I Have 2 Fears

[Reave Krieger]

I noticed that I have these two (2) major fears:

- approach anxiety
- fear to talk loudly in public

The approach anxiety is already covered well on this site. I am constantly working on this one.

For the other one I don't have any solution though. I can talk loudly when alone or with good friends or in front of class during a presentation. But as soon as I go out or when I find myself in a social environment (street or bar) I suddenly can't speak up. It's really scary. I want to talk loudly but I don't dare and I have no idea why that is so.

Can you help me get rid of this fear by giving advice or a tactic to overcome it?

 

[Smith]

Come from the collaborative frame. Everyone's your friend. They are on your team. They want you to do well. They want you to speak up and they want to hear what you have to say. Now that you have the mindset. The next step is to put yourself in public speaking situations. Go to a toastmaster club to train yourself to speak in front of other people. Take slow deep breaths when you talk. Also, take note of when you hit that sweet spot with your voice, so that if you do find yourself getting quiet again, you know how to get back to that sweet spot.

 

[Reave Krieger]

Smith,

thanks for your reply. I don't know if there is a toastmaster club near my hometown (I live in Germany). As I said I have no problems at all to speak (up) in front of an audience. When I have a good reason to speak loudly, I can!

What I fear most is talking loudly with friends when other people are around who I don't know. I fear to be judged by what I say.

Other examples:
- When listening to music with headphones -- I don't dare to sing along (in public)
- When driving my car with the windows down -- I don't turn the music up too much (when there are people on the sidewalk)
- I don't dare to shout something across long distances -- I rather go there and say what I want to say quietly

It seems like I am too considerate with my environment. I give a lot of f***s about other people. I am afraid of annoying the people around me. I fear their judgment. I can't act like a jerk...

I don't want to care - but I DO!

 

[Smith]

There should be a toastmaster in Germany. There's an exercise in Toastmaster, where you have to do an improv speech of just saying your opinion for 2 mins. That's the exercise I think will push your comfort zone.

It seems like I am too considerate with my environment. I give a lot of f***s about other people. I am afraid of annoying the people around me. I fear their judgment. I can't act like a jerk...

I don't want to care - but I DO!

Let it go. There is literally no benefit worrying about what other people think. You are not doing anyone any favour by speaking quiet. What you're chasing, i.e. other people's validation, is what you're lacking, i.e. self-love. And you can't ever be satisfied by other people's validation.

Once you can let that go, then the only reason you want to speak loud is because you want to share and you want nothing in return. It's not about acting more like a jerk. It's about doing the things you want to do without letting fear of judgement from your ego, the fear from the environment and other people stopping you. And at the same time, make sure everyone's having fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qsaxJCvahA Watch this video!

 

[Reave Krieger]

Thank you a lot, Smith!

I am on my way