I Feel Like I Have to Get Revenge on girls?

[GeneralFap]

I used to be a really depressed person once I got into middle school. I was weak and shy, and started getting bullied a lot, both by boys and by girls. My self-esteem was at an all-time low during this time. All the way up to High school I would hear girls saying to their friends that they thought I was ugly. They would make fun of how I looked or how I behaved. Needless to say, I had no success with girls. Once I got into my Junior year of high school I started improving how I looked (I changed my hairstyle, my look, and I started working out). Then, all of a sudden, I started getting attention from lots of girls. It's been 3 years, and since then I've had some girls calling me cute, handsome, sexy, but deep inside still remembered how horribly I used to get bullied and now every time a girl likes me or I see that she is interested I deliberately ignore her or pretend I'm not interested so that she feels the same way I used to feel. I feel like this is my way of getting revenge on girls for the way they treated me before. I feel like most girls always get what they want, so pretending to be uninterested allows me to let them experience the pain of being me.

I know this is not the best way to be thinking about women, and I honestly do want to change and improve. Can anyone give me some advice?

 

[luego]

https://www.girlschase.com/content/most-important-thing-becoming-lover-women-dont-be-bitter

 

[Pato]

Perfect link luego. If I may add, I would say that instead of using your revenge fantasy to hurt other girls or make them feel rejected (like you did when you were younger), you could make it a positive thing by showing yourself that you've changed and that the girls in school were wrong about you and missed out. Rather than rejecting new girls or pretending to not be in interested in them, you meet them and start sleeping with them. By wanting revenge and being bitter, you're actually hurting yourself more than you're hurting the girls, because they will soon forget about you, but you have wasted many opportunities to sleep with girls. If you still want your revenge, use it to fuel your drive to improve with women and to sleep with as many women as you can/want. And if you felt so badly when you were bullied, why would you want to hurt innocent girls who only want to meet you?

-Pato

 

[Nuncle]

Well you recognise it and so can gradually change it (sounds like you are already on the way to doing so)

I went through a similar phase and the humiliating way I consequently behaved to a couple of lovely girls still fills me with horror.

Snap out of it fast.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Sup Charm, that a tough situation I couldn't imagine going through that in school and I'm not surprised it made you bitter towards people in general. However the thing you have to realize is that your past is still controlling your happiness in the present.
I don't know about you but to me life is all about being happy... as much a possible and once you get a grasp on being happy and grateful you can pretty much be happy all the time (even when life throws curveballs).

So if life is all about being happy so why should we allow anything, including our past/future, to dictate our happiness in the current moment. I haven't been able to find a reason yet.

This past school bully thing is massive baggage that you're carrying on your back that will continue to hinder your success in all areas of your life. Why not just drop all the baggage weighing you down and be free?

The cure is forgiveness.

I know it sounds like the stupidest thing in the world, especially since those people don't deserve to be forgiven. That's not the point though! Forgiveness isn't about them it's about you. All those kids that made your life suck in school are sleeping like babies at night and are living their lives partying, working, meeting people and etc. They don't even think about you. But here you are wide awake at night, thinking about this traumatizing event that made your life suck.

It's probably the only way you're going to be able to move forward in life and actually be happy. Otherwise you'll be carrying this weight around forever and it will just wear you out. Don't let you past control your future and don't let your past dictate you present happiness.

PM me if you have any questions on forgiveness. I've had to do it countless times since I got my head around the concept and I can say I wouldn't have achieved the minimal dating success I've achieved without it.

-Rob

 

[brunomcf]

Hey mate!

I have to admit i had the same problem. And where I live girls can be even bitchier than most places (Portugal).
I've always looked like a weak nerdy kid, and got bulied a lot, mostly by girls, guys were not as bad.

Then on late highschool, and early college times, my looks improved mostly due to exercising, I started getting attention from girls, and instinctivelly I had my revenge on those new ones.
Some would just ignore and move along, few ones would cry. That's when I realised they ahd nothing to do with what I came through as a kid, and they had no clue why I treated them that way. Appart from thinking there was something wrong with them.

When I realised I was hurting other people, I stoped doing it, and started giving more. As a result of that I'd get a lot more interaction with girls.
But it's true that if I get a litlle bit sloppy on my looks, not just style but also fitness (I get really skinny if i don't workout), I get really bad looks from girls even now on my late 20's (I mean just turned 30 days ago), and i guess it's just the way girls are.

Make yourself loook atractive in every way and they will go after you, if u don't they will despise you!

And to be quite honest. I still have those impulses to be mean to girls still nowadays. I can control most the times, but other bad badys, I just be mean to them.

Good luck overcoming this!

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

in some ways OP, life, reality, sort of gives men revenge, or if you look at it from this point of view, it gives women karma, because for the most part, womens dating/sexual market value declines as they get older

 

[Tripz]

All the guys that posted above this post have a good point on what to do and what you should change, I just want to add one thing, it's more of a personal perspective.

Now I can't really relate to your story fully, but I know what you are talking about, and the reason it still hangs on to you, this bitterness this feeling for revenge is because you don't give yourself any credit at all. I had a similar thing going on, I'd accomplish a lot of things, I'd get compliments from tons of people attention and shit and yet I'd still feel like I'm on the bottom of the food-chain and that I have low value, the reason it's like that is mainly the victim mentality still hanging onto you, let it go.

Although it won't be easy at all, it's changing the way you think but you'll get over it once you start crediting yourself for what you have and who you are and the values you have. Start accepting that you are the product of you, you've made it this far, you mentioned a great amount of progress from when you were bullied to when you changed your looks and worked out, acknowledge that, accept it deeply as something meaningful, because often we go on with our lives not paying attention and just look at others and be amazed at even the slightest things, and when you really think about it and compare it, it's nothing.

Anyway this is the advice I can give, because to some extent I understand what your feeling, I didn't actually feel revenge but it was similar and I actually pinned it down to the fact that I didn't give myself any credit AT ALL. Change that.

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

in some ways i'm kinda jealous, envious of girls because they don't have to approach and make the first move, don't have to be the initiators, don't have to be the closer, etc., but yes I know that's the reality of life, life is not fair, I know i'm kinda old to be having this mentality but my main reason for still being kinda angry and bitter about this is because I wish I took massive serious action to fix my issues with girls much earlier, like in my late teens or early 20's. Basically I wish knowing how to get a girlfriend, how to approach and talking to girls, flirting with them, making attractive conversation with them, leading them, etc., was natural, innate, instinctive common sense for me, because it seems knowing how to get a girlfriend, how to pull girls, doing the steps in order to do that as in talking to them in order to attract them, is natural instinctive, innate common sense for most guys by their late teens or early 20's, it's like they were born knowing how or they just practiced much earlier, if it was practice, as in they learned how to gain those, hopefully those are skills that can be learned gain, because i'm trying to remove the limiting belief that there are genes(as in DNA) that determine whether a guy is going to be an Alpha Male, Beta Male, Omega Male.

 

[ray_zorse]

I don't have much to say to OP except maybe you would benefit from John Bradshaw's book "Healing the shame that binds you".

IFeelIWastedMyYouth, all the things you mentioned that should come naturally to a dude in his late teens/early 20s I couldn't do until I was 38, now I'm great at them and I'm getting laid regularly, so if you hit it hard now you'll have like 13 more years of getting laid regularly than I will have, that's a lot of lays Should be enough to satisfy you Go approach some women and quit trying to rewrite the past, we were all chodes at one time, so what

-Ray

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

@Ray-Zorse, how old were you when you lost your virginity?