Human Ego: Right and Wrong?

[Bete Noire]

Hey GC,

Was reading one of Mr.Charmings posts earlier and picked up on something rather spicy (Hope you don't mind me stealin' this):

"When people can SEE your Ambitions come into Fruition - it let's them realize how Lazy they are in comparison to your Drive. The Ego does not like feeling Inferior - and so - as a Result - it (their Ego) tries to Take Down those who are more Ambitious, Hard-Working, or Successful"

So this has been the absolute bane of many interactions for me; I love life, I'm achieving, learning and growing so it shows when I move around happily and with confidence. I can also flirt pretty outrageously in the common room and get giggles back from the ladies. This has led to me relating to this post, but cautious as I realise an ego can cloud judgment.

Is this a common problem for anybody else? Are there ways to prevent it if so or is it just a part of the game?

 

[normajean106]

Humility is the remedy to this issue.

 

[Bete Noire]

Hey Norma,

I'm understand humility is the opposite to arrogance and as stated by google:

'The quality of having a modest or low view of one's importance.'

However it is easy to say it, but hard to think of ways in which to apply it. Got any ideas in which situations and scenarios I can show humility?

 

[Estate]

Robster,

Where are you seeing negativ reactions? Do you mean from women or from other guys who see you hitting on women?

I'm going to guess it's from the other guys....?
Ok so there's a few things to understand here:

- It's lonely at the top. Some people, no matter what you do will always just be lazy and love taking others down a peg or two. It sucks but it's the way of the world. As I've improved in this area and other areas of my own life a lot in the past 2 years especially, some friendships have gone by the way-side. I would try to encourage and include guys, talk positively, etc, etc but no matter what they acted begrudgingly towards me and I had to limit my time with them. There's only so much you can do before someone's just holding you back or at least, doen't share the same values as you. DOn't worry about it, just look fter yourself in this case.

- Next is the issue of humility mentioned above. What I take from this at least, is... how do you present these positive traits you mention? See, I know a few guys who talk the talk but don't walk the walk. They are absolutely insufferable (see a subset of the guys mentioned in point 1). It's not so much that their life is great, but they feel the need to TELL everyone how great their life is. When others feel like you're constantly shoving it in their face, it gets old (even if you're not really SHOVING it, but at least talking about it enough to bother them). Again, you can't change their mind but you CAN change your approach if you want to keep on good terms with these people....

- You mentioned things like flirting openly in the common room. This is at school? Well here's the thing. Meeting women is a fairly personal thing for me. That's my choice, maybe not everyone's but the reason is this. If I'd flirt mercilessly with women around the friends I mentioned above. They would become quite resentful. Now, maybe you don't care, your focus is on meeting women, if so, ignore those guys but be prepared for the way they'll look at you. On the other side... is it necessary to flirt like that in the common room? Could you pick up girls elsewhere in your own time? Are you doing it for show? See, that's what they resent. If you meet women in your own time, there is no show or performance, you just simply meet women to please yourself. It's not about the performance or showing up the other guys... ask yourself... what are you really going for here?

 

[Bete Noire]

Thank you so much for this Estate, it's really eye-opening when the right questions are posed! ^^

Yeah you were right in saying it's just coming from the guys, some of them are super-grumpy and I see them self-sabotaging (low-value) so I don't mind if they want to knock-me-down-a-peg but it's the few guys who I consider high-value that roll with this idea too. The lonely at the top is a really insightful truth, I just want to make sure that I don't alienate the 'top lads' by considering myself too high-value.

Step two you mentioned about humility is definitely something I need to work on then, thank you for pointing it out ^^ If I get some sexy snapchats or hit it off well with someone I do tend to talk about in conversation when asked. If I put myself in their shoes, it could come off as bragging if stated enough. I think I need to regulate what I speak about in front of what people. I go to a boarding college so it's very much a closed social system (17-18 year olds) so best to keep on good terms with people.

Yeah, it seems so silly now you mention it like this! I feel like I always project this good vibe, I know where I'm going, love being at this college where some people do not feel the same at all so I just flirt naturally. I should definitely tone it down. After reading soooo many articles on this site I do personally prefer meeting lasses alone (for proper connection) and started doing some day-game in Budapest which is where I live during the holidays, however the college is a closed system with about a hundred and fifty people, I see these girls daily for a couple of hours at least so I can't really game too hard (can't wait till University!) I will now tone it down to the evenings, isolate them maybe for some 'fresh-air', may stop the resentment if the lads don't see me doing it I realise now I do it for both and I know this is not ideal at all. I love women, flirting is fun and I'm looking forward to growing in confidence. However the ego still loves getting attention or validation from my male friends. I'm working on developing a mindset where it is purely for my own happiness.

Thank you for helping me isolate the problem, if you've got any follow up comments do let me know Any ideas for combatting the need for validation?