I have reached that point that I think a lot of people do when it comes to certain areas of their lives. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will never ever be happy unless I can get a handle on this area of my life so it is not constantly plaguing me. I have been obsessed with women since I was in kindergarten, and I have never been good at getting them. I'm 35 and the time to get with the women that will truly make me happy is running out. I'm willing to pay any amount of money for the right product, willing to face untold amounts of rejection if it means I improve to the point where I can get good at this. I just need some help and I will do the work. What's the best product to start off to give me some tools and then where do I go after that? Any help would be GREATLY appreciated. And before anybody says, girls won't make you happy, I get that. But I desperately need to find that out for myself. It's a question I cannot leave unanswered.
Okay my friend. Listen up. You're almost an exact carbon copy of me when I started. I can see it in your tone, in your word choice.
I started a couple years or so before 30. It's now been several years and I'm going to tell you what I've learned that applies here, and how it can help you.
1. I know you're concerned about how much time you have left. But something interesting that I learned very early on is that men naturally hit their prime years way later than you'd think. Whereas a woman's prime is in her early 20s, a man's is in his 40s. Maybe late 30s, maybe even early 50s. So you're actually not late yet! You still have
years before hitting your natural prime!
2. Understand there are two components here that you have to get down solid to get the women results you want: outer game and inner game. Outer game is the name for all the techniques, strategies, and tactics used. Things like knowing what to say, how to use your voice, or how to run a date. Inner game is the name for your development on the inside. For example, you can have the best coach in the world telling you in an earpiece the best things to say, but if on the inside you feel like a weak, piece of shit, loser, you're going to fail.
3. If you have the money, coaching is the best way to go to learn outer game as quickly as possible. Not only can they teach you things quickly, but they can also help you see blind spots in your game. This will save you months, even years, of you figuring things out on your own.
4. Your challenge will be with inner game. The sooner you understand this, the better. I spent years going out over and over, getting rejected over and over, just as you say you want to... but I went nowhere. It took me
years to finally wake up and accept that I had major inner game issues holding me back this entire time (self-sabotage).
If you're being real with yourself, it should be objectively clear to you that someone like you
should have significant inner game issues. You can't become a 30+ year old guy who isn't good with women without having issues on the inside.
5. To get you started in the direction of working on inner game, let me tell you that your current mindset that women will make you happy (which is what you believe if we cut away the fluff) will absolutely prevent you from having the success you want.
And believe me, I know where you're coming from. The aspect of your life that isn't satisfactory is women, and you simply want to work on it to make it better. Totally makes sense.
But what you don't see (I didn't either) is that you're ignoring your happiness in life in
all other ways. For instance, I guarantee your male friendships are fairly weak or could be way stronger and closer than what they currently are. I guarantee you don't have a true passion or purpose in life that doesn't have some specific end result you're seeking. Do you even vigorously exercise to show high respect for your own body (and not to attract women)?
Stated differently, you don't have strong internal validation. Self esteem, self worth, etc. Instead, you're defining your worth based on external things. In this case, you're saying you can't be happy unless you have women. This is as 100% backward as you can be. You should be striving to be happy
on your own, on the inside. You don't need a certain sized house, or car, or woman. If you don't understand this, then what will happen is you'll chase external things in search of your happiness, get them, then see that you're still unhappy. You'll be chasing things until the end of time, and nothing will ever give you the happiness you seek. As soon as you get a big house, now you'll want a bigger one. Or, as soon as you get a woman, now you'll want one with bigger boobs, or a better personality, or something else.
It won't be until you learn to be happy with yourself RIGHT NOW that you finally feel the exact joy and peace that you seek.
Furthermore, chasing external validation makes you way less attractive to women. It'll cause you to be needy, chase, and put women on pedestals even if you don't realize you're doing it. Having strong internal validation on the other hand will
attract women.
If you're like me when I started, you'll gloss over this concept. You'll say something to yourself like "That makes sense. Don't seek external validation, got it. On to the next item!" You won't give it the deep consideration you should.
Again, I know your intentions here are good. You want to address this area in your life as quickly as possible. My advice based on very similar experience: Open your mind to the idea that you badly need inner game work first. Think of it as a structural foundation. Get it strong, and everything you build on it will work out great. But build something while ignoring the foundation, and you'll constantly be wondering why your building shakes, collapses, and just won't go very high.
