I met a girl who is just my type on tinder. We planned a date, but...

[belmo]

I met a girl on tinder. Cute, kinky, neurodivergent, nerdy, etc. She's like... a broken fairy type. She's lives off of disability (it seems due to mental health struggles).

Nonetheless, we hit it off on Tinder. We have the same interests, sexual and otherwise. We exchange Discord info and start talking and planning a date. On the first attempt, she has something that ends up going too late, and she can't take the bus out to meet. We reschedule for the next day. That day comes and she says that therapy was really rough. I have dated troubled autistic girls, and I am sympathetic. They need a lot of sensitivity and reassurance, so I dialed back usual "game" stuff and tried to be kind and understanding. But I am worried I desexualized myself by offering to be an understanding friend and I'm wondering how to make this date happen w/out being needy

The copypaste of the latest exchange, which started on the day the date was rescheduled:

Her:
Did ya do anything fun today?

Me:
just work lol
which i suppose was fun

Her:
oh thats good at least

Me:
what about you?

Her:
Nothing much, just a depressy day
played games n stuff
in therapy now

Me:
is it like remote therapy?

Her:
yee
and group therapy
i like it in person better tho
i feel more connected to people and able to talk

Me:
oh in person is better for most stuff imo

Her:
yeaaa lol

her:
I'm really sorry again, therapy was really rough and im not doing too well. I gotta raincheck

Me:
oh no
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time
Me:
hey, how are you doing today?

Her:
Hey sorry, still not doing great tbh

Me:
that must be really difficult and shitty
I'm a good listener if you need someone to talk to

Her:
yeah sorry ugh

Me:
How's your day going?

Her:
Its alright, wbu?

Me:
pretty good. I just saw a really good horror movie in theaters last night called Talk to Me, and it inspired me to write some new content for my youtube channel
wanna do something fun tonight?

Her:
sorry i got dnd x3

 

[TomInHo]

Text game was meh

You were too focused on the negatives and reinforcing those bad feelings. Going out on a date with you should be an escape from her sorrows not a reminder. That's why she kept flaking, you didn't present yourself like a fun and laidback time

Let her therapist deal with that mess while you offer her some vitamin D to heal her

 

[belmo]

Got it. So what do I do now? Wait for her to contact me? Or set a date and invite her?

 

[TomInHo]

Read this

 

[belmo]

So... ask about her D&D stuff, establish connection quickly, and then set a date?

 

[TomInHo]

So... ask about her D&D stuff, establish connection quickly, and then set a date?

No

Wind down this conversation. Then ping her another day with flirty banter, soft close on high point then set the date

 

[belmo]

How do I wind it down? address her last statement? (the D&D thing)

 

[TomInHo]

"Got it. Have fun"

Also read and apply this for your future pings

 

[Will_V]

I met a girl on tinder. Cute, kinky, neurodivergent, nerdy, etc. She's like... a broken fairy type. She's lives off of disability (it seems due to mental health struggles).

Nonetheless, we hit it off on Tinder. We have the same interests, sexual and otherwise. We exchange Discord info and start talking and planning a date. On the first attempt, she has something that ends up going too late, and she can't take the bus out to meet. We reschedule for the next day. That day comes and she says that therapy was really rough. I have dated troubled autistic girls, and I am sympathetic. They need a lot of sensitivity and reassurance, so I dialed back usual "game" stuff and tried to be kind and understanding. But I am worried I desexualized myself by offering to be an understanding friend and I'm wondering how to make this date happen w/out being needy

The copypaste of the latest exchange, which started on the day the date was rescheduled:

Where's the excitement and teasing banter that makes her look forward to the next message/interaction?

 

[belmo]

Good question.

How should I play it now though? I sent the "have fun" text @TomInHo suggested

 

[Gunwitch]

She's lives off of disability (it seems due to mental health struggles).

Dude the odds are good but the goods are odd.

Go restart with another chick.


Gun

 

[Will_V]

Dude the odds are good but the goods are odd.

Was typing a response but it can't be said better than this lol

@belmo she's got deep issues, in therapy and not keen for a date. Time to find a better prospect.

 

[TomInHo]

Why can’t he just have sex with her? @Gunwitch @Will_V

Every girl you fuck doesn’t need to be special or a GF. You can see she loco and just fuck, keep her at a distance while you look for someone more solid

 

[Will_V]

Why can’t he just have sex with her? @Gunwitch @Will_V

Every girl you fuck doesn’t need to be special or a GF. You can see she loco and just fuck, keep her at a distance while you look for someone more solid

It's not my style to bang and dump a girl who obviously has huge self esteem issues. But to each their own.

 

[Gunwitch]

Why can’t he just have sex with her? @Gunwitch @Will_V

Every girl you fuck doesn’t need to be special or a GF. You can see she loco and just fuck, keep her at a distance while you look for someone more solid

I guess you aren't familiar with me at all still, as much as we've chatted. I'm last guy to put that out there. I got the impression from belmo that he was taking this serious to even be bothering with it/asking about it. Plus he said he dated troubled girls. All clicked to me that he was experiencing maybe a touch of one-itis.


Gun

 

[bartuda]

due to mental health struggles...

you lost me there... get some self-respect and move on, the sooner you learn to start rejecting the wrong women better for your own sake.

 

[belmo]

Judge me all you want but she's cute and I have a type. Mostly im just trying to gain XP for situations like this.

"Got it. Have fun" is the latest -- two days ago. no interaction since then. What's my next move? when/how do I invite her out

 

[orkie123]

Judge me all you want but she's cute and I have a type. Mostly im just trying to gain XP for situations like this.

"Got it. Have fun" is the latest -- two days ago. no interaction since then. What's my next move? when/how do I invite her out

When it comes to texting as a beginner. Have a mental checklist like this:

1) Do I need to text/respond at all or is this a natural point to end convo. Do not delibrately be the person to stop responding every time, but many times the last text doesnt need sending

2) Does this text add value? Value is either it moves the interaction along, or it creates fun vibes for both of you.

3) if its a joke, will she get it? Is the joke/banter appropriate for the current texting mood? Im someone who makes jokes/ sarcasm where unless people know me well, they dont click or come off badly in texting.

This may seem robotic but as you do it more often, it becomes subconscious.

Then go and use Skill's texting framework from the links you were provided for what to do now.

If you need examples of fun vibe texts and pings, i would check out playingwithfire's. Just dont copy them directly, but make ones in similar style that feel your own.

 

[Skjöldr]

"Got it. Have fun" is the latest -- two days ago. no interaction since then. What's my next move? when/how do I invite her out

You sound just like myself.

What I would do is give it 2-3 days and then ping. Like the sun emoji, eyes emoji or "Hey :.)/;.)"

 

[Skjöldr]

remove the "." in between lol