Hello to all. Wanted to ask you guys something. I noticed one thing that's been holding me back from taking interactions with chicks to the next level is the fact that I am not certain whether I'm good enough for them or not. Until a couple months ago I never spoke to women because I was convinced they wouldn't like me. At this point I've spoken to enough of them to begin seeing myself in a different light, but I'm not 100% there yet. When I look at myself I look at all the ways in which I am fucked up. I'm ugly, I'm short, I'm a nerd, I don't make much money, I live in a shabby apartment, I have no experience with relationships. That being said, I have good interactions with chicks when I go out and to the contrary, they keep telling me that I'm really cool. And you know what? I totally believe them, but I just can't bring myself to believe it. Instead I think to myself, "why the fuck would a woman want a relationship with ME?" It's hard for me to believe that I really am that attractive. I don't picture myself as attractive. That's why I haven't been taking interactions to the next level even when the chick was open to it. Have any of you guys ever felt like this? And what did you do?
I am not certain whether I'm good enough for them
- Thread starter itzout
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They don't know any of this so don't tell them - also - they are often as equally insecure and only advertise their good side, so she probably sees herself the same way you see yourself sometimes. A lot of it is about perception which you need to focus on changing.
As your interations have been good then things are looking very positive - you just need to get out there and try and enjoy the social aspects and not focus on what you perceive as negative.
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If it’s any relief to you, holding yourself in high esteem doesn’t always mean you’ll take things to the next level, or that she’ll be receptive. Escalating things isn’t about how you perceive your own value per say. It’s just about doing it, if that makes sense. I think of myself pretty highly but there have been times when I failed to push forward because I wasn’t in the right state.
Also, as people we tend to focus on what we don’t have, even if you had all the things you listed you’d probably end up wanting for more. Perhaps a nicer car, a nicer house, even better looks.
Do guys with these things win points? Absolutely. But it isn’t about other guys, it’s about you and her.
If this was an extrinsic value based world half of us wouldn’t be here right now due to natural selection.
Also, as people we tend to focus on what we don’t have, even if you had all the things you listed you’d probably end up wanting for more. Perhaps a nicer car, a nicer house, even better looks.
Do guys with these things win points? Absolutely. But it isn’t about other guys, it’s about you and her.
If this was an extrinsic value based world half of us wouldn’t be here right now due to natural selection.
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if you commit enough time and effort into self-development and learning the basics of GC style game, you’ll be above average as a man.
Sounds like you’re already getting decent reactions from girls. Try asking for compliance, making moves, setting up dates, escalate. Shatter your unhelpful belief system with action.
And as far as your life in general, well if you’re in the process of sorting things out and upgrading your life, that’s fine. If not, what are you waiting for? Do it for yourself, not for the women.
First of all don't talk shit about yourself. You already are good enough and you have evidence to prove it. The important thing to note is that you have to challenge your old beliefs and replace them with new beliefs. Your already taking action so your far ahead of the majority, keep it up. Most don't even try and wait for life to happen. Changing your beliefs about yourself will take time but it's possible. This goes into self esteem. A good way to challenge your beliefs is with CBT.
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The average women has a shitty job, no real ambition except to increase her IG followers, and spends the vast majority of her free time mindlessly scrolling thru social media and binge watching shit on Netflix. You aren’t good enough for that?
Are you working out? Dressing better? Working on yourself as a man? Chasing bigger goals and ambitions?
If you do even a fraction of that you are ahead of the vast majority of “men” on the planet under the age of 40.
What happens when a man starts improving himself is he often still maintains the same perception of himself long after he improves and becomes a much better version of himself. The women are seeing the new improved version of you but your mind is still stuck on the old you.
Realize that you are elite by the very fact you do what most people won’t…. Actually put in the work to improve themselves.
Then realize you have nothing to prove to women because most of them have nothing amazing going on in their life.
Then put those two together and realize that instead of worrying about impressing women, you should find out if any of them impress you.
Then instead of using “prizing frames” to pretend to be the prize, you actually are one.
Are you working out? Dressing better? Working on yourself as a man? Chasing bigger goals and ambitions?
If you do even a fraction of that you are ahead of the vast majority of “men” on the planet under the age of 40.
What happens when a man starts improving himself is he often still maintains the same perception of himself long after he improves and becomes a much better version of himself. The women are seeing the new improved version of you but your mind is still stuck on the old you.
Realize that you are elite by the very fact you do what most people won’t…. Actually put in the work to improve themselves.
Then realize you have nothing to prove to women because most of them have nothing amazing going on in their life.
Then put those two together and realize that instead of worrying about impressing women, you should find out if any of them impress you.
Then instead of using “prizing frames” to pretend to be the prize, you actually are one.
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This sentence here tells me everything I need to know about you. In the context of the rest of your post, this to me sounds like you're boiling everything down into a physical attraction, or 'what does she see.' What you're doing here is incredibly undervaluing traits that women find VERY valuable.
Yeah being tall and rich is great, but women have been with those guys before. You know what they find? A lot of those tall guys are pussies or have low standards or are needy. Those rich guys? They throw money at women because they have self-esteem issues and would struggle mightily to get laid if they had no money. Many are also all about status and become needy if their beautiful woman starts showing signs of disinterest.
What's very rare for women to find are guys that are:
- Happy and loving their life all the time, regardless of wealth or possessions
- Happy and loving their life all the time, regardless of if they have women in their life or not
- Confident enough to go after what they want in life, even if it's a great challenge
- Strong in character, with healthy self-esteem and high standards.
I can go on...
So I want you to think about these kind of traits and start viewing them as incredibly valuable. You have far more value than you're giving yourself credit for. Then go out there and meet a ton of women. Many will be in relationships, many will be in a bad place themselves... but go meet enough so you can start finding the ones who smile back at you and recognize your very valuable traits.
You've an issue with self esteem and confidence. You need to get answers for what you think about yourself before what others think about you. Here's my suggestion
1: Write down 5 things that you do not like about yourself and can be fixed. E.g. making less money, fitness issues etc
2: Create an action plan on how you will fix and set deadline
3: Track progress. Pat yourself on each small success
4: Get those factors out of your mind and focus that you don't control
5: Get good socially. Meet diff people and have engaging convos with them