I don't have skills and don't know how to land a job?(yes related to women)

[abond0082]

Hello fellow men,

I will make myself a bit too vulnerable here and I will tell you what are my biggest insecurities

1) Unemployment and lack of skills : I have mentioned before that I have BSc. Environmental Engineering and Master Degree in WAter Biolgy(River biology)..This are some of the skills I have;
3 languages, excel, powerpoint, basic mathematical skills(I like math), basic understanding of statistics, I can solder and do basic of metal welding(MIG) no TIG....
The fact that I have no billable skills, and that emplyers always find reason to shrug me off, makes me extremely insecure...I got my degress from Finland and I get nothing but resentment, I dont feel I was that good at what I do and in a way I dont know why they gave me these certificates...I am very angry at employers as I feel my life is ruined because of them and that they are very demanding, cant open my own business because I have zero skills

Courses that I did during my highschool and my studies (General computer work (Excel, powerpoint, word, general computer use, paint, a little bit photoshop, very little autocad, physics, physics 2, physics lab, (Environmental Economics, Business, Marketing, Accounting, Chemistry, Environmental Chemistry, Microbiology, Lake modelling, basic automations)

DOnt be impressed too easy as I dont remember or found abosuletly zero use to them

Something I acquired in life basic skills (Basic html, basic css, very little python, basic bike fixing, very basic car fixing, little soldering, littler welding).

2) Laziness and purposlessness: I have no purpose, no passion, I dont have anything that can be admirable, I dont know what to focus on in my life or do....I like many things but I cant focus on any one thing...One day I will go to youtube and learn advanced math and physics, one day I will try to learn programming, one day I will learn ENv. Engin, one day basic computers and most days on computer doing nothing and being lazy watching porn...I am lazy cant wake up in time, dont go to bed early, since I left home and became independent I became unaccountable. My place is always messy too

3) Bad luck: High on the spectrum autistic brother, sad and depressed father, step mom, distant mom, attacked by Nazis, car accident trauma(which has hindered some activities that I liked doing in the past), cant put muscle on easy etc....All the momey I got as compensation where spent on neaurological medicine and neurologists

4) Skinniness: I have a nice body, being a person who loves sports I have a nice body, it is lean even at 35 years of age....but I cant get muscles and I am too skinny and that means lots of times I will be even skinnier then the girls that I approach...and it measn I wont be as strong or intimidating or look like I can protect loved ones....If I put on some muscle mass and thickness, I could look really good

5) Bad decisoin making skills and guilt: It seems I always think of opportunity costs and I dont like my life decisions, I dont trust my decsions at all, what ever I think I could do I know it will fail. Also I want to travel but how can I travel, since I am unemployed I feel emabarssed to even think of having fun abroad, and where to aquire the money from. I want a break from the darkness of Finland as nice a place as it is (If someone tells me expatriate yourself, without work experince HOW CAN I DO IT), I would love to go to an other place and sell myself



1+) Religious guilt: I love women, specially sexy women I find them all attractive, I have insatiable lust to the curves and looks of certain women, I adore a nice big bum but when I see luscious natural big breast (That is my weakness) next weakness are Black Chicaks (Dancehall chickas are nice too)... THe problem as religious dude I also dont agree with this life style and it makes me torn apart a bit....THere is so many things about casual sex that I dont agree with, I also dont relate to most of the women that Physically turn me on, I dont have that much in common with them but also if I am to be married, I want to have a wife that I actually desire and most importantly she desires me which makes it a dilemma and make the decision hard for me to take.


Extra: Redpill mgtows also I start to be very skeptical of women, I becaome insecure about things that I was not insecure about before penis size,she going after Chad, 10% of men gets 90% of the women, women dont love you, it is all businesss transaction, it is all LMS(Lokos, money status), you have to be complete package , she is a 9 and you are 5btw, what is a 9 and a 10,

I was dating this West African woman in Finland(not many Black girls where I live) and she was one of the sexiest women I met fact. We made out, I caressed her body, talked about fuking, she pursued me I pursued her, but suddenly she ghosted me and I am still really angry about it....BUt I say to myself why would she want to be with me? I am unemployed 35 years old loser and I dont know how to solve my problems, I can t do it on my own, I need help. The psychiatrist I went too I like a lot because he was a MALE so some masculinity in my life(now in retirment), now I go to this depression nurse a woman(no wonder the West African girl dumped my ass), most of my friends are masculine so that is good for me I guess.

TLR I cant find employment, purpose, self confident so I ask myself why the fuk would a woman want to be with me, even if they do want me, I dont think they are making good decisons...In other words success to me is more terrifyng then failure, or that I wont be able to keep them or win them for too long

 

[Seppuku]

First, I already made an answer to a similar post from you. What I said still applies:

• Prioritize
• Take patience
• If your diploma doesn't work, get another one
• Expatriate yourself if you have to
• Gain experience with women
• Stop beating yourself and take action instead.

It strikes me that you don't have a plan. You need a plan urgently.

You won't solve all your issues at once, so you need to work them one by one by order of decreasing importance.

Seems to me that your immediate priority is employment. Forget about women or muscles for now. Regarding employment, take the problem backward. Instead of looking at your skills and deciding what you can do with them, look at the jobs that are hiring and what skills you are missing to apply: (1) What are the jobs that are hiring now that would be of interest to you? (2) What are the skills required to get these jobs? (3) Acquire these skills, and get some certification that you possess these skills. (4) Apply to jobs.

2) Laziness and purposlessness: I have no purpose, no passion, I dont have anything that can be admirable, I dont know what to focus on in my life or do....I like many things but I cant focus on any one thing...One day I will go to youtube and learn advanced math and physics, one day I will try to learn programming, one day I will learn ENv. Engin, one day basic computers and most days on computer doing nothing and being lazy watching porn...I am lazy cant wake up in time, dont go to bed early, since I left home and became independent I became unaccountable. My place is always messy too

Instead of studying random things from Youtube, apply the strategy I detailed just above. That will give you a purpose. And by the way, what you can learn on youtube is limited. What you need is books.

Bad luck: There are things we don't choose. We are given a hand when we are born, then we must do the most with what we have. Are you doing the most with what you were given?

Skinniness is a non issue. Mindset is. With the right mindset, you could be pulling plenty of girls as a skinny man. It's all in your mind. But if it really bothers you, then the solution is to eat more. We're talking 4000 calories a day. This means that you must continue to eat, after you're not hungry (at least at the beginning). Drinking liquid calories will also help. Not junk crap juice or sodas hopefully, more like fresh, full fat milk. If you want to build muscles, look at Mark Rippetoe's Starting Strength. He has a website, a youtube channel, and several books. You cannot find something as efficient as his method to get big and strong.

Guilt thing: Forget about it for now. Get yourself a full time job first. Most of your guilt will be gone.

Casual sex guilt. You don't have to be a player fucking 25 girls per year if you don't want. You can use seduction advice to get yourself a nice girlfriend. But one problem at a time. Job first in my opinion.


In any case, you need a plan.

 

[abond0082]

Hello Seppuku,

I will address only the work thing...
I have already done 2 certificates that well are pretty useless, read books did book exams (1500 pages of material)

I dont know what skills companies want and a lot of time I am not good at these skills anyways. Usually the problem is experince and no one wants to give me any chance....In principle I am qualified to work in any water related business, a lot of energy, government sectors etc... But guess what when I apply I always get not intersted

And the strange thing and that is why I am angry at employers and what to curse at them, is that I am refused despite my qualifications and there are many different things

I can go to a company and tell me they want a programmer, an other will say they want a data scientist. An other will say AutoCAD (I believe it is all excuses to limit me)...Where I live only programming works but I find it exceptionally difficult for some reason, I have gotten some basic understanding.

No one wants to give me any chance, they assume too much and afer years of rejection they tell you oh, why havent you been working for this long because you kunts, that is it.

I have had internships, I'm good with computerrs, I can read scientific articles, I just want a chance.

So my biggest issue is that I am angry at employers, I am angry at companies. Every teacher and ex employer I have approached said that I wasnt a bad employee, I was good and helpful...A lot says that...A lot tells me I have good certificates, I went to my ex department manager in the university and he told me you should be very proud of what you have done only 1/1000 do it...And your grades averages at (satisfactory/good).

Here are my questions
1) HOw to remove my anger towards comapnies and the fukin kuntish employers (Yes I am aware that I am angry, you can give me the world doesnt owe you anything speech wont hate you fr it)
2) How to sell myself with what I have currently?
3) How to be confident when I approach them despite the lack of experince?
4) WHy no one wants to give me a chance, you learn at work and yet they always always always ask toooooo muuuch ( I remember an ex boss, of an Finnish Environmental Center asked me that I should know programming to take some photos of insects (Mother fuker this is an IT job why do you want a biologist who knows programming)
5) Job adverts NEVER gets a reply to me except like thank yiou for taking interst but fuk off bitsh
6) Whatever path I choose means I have to study again and it so tirying after a decade of investing in studying
7) How to approach a comapny, with technology it became extra hard to reach an emplyers and they are all self important pieces of sht, that hang up on oyu whenever they want, and they sometimes give the permission to themselves to disrespect you
8) I honestly want help, I want someone to help me, on my own I have failed miserably and it is a vicious cycle, me being lonely makes me focus only on women cant concentrate, about work, but to get women I need to concentrate about work it is a vicious cycle that I just FAILED getting out of...

Everything can be learned if someone takes me in but NO ONE wants me...It is like they are scared that I will take their women if my life gets in shape, mother fukers, I like black women I dont give a sht about any of you

Seppuku you are aweseom, thank you very much, my life is hell at the moment

btw, I have been a strength athelete for 10 years, they way I look doesnt give away that I can deadlift twice my weight (hook grip, no belts, nohand grippers, no steroids)

Peace brother


One more thing how to expatriate myself without work experince?

 

[Razorjack]

About 10 years ago, I was the Vice President of a multinational company with nearly 140,000 employees, (you would recognize the name of the company as they're all over the news pretty much on a daily basis)

I've hired and fired quite a few people in my day, I was basically one of these "fukin kuntish employers" you're referring to

Unfortunately I wouldn't hire you based on my impression of what you wrote. I'll try to answer your questions from an employer perspective:

Q1) "HOw to remove my anger towards comapnies and the fukin kuntish employers (Yes I am aware that I am angry, you can give me the world doesnt owe you anything speech wont hate you fr it)"
A1) My business isn't a charity, if I hired everyone that wants to learn on the job, I'd be out of business

Q2) "How to sell myself with what I have currently?"
A2) Wrong question. The right question is "what value am I bringing to this employer's business, that he can't get by outsourcing the work to an Indian / Malaysian / Vietnamese company for half the price of what he would be paying me?"

Q3) "How to be confident when I approach them despite the lack of experince?"
A3) I don't give a shit what your past experience is or qualified "skills" you have studied, there are millions of guys with more experience and qualified skills that cost less than you. I want to know what value you are bringing to my business, what am I paying for?

Q4)" WHy no one wants to give me a chance, you learn at work and yet they always always always ask toooooo muuuch ( I remember an ex boss, of an Finnish Environmental Center asked me that I should know programming to take some photos of insects (Mother fuker this is an IT job why do you want a biologist who knows programming)"
A4) How do you know what the job is, when you've never worked there? You presume way too much

Q5) "Job adverts NEVER gets a reply to me except like thank yiou for taking interst but fuk off bitsh"
A5) I only put out job adverts AFTER I've exhausted all my contacts / network for referrals and I'm looking for commoditized skills (e.g. IT and programming)

Q6) "Whatever path I choose means I have to study again and it so trying after a decade of investing in studying"
A6) See my answers A2 and A3, I don't give a shit about what you studied. What value are bringing to my business that I can't get somewhere else for half the cost?

Q7) " How to approach a comapny, with technology it became extra hard to reach an emplyers and they are all self important pieces of sht, that hang up on oyu whenever they want, and they sometimes give the permission to themselves to disrespect you"
A7) Nothing to do with self importance or disrespect, that's all in your head. I am very busy and my time is valuable. If you are unable to communicate what value you're bringing and why I should hire you, then it tells me that you don't have the skills to properly communicate with me or the other employees and thus would not be a good fit. I'd actually be scared that your negative and angry attitude would poison the corporate work culture, productivity and efficiency that we've worked very hard for years to build. (Yes, your negativity and anger bleeds through and people pick up on it)

Q8) "I honestly want help, I want someone to help me, on my own I have failed miserably and it is a vicious cycle, me being lonely makes me focus only on women cant concentrate, about work, but to get women I need to concentrate about work it is a vicious cycle that I just FAILED getting out of..."
A8) Sorry to be harsh, but your world view is completely fucked up, you presume way too much and have the wrong understanding about too many things. I personally know several guys in Sweden who have been "unemployable losers" their whole lives and some are now in their 40s. These guys do excellent with women, they can go out and pull ass nearly every weekend. I've seen them have many beautiful girlfriends who knew they were long term unemployed with no direction, aspirations or ambitions in life. A lot of these women were professionals (Heads of Marketing, VP of Sales etc) who didn't mind paying for dinners and trips. Employment does not equal women

Hopefully my post doesn't come across too harsh, but I wanted to give you the brutal honest truth. From what I read, you seem too stuck in your own head to see other peoples' perspectives (employers, women etc). Your problem isn't lack of I.Q. (more studying) but a lack of E.Q. (google it)

Until you can get out of your own head and learn some "soft skills" like empathy, compromise and team work, your problems will only continue.

 

[abond0082]

Honestly man, this is the best answer I have ever gotten as I never got help from an employer.

I just hate being of little value in life, I want to do things. I like Env. Engineering as I would love to restore lakes, I want to work with renewable energies ,and there are many things about it that are noble but as you said

It is nice to relate to someone who would be my employer, and get a feedback something that employers never did with me

SO you have no idea how much I appreciate this answer, usually I read this feel good and within a week I forgot all of that, ope I will grow up and be smarter about it.

One big question I have because I want to work in my field in Africa or Latin America or Middle East or US whatever,,,, As an employer I dont know what value I have to offer....I have studied for 9 years, I did biology and engineerins, did my math, physics, microbology balabla bla, I can use computers, I like numbers, I can be charming and charismatic at times, and inscure weakiling at others.

You said you care about value I bring to a company what value? ANd please help what value do I have to offer.

I only have my degrees, I can use computers, I dont mind being paid a bit less but doesnt work like that in Finland, at least as a start. I have some internshpips experince in which I got positive feedbakcs but nothing all that...I dont know what value do I bring

So my last question without experince what value do I bring or I can sell to a company, when I approach them several times they taold me my papers are good but again no experince and no focus on one thing....

My question to you are
1) How to remove the anger I have towards employers and get more positive attitude?
2) How to speak more confidently to them?
3) Base on what I wrote what value do I think I can sell, a lecturer told me you sould emphazie some of your language skills, living in different countries, that you have some math and statistical background...Anything else

Peace and THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Seppuku]

Razorjack has a point. The tone of your messages is bitterness, anger, frustration, neediness, insecurity, victim mentality. I don't know if any of these feelings are showing out on your job interview, but if they do, you will be rejected right away. I am not the Vice President of a 140000 multinational , but in my job I regularly conduct job interviews, and if I had a candidate giving out this impression I would certainly reject them. It is an immediate turnoff.

If this is the way you appear on an interview, I can guarantee it's the reason you're rejected, rather than your lack of experience.

The day you are on an interview, you must display positive feelings, and strong motivation for the job position. You have a lot of work to do on yourself to calm down and make sure you appear this way the day of your interview.

You said you care about value I bring to a company what value? ANd please help what value do I have to offer.

You do your research. What is the job you are applying for? What does it require to do on a daily basis. What are the skills necessary to succeed? Are your own skills a good match, an approximate match, or not a match at all? Do your personal work to improve these skills to be not just OK, but good or very good at. It is a competitive world like Razorjack pointed out.

1) How to remove the anger I have towards employers and get more positive attitude?

I am not a psychologist to answer that. Just calm down.

2) How to speak more confidently to them?

You don't have the work experience but your basis should be the confidence in your own abilities. If you don't have that, then you have to somewhat fake it at the beginning. Later, with experience comes confidence.

3) Base on what I wrote what value do I think I can sell, a lecturer told me you sould emphazie some of your language skills, living in different countries, that you have some math and statistical background...Anything else

You mentioned statistical background, but also water biology. Which one is it going to be? Decide first what is going to be your weapon, rather than shooting randomly. You should look at skills you have affinities with. You should also consider if there is a professional demand for this. Does any company need that? Do your research!

Good luck.

 

[Razorjack]

"You said you care about value I bring to a company what value? ANd please help what value do I have to offer"

First of all, you need to understand why I have decided to hire someone. It's not out of generosity, and it's not for the sake of bringing on another employee. I've decided to take on an extra cost (salary, benefits, IT, etc) because I HAVE A PROBLEM THAT NEEDS TO BE SOLVED

Demonstrate that you understand my business, you understand what that problem is and that YOU are the one to solve it. That is what is value for me.

My dream would be to hire a person that could be fully productive from day 1 and doesn't need me to take time out of my busy schedule to teach him/her. My nightmare would be hiring someone that doesn't know how to solve the problem even after 6-12 months, gives up and keeps feeling sorry for himself / herself.

I only have my degrees, I can use computers, I dont mind being paid a bit less but doesnt work like that in Finland, at least as a start. I have some internshpips experince in which I got positive feedbakcs but nothing all that...I dont know what value do I bring

So my last question without experince what value do I bring or I can sell to a company, when I approach them several times they taold me my papers are good but again no experince and no focus on one thing....

You're harping on about education and experience, when I told you I don't give a shit about that. I don't care what you've done before or what certifications you have, what can you do for me TODAY & TOMORROW

My question to you are
1) How to remove the anger I have towards employers and get more positive attitude?
2) How to speak more confidently to them?
3) Base on what I wrote what value do I think I can sell, a lecturer told me you sould emphazie some of your language skills, living in different countries, that you have some math and statistical background...Anything else

1) This is really up to you to solve, I can't do it for you. As I wrote earlier, lack of E.Q
BTW, this demonstrates that you are not a problem solver
Remember that I am hiring YOU to solve my problems, I'm not going to pay you to come to me with problems.

2) Understand my business, understand what my problems are, show me that you are the ones to solve them, tell me stories of where you solved complex problems / issues (doesn't need to be work experience, could be in social or personal situations), show me that you are a team player and that you would be an asset to my business NOT a liability.
BTW, this does not mean that you need to understand everything and solve all my problems on day 1. I would be suspicious if someone told me they could.
If I had a problem XYZ, I would love for a candidate to tell me: "Look I don't have a solution to your XYZ problem, but give me X amount of time, I will figure it out"
As I said, I need to know that the person I am hiring to solve my problem is going to come back to me with solutions NOT more problems or excuses.

3) https://employmentnorth.com/top-10-qualities-and-skills-employers-are-looking-for/

It took me 5 seconds to do a google search and this was the first link that popped up. It's pretty universal and I agree with nearly all of it.

Look, I'm going to be brutally honest: The reason why employers won't hire you is that you are continuously demonstrating that you can't solve the simplest of problems that would come up on a daily basis and bringing you on board would be way too much extra work for me and the other employees.

Learn to solve your own problems so that you can demonstrate that you can solve an employer's problems and fit in with their organization. THEN you are bringing value.

 

[Carousel]

4) Skinniness: I have a nice body, being a person who loves sports I have a nice body, it is lean even at 35 years of age....but I cant get muscles and I am too skinny and that means lots of times I will be even skinnier then the girls that I approach...and it measn I wont be as strong or intimidating or look like I can protect loved ones....If I put on some muscle mass and thickness, I could look really good

Non-issue, you are just making negative assumptions with no base in reality. There are top guys here who are skinny or do not work out. Fatness is a problem, skinnyness is not.

 

[Rain]

Non-issue, you are just making negative assumptions with no base in reality. There are top guys here who are skinny or do not work out. Fatness is a problem, skinnyness is not.

I know Mystery is skinny, and he would be classified as underweight? Who are the top skinny members here?
I also would have thought fat > skinny as fat can lift more, takes up more size intimidating, and shows they have access to resources.

 

[Velasco]

I also would have thought fat > skinny as fat can lift more, takes up more size intimidating, and shows they have access to resources.

doesn't really matter cause lean and muscular trumps them both

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1239627496179597313

 

[MarkA]

abond0082 -
It sucks not having a job but it does not have to define you. I remember looking around for advice. Razorjack hit the nail on the head when he mentioned you are too wrapped up in what you want and not what the employer wants.

I have found the 'Interview Guys' to be very helpful for job hunting. Here's a link that is relevant for your situation
https://theinterviewguys.com/why-should-we-hire-you-examples-included/

One of their key points from their website
“It’s not about you, it’s about them.“

Try out their website, they have a good ebook that summarises their whole approach too

 

[abond0082]

Guys you are all awesome every single one of you...All appreciated.

I have a Bruce Lee type of body, I actually have a nice body, I like how I look...I dont like being skinny for mainly the fact that I might not be as strong as I wish...

Of the list that Razorjack has mentioned am lucky to believe I have most of them but I am the most insecure about is number 3 (Technical comptency) and 10 which is loyalty....

At 10 it doesnt mean I would betray the company or back stab but if honesty is valued which I believe I kind of am honest(I hope so) then 3 and 10 would be something that would geniunely intimidate me

A friend of mine told me the problem is Finland, they are very very very strict about their hiring, he is quite successful and extremely bright, a math and physic prodigy and also good with women

According to him, I am not doing the necessary application and he tole me Finland might not be the right place for you, so therefore I should travel and expatriate myself as mentioned but lack of work experince gets in my head very strongly to sell myself abroad. I do like the city I live in but it is REALLY small with very limited things to do and very little opportunities to a lot of people...

I will try to not let my unemplyment define me even though it suks...I like Environmental Engineering and I like computers I hope I work hard enough to excel in both fields and others.

I will pray for you and for myself to reach a level of maturity

Stay safe lads, and protect yourselves...Best wishes to all.

One more things my unemployment is a big reason why I feel many times I am not good enough for a woman thus why it bugs me alot...But I should think emplyment as something I would benefit to myself and that has nothing to do with women.

 

[Tony D]

Honestly man, this is the best answer I have ever gotten as I never got help from an employer.

I just hate being of little value in life, I want to do things. I like Env. Engineering as I would love to restore lakes, I want to work with renewable energies ,and there are many things about it that are noble but as you said

It is nice to relate to someone who would be my employer, and get a feedback something that employers never did with me

SO you have no idea how much I appreciate this answer, usually I read this feel good and within a week I forgot all of that, ope I will grow up and be smarter about it.

One big question I have because I want to work in my field in Africa or Latin America or Middle East or US whatever,,,, As an employer I dont know what value I have to offer....I have studied for 9 years, I did biology and engineerins, did my math, physics, microbology balabla bla, I can use computers, I like numbers, I can be charming and charismatic at times, and inscure weakiling at others.

You said you care about value I bring to a company what value? ANd please help what value do I have to offer.

I only have my degrees, I can use computers, I dont mind being paid a bit less but doesnt work like that in Finland, at least as a start. I have some internshpips experince in which I got positive feedbakcs but nothing all that...I dont know what value do I bring

So my last question without experince what value do I bring or I can sell to a company, when I approach them several times they taold me my papers are good but again no experince and no focus on one thing....

My question to you are
1) How to remove the anger I have towards employers and get more positive attitude?
2) How to speak more confidently to them?
3) Base on what I wrote what value do I think I can sell, a lecturer told me you sould emphazie some of your language skills, living in different countries, that you have some math and statistical background...Anything else

Peace and THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It sounds like you have deep inner game issues and could use guidance.

Most employers hire people not as much on skills, but as on personality. I learned this early on, as I was very good at getting jobs I wasn't qualified for. My trick? I would show the employer my burning desire to sacrifice my time and energy to work for them... for free if necessary. I volunteered for certain positions and this opened up many paid opportunities, very quickly.

On paper you have a lot of skills, but you seem emotionally damaged by your expectations not being met.

If you want to talk about this, I'm a certified life coach and I give out one hour free sessions. Check my link.

 

[MarkA]

TonyD is right.
Your skills and knowledge are just one part of the equation.
All employers seek the following
1. Skills and knowledge
2. Motivation for the job
3. Being a good team player
4. Cost - not too expensive to hire

Make sure you cover all four bases. Also Scott Adams wrote a post about setting career goals. Check it out as it might help you

Goals vs. Systems - Scott Adams' Blog

In my new book, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life, I talk about using systems instead of goals. For example, losing ten pounds is a goal (that most people can’t maintain), whereas learning to eat right is a system that substitutes knowledge for...

www.scottadamssays.com