- Joined
- Jan 6, 2025
- Messages
- 3
Hi!
I’ve been reading the forums and appreciate the great advice here. I’m 35, from Europe, and while I’ve never been a top seducer I didn't really struggle with women before, I’ve recently lost some of my game, and feel badly calibrated. I’d love some advice on a specific situation – within maybe som unusual context.
I met a girl during my vacation in an African country a few months ago, and we instantly clicked. We spent a few days together, and later she visited me at another location. Early on, she mentioned being afraid of falling for a tourist, but our chemistry was great.
She started to like me a lot, but I naturally had my reservations. I was in a place where white men are often seen as walking wallets, and she’s a woman with a past – a single mom, former bartender, etc. We did some awesome stuff together and people around us noticed our dynamic.
When I returned home, we kept in touch. We flirted, bantered, and discussed her visiting me, and I offered to pay half the cost.
I was still that relaxed, confident guy who didn’t place any demands on her—a refreshing change from her everyday life.
Eventually, she indirectly asked for full help with travel costs, outwardly she said she had a lot going on and didn't get payed but if we wait for some time it will be better. I overreacted, became needy, and pushed guilt – mostly because I felt it was excuses.
We then lost touch for two weeks.
In the meantime, she posted things on social media that could be interpreted as relating to our situation. I think this was when she started to auto-reject because I didn’t genuinely try to “repair” things, I was needy and the mentality: "If he really likes me, he should pay."
When I reached out again, she said she still wanted to visit me and she really liked me and wanted to spend more time with me, even though our last conversation about it hadn’t gone well. I showed understanding about her situation this time and told her there was no pressure. I think I should have let the conversation rest a little bit here.
The few messages that followed after she was still cold and neutral. She suggested visiting next month, but it felt half-hearted.
When New Year’s Eve came, I decided to send a message to provoke a reaction and possibly spark some tests:
“…and that you find someone who tolerates you.”
Her response was “I don’t think I’m hard to tolerate and definitely didn’t think you were this sick of me.”
Instead of leaving things there, where I’d regained a bit of the upper hand and she might have contacted me in a week or so, I tried to recover with more banter. Since then, she’s been ignoring my messages.
Me: "To be honest you are a bit stubborn. I didn’t realize I did hit a nerve."
Me: "But that’s definitely a part of my vacation, was fun with you."
Her: "I’m confused now
about whether you like it or dislike it."
Me: "Maybe you are just stubborn enough to overthink it
. It’s a cute part of your personality, but not 24/7."
Her: "Good to know"
Me: "I knew you would agree."
Her: "Do I have any chocie?"
Me: "Of course. But stubborn people have less options."
Me: Sent her a photo and a question.
Now ignored for a couple of days.
I don't want her to visit me, but instead to feel excited about meeting me when I visit her country in a couple of months. How can I reignite the communication without coming across as desperate or needy? Maybe call her to break the ice and say and choose some strategic weakness? Would it be smarter to hit her up when I'm in the country...because I don't think she will reach out to me first.
She´s a good and fun girl, who had a tough life. She has a bit of an ego and pride though – I think theres some cultural differences, but I think overall we had a great and genuine dynamic.
(Posted this in the relationship board, but I think it's more correct here.)
I’ve been reading the forums and appreciate the great advice here. I’m 35, from Europe, and while I’ve never been a top seducer I didn't really struggle with women before, I’ve recently lost some of my game, and feel badly calibrated. I’d love some advice on a specific situation – within maybe som unusual context.
I met a girl during my vacation in an African country a few months ago, and we instantly clicked. We spent a few days together, and later she visited me at another location. Early on, she mentioned being afraid of falling for a tourist, but our chemistry was great.
She started to like me a lot, but I naturally had my reservations. I was in a place where white men are often seen as walking wallets, and she’s a woman with a past – a single mom, former bartender, etc. We did some awesome stuff together and people around us noticed our dynamic.
When I returned home, we kept in touch. We flirted, bantered, and discussed her visiting me, and I offered to pay half the cost.
I was still that relaxed, confident guy who didn’t place any demands on her—a refreshing change from her everyday life.
Eventually, she indirectly asked for full help with travel costs, outwardly she said she had a lot going on and didn't get payed but if we wait for some time it will be better. I overreacted, became needy, and pushed guilt – mostly because I felt it was excuses.
We then lost touch for two weeks.
In the meantime, she posted things on social media that could be interpreted as relating to our situation. I think this was when she started to auto-reject because I didn’t genuinely try to “repair” things, I was needy and the mentality: "If he really likes me, he should pay."
When I reached out again, she said she still wanted to visit me and she really liked me and wanted to spend more time with me, even though our last conversation about it hadn’t gone well. I showed understanding about her situation this time and told her there was no pressure. I think I should have let the conversation rest a little bit here.
The few messages that followed after she was still cold and neutral. She suggested visiting next month, but it felt half-hearted.
When New Year’s Eve came, I decided to send a message to provoke a reaction and possibly spark some tests:
“…and that you find someone who tolerates you.”
Her response was “I don’t think I’m hard to tolerate and definitely didn’t think you were this sick of me.”
Instead of leaving things there, where I’d regained a bit of the upper hand and she might have contacted me in a week or so, I tried to recover with more banter. Since then, she’s been ignoring my messages.
Me: "To be honest you are a bit stubborn. I didn’t realize I did hit a nerve."
Me: "But that’s definitely a part of my vacation, was fun with you."
Her: "I’m confused now
about whether you like it or dislike it."Me: "Maybe you are just stubborn enough to overthink it
. It’s a cute part of your personality, but not 24/7."Her: "Good to know"
Me: "I knew you would agree."
Her: "Do I have any chocie?"
Me: "Of course. But stubborn people have less options
."Me: Sent her a photo and a question.
Now ignored for a couple of days.
I don't want her to visit me, but instead to feel excited about meeting me when I visit her country in a couple of months. How can I reignite the communication without coming across as desperate or needy? Maybe call her to break the ice and say and choose some strategic weakness? Would it be smarter to hit her up when I'm in the country...because I don't think she will reach out to me first.
She´s a good and fun girl, who had a tough life. She has a bit of an ego and pride though – I think theres some cultural differences, but I think overall we had a great and genuine dynamic.
(Posted this in the relationship board, but I think it's more correct here.)
