- Joined
- Dec 21, 2012
- Messages
- 340
I went out with my female friend today and embarrassingly, this is my FIRST time ever going on a date with a girl besides the movies or her coming over to my place. It wasn't as easy as I thought.
See, I heard when you take girls out, you just gotta do something that you find fun and invite them into your world...
But I was having trouble leading and ended up deciding that we go to the beach because we both haven't been in awhile.
ALSO, its hard for me to genuinely find something fun to do because I can literally have fun by just sitting on a porch and enjoying my surroundings/nature. I'm a very laid back, chill guy. Going out and doing things actually FEELS like too much to me, unless it's with the right people.
So anyway, after many back and forth phone calls and trying to make plans, we settled on going to the beach. Since I don't have a car, I had my brother take us. First we had to drive thirty minutes all the way to her side of town, pick her up, then drive twenty minutes to the beach. And she couldn't be out very long so we had two hours to do whatever we wanted to do.
But first, let me go into the history of me and this girl since I never officially made a field report on it back in June.
I had met this girl my senior year in high school, 2012. I knew of her because she was a friend of people in my social circle but I didn't really talk to her until I had a class with her. In class, I met her through a girl I had a crush on the time while she was nothing more than this girl's friend to me. One day we started talking...well...she started talking to me. She just went into telling me about her problems and her life and I just listened. To me, that's the best thing when a girl will just talk and I don't have to ask anything from her. At the time, I didn't think anything of it and nothing really started from that. I also never really looked at her with desire. She is pretty and very sexy actually but I just didn't pay any attention.
After I graduated, I began getting more involved with her on Facebook. She posted really artistic and sexy photos of herself and I would comment on them with creative compliments that she loved. We began having conversations on Facebook chat and got really flirty. It was a daily thing though. Not even weekly. It just happened randomly whenever...and we both thought nothing of it. Then one night we were chatting and things were getting really sexual so we decided to go take our chat to Skype. It was about 2 in the morning and I told her in my bed room voice what I wanted to do to her and got her turned on. She ended up stripping for me on camera and then fingered herself to my dirty talking.
After that I KNEW we had to meet up.
I eventually got her over to my place in June...when my mom wasn't home. (funny because it was my mom's birthday too...I thought I'd never get her out of the house)
I thought that was going to be the day that I lost my virginity but instead we made out, then I sucked on her tits, then I fingered her and made her cum maybe about three times. The problem was that I couldnt "get it up". Probably due to performance anxiety. After she was finished, I expected her to give me a blowjob or continue on to pleasing me but she ended up crying in my bathroom feeling regret. She told me she felt like she "used" me because all these months she's liked this one other guy but this guy has a girlfriend. Her and this guy have had history since they were preteens. They used to be just friends but then one day they accidentally or impulsively kissed and then were sexually attracted to one another after that. She's spent all these years chasing him while he went from relationship to relationship. He even cheated with her sometimes. The time she came over was a time when he was out of town for a long time and I guess she missed him.
Anyways, after she was done crying we had a heart to heart and really opened up about a lot of things and I deep dived her. I felt extremely close to her afterwards and viewed her as a friend with benefits. I let her know that I don't have much female friends and when I do, I don't stay their friends for very long. And that I wanted to stay friends with her for as long as we could.
In my mind, I figured that I still had a chance for her to come over again so we could hook up. But the same day, she made it clear to me and said :"this is never going to happen again"
I said okay but in the back of my mind I'm thinking: psh whatever...I read girlschase...I'm gonna pull this off!
Over the course of the last two months we've have not seen each other and spent most of our talking on the phone where I would keep trying to make plans to see her. Always flakes. Always something else she HAD to do. Regardless the sexual tension between us was there. Most of our phone calls were either us flirting and talking sexual or her just telling me more problems in her life and problems with the guy she likes. (now that I look back, I shouldn't have been an emotional anchor for that) one day, last month, she decided that she was tired of being casually sexual and she seemed to be "slut shaming" herself and cut back on the flirting with me.
Every time I would try to bring back the sexual aspect of our relationship she'd tell me that I needed to stop insinuating that something sexual was going to happen between us and I was "killing my chances" of anything even happening if she wanted to let it.
She had to tell me this a total of three times and the last time I finally got the picture and stopped.
Our phones calls became less frequent and I became less involved with conversation over the phone (I mean...I'm not getting what I want so...)
I was really starting to feel used but I still held onto the belief that I could still hook up with her.
See, right now my main goal with women is to just lose my virginity first so that I can lose a little of the scarcity mentality that I have. Friends keep telling me that I should lose it to "someone special", which I believed at first, but now I really don't care. Besides, who knows when that "special someone" will come along.
I basically go after the girls in my life which has the most likely chance of me getting there. Whenever the probability of me hookingup goes down, I move on and go for someone easier.
She seems like a high probability lay so I hold onto a belief that it will happen.( I also keep her around because I don't want to lose her as a friend)
So that history got pretty long, now to the main story.
My brother picks her up and all three of us head to the beach.
She's telling me she wants to go to a different beach instead of the mainstream "dirty" beach that everyone goes to.
She also wants to stop at a place on the boardwalk and eat first.
On the way there, I introduce her to my little brother and she instantly (like every girl seems to do) she seems drawn in by my brothers charisma and "devil may care" attitude. He just has this way with girls.
She began questioning me on why my little brother (one year younger) has a car and I don't. I basically felt like less of a man having to explain myself.i tried to be flirty with her but keep in mind I was NOT trying to go for a lay. The situation and logistics were horrible. I figured I might as well see where our relationship stands.
She wasn't really receptive to me and even said at one point: "are you just trying to hold my hand"?
I'm also still learning about my town even though I've grown up here my entire life so I was asking her questions about the different sides of town which she teased me about. I didn't feel good about it though...it kinda hurt.
The car ride was a little talking then quietness while my brother and I vibed to his music, then talking, then more music listening. I tried my best to make sure she wasn't bored and tried not to neglect her but I am not an expert on this. I also have no idea what to talk about after I've deep dived someone... I feel so much pressure on myself to find something to talk about. We usually just talk about whatever...and I *could* be killing my chances without even realizing it.
We parked at the beach and then ran into a couple of girls from school she knew and she seemed very happy to see them and was prepared to have them hang out with us too. But eventually they left when they saw that we were about to eat. We ate at a pizza place. My brother didn't get any food while me and her split the bill on our meals. The conversation at the table was much like the car. It was three way. She'd ask my brother questions about himself every once in awhile and sometimes me and her went back and forth about things which I guess was kind of flirting. She even got sexual a few times. She asked if I was going to get I the water. I told her no because I don't own a pair of swimming trunks and she said:
Her: okay well I'm going to get wet
Me: oh I bet you will
Her: not that kind of wet.
Me: I wasn't talking about THAT kinda wet..were you thinking that?
Her: nooo
Me: I see what's on your mind
Her: haha whatever...
And we were going back and forth about it.
I tried to keep touch to a minimum and only incidentally touched her. I rarely did though.
She would bring up sexual innuendos and such sometimes and mentioned how she has a silver tongue and almost got that guy she likes to "eat her out". Ignored this and other times she talked about him. I even mentioned how she talks about him a lot which we had a little discussion about.
Then we went onto the beach.
I'll wrap this up now.
She tried to get me to play in the water with her which I refused at first because I didn't feel like getting wet.
When she was taking off her clothes because her swim suit was underneath, I began touching her waist and ass and admiring her swim suit. She looked GOOD.
She told me to stop touching her which I pulled back from.
Then when she finally convinced me to go in the water with her, I made a joke thati was going to pick her up and thrower into the water and reached out and got ready to pick her up. She smacked my hands away and raised her voice a little telling me not to touch her. After that I did not touch her for the rest of the time.
On the ride back, I kept to myself and didn't bother trying to make conversation with her. I just listened to my brothers music playing and responded to whatever she said and then got quiet again. She probably noticed my aloofness/sudden coldness and chased a tiny bit. She told me her boobs were cold and told me to touch them.
Me: yup that's pretty cold. (goes quiet again)
We drop her off back home and then I give her a hug and move to the front passenger seat.
I think if she calls me anytime soon, I'm going to just say I'm busy and stop being her emotional anchor. But honestly, I was never giving her advice or supporting her...I listened to what she says because she tells me things that I would've never learned on my own, like the behind the scenes drama going on at my old highschool and the stuff that went on when I was there. I guess you could say,i like listening to her gossip.
I really want to keep her as a friend but I think I need a break from our routine of late night calls...
I need a break from her.
Sorry for the long post.
That's all for now.
See, I heard when you take girls out, you just gotta do something that you find fun and invite them into your world...
But I was having trouble leading and ended up deciding that we go to the beach because we both haven't been in awhile.
ALSO, its hard for me to genuinely find something fun to do because I can literally have fun by just sitting on a porch and enjoying my surroundings/nature. I'm a very laid back, chill guy. Going out and doing things actually FEELS like too much to me, unless it's with the right people.
So anyway, after many back and forth phone calls and trying to make plans, we settled on going to the beach. Since I don't have a car, I had my brother take us. First we had to drive thirty minutes all the way to her side of town, pick her up, then drive twenty minutes to the beach. And she couldn't be out very long so we had two hours to do whatever we wanted to do.
But first, let me go into the history of me and this girl since I never officially made a field report on it back in June.
I had met this girl my senior year in high school, 2012. I knew of her because she was a friend of people in my social circle but I didn't really talk to her until I had a class with her. In class, I met her through a girl I had a crush on the time while she was nothing more than this girl's friend to me. One day we started talking...well...she started talking to me. She just went into telling me about her problems and her life and I just listened. To me, that's the best thing when a girl will just talk and I don't have to ask anything from her. At the time, I didn't think anything of it and nothing really started from that. I also never really looked at her with desire. She is pretty and very sexy actually but I just didn't pay any attention.
After I graduated, I began getting more involved with her on Facebook. She posted really artistic and sexy photos of herself and I would comment on them with creative compliments that she loved. We began having conversations on Facebook chat and got really flirty. It was a daily thing though. Not even weekly. It just happened randomly whenever...and we both thought nothing of it. Then one night we were chatting and things were getting really sexual so we decided to go take our chat to Skype. It was about 2 in the morning and I told her in my bed room voice what I wanted to do to her and got her turned on. She ended up stripping for me on camera and then fingered herself to my dirty talking.
After that I KNEW we had to meet up.
I eventually got her over to my place in June...when my mom wasn't home. (funny because it was my mom's birthday too...I thought I'd never get her out of the house)
I thought that was going to be the day that I lost my virginity but instead we made out, then I sucked on her tits, then I fingered her and made her cum maybe about three times. The problem was that I couldnt "get it up". Probably due to performance anxiety. After she was finished, I expected her to give me a blowjob or continue on to pleasing me but she ended up crying in my bathroom feeling regret. She told me she felt like she "used" me because all these months she's liked this one other guy but this guy has a girlfriend. Her and this guy have had history since they were preteens. They used to be just friends but then one day they accidentally or impulsively kissed and then were sexually attracted to one another after that. She's spent all these years chasing him while he went from relationship to relationship. He even cheated with her sometimes. The time she came over was a time when he was out of town for a long time and I guess she missed him.
Anyways, after she was done crying we had a heart to heart and really opened up about a lot of things and I deep dived her. I felt extremely close to her afterwards and viewed her as a friend with benefits. I let her know that I don't have much female friends and when I do, I don't stay their friends for very long. And that I wanted to stay friends with her for as long as we could.
In my mind, I figured that I still had a chance for her to come over again so we could hook up. But the same day, she made it clear to me and said :"this is never going to happen again"
I said okay but in the back of my mind I'm thinking: psh whatever...I read girlschase...I'm gonna pull this off!
Over the course of the last two months we've have not seen each other and spent most of our talking on the phone where I would keep trying to make plans to see her. Always flakes. Always something else she HAD to do. Regardless the sexual tension between us was there. Most of our phone calls were either us flirting and talking sexual or her just telling me more problems in her life and problems with the guy she likes. (now that I look back, I shouldn't have been an emotional anchor for that) one day, last month, she decided that she was tired of being casually sexual and she seemed to be "slut shaming" herself and cut back on the flirting with me.
Every time I would try to bring back the sexual aspect of our relationship she'd tell me that I needed to stop insinuating that something sexual was going to happen between us and I was "killing my chances" of anything even happening if she wanted to let it.
She had to tell me this a total of three times and the last time I finally got the picture and stopped.
Our phones calls became less frequent and I became less involved with conversation over the phone (I mean...I'm not getting what I want so...)
I was really starting to feel used but I still held onto the belief that I could still hook up with her.
See, right now my main goal with women is to just lose my virginity first so that I can lose a little of the scarcity mentality that I have. Friends keep telling me that I should lose it to "someone special", which I believed at first, but now I really don't care. Besides, who knows when that "special someone" will come along.
I basically go after the girls in my life which has the most likely chance of me getting there. Whenever the probability of me hookingup goes down, I move on and go for someone easier.
She seems like a high probability lay so I hold onto a belief that it will happen.( I also keep her around because I don't want to lose her as a friend)
So that history got pretty long, now to the main story.
My brother picks her up and all three of us head to the beach.
She's telling me she wants to go to a different beach instead of the mainstream "dirty" beach that everyone goes to.
She also wants to stop at a place on the boardwalk and eat first.
On the way there, I introduce her to my little brother and she instantly (like every girl seems to do) she seems drawn in by my brothers charisma and "devil may care" attitude. He just has this way with girls.
She began questioning me on why my little brother (one year younger) has a car and I don't. I basically felt like less of a man having to explain myself.i tried to be flirty with her but keep in mind I was NOT trying to go for a lay. The situation and logistics were horrible. I figured I might as well see where our relationship stands.
She wasn't really receptive to me and even said at one point: "are you just trying to hold my hand"?
I'm also still learning about my town even though I've grown up here my entire life so I was asking her questions about the different sides of town which she teased me about. I didn't feel good about it though...it kinda hurt.
The car ride was a little talking then quietness while my brother and I vibed to his music, then talking, then more music listening. I tried my best to make sure she wasn't bored and tried not to neglect her but I am not an expert on this. I also have no idea what to talk about after I've deep dived someone... I feel so much pressure on myself to find something to talk about. We usually just talk about whatever...and I *could* be killing my chances without even realizing it.
We parked at the beach and then ran into a couple of girls from school she knew and she seemed very happy to see them and was prepared to have them hang out with us too. But eventually they left when they saw that we were about to eat. We ate at a pizza place. My brother didn't get any food while me and her split the bill on our meals. The conversation at the table was much like the car. It was three way. She'd ask my brother questions about himself every once in awhile and sometimes me and her went back and forth about things which I guess was kind of flirting. She even got sexual a few times. She asked if I was going to get I the water. I told her no because I don't own a pair of swimming trunks and she said:
Her: okay well I'm going to get wet
Me: oh I bet you will
Her: not that kind of wet.
Me: I wasn't talking about THAT kinda wet..were you thinking that?
Her: nooo
Me: I see what's on your mind
Her: haha whatever...
And we were going back and forth about it.
I tried to keep touch to a minimum and only incidentally touched her. I rarely did though.
She would bring up sexual innuendos and such sometimes and mentioned how she has a silver tongue and almost got that guy she likes to "eat her out". Ignored this and other times she talked about him. I even mentioned how she talks about him a lot which we had a little discussion about.
Then we went onto the beach.
I'll wrap this up now.
She tried to get me to play in the water with her which I refused at first because I didn't feel like getting wet.
When she was taking off her clothes because her swim suit was underneath, I began touching her waist and ass and admiring her swim suit. She looked GOOD.
She told me to stop touching her which I pulled back from.
Then when she finally convinced me to go in the water with her, I made a joke thati was going to pick her up and thrower into the water and reached out and got ready to pick her up. She smacked my hands away and raised her voice a little telling me not to touch her. After that I did not touch her for the rest of the time.
On the ride back, I kept to myself and didn't bother trying to make conversation with her. I just listened to my brothers music playing and responded to whatever she said and then got quiet again. She probably noticed my aloofness/sudden coldness and chased a tiny bit. She told me her boobs were cold and told me to touch them.
Me: yup that's pretty cold. (goes quiet again)
We drop her off back home and then I give her a hug and move to the front passenger seat.
I think if she calls me anytime soon, I'm going to just say I'm busy and stop being her emotional anchor. But honestly, I was never giving her advice or supporting her...I listened to what she says because she tells me things that I would've never learned on my own, like the behind the scenes drama going on at my old highschool and the stuff that went on when I was there. I guess you could say,i like listening to her gossip.
I really want to keep her as a friend but I think I need a break from our routine of late night calls...
I need a break from her.
Sorry for the long post.
That's all for now.
