I don't understand the "boyfriend vs. lover" thing

[Dragonetti]

In the case where someone wants to date a girl, what is wrong with being put in the boyfriend zone?

 

[ulrich]

Nothing wrong, it’s just suboptimal.

The girl will delay sex to after several dates which risks her getting picked up by another guy who moves faster than you.

 

[Will_V]

In the case where someone wants to date a girl, what is wrong with being put in the boyfriend zone?

There are a few good reasons why it's good to be a lover first:

- Guys who move fast are more exciting and captivating for her and can easily take your place while you are doing multiple rounds of interviews like @ulrich said
- You get to see who she really is, whereas she can have her guard up around potential boyfriend material
- The boyfriend zone is a weaker frame where it's much easier for you to lose frame, mess up, or lose her interest because you are implicitly qualifying yourself
- You get to quickly know if there's sexual compatibility and if she's fun in bed

It's not hard to move from being a lover to a boyfriend (that's how my relationships start), but the reverse is extremely difficult.

 

[TomInHo]

I personally see it as a way to explain dating dynamics to newbies in an easy to understand manner but the real world is way more nuanced because...

• You can sleep with a girl with only 30 minutes of face time and she wants you as a boyfriend immediately
• You could also sleep with a girl on the third date and she has no intention of sticking around and only wanted sex
• You could sleep with a chick fast and never really get to experience who she "really" is
• You could also sleep with a girl a month of knowing her and you'll be one of the only guys she's met in a while that "gets her"
• The boyfriend zone isn't necessarily the weaker frame either because sometimes she'll put you there and slow down the seduction because she values you a ton and didn't want to fuck fast because she is worried you may value her less because of fast sex. Or she could sleep with you very fast because she felt that was her only shot of being able to rope you into a relationship
• Same can also be said about the lover too because she could sleep with you fast because she thought you were exciting and sexy or she could have done the same because she was bored and you were "good enough" for the night

You get the gist.... Use lover and boyfriend categories as training wheels for understanding how most dating interactions usually play out. But also realize that with experience you'll learn nuances and know how to calibrate between both to still get what you want

 

[Skills]

In the case where someone wants to date a girl, what is wrong with being put in the boyfriend zone?

teevester has the best theory explanation on this i also did a video based on his theory.... and finally the nuances in this post....

 

[Chase]

This is why:

How to Get Girls: The Last Post You'll Ever Need

How to Get Girls: The Last Post You'll Ever Need The post "Should You Pay for a Date?" is still, it appears, attracting its fair share of outrage from what seems mostly to be women, who don't like the fact that I'm recommending, based on my own experiences and all of those of every man I'm...

www.girlschase.com

-Chase