If you want to sit at a bar but don't want to buy anything...

[Oskar]

Maybe you don't drink and also aren't thirsty, maybe you're broke, or maybe you just don't feel like buying a drink just yet, sometimes we just want to sit at a bar without buying something. If you go out and pick up at bars often, for example, the cost of drinks can pile up pretty fast, so today I wanted to share my simple, field-tested method of smoothly sitting at a bar by yourself without having to buy anything (and also not pissing off the bartenders).

It's really quite simple; I'm sure I'm not the first to think of this: sit down, act casual (maybe stare off into space or whatever it is you do when you go out by yourself), and when the bartender comes up to you just tell them that you're just waiting for someone. Depending on the bar and how busy things are, this will give you approximately a 5-15 minute grace period. Usually I get up and mingle and move around or leave after at most 15 minutes. No one has ever seemed to noticed (though often I'll end up making a new friend or chatting with a cute girl in the place, so bartenders probably just assume that that's who I was "waiting for"), though sometimes you do have to repeat yourself each time a new bartender comes up to you. It's funny how easy it is to get what you want when you have a plausible reason or two up your sleeve. It's also funny that you aren't even lying: you really are waiting to for someone; you just haven't met them yet! I learned this because I've been playing a game with myself where I check out different bars around the city (recently moved here), seeing which ones are suitable and which ones just aren't for me.

Cheers {or maybe not },
Oskar

Bonus: For those of you who don't drink, here are some of my favorite non-alcoholic drinks (that can easily be mistaken as manly alcoholic drinks by passive observers):
-Mineral water with a twist of lime or lemon
-Root beer
-Ginger ale

And two that also sound like they could be alcoholic when you order them:
-Lemon Verbena (very refreshing)
-Roy Rogers

 

[trashKENNUT]

Added:

Non-alcoholic drinks

-Fruit Punch
-Milk

Zac

 

[Oskar]

http://media.giphy.com/media/yF62lGfZonSKs/giphy.gif

 

[Oskar]

Cool post Oskar, I just have a couple questions.

How would you apply this to restaurants? Perhaps, a waitress caught your eye and you'd like to see what she's like. How would you go about it? The only time I step foot inside a restaurant is with my entire family which makes things rather difficult.

If there was a way to get in and stay long enough to maybe get a number or two without having to order anything. I'd like to here it so I can try it out!


-Casanova

Hi Nova,

I could see this working in a restaurant, though the expectations involved might be harder to override, as it's a less "fluid" environment. Waitresses also are a bit more employee/customer oriented than bartenders, who, because of the nature of their job, are usually more "chummy" and open to playful banter.

A typical restaurant situation under these conditions might look something like this:

1) Go into restaurant by yourself (ideally during a slow time)

2) Get a table for two and say you're waiting for someone.

3) Look over the menu and when the girl comes over flirt a bit and plant the seed of a few ideas in her mind. Idea 1: You are interested in her as more than just a waitress and you know that she is interested in you as more than just another customer too. Idea 2: Your "friend" might have meant for you to meet up somewhere else. It was ambiguous -- though you're pretty sure it was here.

4) When she comes back again get her number/set up a date as discreetly and smoothly as you can.

5) Check your phone, perhaps sigh, get up, and bid the girl adieu (with a slightly apologetic, distracted/mildly frustrated expression)

6) Carry on with your day.

The downside of this is that it requires a certain time commitment, though, sometimes you will see a waitress who is worth it.

 

[Chase]

Added:

-Milk

... in a dirty glass.

 

[Estate]

I think you're running a fine line with this one.
There's a time and a place where it's fine but in general it can backfire.

If you tend to roll solo into busy bars where you'll really just be blending into a crowd and not actually at the bar, it's fine.

Sitting at a bar, busy or not is drawing attention from staff. Don't be fooled into thinking you're "gaming" the bar tender or "getting what you want" here if you're really breaking social norms (a BIG topic I have a problem with in PUA circles).

I worked part-time in some service jobs going through school and honestly, while we might look like we don't notice or let things fly sometimes, we do notice.
- If it's quiet and you're sitting at the bar... no worries... maybe up to 30 mintues. Then you leave and I thought you were stood up or just a cheapo weirdo. If you don't leave, be aware that EVERY member of staff will now be alerted to your presence and every move you make, they won't say it to your face.
- If it's a busy place, if you're basically taking up a place at the bar and not ordering, then you're pissing other patrons off who want to order, I'm getting impatient, and you're wasting my time and eating into my tip-jar because I don't have a free flow of customers to and from the bar area.
- If you intend to return to this bar another night, again, we'll pretend not to know you, but oh... we remember your ass and we'll again be wondering what you're up to. Your drawing negative attention to yourself and it makes staff suspicious in any sort of customer facing business.
- Mainly for a bar-tender it all comes down to the fact that you are directly or indirectly hitting their pocket. If you're not going to order, do not be of any relevance to them.

- While not their primary concern, you can also get some bar tenders, bouncers, etc, who'll be jerks to you if they see you again and know your routine. What if you bring a date to that bar in the future? What if you actually meet a girl that night? There's SOME people in the industry who'll have no issue making it their business to give you a bad time.

Also, be warned that this is their business and you're wasting their time. If your primary intent of being on their premisis is doing "pickup" and not helping them pay the bills, they don't want you there.
So while there's nothing wrong with rolling solo and not wanting to drink... be aware of the above. Don't draw attention of staff. In a busy place on a weekend night, you can easily disappear into a crowd and chat to people and not spend a penny. In a place where it's mostly seated or you're propping up the bar... it will backfire if you make a habit of it.

Just a word of warning for guys.
Pickup might encourage you to push your own boundaries and I'm all for that.. just don't push OTHER peoples boundaries. It doesn't always work out so well.

 

[Chase]

Great tip from Estate.

What I've always done at times when I didn't want to drink was order an ice water, and then tip the bartender generously. Something like 3 or 4 bucks, when most people are tipping him $1 on an $8 drink.

You're still paying a third or half what those ordering alcohol are, but now you're one of the bartender's favorite people because you're putting more money into HIS pocket (and he doesn't really care if you're putting money into the bar's pocket so long as there are plenty of other people buying drinks).

If you're really hard up for cash, you can make the first tip $4 and then subsequent tips $2 and still come out ahead.

If you're so hard up for cash that even spending $6 for two ice waters and good vibes with the bar staff is too much, it's probably better to stick to day game (which is free) OR to just circulate about the bar without grabbing a drink or taking up space at the bar (and then you're just a question mark, instead of a mooch, unless you REALLY spend a lot of time going there and never buying anything).

You won't always end up in situations where the end result comes down to whether the bar staff have your back or want to see you burn, but when you're in someone's house, it's always the better option to be the welcome guest than the one everyone just wishes would leave.

Chase

 

[Oskar]

Great tip from Estate.

What I've always done at times when I didn't want to drink was order an ice water, and then tip the bartender generously. Something like 3 or 4 bucks, when most people are tipping him $1 on an $8 drink.

You're still paying a third or half what those ordering alcohol are, but now you're one of the bartender's favorite people because you're putting more money into HIS pocket (and he doesn't really care if you're putting money into the bar's pocket so long as there are plenty of other people buying drinks).

If you're really hard up for cash, you can make the first tip $4 and then subsequent tips $2 and still come out ahead.

If you're so hard up for cash that even spending $6 for two ice waters and good vibes with the bar staff is too much, it's probably better to stick to day game (which is free) OR to just circulate about the bar without grabbing a drink or taking up space at the bar (and then you're just a question mark, instead of a mooch, unless you REALLY spend a lot of time going there and never buying anything).

You won't always end up in situations where the end result comes down to whether the bar staff have your back or want to see you burn, but when you're in someone's house, it's always the better option to be the welcome guest than the one everyone just wishes would leave.

Chase

Seconded! Definitely don't wear out your welcome or be a leech in any situation. Also, don't use this multiple times in the same place. It will build up resentment and justifiably give you a reputation as a cheapo.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Chase, everyone,

Give me a milk... Steve



Zac