Improvementalist's half year report card

[Improvementalist]

It's my first half years since I started to read GC-articles and to develop myself in these subjects. Later I joined the forum.

I don't have any cool statistics here, but simply to give some good things that I have noticed in my development, and things that are yet to be completed/still need developing.


+ I've become more confident and less anxious when it comes to women
+ I've been increasing my dating pool, recognizing more women to be potential interests
+ I recognize IOI's more easily
+ My intuition of women has developed (relates to the previous one)
+ I can show my interest in women more easily (helps the communication)
+ I've made my first date suggestions (Kind of a milestone for me)
+ My thinking processes are more positive when it comes to women and relationships (relates to the first bullet point)
+ I've developed my outer appearance by changing clothing to more stylish ones
+ I have been able to move more easily onward when setbacks happen (helps to keep up the positivity)
+ I can move forward more easily in the process (opening, deep diving, dates etc.)
+ I can NEXT girls more easily (strenghtening the abundance-mentality)
+ I've recognized that women do get interested of me in a romantical and sexual sense


- I still have some issues showing emotions to women --> I may end up seeming cold or ignorant to them
- Still issues in bringing sexuality to conversations --> Ending up to the good guy and friend zone
- Still no actual dates in a romantical sense, only borderline cases
- Still no beddings
- I've been losing momentum, going more rarely to bars and social gatherings. Logistics and financial situation suck.
- Went to Tinder. It ended up as a farce. After a week got only a few matches. 50 % of these didn't even write back to me and the other half refused for dates (after some deep dive)
- - This has been a difficult setback for me, even more with the fact that two of my real life girls whom I had invested for some time now got picked up by other guys so those are now gone too.
- - - I at times feel that there's like "only" this one girl left now. She was exciting in the beginning but now she's just been chase baiting me and constantly retreating for her goddamn orbiter. That's why I don't like sticking around her no longer. Not one bit.
+ I should recognize the abundance and just move on, realizing that there are still plenty of experiences to be had about women.


I feel like I'm at the end of the first chapter now. The journey has started, but to tell the truth I really have mixed things about this. I don't at times know how to continue, or even if I want to. At times I feel the urge to return to my old, "Not giving a damn about women"-guy who is independent but lonely at times.

I'm intent to keep trying and to move forward.

That's all.

- Improvementalist


PS. Comments are welcome and I'm glad to receive them

 

[ray_zorse]

Mate how's your cold approach going? That's always intimidating but is probably the key to unlocking the rest of it. BTW tinder is difficult. If you're gonna attack it get professional photos etc. My experience like yours & decided better to spend tje time on cold approach or doing my homework to free up time for cold approach.
cheers, Ray

 

[Improvementalist]

Thanks ray_zorse for your reply!

Mate how's your cold approach going? That's always intimidating but is probably the key to unlocking the rest of it. BTW tinder is difficult. If you're gonna attack it get professional photos etc. My experience like yours & decided better to spend tje time on cold approach or doing my homework to free up time for cold approach.
cheers, Ray

I've been practising it on night game, with varying results (check my "A bar night gone awry" for an example of it)

I've been thinking on switching to day game (less financially and mentally draining than night game), but I'm completely new to that. I'm not the kind of a person who approaches people on the streets - I need some frame for it. A library or a café could work.
Although don't really see too many women alone at cafés so that one isn't a lot easier.


About Tinder, I've been considering on scrapping it altogether. Today I hit the rock bottom with it - no available matches anymore and I've hit saturation point in the search: I get only 10 suggestions at max per day, when before I would get a hundred.


At least I had the logic to ditch the social circle game. That was my only game before GC and it didn't never work. Even the night game is more compelling (with its cold approach shields, orbiters and all)

 

[ray_zorse]

Have you noticed that in night game girls are kinda expecting to be approached? I mean you wouldn't put on all those revealing sexy clothes and pay such attention to hair, makeup, accessories, ... unless you were kinda hoping a Prince Charming would show up, against all odds, and sweep you off your feet right? And this is why, if you have your body, fashion, and body language fundamentals down, a simple introduction is usually all it takes. Yeah?

We think of daygame as being different but actually it's not all that different. The absolute lowest pressure approach in mu experience is simply to be walking along a street, not too crowded but not too empty eithet. Wait until a girl is walking beside you. If she is matching your pace it's an IOI. Don't check her out until you're ready to open. Then just turn to her, say hi, I'm Improvementalist with a smile. See the beauty of this is you don't need to explain yourself in any way. She's already aware og you presence and the fact you are going the same way is sufficient excuse to open, yet it's nonverbal. Often they aren't that hot but you'll have some company on your walk and build momentum at the very least.

From there you can build up to stuff like the "totally cute" opener which is higher pressure (though once you have done a few you'll wonder what the fuss is about). Complimenting a girl's clothing, style etc is probably lower pressure than "totally cute" if that helps. Try it next time you order a coffee or whatever... before you order tell the serving chick you like her earrings and she looks fabulous or whatnot... make a practice of doing this whenever you see something interesting.

Remember not all interactions end up in the sack. Just delivering a genuine compliment is a cool thing to do because it gives value by brightening someone's day and is always great practice for when it matters

cheers, Ray

 

[Improvementalist]

Have you noticed that in night game girls are kinda expecting to be approached? I mean you wouldn't put on all those revealing sexy clothes and pay such attention to hair, makeup, accessories, ... unless you were kinda hoping a Prince Charming would show up, against all odds, and sweep you off your feet right? And this is why, if you have your body, fashion, and body language fundamentals down, a simple introduction is usually all it takes. Yeah?

We think of daygame as being different but actually it's not all that different. The absolute lowest pressure approach in mu experience is simply to be walking along a street, not too crowded but not too empty eithet. Wait until a girl is walking beside you. If she is matching your pace it's an IOI. Don't check her out until you're ready to open. Then just turn to her, say hi, I'm Improvementalist with a smile. See the beauty of this is you don't need to explain yourself in any way. She's already aware og you presence and the fact you are going the same way is sufficient excuse to open, yet it's nonverbal. Often they aren't that hot but you'll have some company on your walk and build momentum at the very least.

From there you can build up to stuff like the "totally cute" opener which is higher pressure (though once you have done a few you'll wonder what the fuss is about). Complimenting a girl's clothing, style etc is probably lower pressure than "totally cute" if that helps. Try it next time you order a coffee or whatever... before you order tell the serving chick you like her earrings and she looks fabulous or whatnot... make a practice of doing this whenever you see something interesting.

Remember not all interactions end up in the sack. Just delivering a genuine compliment is a cool thing to do because it gives value by brightening someone's day and is always great practice for when it matters

cheers, Ray

Answering this one (I did read it way back, but for some reason hadn't yet answered it)


Yeah, night game is more straightforward when it comes to game. It's game on at night and everyone knows that


I've been doing some small steps with day game - mainly just trying to get some confidence and some basic practices.

Now I notice that

- Eye play is a bit easier for me to do, though I still need to find the balance between looking for too short or too long of a time (Usually it's too short and may make me look nervous in the person's eyes)

- I no longer just greet girls whom I happen to meet at the corridor - I may greet girls while I'm talking to another person (female acquaintances in both cases). At times some of the girls (who may happen to walk by when I'm talking to a person) even wait for me to greet them, already looking towards me.

- I've given some compliments to women. Jewerly, hairstyle etc. It's easier and easier to do.


Still no cold approaches and date suggestions during day game though. Your suggestion of just going to people at outside an engaging to a conversation, it is a good suggestion, but it's a bit hard in my country, where there are quite strict social norms. You don't usually approach people at the street, unless you have a good reason to. Otherwise it's been considered awkward or weird. It is however possible, when in example:

- Sitting to the same table
or
- Waiting for something (bus etc.) and standing near each other

- It's possible in places like diners, coffee places, shops or libraries


Thanks for your reply once again!

- Improvementalist

 

[Improvementalist]

Oops, looks like my "half year report card" turned into a "year and a half report card".

There's a few reasons for that, but we can single it out to one. I got distracted.

And not just by one thing, but by many. I also got preoccupied by a girl for way too long (the same girl mentioned in my earlier report card. I just couldn't let go of her, geez.). I felt like I had fallen out of game and somewhere down the line I also fell to a burn out. I was really down, soaked by the cold mud.

What a year and a half. I've learned from these experiences though and have come out of it as a more confident man than before.

Just took the Girlschase quiz this evening (last time I took it was when I joined this forum) and whad'ya know - I've advanced from a journeyman to a technician! And without a single bedding or a date! Is that even possible?

Okay, let's see what's improved. I'm going to quote my earlier post from year and a half ago when I was still a journeyman.

+ I've become more confident and less anxious when it comes to women

I'm now naturally cofident around women and become anxious only sometimes, when and if a new and unprepared situation arises, like once when a girl in a relationship tried to hook up with me. A few nights later it happened again with a different woman. This time however I was already better prepared and was able to keep my confidence. I didn't get laid with her but she was left wanting for more.

+ I've been increasing my dating pool, recognizing more women to be potential interests

I feel like I've reached the abundance mentality.

+ I recognize IOI's more easily

Recognizing IOI's comes almost naturally for me now.

+ My intuition of women has developed (relates to the previous one)

My intuition in general has improved. Call it "the spider sense".

+ I can show my interest in women more easily (helps the communication)

Attraction is natural. Law of least effort and sprezzatura. And if and when there's no attraction.. Is that something I hear whistling near? Oh yeah, its' the NEXT train.

+ I've made my first date suggestions (Kind of a milestone for me)

Yeah, I still do need to develop my dating game. I've been mainly focusing on the flirting and building attraction. Not that many dates yet but there's been several cases where it's been easy to move things forward quickly (inside one evening) and the only reason there's not been physical or sexual escalation has been because of me following my own values (the girl's in a relationship for example but tries to hook up with me. I'm not a jerk who steals women from other men but I might as well have fun with her without escalating things since we're both interested of each other.)

+ My thinking processes are more positive when it comes to women and relationships (relates to the first bullet point)

I've started reading self help books and watching self help videos, seriously focusing on helping me grow to a 2.0 version of myself. I've also started to give advice to people who would need some help in their self growth.

+ I've developed my outer appearance by changing clothing to more stylish ones

I've attained a unique, rugged style which turns heads from both men and women. I even got a whistle from a girl once in the middle of a day.

+ I have been able to move more easily onward when setbacks happen (helps to keep up the positivity)

Setbacks around women don't really trouble me. Abundance and NEXT train is your friend.

+ I can move forward more easily in the process (opening, deep diving, dates etc.)

There's times when this has happened now fluently. "Wow, she's really chasing me isn't she? And now she's asking me to her apartment."

+ I can NEXT girls more easily (strenghtening the abundance-mentality)

I've already mentioned this. NEXT train is your friend.

+ I've recognized that women do get interested of me in a romantical and sexual sense

Lol, women love me! Even the girl who initially said, "Eugh, you're a perv!" just said the other day I'm "actually a really cool guy". And no, I'm not a perv, she just mistook a small sexual joke I said when I was slightly drunk. Though I may get kinky around the right women

- I still have some issues showing emotions to women --> I may end up seeming cold or ignorant to them

Yeah, sometimes I get auto-rejected but that's only because I come off as unattainable. They must be hearing the NEXT train at a standby around the corner.

- Still issues in bringing sexuality to conversations --> Ending up to the good guy and friend zone

If I end up in a friend zone it's because I have no interest in the girl but like her company in a friendly way so I've deliberately put myself there.

- Still no actual dates in a romantical sense, only borderline cases

No dates but who cares? They'll come eventually.

- Still no beddings

No beddings but lots of sexual tension. It's awesome to feel wanted.

- I've been losing momentum, going more rarely to bars and social gatherings. Logistics and financial situation suck.

Momentum is re-achieved. I need to start going to venues more often though - I need to meet more new women. Well, I do have a free schedule the next Friday evening.. And might as well visit the mall one day.

- Went to Tinder. It ended up as a farce. After a week got only a few matches. 50 % of these didn't even write back to me and the other half refused for dates (after some deep dive)

Quitted Tinder around a year ago. Wasn't really my cup of tea. It doesn't prevent me from getting hook ups though.

- - This has been a difficult setback for me, even more with the fact that two of my real life girls whom I had invested for some time now got picked up by other guys so those are now gone too.

- - - I at times feel that there's like "only" this one girl left now. She was exciting in the beginning but now she's just been chase baiting me and constantly retreating for her goddamn orbiter. That's why I don't like sticking around her no longer. Not one bit.

It feels a bit hard reading these.. I've been in such a strong scarcity mentality. :/ But it only tells of how much I've developed myself since then.

+ I should recognize the abundance and just move on, realizing that there are still plenty of experiences to be had about women.

I don't try to "recognize" it anymore. It's part of me so it comes naturally and without thinking.

I feel like I'm at the end of the first chapter now. The journey has started, but to tell the truth I really have mixed things about this. I don't at times know how to continue, or even if I want to. At times I feel the urge to return to my old, "Not giving a damn about women"-guy who is independent but lonely at times.

A new chapter has started and I'm feeling good about myself. Life feels good!



A shoutout to ray_zorse! Thanks for having helped me in my hard times. I'd offer you a pint would you be in town.


Now excuse me, I'll go and pop an ale to tap myself on the back.

 

[WayOfHand]

Hey man, congratulations on bettering yourself as a man!

Your development sounds very good on many areas. One thing that sounds a bit peculiar is the zero dates and lays. After all you have been doing this for 1,5 years!? Of course it is very personal, how much effort one puts in these things. But it sounds to me that you are at least somewhat dedicated. Have you any idea yourself, what might be the cause of no dates or lays?

The information here isn't perfectly detailed but I could guess that you lack some leading and dominance. From your background I would guess you are still wayyy too much of a nice guy on certain areas. Here's one take from your text:

Yeah, I still do need to develop my dating game. I've been mainly focusing on the flirting and building attraction. Not that many dates yet but there's been several cases where it's been easy to move things forward quickly (inside one evening) and the only reason there's not been physical or sexual escalation has been because of me following my own values (the girl's in a relationship for example but tries to hook up with me. I'm not a jerk who steals women from other men but I might as well have fun with her without escalating things since we're both interested of each other.)

How would you know if they even wan't to sleep with you if you won't push the case. Trust me when I say that the girls with boyfriends can be the most obvious and biggest flirts ever. They still won't sleep with you.

For your future development I would suggest you to start cultivating that leadership and dominance. Start closing!! Stop living in the reactions. Get results.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/reactions-women-or-results-women
https://www.girlschase.com/content/real-reason-many-men-cant-get-girl
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-be-dominant-man-what-you-didnt-know-about-winner-effect
https://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-last-5

If you haven't and even if you have, read through those and more and start taking the actions into the right direction. Go a bit overboard with the asshole/jerk, just to know where the limits are. It will grow you alot as a man. I've been in the same spot as you and I can tell you that if you follow this advice you will thank me in a year

Anyways. Great seeing other men advancing their lives. Keeps the faith in men alive! Peace.

 

[Improvementalist]

Sorry it took a few days to answer. I've had a busy week.

Hey man, congratulations on bettering yourself as a man!

Thanks!

Your development sounds very good on many areas. One thing that sounds a bit peculiar is the zero dates and lays. After all you have been doing this for 1,5 years!? Of course it is very personal, how much effort one puts in these things. But it sounds to me that you are at least somewhat dedicated. Have you any idea yourself, what might be the cause of no dates or lays?

I got distracted which dropped me off game. And also, inexperience which lead to wrong choices. Somewhere down the line also a burn out creeped in - the last half years have been mainly about workign my way out from the burn out and getting back into the game. And once I was back in the game, I realized how much I had developed myself mentally since the last time I spent my time here at the forum.

NO DATES AND NO LAYS:

Reason 1. I chased this one girl from the spring of 2014 all the way until last year. Bad choice. She was initially interested (ioi's - approach invitations etc.) but I was too inexperienced and basically talked my way into the friend zone. This ended up me chasing even harder, texting her etc. - once again a sign of my inexperience back then. At no point did I really take the lead and try to move her forward or even try to flirt with her - I had too much of an approach anxiety that I found it hard to even approach her.

What happens here is that when you focus too much on one girl, you drop yourself out from the game. You don't notice other women anymore. This leads to not gaining experience with women.
What's good is that even though I was fixated in this girl, I had already started to read the articles here. But you don't learn these things in one evening. It takes time for the mind to readjust itself into this newly gained knowledge.
So I was basically in this limbo - didn't move the girl but couldn't next either.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the girl here. It's all me. Actually, even though I was being such a wussy, the girl tried quite well to nudge me into the right directions. When we first hanged out at the same bar, she gave me approach invitations. I couldn't act on them - approach anxiety and fear of rejection basically. I got cold approached by other girls though but I didn't care, I was fixated on the girl. Some other times when I would stumble upon her during the day, she once asked, "Are you heading out this evening?". When I agreed, she wanted to know what venue I was going to end up in.

When she started to go cold on me, I tried to fix my mistake by - you name it, starting to text her. So now I had moved myself from too low of an attainability into too high, lol. She initally answered my texts but when this had happened again and again, she would take longer and longer to respond (= I don't care about your bs chat, why aren't you asking me to a date and don't answer my signals?)

Fucking hell I was dumb... But yeah, perhaps we've all been there. She moved temporarily out of town and the texting behaviour continued. I would text her every few months, now she would answer first excited, even sending me photos, but would soon stop responding. Last Autumn I finally let go of her, sinking into a burn out at the same time.


Reason 2. Focusing too much on social circle game. I really need to start relying less on parties inside social circles. It's nothing but trouble really. There's loads of girls yes, but even though some are flirty and end up even chasing me, I've usually found out that the girl is in a relationship. As I mentioned, it's mostly just trouble. I need to get out there, head into venues etc. completely on my own without relying on social circles. This will open me into a whole new range of people which will result in new opportunities and perhaps ending up meeting a woman who's both interested and single.

There was one time I decided to head out into a bar without the social circle, but I had a wingman that night and a horrible one too. He's already in a committed relationship so what happened was that he started to have second thoughts about the bar trip. We had only been an hour and a half at the bar when he said something like this, "Listen, I don't like being here anymore. Let's just go home."
I could've stayed there on my own but for some reason I decided to agree with him and we returned home. It really left a sour taste in my mouth and without me realizing it I had returned to the old social circle bar events.

How would you know if they even wan't to sleep with you if you won't push the case. Trust me when I say that the girls with boyfriends can be the most obvious and biggest flirts ever. They still won't sleep with you.

Perhaps you're right. A person who would show signs of wanting to kiss me doesn't necessarily want to sleep with me. It could be they're just looking for validation that they're still wanted by men and once they've validated this, they lose interest.

For your future development I would suggest you to start cultivating that leadership and dominance. Start closing!! Stop living in the reactions. Get results.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/reactions-women-or-results-women
https://www.girlschase.com/content/real-reason-many-men-cant-get-girl
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-be-dominant-man-what-you-didnt-know-about-winner-effect
https://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-last-5

If you haven't and even if you have, read through those and more and start taking the actions into the right direction. Go a bit overboard with the asshole/jerk, just to know where the limits are. It will grow you alot as a man. I've been in the same spot as you and I can tell you that if you follow this advice you will thank me in a year

Anyways. Great seeing other men advancing their lives. Keeps the faith in men alive! Peace.

Thanks for the articles. I'll definitely take a look at them (Actually, I've already binge read through them. But just one time is not enough ). I could also rank up the bad boy attitude, since that seems to be my strong card. I can definitely relate on the "just reactions, no results" problem. I need to start taking lead.

Cheers!