- Joined
- Apr 6, 2019
- Messages
- 118
I need some advice and I don't know where to turn so thought I might as well give this forum a shot.
You can review some of my posting history to get a vibe on me. I leveled up in the game community quite a bit working with a good chunk of RSD coaches. I had a nice foundation of a field report thread on the RSDNation forum, which was shutdown by Owen, and looking back kind of pisses me off since I had so many field reports and lay reports written and I would've just loved to save that thread history for my own review. Enjoying the memories, and also remembering where I came from and what I went through. One of the main reasons I started that field report thread was to have something I could look back on when I am 80...
I think this is the only forum I'm found that is still active with solid advice and perspectives coming from @Chase and others. If there are better forums then let me know. I know most PUA discussion moved to fb groups, and now telegram/discords... but I think that the forum approach is much better due to the long form thought-out nature of posts... I miss the golden age of forums and there is something nostalgic/meaningful about them to me. So I'm grateful that skilledseducer.com exists at least.
Anyways, perhaps that is a bit of a scarcity mindset, and that maybe this is a good thing since it can inspire me to recreate my progress from scratch. Still it is confusing for me at times because I had been counting my lays with that field report, and now I honestly can't tell you how many girls I've hooked up with.
I've had some good winning streaks with several girls in various cold approach "romps" as I would call them. Things like 7 girls in 12 days, or 5 girls in 4 days. Overall my lay count by my best estimates is somewhere in the 150-250 range.
This probably sounds dumb but I'm honestly so hazy about the number, and I can't remember hooking up with at least 50% of the girls, which is kind of a shame, as I think having the journal records for myself is useful. Thankfully I have a few lay reports saved locally, and those all have pictures on them as well
I ended up reading through those over the last few days, and it has been sparking something within me... reminding me of who I used to be and how excited pick up would make me. I started listening to the Mystery Method on audible (a classic book that I always felt I was "too good" to read, well I'm more humble now!) and in the early parts of the book he says how cold approach gives a high like no other. I think this is why I always found it addictive. It made me feel alive.
Now, I've learned over the years that chasing the past is not a good idea. I'm not trying to reclaim my old feelings. The PUA community is not the same nowadays, since post-covid I think a lot has changed.
I'm grateful that I got to experience the PUA community. And I'm excited for the next chapter of my life, whatever communities may it hold. I've always thought that the greatest rewards possible for a PUA were as a veiled PUA. For instance, befriending celebrities and models, without ever bringing up a single word of "game". So perhaps that is the way forward for me.
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Anyways, I just wanted to give some context of my experience and where my head is at. Now for my current situation:
I'm now in my early 30s and I'm very confused about what to do. In a lot of ways I think I'm just rationalizing my behavior and desire for comfort. I'm someone who even before finding out about game made a decision that "if I feel discomfort then I HAVE to do it". I started facing my fears, and approaching girls was just one of those fears.
I'm currently in a committed monogamous relationship. I already know I'm going to get hated for some of the things I'm about to say...
Here's how it all started:
I had been grinding my PUA journey religiously, and progressing with ups and downs. However I had an underlying sense that something was missing. COVID was very challenging for me... in that, I wanted to keep approaching and pursuing game. Man I tried my hardest but certain sparks were missing. I had to bust my ass just to get in a few approaches, and really go out of my way even in a great game city like Vegas. Before COVID it wasn't like this... To top this all off, RSD kinda pussed out on cold approach content. They scrubbed their youtube of videos that I found immensely valuable. I wish I could download some of the free tour panels in particular, as I had access to some on a MEGA link, but then that MEGA got deleted.
I know that I was missing something, and for whatever reason I started to gravitate to a more "serial monogamy" kind of mindset. I had never been very good at managing legit rotations. And, I kind of just started seeing how long I could keep a relationship going. However, most of the time since I was traveling so much, my go-to was flying girls to visit me... after doing this several times, I know it has pros and cons.
Living in Vegas kinda sucks... and that's part of the issue. I should have moved to LA or Miami sooner. Vegas is more of a spot to practice game for a few months at max. You need to have a homebase city outside vegas and then use Vegas as a secondary city. This is very powerful especially if your homebase city is LA.
So, I would fly girls out that I had gamed while traveling, and kinda just lean on them for emotional support. I liked the feminine energy. I suppose I've always struggled to have a work-game balance. I feel like I could hang with girls or be on the phone with a girl for hours and hours, and let everything else in my life collapse. I use relationships as escapism, and have always had bad boundaries.
So, I had one short relationship that lasted about a month. And then a few months later I had another girl, let's call her G, I had hooked up with that I wanted to fly out. At the time I just thought "I like this girl, of course I want to see her again" and since she lived in a different city, flying her out was the way to do that. Following that trip, I had made some future projections about visiting her, which over the following 2 months, she started to drill me being like "you're never going to come see me, are you?" etc, even though I intended to see her, I was just very caught up with business stuff. In fact, I got very sucked into business and stock trading during this time, basically giving up game completely to just focus all on business and stock-trading.
I was addicted to stock trading, and had made a lot of money due to some insane initial luck, that I slowly but surely lost over the coming year. During this time period I did visit her for about a month (it isn't lost on me that this is a long period of time to visit someone). At the time I thought I was "so cool" for gaming a girl to let me stay at her place for so long... kinda like Ashton Klutcher in the movie "Spread". Due to the stock-trading addiction, it fried my dopamine system quite a bit.. and for a time made it hard for me to do basic life actions (and this basically would come and go over the last 2 years, depending on how addicted I was.)
When I visited her, she told me that she loved me after a few weeks, which I wasn't ready to say back. I must admit at this time I was very confused about love and what it means (being from a PUA background, I understand pair-bonding vs the societal narrative of "one true love").
I'm still confused about love and what it means exactly. We then stuck together since that trip, with her visiting me numerous times over a year until we eventually moved in with each other in a 2 bedroom apartment, where we split the rent. Before moving in, the relationship had progressed as she demanded monogamy from me, which I relented, as I was very vulnerable due to my stock trading addiction, and had basically been relying on her for 100% of my emotional support. Months later, I started to reground myself, and find other forms of support, but still leaning on her from time to time.
Even before moving in with her I was hesitant. I am pretty introverted and having someone in my day-to-day living space can cause me a lot of anxiety/annoyance. As I am really organized and basically OCD with having my living areas perfectly optimized towards my goals.
From my recent FR journal on this site:
"I'm sacrificing personal space as a challenge to see if I can hold my frame and integrate my day-to-day life while being around women. One of my desires is to live in a mansion with 3-5 girls living with me, so I view this as a learning experience for that future scenario.
the PUA lifestyle I live is very different compared to the person I present on my social media. It is very odd to spend 4-5 nights a week cold approaching for hours. I'm trying to find a way to integrate this girl into that lifestyle so that I can have more threesomes."
So, I think part of moving in together, was me again trying to challenge myself in this way... I was thinking that the next level to my game was to become completely aligned and confident in my lifestyle... having girls around 24/7 would basically force nonstop congruence tests UNTIL I become fully congruent and more grounded in my desires and who I am/want to be.
And, I would say that having a LTR did accomplish this. Im not sure if it was the best progression in my game... but it's good to know that my initial goals did get accomplished to some degree... (although maybe this is me just rationalizing getting into a relationship lmao).
However, having the LTR came at a huge sacrifice in that I naturally fell victim to comfort thinking... letting my physical fitness and social skills degrade.
Moving in kinda started off on a bad foot, as the processing of combining possessions like that is fairly annoying and inefficient. I spent easily 100+ hours just slowly trying to get G to change her organizational habits, as she is the type of person who just leaves clutter everywhere and doesn't want to sort through and organize things. (probably learning here that I need a super organized type A girl for a relationship lol - which I know there are a lot of them out there)
Living together in a lot of ways just allowed her to whip me more and more. I gave up photography, as she didn't want me with other girls. I stopped going out or socializing all together, as I didn't really have friends or any reason to.
I admittedly was singularly focused on money, and trying to make enough so that I had that area of my life handled, just as I had the girls area of my life handled by achieving a decent level of mastery in PUA.
I kept telling myself "I'll just keep dating her until my money is handled, because her support is useful and I don't have the time to go out really". I think this is a selfish reason to have a relationship... but in some regard it made sense. But, I also know if I was single, I'd be socializing more which would also be better for my mental health, motivation, etc. Having a gf is draining a lot of the time.
I had ups and downs with money, and our relationship grew more and more distant, although I think it is more of a one-sided distance. I feel distant from her, while she is still loving and attached. I feel pretty much 0 sex drive with her, and no interest in having sex, even though she is just as attractive as when I met her. One thing that concerned me is that I would try to be vulnerable with her, and she would sometimes get triggered into a lot of anger, saying very hurtful things. I've told her numerous times that this makes my love for her weaken... but she doesn't seem to understand that, and has said that "fights happen and it's not a big deal, get over it".
To me it's very confusing to be so vulnerable with someone and for them to say such hurtful things... it makes all of G's support feel like false support that I can't truly rely on. I'm not sure if it makes sense or not to rely on a girl for support anymore... maybe a rotation of girls, but not a single girl as a support system, since it's a conflict of interest with the romantic side of the relationship.
We did eventually move out of the apartment, and she was staying in airbnbs + with her parents while I have had to be out of town for a work contract for the last 2 months.
So, first off, thank god we moved out. Because breaking up while living together would SUCK ASS. Having to deal with the lease etc.
So, I have a bit of freedom right now, which is nice in comparison to the trapped feelings I felt when we shared the apt. Still we are "together" right now.
Right before I left for the work trip, we had a fight because she was asking "why don't you say you love me anymore?" And I just opened up to her, that I haven't really been feeling much love to her, and that our connection has been weakening. I did mention that every time she yells at me, it weakens our bond. I still feel a bond to her, but it's much more like a father/daughter bond or love.... and reminds me of what Esther Vilar says in "the polygamous sex" which my gut tells me is an accurate model for men's desires/tendencies.
And now, we've still been texting everyday and calling most days.
Fortunately, I do feel like just in the last couple weeks I've had a few things align in terms of productivity that I just feel in a much more competent place.
In terms of money, I now have a consistent business income. it isn't massive, but it's more than enough to keep me living comfortable, pay off credit card debt over time, and I have a clear path towards scaling. I also have some other business stuff I'm working on that ties into some passions of mine in a low risk way. Everything business-wise just seems more accessible now that I'm in my 30s, like I just have a better vantage point on how business works.
However, on the other side, I'm scared to leave the relationship for a few reasons.
1. First off, I haven't done a legit approach in a while. I'm considering just doing some tonight to see how it feels. I know that once I get past the first few approaches, most of my game skills will come rushing back to me in a more refined state. One part of me KNOWS that I have the potential to have the strongest game I've ever had if I just simply take my learnings from this LTR and carry it forward.
I'm not sure where I read this, but somewhere was saying that LTRs are the best thing you can do for your game longterm anyways... I'm excited to see if this is true, or just rationalization.
2. Second of all, part of the reason I "allowed" a relationship to happen is because I was started to get scared of improper PUA. A guy I know got charged with sexual assault, and I had an odd lay report where the girl was completely down but then he friends were freaking out and yelling at me for hooking up with her. It was 1000% consensual. I even got consent, but it still triggered some trauma/worry in me... The solution to this would obviously be to dial in my game and make sure to make the girls chase before hooking up, and be conscious of my status/value positioning. IE: running a strict quality level of game and never getting lazy with my game.
3. Third, G is extremely loyal, and it's mostly a personality quality. I wonder that if I wanted another LTR how easy it would be to find a girl this loyal, or if I'm overthinking it and with good enough game I can get loyal LTRs easily if I wanted. She is loving as well, but has times of aloofness and anger too, so not 100% loving, while we were living together there were many fights, where I had to spend 4-8 hours talking to her, to figure out common ground. This actually taught me a lot about communication and conflict resolution... but overall my boundaries were not strong enough. A lot of our fights ended in me appeasing her or stopping the behavior that she didn't like me doing... So yeah I basically was getting whipped.
See, part of me feels like as a man in my 30s, I shouldn't be in a relationship, that it's not allowing me to prioritize my mission and my businesses. Marrying this girl and settling down with kids would just feel like such a bitch move. And to top it off, I just really miss having sex with new girls. I miss the chase of PUA. And, I have so much potential to fuck so many super hot girls due to my understanding of game and psychology... even with just doing photography, whether that's model or onlyfans photography.
Another separate challenge is I don't know if nude/onlyfans photography is something I can do, since over the last year of relationship I started to understand how bad porn is affecting young men, and I'm not sure if I can contribute to that and still feel good about myself... that's a whole separate topic that deserves a post of it's own... so maybe I'll post that in the general thread later on !
Overall though, I think that's the cognitive dissonance as well... on one side I feel like I should embody good values and have a girlfriend and be a good traditional society "role model", please my parents, etc. On the other side I know I just love fucking new girls. I love PUA. And that will never go aware. I think of hugh hefner at age 80 having a smile on his face as he tells you how hot his 2 girlfriends are. I feel like as a man it's one of the most joyous and integral parts of my life, and all the positive experiences I can give to so many other girls out there..
But yeah.... idk
I feel like breaking up with her is the best decision for me. But, with having low boundaries, it's difficult for me to break up with any girl. I'm like super avoidant and non-confrontational... it's something I'm scared to even talk about... However, in business I'm able to have boundaries and walk away from money all the time if it's not a good fit. Maybe I have more abundance with money.
With love/LTR, maybe I'm just in scarcity ? I've almost just been waiting for her to break up with me... and hoping she does... but at the same time if she did try to break up with me, I'd probably fight for the relationship... maybe this is codependence ? Or ego preservation... pair bonding preservation drive ?
I feel like the answer may be the same feelings I felt as when I quit my corporate job to pursue online business.... a lot of my mind was telling me I was making a terrible decision... but my gut knew within that discomfort was the greatest growth possible for my life... and what followed was 4 years of a seriously epic PUA journey ! And I would not be anywhere close to the man I am today, without quitting that soul-sucking 9-5
And now, I sit here... ~3 years after that PUA journey ended and I drifted into this relationship... which also feels like it has drained a lot of my soul and passion from my life.
3 whole years.... and I learned a ton about LTRs and communication and business and managing my stock trading addiction and cutting out porn as well, as when I was into PUA I never had an issue with porn... once in a committed relationship though, it became too tempting... definitely messed me up a bit, but I think it was good for me to see how a man could get sucked into porn. And what so many men are facing who are stuck in marriages they despise.
But yeah at the same time, I've read @Chase 's article on "how to break up" several times... and I know it says to first present it as a break, to revisit in 30 days... but I have no confidence in my ability to break up and hold myself to it. In a lot of ways I've started to understand why abused women stay with their abusers.... a relationship can create a codependent bond that creates this emotional "haze" of not seeing how I can be without them... even though logically that I 100% can and would 99% be going to the gym more, working harder on business and creating more value for the world without her.
I suppose us being away for 2 months has given her a head start on the de-bonding process as @Skills referenced in this post: https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...e-pair-bond-rush-from-pure-evil-repost.26831/
But yeah... it's just odd to me that it's so hard to break up. I think the finality of it is what is hard. I have no interest in sex with my girlfriend nowadays, but I would like to keep her as a friend... is that sad or healthy ? is there a way to break up but still catch up with her every 6 months or so ?
Perhaps the root problem with my situation is just my egoic desire to hold on... I think cutting down my socialization has hurt me a lot in this regard because if I was just even approaching 1 girl a week to spark a little fun harmless flirty convo with, I'd know what was out there. Or even if I was just still doing some photography of girls, that would be a big help...
My plan is to go out tonight alone for the first time in years... and just see how that feels.
Please let me know what you guys think about my situation... would breaking up be a huge mistake ? Or a great decision ? And how do I get myself to push through the pain of the breakup. I know I will feel so bad/guilty for crushing her heart since she truly does love me.
At the same time, I've also helped her grow so much in the relationship, and I've been a great boyfriend in a lot of ways. Very emotionally attentive and always helping her with her life. I've never cheated at all, and thus I can say I truly gave commitment a shot in my post-PUA-mastery life.
You can review some of my posting history to get a vibe on me. I leveled up in the game community quite a bit working with a good chunk of RSD coaches. I had a nice foundation of a field report thread on the RSDNation forum, which was shutdown by Owen, and looking back kind of pisses me off since I had so many field reports and lay reports written and I would've just loved to save that thread history for my own review. Enjoying the memories, and also remembering where I came from and what I went through. One of the main reasons I started that field report thread was to have something I could look back on when I am 80...
I think this is the only forum I'm found that is still active with solid advice and perspectives coming from @Chase and others. If there are better forums then let me know. I know most PUA discussion moved to fb groups, and now telegram/discords... but I think that the forum approach is much better due to the long form thought-out nature of posts... I miss the golden age of forums and there is something nostalgic/meaningful about them to me. So I'm grateful that skilledseducer.com exists at least.
Anyways, perhaps that is a bit of a scarcity mindset, and that maybe this is a good thing since it can inspire me to recreate my progress from scratch. Still it is confusing for me at times because I had been counting my lays with that field report, and now I honestly can't tell you how many girls I've hooked up with.
I've had some good winning streaks with several girls in various cold approach "romps" as I would call them. Things like 7 girls in 12 days, or 5 girls in 4 days. Overall my lay count by my best estimates is somewhere in the 150-250 range.
This probably sounds dumb but I'm honestly so hazy about the number, and I can't remember hooking up with at least 50% of the girls, which is kind of a shame, as I think having the journal records for myself is useful. Thankfully I have a few lay reports saved locally, and those all have pictures on them as well
I ended up reading through those over the last few days, and it has been sparking something within me... reminding me of who I used to be and how excited pick up would make me. I started listening to the Mystery Method on audible (a classic book that I always felt I was "too good" to read, well I'm more humble now!) and in the early parts of the book he says how cold approach gives a high like no other. I think this is why I always found it addictive. It made me feel alive.
Now, I've learned over the years that chasing the past is not a good idea. I'm not trying to reclaim my old feelings. The PUA community is not the same nowadays, since post-covid I think a lot has changed.
I'm grateful that I got to experience the PUA community. And I'm excited for the next chapter of my life, whatever communities may it hold. I've always thought that the greatest rewards possible for a PUA were as a veiled PUA. For instance, befriending celebrities and models, without ever bringing up a single word of "game". So perhaps that is the way forward for me.
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Anyways, I just wanted to give some context of my experience and where my head is at. Now for my current situation:
I'm now in my early 30s and I'm very confused about what to do. In a lot of ways I think I'm just rationalizing my behavior and desire for comfort. I'm someone who even before finding out about game made a decision that "if I feel discomfort then I HAVE to do it". I started facing my fears, and approaching girls was just one of those fears.
I'm currently in a committed monogamous relationship. I already know I'm going to get hated for some of the things I'm about to say...
Here's how it all started:
I had been grinding my PUA journey religiously, and progressing with ups and downs. However I had an underlying sense that something was missing. COVID was very challenging for me... in that, I wanted to keep approaching and pursuing game. Man I tried my hardest but certain sparks were missing. I had to bust my ass just to get in a few approaches, and really go out of my way even in a great game city like Vegas. Before COVID it wasn't like this... To top this all off, RSD kinda pussed out on cold approach content. They scrubbed their youtube of videos that I found immensely valuable. I wish I could download some of the free tour panels in particular, as I had access to some on a MEGA link, but then that MEGA got deleted.
I know that I was missing something, and for whatever reason I started to gravitate to a more "serial monogamy" kind of mindset. I had never been very good at managing legit rotations. And, I kind of just started seeing how long I could keep a relationship going. However, most of the time since I was traveling so much, my go-to was flying girls to visit me... after doing this several times, I know it has pros and cons.
Living in Vegas kinda sucks... and that's part of the issue. I should have moved to LA or Miami sooner. Vegas is more of a spot to practice game for a few months at max. You need to have a homebase city outside vegas and then use Vegas as a secondary city. This is very powerful especially if your homebase city is LA.
So, I would fly girls out that I had gamed while traveling, and kinda just lean on them for emotional support. I liked the feminine energy. I suppose I've always struggled to have a work-game balance. I feel like I could hang with girls or be on the phone with a girl for hours and hours, and let everything else in my life collapse. I use relationships as escapism, and have always had bad boundaries.
So, I had one short relationship that lasted about a month. And then a few months later I had another girl, let's call her G, I had hooked up with that I wanted to fly out. At the time I just thought "I like this girl, of course I want to see her again" and since she lived in a different city, flying her out was the way to do that. Following that trip, I had made some future projections about visiting her, which over the following 2 months, she started to drill me being like "you're never going to come see me, are you?" etc, even though I intended to see her, I was just very caught up with business stuff. In fact, I got very sucked into business and stock trading during this time, basically giving up game completely to just focus all on business and stock-trading.
I was addicted to stock trading, and had made a lot of money due to some insane initial luck, that I slowly but surely lost over the coming year. During this time period I did visit her for about a month (it isn't lost on me that this is a long period of time to visit someone). At the time I thought I was "so cool" for gaming a girl to let me stay at her place for so long... kinda like Ashton Klutcher in the movie "Spread". Due to the stock-trading addiction, it fried my dopamine system quite a bit.. and for a time made it hard for me to do basic life actions (and this basically would come and go over the last 2 years, depending on how addicted I was.)
When I visited her, she told me that she loved me after a few weeks, which I wasn't ready to say back. I must admit at this time I was very confused about love and what it means (being from a PUA background, I understand pair-bonding vs the societal narrative of "one true love").
I'm still confused about love and what it means exactly. We then stuck together since that trip, with her visiting me numerous times over a year until we eventually moved in with each other in a 2 bedroom apartment, where we split the rent. Before moving in, the relationship had progressed as she demanded monogamy from me, which I relented, as I was very vulnerable due to my stock trading addiction, and had basically been relying on her for 100% of my emotional support. Months later, I started to reground myself, and find other forms of support, but still leaning on her from time to time.
Even before moving in with her I was hesitant. I am pretty introverted and having someone in my day-to-day living space can cause me a lot of anxiety/annoyance. As I am really organized and basically OCD with having my living areas perfectly optimized towards my goals.
From my recent FR journal on this site:
"I'm sacrificing personal space as a challenge to see if I can hold my frame and integrate my day-to-day life while being around women. One of my desires is to live in a mansion with 3-5 girls living with me, so I view this as a learning experience for that future scenario.
the PUA lifestyle I live is very different compared to the person I present on my social media. It is very odd to spend 4-5 nights a week cold approaching for hours. I'm trying to find a way to integrate this girl into that lifestyle so that I can have more threesomes."
So, I think part of moving in together, was me again trying to challenge myself in this way... I was thinking that the next level to my game was to become completely aligned and confident in my lifestyle... having girls around 24/7 would basically force nonstop congruence tests UNTIL I become fully congruent and more grounded in my desires and who I am/want to be.
And, I would say that having a LTR did accomplish this. Im not sure if it was the best progression in my game... but it's good to know that my initial goals did get accomplished to some degree... (although maybe this is me just rationalizing getting into a relationship lmao).
However, having the LTR came at a huge sacrifice in that I naturally fell victim to comfort thinking... letting my physical fitness and social skills degrade.
Moving in kinda started off on a bad foot, as the processing of combining possessions like that is fairly annoying and inefficient. I spent easily 100+ hours just slowly trying to get G to change her organizational habits, as she is the type of person who just leaves clutter everywhere and doesn't want to sort through and organize things. (probably learning here that I need a super organized type A girl for a relationship lol - which I know there are a lot of them out there)
Living together in a lot of ways just allowed her to whip me more and more. I gave up photography, as she didn't want me with other girls. I stopped going out or socializing all together, as I didn't really have friends or any reason to.
I admittedly was singularly focused on money, and trying to make enough so that I had that area of my life handled, just as I had the girls area of my life handled by achieving a decent level of mastery in PUA.
I kept telling myself "I'll just keep dating her until my money is handled, because her support is useful and I don't have the time to go out really". I think this is a selfish reason to have a relationship... but in some regard it made sense. But, I also know if I was single, I'd be socializing more which would also be better for my mental health, motivation, etc. Having a gf is draining a lot of the time.
I had ups and downs with money, and our relationship grew more and more distant, although I think it is more of a one-sided distance. I feel distant from her, while she is still loving and attached. I feel pretty much 0 sex drive with her, and no interest in having sex, even though she is just as attractive as when I met her. One thing that concerned me is that I would try to be vulnerable with her, and she would sometimes get triggered into a lot of anger, saying very hurtful things. I've told her numerous times that this makes my love for her weaken... but she doesn't seem to understand that, and has said that "fights happen and it's not a big deal, get over it".
To me it's very confusing to be so vulnerable with someone and for them to say such hurtful things... it makes all of G's support feel like false support that I can't truly rely on. I'm not sure if it makes sense or not to rely on a girl for support anymore... maybe a rotation of girls, but not a single girl as a support system, since it's a conflict of interest with the romantic side of the relationship.
We did eventually move out of the apartment, and she was staying in airbnbs + with her parents while I have had to be out of town for a work contract for the last 2 months.
So, first off, thank god we moved out. Because breaking up while living together would SUCK ASS. Having to deal with the lease etc.
So, I have a bit of freedom right now, which is nice in comparison to the trapped feelings I felt when we shared the apt. Still we are "together" right now.
Right before I left for the work trip, we had a fight because she was asking "why don't you say you love me anymore?" And I just opened up to her, that I haven't really been feeling much love to her, and that our connection has been weakening. I did mention that every time she yells at me, it weakens our bond. I still feel a bond to her, but it's much more like a father/daughter bond or love.... and reminds me of what Esther Vilar says in "the polygamous sex" which my gut tells me is an accurate model for men's desires/tendencies.
And now, we've still been texting everyday and calling most days.
Fortunately, I do feel like just in the last couple weeks I've had a few things align in terms of productivity that I just feel in a much more competent place.
In terms of money, I now have a consistent business income. it isn't massive, but it's more than enough to keep me living comfortable, pay off credit card debt over time, and I have a clear path towards scaling. I also have some other business stuff I'm working on that ties into some passions of mine in a low risk way. Everything business-wise just seems more accessible now that I'm in my 30s, like I just have a better vantage point on how business works.
However, on the other side, I'm scared to leave the relationship for a few reasons.
1. First off, I haven't done a legit approach in a while. I'm considering just doing some tonight to see how it feels. I know that once I get past the first few approaches, most of my game skills will come rushing back to me in a more refined state. One part of me KNOWS that I have the potential to have the strongest game I've ever had if I just simply take my learnings from this LTR and carry it forward.
I'm not sure where I read this, but somewhere was saying that LTRs are the best thing you can do for your game longterm anyways... I'm excited to see if this is true, or just rationalization.
2. Second of all, part of the reason I "allowed" a relationship to happen is because I was started to get scared of improper PUA. A guy I know got charged with sexual assault, and I had an odd lay report where the girl was completely down but then he friends were freaking out and yelling at me for hooking up with her. It was 1000% consensual. I even got consent, but it still triggered some trauma/worry in me... The solution to this would obviously be to dial in my game and make sure to make the girls chase before hooking up, and be conscious of my status/value positioning. IE: running a strict quality level of game and never getting lazy with my game.
3. Third, G is extremely loyal, and it's mostly a personality quality. I wonder that if I wanted another LTR how easy it would be to find a girl this loyal, or if I'm overthinking it and with good enough game I can get loyal LTRs easily if I wanted. She is loving as well, but has times of aloofness and anger too, so not 100% loving, while we were living together there were many fights, where I had to spend 4-8 hours talking to her, to figure out common ground. This actually taught me a lot about communication and conflict resolution... but overall my boundaries were not strong enough. A lot of our fights ended in me appeasing her or stopping the behavior that she didn't like me doing... So yeah I basically was getting whipped.
See, part of me feels like as a man in my 30s, I shouldn't be in a relationship, that it's not allowing me to prioritize my mission and my businesses. Marrying this girl and settling down with kids would just feel like such a bitch move. And to top it off, I just really miss having sex with new girls. I miss the chase of PUA. And, I have so much potential to fuck so many super hot girls due to my understanding of game and psychology... even with just doing photography, whether that's model or onlyfans photography.
Another separate challenge is I don't know if nude/onlyfans photography is something I can do, since over the last year of relationship I started to understand how bad porn is affecting young men, and I'm not sure if I can contribute to that and still feel good about myself... that's a whole separate topic that deserves a post of it's own... so maybe I'll post that in the general thread later on !
Overall though, I think that's the cognitive dissonance as well... on one side I feel like I should embody good values and have a girlfriend and be a good traditional society "role model", please my parents, etc. On the other side I know I just love fucking new girls. I love PUA. And that will never go aware. I think of hugh hefner at age 80 having a smile on his face as he tells you how hot his 2 girlfriends are. I feel like as a man it's one of the most joyous and integral parts of my life, and all the positive experiences I can give to so many other girls out there..
But yeah.... idk
I feel like breaking up with her is the best decision for me. But, with having low boundaries, it's difficult for me to break up with any girl. I'm like super avoidant and non-confrontational... it's something I'm scared to even talk about... However, in business I'm able to have boundaries and walk away from money all the time if it's not a good fit. Maybe I have more abundance with money.
With love/LTR, maybe I'm just in scarcity ? I've almost just been waiting for her to break up with me... and hoping she does... but at the same time if she did try to break up with me, I'd probably fight for the relationship... maybe this is codependence ? Or ego preservation... pair bonding preservation drive ?
I feel like the answer may be the same feelings I felt as when I quit my corporate job to pursue online business.... a lot of my mind was telling me I was making a terrible decision... but my gut knew within that discomfort was the greatest growth possible for my life... and what followed was 4 years of a seriously epic PUA journey ! And I would not be anywhere close to the man I am today, without quitting that soul-sucking 9-5
And now, I sit here... ~3 years after that PUA journey ended and I drifted into this relationship... which also feels like it has drained a lot of my soul and passion from my life.
3 whole years.... and I learned a ton about LTRs and communication and business and managing my stock trading addiction and cutting out porn as well, as when I was into PUA I never had an issue with porn... once in a committed relationship though, it became too tempting... definitely messed me up a bit, but I think it was good for me to see how a man could get sucked into porn. And what so many men are facing who are stuck in marriages they despise.
But yeah at the same time, I've read @Chase 's article on "how to break up" several times... and I know it says to first present it as a break, to revisit in 30 days... but I have no confidence in my ability to break up and hold myself to it. In a lot of ways I've started to understand why abused women stay with their abusers.... a relationship can create a codependent bond that creates this emotional "haze" of not seeing how I can be without them... even though logically that I 100% can and would 99% be going to the gym more, working harder on business and creating more value for the world without her.
I suppose us being away for 2 months has given her a head start on the de-bonding process as @Skills referenced in this post: https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...e-pair-bond-rush-from-pure-evil-repost.26831/
But yeah... it's just odd to me that it's so hard to break up. I think the finality of it is what is hard. I have no interest in sex with my girlfriend nowadays, but I would like to keep her as a friend... is that sad or healthy ? is there a way to break up but still catch up with her every 6 months or so ?
Perhaps the root problem with my situation is just my egoic desire to hold on... I think cutting down my socialization has hurt me a lot in this regard because if I was just even approaching 1 girl a week to spark a little fun harmless flirty convo with, I'd know what was out there. Or even if I was just still doing some photography of girls, that would be a big help...
My plan is to go out tonight alone for the first time in years... and just see how that feels.
Please let me know what you guys think about my situation... would breaking up be a huge mistake ? Or a great decision ? And how do I get myself to push through the pain of the breakup. I know I will feel so bad/guilty for crushing her heart since she truly does love me.
At the same time, I've also helped her grow so much in the relationship, and I've been a great boyfriend in a lot of ways. Very emotionally attentive and always helping her with her life. I've never cheated at all, and thus I can say I truly gave commitment a shot in my post-PUA-mastery life.
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