Imposter Syndrome

[empath]

Tldr.

To sum up what is going in my head is I can get her in bed but am I really deserving of her?

Why I am asking this?

1. Affecting my seduction
2. Creating question if I cant have my end goal is it worth it?

So yeah how to make seduction you and normal you one person?

Atleast get 80% congruency?

Background
I was wimpy kid in school. Trying to change that I found girlschase.

Learned to socialize and get laid.

Still these changes were never permanent in me.

I make great first impressions.

Though once I spend enough time with someone.

Espcially in group of guys/friends.

I end up becoming the guy they joke about most yeah basicall a pasty.

(I guess partly due to value mismatch/ my taste in terms of fashion and food being different from them)

Partly due to my adhd brain - zoned out absent minded easy for people pick on me.

But partly because I am never able to sucessfully defend myself. When they start attacking me on above.

Only place I have been able to maintain relatively better image is with my office collegues.

(Maybe they don't talk about it in front of me and I don't have very long interaction with them)

Now until sometime before I was living in delulu and yeah I used to tell girls my flatmates etc are assholes not real friends ... I am not very close to them etc.

So they would not be bothered about their comment, if any they make.

I did not to answer I come as a high value.

But as my mind shifted from increasing notches to getting a high value mate.

Now I feel if I don't lay a girl on first date or lock her soon, I will lose her.


This makes me despo and needy infront of her why because need to lay her is coming not from desire but insecurity.


I feel secution tactics, push pull etc. are very effective for laying girls.

But now I am feeling inadequate and less deserving of a high value mate.

Again ending up pasty is not the only reason though.

I am not very ambitious person materially saying, I am ambitious in seeking pleasure etc.

But yeah basically I dont have habits that a good long term mate should have.

And since I want pick up girls for becoming girlfriend now.

I end up auto rejecting myself sometime.

Lastly issue of wealth and family background comes.

I am not very rich myself and my family is in a way say low middle class. (Marginally fucked up, deadbeat dad basically)

So yeah why parents of wealthy girl will give their daughter hand to me?

To sum up what is going in my head is I can get her in bed but am I really deserving of her?

Why I am asking this?

1. Affecting my seduction
2. Creating question if I cant have my end goal is it worth it?

Lastly, its not I am not trying to fix my underlying issues I am.

Like this year I started prioritizing other areas as well apart from girls.

But still I feel I will never achive it, because of my base nature and I will always be fakiing and break down in stress.

Because I am not someone who he pretends to be in the first meet.

Like I am very anxity prone and low in efforts and achiveing but when I am seducing I try to project myself as very chill person with idgaf attitude and who is very busy and ambitious who gets done a lot and lives a life of advenutre.

 

[superseducer]

Dude, I know what you are saying.

I used to have the same problem that you're mentioning, with friends being overly rude to me over time. What I'll say is that you have to really take time to analyze the aspects of your identity that you are attaching to and the effect that it is having on the actions and behaviors that you take.

Our ideas about ourselves, our self-concept is really just a constellation of smaller beliefs that we attach to what we consider "us". If you want to change that, then you have to hyper-fixate on what it is about yourself that you'd like to keep, your strengths, and then isolate the weaknesses that are causing people to treat you that way.

Get rid of your friends, or at least distance yourself from them severely. I would start meditating just to gain more awareness and make this process easier.

I would suggest reading atomic habits, because the change is not going to be one that is instantaneous, but instead going to be a slow crawl towards your idealized self.

You don't have to instantaneously become a leader, certain about yourself, or have the guise that you want to take figured out, but you should have an idea of what it is that you are working towards. Every time that you take an action that is closer to this idealized self and farther away from the you that you are now, you will be moving closer and distancing yourself from your previous self-concept.

It's important to realize that changing your actions is secondary to changing your ideas about yourself. It's amazing that you've been able to get consistent results with women despite not believing that you're the type of person that should be having these results, but now it's time to do the internal work at the same time that encompasses these underlying traits.

Stop doing things that you later hate yourself for, which I'm sure for you is mostly tied up into your position being reified by the friends and acquaintances that you have, figure out who you want to be by doing some deep diving and meditating, and then work towards it consistently, bit by bit on a daily basis and you'll be fine.

 

[superseducer]

Here's a quote from Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra", the chapter "Flies In The Marketplace"

"Flee, my friend, into your solitude: I see you stung all over by the poisonous flies. Flee to where a rough, strong breeze blows! Flee into your solitude! you have lived too closely to the small and the pitiful. Flee from their invisible vengeance! For you they have nothing but vengeance. No longer raise your arm against them! They are innumerable, and it is not your job to be a flyswatter.

Innumerable are the small and pitiful ones; and rain-drops and weeds have been the ruin of many a proud structure.You are not stone; but already have you become hollow from many drops. You will yet break and burst from the many drops.

I see you exhausted by poisonous flies; I see you bleeding and torn at a hundred spots; and your pride refuses even to be angry. They would have blood from you in all innocence; blood is what bloodless souls crave — and therefore they sting in all Innocence. But you, profound one, you suffer too profoundly even from small wounds; and before you have healed, the same poison-worm crawls over your hand.

You are too proud to kill these gluttons. But take care lest it be your fate to suffer all their poisonous injustice! They buzz around you also with their praise: obtrusiveness is their praise. They want to be close to your skin and your blood.

They flatter you, as one flatters a God or devil; they whimper before you, as before a God or devil; What does it come to! They are flatterers and whimperers, and nothing more. Often, also, do they show themselves to you as friendly ones. But that has always been the prudence of cowards. Yes! cowards are wise! They think much about you with their petty souls — you are always suspect to them! Whatever is much thought about is at last thought suspicious.

They punish you for all your virtues. They pardon you entirely — for your errors. Because you are gentle and of honest character, you say: “Guiltless are they for their small existence.” But their petty souls think: “Guilty is every great existence.” Even when you are gentle towards them, they still feel themselves despised by you; and they repay your beneficence with secret maleficence. Your silent pride is always counter to their taste; they rejoice if once you are humble enough to be vain. What we recognize in a man, we also irritate in him. Therefore be on your guard against the small ones!

In your presence they feel themselves small, and their baseness gleams and glows against you in invisible vengeance. You did not see how often they became silent when you approached them, and how their energy left them like the smoke of a waning fire? Yes, my friend, you are the bad conscience of your neighbors, for they are unworthy of you. Therefore they hate you, and would rather suck your blood. Your neighbors will always be poisonous flies; what is great in you — that itself must make them more poisonous, and always more fly-like. Flee, my friend, into your solitude — and there, where a rough strong breeze blows. It is not your job to be a flyswatter.

Thus spoke Zarathustra."