A friend from out of town came to visit the other day and I wanted to show him a good time so we decided to head out to the bars together. Not looking to meet girls, I'm instead focused on him and his company. He speaks a bit of Italian so we speak Italian together and we joke and decide that I should speak with a more pronounced accent for the rest of the night. Eventually we bump into some people I know and I, having had a bit too much to drink (I forgot that I hadn't eaten that day so my 4 drinks -- which is the absolute max I allow myself -- was taking noticeable effect), start talking to everyone in the bar -- totally social butterfly mode and enjoying it; introducing my friend to everyone. He starts talking with one of the girls in what looked like a conducive way so I go sit with a tattoo artist who appeared to be of viking stock and get to know him better. He was an intimidating looking but actually shy and gentle man. He mentions that he liked a girl in the bar as she walked by but was clearly too shy to do anything about it so I said that I'd go talk to her as she is passing to go to the bathrooms and I have to go anyway. He tells me not to when I get up but I tell him it's totally fine. I pass her coming out of the bathroom and introduce myself and she seems warm. So I tell her "Hey, you should go talk to my friend. He mentioned that he thinks you're cute." She says that she has a boyfriend and I tell her that she should do it anyway, "it doesn't hurt to just talk with a guy does it?". She asks what my friends name is and I can't remember and tell her that I just met the guy. She still is looking friendly but a little confused and flustered so I put my hand on her shoulder to point him out for her and she starts yelling at me. I put both hands in front of me and say "woah, no reason to suddenly get so aggressive" then disengage and go to the bathroom. I immediately forget about the exchange and start chatting with the viking again as my friend is still chatting with the girl at the bar. We are sitting in a booth. Suddenly, must have been 10 minutes after the event, this guy comes up huffing and puffing at me about touching his girlfriend. At first I have no idea what he's talking about but then it clicks. I turn my head slowly towards him, beg his pardon, but he just barrels on. I just try and defuse it, ask him things like "Do I know you? What's your name? Oh, my apologies. It won't happen again" but mostly just wait for him to finish running his mouth. I turn back to my conversation, apologize to my new friend about that, and the boyfriend eventually leaves after yelling things like "coward", "let's take this outside" and other cliche things at me. Some time after that another guy comes up who I had been speaking to with my more pronounced accent earlier and says "so, you're accent was fake." I smile and tell him good job and give him my hand to shake to show that it was all in good fun but he storms off (I think my friend told him. He's not particularly well calibrated for that kind of thing). My new Viking friend is comparing me to Loki at this point, and is sympathetic and amused by the way people are treating me. He points out that I don't seem like "that kind of guy" and also notices my rather effeminate clothes (dark purple cardigan over a shirt with flowers on it) and rather skinny build. A bit later the bouncer/owner of the bar comes up and asks me to leave. I ask him what for and he says I touched a girl. I give him a look and he looks at me then adds "it's bar policy to always take the girls' side". I say that's totally reasonable and leave.
It bothers me that I got kicked out of a bar for that (or at all). The experience reinforces for me that I shouldn't drink as, among other things, it slows down my wits which lets others' frame have more weight in interactions. I should have gotten that guy kicked out or perhaps told him that I was gay to defuse the situation and throw him off and appease his girlfriend, but they acted first and asked the owner to kick me out. Admittedly, trying to get a girl to go approach an intimidating viking man covered in tattoos who you don't even know while her hot-head boyfriend is getting drunk two tables down by telling her "it doesn't hurt to talk to a guy, does it?" and thinking it's totally reasonable is something that, at least I'd hope, I would seldom do sober.
Still, the silver lining is that my intentions were "pure", even though it seems I frightened the girl, though I'm guessing she was having a bad day and I just didn't notice. Also, my friend got his girls number and they're going to meet up soon.
But it really grinds my gristle that the owner thinks I was coming onto an unattractive girl (IMO) and kicked me out of his bar for it. I'm curious to know how the girl saw the situation, perhaps she thought I was awkwardly trying to set up a threesome with her and the shy Viking? Or perhaps I came across as overly imploring and disrespectful towards her relationship? I can only guess...
So, besides being drunk and slower witted than usual, where does it looked like I messed up? I feel like I handled the situations to a satisfactory degree, but there are definitely many better ways that I could have handled them.
Regards,
Leo
It bothers me that I got kicked out of a bar for that (or at all). The experience reinforces for me that I shouldn't drink as, among other things, it slows down my wits which lets others' frame have more weight in interactions. I should have gotten that guy kicked out or perhaps told him that I was gay to defuse the situation and throw him off and appease his girlfriend, but they acted first and asked the owner to kick me out. Admittedly, trying to get a girl to go approach an intimidating viking man covered in tattoos who you don't even know while her hot-head boyfriend is getting drunk two tables down by telling her "it doesn't hurt to talk to a guy, does it?" and thinking it's totally reasonable is something that, at least I'd hope, I would seldom do sober.
Still, the silver lining is that my intentions were "pure", even though it seems I frightened the girl, though I'm guessing she was having a bad day and I just didn't notice. Also, my friend got his girls number and they're going to meet up soon.
But it really grinds my gristle that the owner thinks I was coming onto an unattractive girl (IMO) and kicked me out of his bar for it. I'm curious to know how the girl saw the situation, perhaps she thought I was awkwardly trying to set up a threesome with her and the shy Viking? Or perhaps I came across as overly imploring and disrespectful towards her relationship? I can only guess...
So, besides being drunk and slower witted than usual, where does it looked like I messed up? I feel like I handled the situations to a satisfactory degree, but there are definitely many better ways that I could have handled them.
Regards,
Leo
