- Joined
- Jan 10, 2025
- Messages
- 27
Hi all,
So I have a bit of an unusual problem when it comes to approaching, where I find it gets far more difficult after the approach. I’ve discussed this issue before but I’ve made more progress and have a much clearer understanding of the issue so I wanted to get your thoughts once again.
I'm at a point where I don't force myself to approach too often. If I'm out in public and I see a hot girl, I wanna bang her more than anything and often I can't help myself but say hello.
And I’m not too nervous when talking, usually I can chit chat for 5 - 10 minutes fairly comfortably.
The issue is, after the approach I get this form of emotional backlash, where I feel emotionally raw and insecure in the following days. This feeling usually lasts 1 - 3 days depending.
So following the approach I'm a lot more anxious in general, and on a date I can tell I'm not my usual self at all. Way more on edge and insecure than usual.
HOWEVER, once this raw emotional state goes away and I'm back to my usual self. I have no problem approaching again, because I just want to bang this hot girl more than anything.
It's annoying because when I'm in my normal state of mind, I don't fucking care. I just want to fuck this girl. That's it.
But then the process repeats itself... And I go back into the hyper anxious insecure mode following the approach. It's a bit random where I don't really feel too much AA. But then the approach subsequently amps me up and fucks with my head.
One key thing I’ve noticed Is how risky the approach is in my mind tends to reflect in the amount of backlash I feel.
For example, I was in a park and sat next to this asian chick as it was the only seat available. She wasn’t hot and I didn’t really intend to get her number or anything. But I decided to talk to her anyway. Nothing came of it, and she was quite boring.
But that didn’t fuck with my head, and put me into a more raw emotional state like I’ve explained.
So I’m guessing this emotional backlash is tied to my mind thinking I’m taking massive social risk when I approach, so it puts me into a state of hyper alertness?
It’s a bit of a mind fuck because in pick up everybody talks about approach anxiety being the biggest obstacle. And that’s not my issue AT ALL. It’s this fucked up state of mind I go into afterwards.
I feel like the next step is for me to figure out how I can teach my mind that approaching isn’t massively risky.
Part of that is obviously simple repetition as you gradually teach your brain what you’re doing isn’t dangerous and actually risk free. ie exposure therapy
But I think there’s a way I can cut down the ‘perceived risk’ my mind has when I approach. Obviously there’s always some perceived risk, but I think I carry way too much of it. Hence the backlash.
So kind of taking the approach out of approaching.
Because if I chat casually with a random stranger, it’s totally fine. Like the other day I was talking with some dude visiting from Singapore and we were discussing the differences between, Singapore, Asia, Europe, Australia etc.
So it’s this perceived risk when I approach that hits me like a freight train. Which means I can’t get the consistency because of this hyper anxious state I go into.
So I’m tryna figure out how to solve this?
I was considering Aspiring Stoic’s method which he explains here.
www.skilledseducer.com
Because I get the sense this method is a good way to shift your perception from ‘approaching’ which carries all this perceived risk to… ‘casual chatting’ which is risk free. Where it’s more of a natural spontaneous chat rather than an approach.
And obviously talking to any girl ultimately is an approach, but trying to shift your mind's perception of it to it being less risky.
Because if I can cut down that perceived risk and approach more consistently. I think it will also take the punch out of more direct approaches and gradually this issue will resolve itself entirely.
I feel like I’m on the right track but keen to hear others opinions. I put a lot of thought into this post so would really appreciate anybody’s ideas or suggestions on this.
So I have a bit of an unusual problem when it comes to approaching, where I find it gets far more difficult after the approach. I’ve discussed this issue before but I’ve made more progress and have a much clearer understanding of the issue so I wanted to get your thoughts once again.
I'm at a point where I don't force myself to approach too often. If I'm out in public and I see a hot girl, I wanna bang her more than anything and often I can't help myself but say hello.
And I’m not too nervous when talking, usually I can chit chat for 5 - 10 minutes fairly comfortably.
The issue is, after the approach I get this form of emotional backlash, where I feel emotionally raw and insecure in the following days. This feeling usually lasts 1 - 3 days depending.
So following the approach I'm a lot more anxious in general, and on a date I can tell I'm not my usual self at all. Way more on edge and insecure than usual.
HOWEVER, once this raw emotional state goes away and I'm back to my usual self. I have no problem approaching again, because I just want to bang this hot girl more than anything.
It's annoying because when I'm in my normal state of mind, I don't fucking care. I just want to fuck this girl. That's it.
But then the process repeats itself... And I go back into the hyper anxious insecure mode following the approach. It's a bit random where I don't really feel too much AA. But then the approach subsequently amps me up and fucks with my head.
One key thing I’ve noticed Is how risky the approach is in my mind tends to reflect in the amount of backlash I feel.
For example, I was in a park and sat next to this asian chick as it was the only seat available. She wasn’t hot and I didn’t really intend to get her number or anything. But I decided to talk to her anyway. Nothing came of it, and she was quite boring.
But that didn’t fuck with my head, and put me into a more raw emotional state like I’ve explained.
So I’m guessing this emotional backlash is tied to my mind thinking I’m taking massive social risk when I approach, so it puts me into a state of hyper alertness?
It’s a bit of a mind fuck because in pick up everybody talks about approach anxiety being the biggest obstacle. And that’s not my issue AT ALL. It’s this fucked up state of mind I go into afterwards.
I feel like the next step is for me to figure out how I can teach my mind that approaching isn’t massively risky.
Part of that is obviously simple repetition as you gradually teach your brain what you’re doing isn’t dangerous and actually risk free. ie exposure therapy
But I think there’s a way I can cut down the ‘perceived risk’ my mind has when I approach. Obviously there’s always some perceived risk, but I think I carry way too much of it. Hence the backlash.
So kind of taking the approach out of approaching.
Because if I chat casually with a random stranger, it’s totally fine. Like the other day I was talking with some dude visiting from Singapore and we were discussing the differences between, Singapore, Asia, Europe, Australia etc.
So it’s this perceived risk when I approach that hits me like a freight train. Which means I can’t get the consistency because of this hyper anxious state I go into.
So I’m tryna figure out how to solve this?
I was considering Aspiring Stoic’s method which he explains here.
My System for Not Feeling Approach Anxiety!
After almost a year of approaching, I really feel I have come up with a system where I trick my brain and almost completely surpass feeling any anxiety to approach girls. Bold claim I know. 😎😄. But this is not about how I have grown to not care and how I have become a stone cold pimp. Its a...
www.skilledseducer.com
Because I get the sense this method is a good way to shift your perception from ‘approaching’ which carries all this perceived risk to… ‘casual chatting’ which is risk free. Where it’s more of a natural spontaneous chat rather than an approach.
And obviously talking to any girl ultimately is an approach, but trying to shift your mind's perception of it to it being less risky.
Because if I can cut down that perceived risk and approach more consistently. I think it will also take the punch out of more direct approaches and gradually this issue will resolve itself entirely.
I feel like I’m on the right track but keen to hear others opinions. I put a lot of thought into this post so would really appreciate anybody’s ideas or suggestions on this.
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