A
Anonymous
Guest
I'm not sure if this is technically the right board, please move it if it makes more sense to be in beginner or general. So I dropped the ball on a sure thing HARD. Like I'm still stupefied at my stupidity.
TL;DR:
Slept with my Ex and hit it off amazingly well. Like it was a sure thing to get back together, so long as I played my cards right. I chased, she put on the brakes. Got blown off, tried to revive an obviously dead interest and came off needy. Now I need some damage control.
Full story:
Dated this girl for a while about 5 years ago. She was obsessed with me and I loved her very much. We had to break up though due to external circumstances and ever since then we've held a small flame for each other to some degree or another.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago:
I had just gotten back from a ton of traveling and had a party at my house. I chatted this girl up for the first time in years and she seemed really interested in seeing me again. After warming her up through FB chat and text I invite her to the party. She says she'll call me when she gets off work for directions. She calls, but I'm busy tending to the party. I leave her a message telling her to call me back. Party ends around 3AM and just as I'm about to call it a night, she texts me asking to come over. She comes over and we talk until like 5AM and everything could not possibly have gone better. We sleep together and she is all over me. Wake up in the morning and go at it again after she tells me how obsessed she was with me and how I've granted her wish from 5 years ago to be in my arms again. She leaves the next morning and we text back and forth for a bit. Now I'm feeling all lovey again for this girl and she's stirred up something in me I haven't felt in a long time. I get flustered and nervous and honestly can't get the girl out of my head. Here's where it all goes wrong...
I tell her she's stirring up these feelings in me after she tells me I'm an 'exciting discovery'. She immediately starts to put on the breaks. And instead of slowing down and letting her chase me I follow some bad advice about being open and vulnerable with women and chase her, mostly out of fear that she saw this as a one-night thing. I didn't talk to her for a couple days, but then I text her again telling her how awesome it was seeing her again and how she's matured beautifully (we had a big discussion on maturity the night of the party.) She's fairly responsive but definitely tentative.
5 days after we slept together I ask to see her again sometime this week and she said she'd like that. I said how about tomorrow, and I hear nothing back from her. The next morning I tell her "Has anyone ever told you making plans with you is a lot like trying to herd cats?" She responds and agrees to call me and make plans. It falls through due to DC getting locked down because of that shooter. We make plans for Friday night and I tell her to call me when she gets off work.
Friday night rolls around and I'm ready for a date... which never comes. No call, no nothing. I go to a party instead and around 3AM text her with "Soooo, nope huh". She replies first thing the next morning explaining that her twin brother surprised her at work (He's back from military deployment) and she's apologized for not letting me know. I ignore the text for most of the night, and then follow some more bad advice from a friend and text her saying essentially, 'it's all good. kinda bummed you didn't say anything but i get that you were probably excited to see him'.
Everything would have been salvageable maybe if I left it there, but noooo, about 3 hours goes by and no response and I get a little bitter and text her "For real though, you suck for leaving me hanging". Of course no response and I feel in my gut that I've lost her interest. I just know it. So I throw up a hail mary and tried giving her a call that Sunday night and left a message essentially saying "it sucks that we left things on a sour note, we have such a good history together that I'd like to leave things more positive between us, no pressure, but it' wouldn't suck if you called me back sometime."
I knew as soon as I sent the voice mail it was an awful idea and that I wouldn't be hearing back from her. I haven't heard from her and I haven't contacted her at all and don't plan on it. She obviously needs to cool down from me chasing so damn hard.
I feel like an absolute amateur... This is eating me up inside. I've never dropped the ball when it counted so hard before. I was just so excited at the possibility of having this girl back in my life that I got overexcited and blew it hard. Came across totally needy and chased when I should have played it slow... She's an amazing girl with a rare sense of humor and so much life in her and we have a really natural connection and I messed it all up. Probably beyond repair. The only defense I can even offer is that I'm incredibly rusty when it comes to the game as I've been way too busy building my life to really pursue women for the last couple years but it all just came rushing back to me in spades yesterday. I found this site and read up on how to get a girl back and made up decent game plan from that but I'd like to get some more tailor made advice if possible. I know I just need one more shot, but I also know how hard getting that shot will be at this point.
My current game plan is to not contact her for a while and let her cool off. Go out and meet with other chicks in the meantime and put up pics of me with other girls on FB to try and spark some jealousy there and get me back in her thoughts. Go to the bars that she goes to every once in a while and hopefully see her there with her friends where I can talk her up casually and then talk with her female friends and get a bit of interest from them to hopefully spark a bit more jealousy enough to rekindle her interest and get her chasing me. If I don't see her at the bars maybe message her again in a couple weeks when it's mostly blown over and go from there.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR:
Slept with my Ex and hit it off amazingly well. Like it was a sure thing to get back together, so long as I played my cards right. I chased, she put on the brakes. Got blown off, tried to revive an obviously dead interest and came off needy. Now I need some damage control.
Full story:
Dated this girl for a while about 5 years ago. She was obsessed with me and I loved her very much. We had to break up though due to external circumstances and ever since then we've held a small flame for each other to some degree or another.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago:
I had just gotten back from a ton of traveling and had a party at my house. I chatted this girl up for the first time in years and she seemed really interested in seeing me again. After warming her up through FB chat and text I invite her to the party. She says she'll call me when she gets off work for directions. She calls, but I'm busy tending to the party. I leave her a message telling her to call me back. Party ends around 3AM and just as I'm about to call it a night, she texts me asking to come over. She comes over and we talk until like 5AM and everything could not possibly have gone better. We sleep together and she is all over me. Wake up in the morning and go at it again after she tells me how obsessed she was with me and how I've granted her wish from 5 years ago to be in my arms again. She leaves the next morning and we text back and forth for a bit. Now I'm feeling all lovey again for this girl and she's stirred up something in me I haven't felt in a long time. I get flustered and nervous and honestly can't get the girl out of my head. Here's where it all goes wrong...
I tell her she's stirring up these feelings in me after she tells me I'm an 'exciting discovery'. She immediately starts to put on the breaks. And instead of slowing down and letting her chase me I follow some bad advice about being open and vulnerable with women and chase her, mostly out of fear that she saw this as a one-night thing. I didn't talk to her for a couple days, but then I text her again telling her how awesome it was seeing her again and how she's matured beautifully (we had a big discussion on maturity the night of the party.) She's fairly responsive but definitely tentative.
5 days after we slept together I ask to see her again sometime this week and she said she'd like that. I said how about tomorrow, and I hear nothing back from her. The next morning I tell her "Has anyone ever told you making plans with you is a lot like trying to herd cats?" She responds and agrees to call me and make plans. It falls through due to DC getting locked down because of that shooter. We make plans for Friday night and I tell her to call me when she gets off work.
Friday night rolls around and I'm ready for a date... which never comes. No call, no nothing. I go to a party instead and around 3AM text her with "Soooo, nope huh". She replies first thing the next morning explaining that her twin brother surprised her at work (He's back from military deployment) and she's apologized for not letting me know. I ignore the text for most of the night, and then follow some more bad advice from a friend and text her saying essentially, 'it's all good. kinda bummed you didn't say anything but i get that you were probably excited to see him'.
Everything would have been salvageable maybe if I left it there, but noooo, about 3 hours goes by and no response and I get a little bitter and text her "For real though, you suck for leaving me hanging". Of course no response and I feel in my gut that I've lost her interest. I just know it. So I throw up a hail mary and tried giving her a call that Sunday night and left a message essentially saying "it sucks that we left things on a sour note, we have such a good history together that I'd like to leave things more positive between us, no pressure, but it' wouldn't suck if you called me back sometime."
I knew as soon as I sent the voice mail it was an awful idea and that I wouldn't be hearing back from her. I haven't heard from her and I haven't contacted her at all and don't plan on it. She obviously needs to cool down from me chasing so damn hard.
I feel like an absolute amateur... This is eating me up inside. I've never dropped the ball when it counted so hard before. I was just so excited at the possibility of having this girl back in my life that I got overexcited and blew it hard. Came across totally needy and chased when I should have played it slow... She's an amazing girl with a rare sense of humor and so much life in her and we have a really natural connection and I messed it all up. Probably beyond repair. The only defense I can even offer is that I'm incredibly rusty when it comes to the game as I've been way too busy building my life to really pursue women for the last couple years but it all just came rushing back to me in spades yesterday. I found this site and read up on how to get a girl back and made up decent game plan from that but I'd like to get some more tailor made advice if possible. I know I just need one more shot, but I also know how hard getting that shot will be at this point.
My current game plan is to not contact her for a while and let her cool off. Go out and meet with other chicks in the meantime and put up pics of me with other girls on FB to try and spark some jealousy there and get me back in her thoughts. Go to the bars that she goes to every once in a while and hopefully see her there with her friends where I can talk her up casually and then talk with her female friends and get a bit of interest from them to hopefully spark a bit more jealousy enough to rekindle her interest and get her chasing me. If I don't see her at the bars maybe message her again in a couple weeks when it's mostly blown over and go from there.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
