"I'm Pregnant..."

[Tommy]

"Tom, I'm pregnant."

fuck.

I've been reading this site since February last year when I was dumped by the 'girl of my dreams'. Since then I've ditched my victim mentality, worked on my fundamentals, my game, and my conversational and social skills, and as a result enjoyed many nights with many different women. This year I've been trying to work on developing lots of open relationships with progressively more attractive women. One such woman I've been seeing for about 4 months now. She's a beautiful blonde who is chased by and rejects and ignores men, but is still willing to let me be single despite her overall desire for a relationship with me. last week though, I'd felt she was getting too many feelings and I was thinking of ending it with her when she dropped this bombshell on me.

She went away for a weekend about a month back and forgot to take her pills. Now, apparently I'm a Dad.

She's planning abortion at the moment, which I want, but that could change. also:

>Both my mum and my Dad want me to keep it (only told mum so far, her mum is ok with an abortion.)
>If she decides to have it, I'm most likely 'trapped' back with my controlling and negative family, which I've escaped since moving for uni.(My mum is well off while her family isn't so.)
>I worry my lifestyle will be changed by this. No more sleeping around?? (whether she keeps it or not?)
>I'm only 21, I haven't been to Brazil to party, I haven't lived in an apartment in a super busy city and slept with amazing woman every night of the week. I haven't travelled Europe solo. I want to do all this.

Don't get me wrong, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I'm happy and free and come out of this stronger and better than before, but this site and it's contributors have changed my life for the better in so many ways. I'd be a fool not to ask you all for some input. Any advice, experience, wisdom or just ideas are very welcome.

Thanks
Tom

 

[ray_zorse]

It seems to me you have a several options (at least in so far as she agrees, seeing as the ultimate decisions rest with her):

• Not have the baby
• Have the baby and enter into an exclusive, probably live-in, relationship with her
• Have the baby and not enter into an exclusive or live-in relationship with her

My own backup plan for if this happens is the last one. However, my life situation is very different -- I will tell her that I want to parent my children on the same basis as I already parent my other children (I'm 39, separated, and we have a parenting plan in place). That I want to continue seeing her as FWB, as long as we continue to treat each other well, and in connection with this I'm happy to cooperatively parent the children at the times we're together. On the other hand, I will be wanting my own time with the children, subject to negotiation (currently 4 days per fortnight with my existing children), in which I won't necessarily be co-parenting, because I need to build my parenting skills and my one-on-one relationships with my children, without having their mother hovering over me and instructing me.

I would hesitate to suggest the middle option, because I know what will happen: Within a year or two, she'll be carrying your balls in her handbag, and you'll hate it. Perhaps, using GC material, you can maintain sufficient control. But I feel that more age and experience, and the knowledge that you've met a good number of your self-development goals before getting into this relationship, would help you a lot here. You probably don't have the abundance mentality yet, that would allow you to just walk away if she starts being controlling (and anyway, committing to the middle option is kind of self defeating if you think you might just walk away).

I think what it boils down to, is you should only choose the middle option if you actually love her and want to spend your life with her. From what you write, it seems that that isn't the case.

Another thing to keep in mind is, that family law being what it is, the minute her nose gets out of joint you'll basically be treated like a cash cow for the rest of your life, probably no option to see your child if she doesn't want it, but big maintenance obligations that will be garnisheed from your paycheque whether you like it or not. So a massive priority in your life will be keeping her sweet. Unfortunately, she may have a personality disorder or similar, which she has kept hidden, and which will come out when she's no longer on best behaviour (she'll be in a position of considerable power over you, so she won't be on best behaviour anymore).

At your age, the first option (the dreaded termination) might be the most sensible. Keep in mind that relationships often do not survive a termination. She will probably have a lot of regrets / lingering thoughts of what might have been, had you talked her out of the termination, et cetera. So you'll likely lose the girl. It sounds like you're okay with that, but you might feel like a bit of an asshole, for effectively abandoning her when she needs you the most. Tough decisions bro.

Ray

 

[Tommy]

Hi Ray

Thanks heaps for the input. I think you've raised some good points and made the decision making process more clear. I'm certainly leaning towards the option of termination, and I'm not super worried about losing her; I've concluded that for me to settle for a monogamous relationship with her would be me settling for less than i could have (https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-f ... ep-process) and the idea of being a cash cow is very off putting.

appreciate your help

Tom