I tell her I need to sleep for work.

1 hr later im writing this post wondering if im a pussy or what. Logical side tells me that even the small risk of her going bufoon is not worth it. Horny side is like - get over it most hot girls are bat shit crazy you'll never sleep with them if you listen to logical side.

Her hot friends are also somewhat bat shit crazy but I dont feel conflicted. Difference is that I was never 'friends' with them. Unfortunately, ive not had much luck with them either

How do I get out of this mind frame.

There is a really cool girl visiting me from abroad after we only met once while travelling last summer and instead of being excited for the potential, my brain is like " what if she wants a relationship" like self sabotage.

It doesnt always happen. Some girls I have none of these issues. Its annoying, I want to switch on cave man insticts but dont really know how. I want to be that guy who fucks any girl thats willing lol.

 

[Derek da man]

Your post sounds much like I do sometimes. I could do . . . this . . and that . . . go after her . . . or her . . etc. Trouble is that when I'm a bit tired, particularly after flying and traveling, I just can't be bothered with it.

I think it comes down to 2 things; firstly, you're not in the right zone because you're a bit tired or jaded from other parts of life, and secondly you're starting to take on a "quality is better than quantity" mindset. Basically, you don't want all the drama that some girls bring with them.

Some girls seem to have an addiction for drama and conflict in their lives, or maybe that's just the way they are. Consequently, what happens is that they have a churn of people in their lives. They need new people to replace the ones that have got fed up with their drama they bring and so they let these drama queens fall away from their friendship groups and outside of their lives as they don't want to be dealing with the hassle that it brings.

I used to be very good at attracting new girls that brought lots of drama with them. Mainly because they offered an easy opening for someone with less experience due to the churn of people they go through. Now I'm older I've become choosier who I spend my time with as I don't want to be dealing with drama. While I'm still open to meeting and chatting to these drama queens as they are easy to find and open I'm also now fairly good at recognizing the signs early on so don't progress anything beyond a bit of flirting with them. However, they usually provide plenty of social proof and good openings to their friends around them. Be aware you often find these drama queens together either as friends or at least as social friends so they are often within the same circles. The girls I now look within that circle are the quieter ones that don't stand out particularly but are usually far more stable and just as available, sometimes even more so.

I guess you could say it's another case of "doing less".

If you want your "cave man instincts" to come back then I would suggest sorting your energy levels out by getting good sleep, exercise and eating well and no fapping and it will soon return.

 

[orkie123]

Your post sounds much like I do sometimes. I could do . . . this . . and that . . . go after her . . . or her . . etc. Trouble is that when I'm a bit tired, particularly after flying and traveling, I just can't be bothered with it.

I think it comes down to 2 things; firstly, you're not in the right zone because you're a bit tired or jaded from other parts of life, and secondly you're starting to take on a "quality is better than quantity" mindset. Basically, you don't want all the drama that some girls bring with them.

Some girls seem to have an addiction for drama and conflict in their lives, or maybe that's just the way they are. Consequently, what happens is that they have a churn of people in their lives. They need new people to replace the ones that have got fed up with their drama they bring and so they let these drama queens fall away from their friendship groups and outside of their lives as they don't want to be dealing with the hassle that it brings.

I used to be very good at attracting new girls that brought lots of drama with them. Mainly because they offered an easy opening for someone with less experience due to the churn of people they go through. Now I'm older I've become choosier who I spend my time with as I don't want to be dealing with drama. While I'm still open to meeting and chatting to these drama queens as they are easy to find and open I'm also now fairly good at recognizing the signs early on so don't progress anything beyond a bit of flirting with them. However, they usually provide plenty of social proof and good openings to their friends around them. Be aware you often find these drama queens together either as friends or at least as social friends so they are often within the same circles. The girls I now look within that circle are the quieter ones that don't stand out particularly but are usually far more stable and just as available, sometimes even more so.

I guess you could say it's another case of "doing less".

If you want your "cave man instincts" to come back then I would suggest sorting your energy levels out by getting good sleep, exercise and eating well and no fapping and it will soon return.

You are right on both reasons. The second is even more relevant. Yeah I was tired but likely wouldnt have made too much difference for this one.

I'm only willing to risk drama if she is hot and my type. But I think my tolerance for drama is too low - to the point of being conflict-avoidant. Before I go do something that could induce drama. I always remind myself its no big deal, can handle it and can even be a bit funny sometimes. But then in the moment the logical brain kicks in and is like - is sex with this girl worth the hassle and it's over .

There is a pattern of who this happens to - girls who could be a lot of drama, and girls that give me relationship vibes.

Some girls feel like they've been used for sex so much it just bleeds out of them. And even though they are still a little naive (or incongruent) I dont really enjoy that feeling even if Im upfront about not looking for anything serious. I know someone else will take advantage, but at least it wasnt me.

As for drama girls, maybe there is some fear to their craziness. But ive had nothing even close to crazy happening to me from any girl so I'm definitely too protective.

Girls who are chilled, good vibes are so awesome. I didnt realise how lucky I was with a 2 of my early fwb because I assumed most girls were like them.

As for returning cave man instinct. The problem is I never had it. The closest I ever get to it is if I get punched. Not thats happened often but during covid I sparred with my brother a few times and it was one of few times in my life where I really left instincts completely take over.

With girls, only happened few times with my ex. I can be extremely horny and yet not give a damn if I sleep or not with a girl. I dont like that.

Need to do more physical sports for sure.

 

[Conquistador]

I mean if you want to go this route it’s pretty simple:

Step 1. Fix your diet
Step 2. Fix your sleep
Step 3. Ejaculate as little as possible

If you’re unprepared for the transition there can be side effects. Not all are positive. In my case I have difficulty handling it psychologically for more than 3-4 days or so. But that could be just me. In any case I don’t recommend skipping steps.

 

[orkie123]

My diet and sleep in general is relatively good. Going out and alcohol does mess it up a little so im doing my best to set rules for not drinking when out and hard rules for not staying later than say 3am.


Interestingly, the girl that visited me over the weekend was awesome. Its been a while where I had zero performance anxiety apart from 1 of the sessions where she started speaking about relationshops and triggered my guilt thoughts.

Some things that I believe helped make everything better
-She was clearly into me, no games, made it extremely easy to escalate and initially also made it all chilled with no expectations
-She was zero drama
-Offered to pay for stuff even though she is a broke student who paid for expensive flights to visit me
-High sexual energy


The above seems to confirm my view that its drama, relationship vibes or high expectations that affect me negatively the most. The problem is, hot girls that dont fit neither of those categories are not so common haha. I can somewhat deal with the relationship vibe which then does open up many chill girls but even a tad of guilt or overthinking makes it difficult for me to maintain erections. Girls who are looking for relationships but okey with casual stuff are not impressed when you satisfy neither need on the first meet there's rarely a second chance

 

[gameboy]

My diet and sleep in general is relatively good. Going out and alcohol does mess it up a little so im doing my best to set rules for not drinking when out and hard rules for not staying later than say 3am.


Interestingly, the girl that visited me over the weekend was awesome. Its been a while where I had zero performance anxiety apart from 1 of the sessions where she started speaking about relationshops and triggered my guilt thoughts.

Some things that I believe helped make everything better
-She was clearly into me, no games, made it extremely easy to escalate and initially also made it all chilled with no expectations
-She was zero drama
-Offered to pay for stuff even though she is a broke student who paid for expensive flights to visit me
-High sexual energy


The above seems to confirm my view that its drama, relationship vibes or high expectations that affect me negatively the most. The problem is, hot girls that dont fit neither of those categories are not so common haha. I can somewhat deal with the relationship vibe which then does open up many chill girls but even a tad of guilt or overthinking makes it difficult for me to maintain erections. Girls who are looking for relationships but okey with casual stuff are not impressed when you satisfy neither need on the first meet there's rarely a second chance

Wow, a girl took a flight just to see you? That's pretty awesome! Do you live on an island or something? Just kidding... sounds like you really had fun!

I had a girl come over to my place from a different country only once, I believe. The first time we met while she was vacationing in my city with a female friend, I opened her in a bar, we really vibed and we fucked the next 3 nights, each night I think I was actually her first lover, she may have been a virgin but she never confirmed it. She just said she had her period the first night we fucked, and I took it for a given.

She came to visit me once more and stayed a week at my place, it was a lot of fun and she nevertalked about a relationship or anything. Come to think of it, that was actually one of the cutest and most chill girls I ever had... A bit like what you describe. I really don't know why I never considered a relationship with her at the time, maybe it was because we lived so far from each other. Also I was in a very different head space back then (it's liek 2 decades ago). And there was no whatsapp or social media at the time to make it easy to keep in touch.

What was it that this girl brought up about relationships that put you off? Do you remember the conversation?

I mean, not all relationship talk has to be a bad thing necessarily... if you can find some sort of common ground.

 

[orkie123]

Wow, a girl took a flight just to see you? That's pretty awesome! Do you live on an island or something? Just kidding... sounds like you really had fun!

I had a girl come over to my place from a different country only once, I believe. The first time we met while she was vacationing in my city with a female friend, I opened her in a bar, we really vibed and we fucked the next 3 nights, each night I think I was actually her first lover, she may have been a virgin but she never confirmed it. She just said she had her period the first night we fucked, and I took it for a given.

She came to visit me once more and stayed a week at my place, it was a lot of fun and she nevertalked about a relationship or anything. Come to think of it, that was actually one of the cutest and most chill girls I ever had... A bit like what you describe. I really don't know why I never considered a relationship with her at the time, maybe it was because we lived so far from each other. Also I was in a very different head space back then (it's liek 2 decades ago). And there was no whatsapp or social media at the time to make it easy to keep in touch.

What was it that this girl brought up about relationships that put you off? Do you remember the conversation?

I mean, not all relationship talk has to be a bad thing necessarily... if you can find some sort of common ground.

I travel a lot in hostels so meet a lot of people into that lifestyle which is nice.

As for relationship vibe - you can just feel it sometimes. She wasn't explicit, but it's the questions, it's the way she acts etc. And thing is, I wouldn't mind dating her - I do think she is awesome. But at the same time, I believe I can find someone who is more compatible with me (and also isn't locked into a city away from me for at least 2 years), and then I get the guilty feeling as if I'm using them. I know that as long as I'm honest, their life is their responsibility but it's hard for me not to overthink these stuff.

I did blurt out that I wasn't looking for a monogamous relationship right now at one point, and she later kind of backtracked of what she wants to match what I said. But her words don't match her actions. Already, her texting is too frequent with questions like "How was your day?". She is usually more fun and to the point with her texting, but I don't like purposefully not answering someone. It's not my style, but if I do, then I'll end up in daily text convos about nothing.

Overall, I'm oversensitive to the feeling of hurting/letting people down which can make me want to avoid certain people. When it's the right mixture, My horniness is enough to want to see them, but not enough to pull the trigger. Or If do pull the trigger, often leads to performance anxiety due to overthinking.

Sometimes I can switch it off, like with this girl for the most part but other times, I need to stop giving a damn so much.

 

[gameboy]

I know exactly what you mean. I used to have a feeling that these texts, every night, talking about the day you both had... that's what they use to rope you in... I remember resenting it at first. But inevitably, I walked into the trap, eyes wide open, just because it feels nice to have someone who cares about you.

And then, at some point, it invariably ends. Sometimes a few weeks or months later, sometimes a number of years later... and it hurts, and it hurts even more to have hurt her.

You're probably right to keep it casual, with a girl living so far away. That's probably why I didn't follow up with the girl I mentioned above too. It was easier then, because there was no texting. Maybe that was also why it was so chill and relaxed with this girl, because there was no pressure or expectation of a future together...

Hell, I could probably recreate that here if my approach skills get good enough. There's no shortage of cute tourist girls in this wonderful city, and why wouldn't they want to date me for a holiday fling? I mean, I do want a relationship at some point. But I'm not in a rush and for the time being, I can have some fun and probably should!

Sorry if I'm rambling here. I didn't mean to hijack your thread, just a bit of stream of consciousness stuff...