I'm a newbie and I need help :P

[Anonymous]

Hey guys! I'm new here, I've read a few articles and everyone seems pretty cool on here.

Anyway, I know it's not exactly the main purpose of this forum but I could use some help with a particular girl.

Basically, I have a thing for this girl who I've been friends with for 2+ years. We were never really close, just distantly in a common social circle. For about a year we've been much closer, though. Whilst house sitting back in april 2012 we got pretty close and cuddled, and to follow up I asked her on a date. It didn't go so well as she didn't really see it as a date (I saved the kiss for last which was a bad move because someone opened the door to let her in lol)

She is a bit strange and hard to read. She's really pretty and has always drawn the attention of various other men, but all but one or two have been completely unsuccessful. She just appears to be not interested in men and dating at all, really. But it just seems like she acts different to me. A friend of mine says she seems to pay more attention to me than anyone else. So basically, she knew I had feelings for her but around 6+ months have passed and I was seeing a girl somewhere in that time that she knew about, so I'm not sure how aware of my feelings to her are at the moment.

So I went on a holiday with her and two mutual friends who are dating. Our room had a bunk bed and a queen size bed, so obviously the dating friends were in the queen and me and this girl had the bunk bed. Basically when we got home, we'd put movies on and I couldn't lie down and watch them from the top bunk because the rails were in the way, so I always sat with her and then went up to my bed when we wanted to sleep. So basically we cuddled every time that happened.

Then there was one night where she wanted the top bunk because it was too hot for her on the bottom, but we still watched movies on the bottom bunk. When the movie was over she stayed down for ages and we were holding hands. She moved up top and we were playing around with our hands between the bed and the wall, and we ended up just holding hands until my arm was sore so I went to sleep. I figure she could have pulled away from that easily if she wanted to, so that's not a bad sign.

on the last night, we slept in the same bunk because another person was staying with us who had the top bunk. That might have been an okay time to make a move but everybody was awake and we didn't actually sleep much because we had an early flight, so it was slightly inappropriate.

So, she was always open to cuddling, she'd move closer. I also made sure it wasn't just me hanging onto her hand by slipping my hand under hers and waiting for her to hold on.

SOUNDS LIKE I'M 14 BUT I'M NOT I SWEAR.

Back in 2011 and before, there was this one guy who liked her a lot. At parties that people would crash at, he would always used to sit with her and he'd cuddle her and try to hold her hand, but she would have her fist closed tight in an attempt to stop it happening. He was also quite close to her. So basically, I'm in the position he was except she doesn't mind holding hands. I'm not sure what this means

Would it be wise to take her on another date, or should I just forget about it? I have a long term interest in her which just pops up when there's nothing else happening in my life so it will suck if it doesn't work out but I can deal with it.

I have a nice date lined up if I do take her, and I guess I'd have to kiss her!
Or should I wait and play hard to get (if it's possible to do so with her)

Any ideas or feedback would be greatly appreciated! Sorry if I've absent-mindedly violated any forum rules.

Nick

 

[Light]

Just set up your logistics, bring her to bed and try escalating her into sex.

If she puts up resistance strongly, then shes not into you that kind of way, so you forget her.

If she digs it. You win.

Thats all.

 

[almosteasy21]

Yep basically what light said. It's shit or get off the pot time. DON'T VERBALLY STATE YOUR INTEREST because that will kill any intrigue.

Not to kill your hopes here but my lesbian friend likes to cuddle and hold hands with me. Sometimes when girls are single for a while they will hold try to get some of that bf affection from their guy friends. It could just be that she is comfortable with you enough to do those things which isn't a bad thing. She's a female and they get horny the same as guys do. She's comfortable enough with you to get her affection needs met then there's a good chance she'll be open for her sexual needs as well. After that then she will look at you in a different light.

You must to escalate ASAP though because when she gets a boyfriend the sexual escalation will be out of the question.

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses, guys!

As nice as it sounds, I doubt she'll have sex with me anytime soon regardless of what happens. She's a virgin and as I said not very interested (or appears to be not very interested) in dating, let alone things of a more sexual nature. That being said, what has happened shows she isn't completely against it all.

Despite that, your replies still help. I wasn't sure whether I should act fast which could potentially cause her to back away or to play hard to get which would leave her bored (or more than likely, she wouldn't care at all).

I should mention her best friend is away for three weeks on a family trip, so I see that as a good thing. I guess I can use it as an opportunity to make things happen because without her best friend I imagine she'll be a lot more bored.

Ah well, I guess I'll do my best and see where it ends up!

Thanks!

 

[Knight]

Hey man,
don't be so quick to categorise girls under 'good girl' or 'bad girl' who either love sex or are completely against it. This will only hurt you and your chances!

A more beneficial view on things is knowing deep down every girl wants you to be the man to take them to bed and not make them regret it.

As you have said you're new to this thing I highly recommend you read this entire article. It is one of the best articles out there on changing your mind towards things - It certainly worked with me too!

https://www.girlschase.com/content/dating-without-sex-why-it-usually-doesn’t-work

I cannot stress how important it is to read that entire article, it might not make much sense at first but soon you will be hooked and want more of it.

Best of luck,
- Knight

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks, Knight - I read the article. A good read but now I'm slightly afraid she's the 1% that is asexual.. we'll see soon enough I guess.

Just one last question for you guys, and this sucks but I get really nervous on dates. Generally because I think of a way best to make a move, which is bad itself. But I can't just wait for things to happen, I have to make them happen - and I can't entirely avoid thinking about it if I'm the one who's going to make it happen.

I thought having a drink or two might be a good idea, but I wouldn't want to do that unless she was up for having a drink with me. I'm planning on taking her cherry picking, and there's plenty of places to have a drink near where I can do that in my town. Anyway, whether or not there's any amount of alcohol involved, some tips on reducing that date anxiety would be really helpful! If not, I'll just see how things go haha
(and so the date doesn't seem overly complicated, my plan is pretty much have a drink, go cherry picking and make a move somewhere along the way, and then end the date if she doesn't seem to want to come home).

Thanks guys
Nick

 

[Knight]

Hey Nicko92,
That's good to hear that you've read the article.

This quote from Winston Churchill, although over-used, comes to mind.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Just remember, everyone was a beginner at one stage and the only way is to push through it. I'm still a beginner and suffer that nervousness randomly, but mostly I can cope with it now. I'm sure it will come back more when I start to step my game up more though!