Inbocca's Newbie Assignment

[Inbocca]

What’s good, everyone? I’m new to posting on the forum but I’ve been around for a bit, so figured it’s time to stop lurking and introduce myself. I’m 22 years old and living in Phoenix (Mesa-Tempe area, for those of you who know the region), finishing up school and planning to start a life of adventure after that.

I found GC a couple of months ago after reading this article, and I was really inspired and fascinated by Chase’s words and writing style. It was powerfully relatable; he’s definitely a testament to the power of being a good storyteller. And the spirit of this whole community, just being really focused on breaking from the norm, shutting out negativity, and supporting each other, it’s incredible to watch and be a part of. I started reading more articles and field reports and began to work on my fundamentals a lot. I was pretty astounded by the results: I wasn’t even approaching and I was noticing more girls looking at me, and bigger guys started stepping out of my way and looking down when making eye contact (I’m 6’4” but a pretty scrawny guy, so this was exhilarating). Still got a long way to go, but it shows just how crucial and effective this is.

One of the reasons I kept putting this off was how easy it was to come up with obstacles: I don’t have a car, go to school full time and working part time, not much money, and the list goes on and on. Then I started reading journals from other people, hearing stories about those who were still living at home, living in small towns with hardly any good venues, and it made me see what a little bitch I was being. My setup is pretty decent compared to some people’s, but they don’t let that shit stop them. I decided to change my mindset; from thinking about why I couldn’t accomplish this goal to thinking only about how I could; and if an obstacle arises, thinking about how it can be overcome. Excuses are for quitters, and quitting = failing.

One more thing before I get started: goals. Every mission needs one, or else it’s gonna end up a waste of time. My goal for this assignment is to prove to myself that this is real. To an extent, I already believe it is, or I wouldn’t even waste my time with it; but there’s a big difference between believing something is possible and believing wholeheartedly that everything you thought you knew about yourself and the world was a prison of bullshit and you just got the goddamn key out of there. This isn’t like an exam that I’m gonna pass and be done with. This is the first step towards destroying the coward within and building a man in its place. Now it’s time to get started.

Day 0 - Preliminary Work

I added an extra day in here to familiarize myself with the area and scope out some venues before going in and observing. This screening process will save me some effort on Day 1 as all the places without cute girls won’t even be on my list. I came up with a list of places that are within biking range:

1) Community college. This one is probably one of the most convenient ones as it’s basically right across the street from me and I have classes here almost every day. The downside is community colleges tend to attract people from all parts of the age spectrum and there are no dorms, so once class gets out most students are out of there. But there are still plenty of options: shaded alcoves, coffee shops, a library, and a cafeteria. Not to mention since most of the campus is outdoors, Arizona has a really natural way to get girls to move with you: “Let’s head inside, it’s really hot out.” I think that one might also work when it gets colder, we tend to be big babies any time it gets below 60
2) The gym. Okay, it’s Planet Fitness, which poses a couple of issues: a) The “judgment-free zone” tends to bring in a much wider variety of people, which dilutes the population that I’m going for, and b) it attracts more self-conscious people, and I notice that people there hardly ever talk to other people unless they came in a group. That being said, these sound like excuses, for which I will refer to my aforementioned statement: excuses are for quitters. The good news is I’m already in good standing with the staff, and I go here basically every day so it’s already a part of my routine. As Chase mentioned in his gym game article, the time of day definitely seems to matter here. If I go after work (around 11pm), there are absolutely no viable girls; but if I go after class (anywhere from 10am-2pm) it’s like a completely different location. It sounds like it’d be best to plan my schedule around this one.
3) ASU campus. Once upon a time, I think ASU was rated in the top 10 colleges for hot girls. On a national scale, right now it’s around #100. That being said, there are still tons of beautiful girls everywhere. I don’t know the area super well, but once classes get out the streets are full of people, and there’s always tons of events, parties, and bars that are just packed. Which brings me to my next venue…
4) Mill Avenue. If you’ve ever been to Tempe, this one doesn’t need much explaining. If not, it’s basically the college-town section of a street located right next to ASU campus. Virtually every shop is a bar or restaurant with a few trendy fashion outlets and ice cream parlors scattered in the mix. I made this one separate because the atmosphere (and consequently my approach style and mentality) are going to be slightly different than when on the general campus. For day game, Mill Avenue is pretty straightforward; most people are out shopping or grabbing lunch, maybe having a couple of drinks. At night, it turns into a festival of bar hopping and nightclubs, and when ASU is playing another team the whole street is jam-packed with cars and people.
5) Grocery store. This one is right next to the gym, and it’s a farmer’s market which is usually frequented by the younger, fit, health-conscious girls that I go for. It also tends to draw a lot of older people fighting the aging process (some of them actually doing a decent job), so it can be hit or miss. I think the time of day is also important on this one.

Day 1 is, unfortunately, going to have to wait until Monday. I do need to plan this around my work and school schedule, but aside from that, this is priority #1. I’ll update this as often as possible, after that I’ll start another journal to log my progress moving forward. I have way more plans for the future, and I’ll be logging journals on those too. For now, just one step at a time. You’ll be hearing more from me, I promise.

 

[Inbocca]

I was fortunate enough to have the majority of the day to devote to this, so I slotted this assignment in with everything else I needed to do today. Something I only kind of mentioned last time was that most of these venues are places that I tend to go to anyway, which would make integrating approaches into my daily life seem like a no-brainer. At least, in theory. I learned that it doesn’t quite work that way in practice. I’ll just start from the top.

Day 1 - Observation:

Objective: Find at least four (4) different places you can go that have foot traffic from women you'd like to meet.

I have a tendency to try and exceed expectations; it’s got some good and bad side effects, but this time it ended up working out. Instead of four venues, I scoped out six.

To start, I went to my morning class (just one today) at the community college and afterwards took a short walk around campus to scope out where I’ll be walking. I found that there are four places people tend to congregate: the library, the coffee shop adjacent, another coffee shop out near the cafeteria, and the student center by the bookstore. There might be other specialized ones (drama department, nursing study hall, etc.) but I’ll hold off on those for now. I made some notes about each place, but I’ll spare all the details. The biggest thing I took away was the differences in atmosphere at each location. The coffee shops were bustling and noisy (especially the one in the cafeteria) and it made them seem a lot more public, whereas the library and student center were nice and quiet, with most people sitting alone. Another thing I know from experience is that almost all the classes get out ten minutes before each hour, during which there’s a rush of people moving from one building to the next. I can imagine this as a good opportunity to a) get used to approaching strangers knowing the interaction will be short and b) moving forward quickly, which is a problem I’ve always had in everything I do.

After classes, I realized I forgot to eat breakfast that morning and went to the diner across the street. I went to the gym afterwards, hit the late morning window and it was only a little busy. Because I use this gym regularly, I kind of got into the practice of going hard in my routine for a couple of hours and started to forget I was also there for another reason today. What I did observe was that the machines and equipment that women use differs quite a bit from those men use. Aside from one girl doing squats by the dumbbells, the rest were on the treadmills or in the core workout area. I also noticed how (aside from the girl doing squats) they were always using the equipment furthest back like they’re trying to stay out of other people’s sight. Remember what I said about people here being self-conscious. I’m gonna have to go back and reread Chase’s article on gym pickup, but if anyone has any advice for dealing with this issue I sure would welcome it!

I went next door to the grocery store and was rather disappointed with the outcome. It was early afternoon (between 12 and 1) and I think I saw one, maybe two girls that I would go for. All the rest were people 40 and up (mainly up) or moms. And yet there have been other times I’ve gone in and seen upwards of three or four. It’s really hit or miss with this place. I also had the same issue that I had at the gym with focusing on my normal routine at the venue instead of my objective.

After this, I took a break for about two hours to shower, eat lunch, and follow up on some job applications (got an interview scheduled!). I headed back out to Tempe to finish up my mission around 4. The first place I went was ASU campus and it more than made up for the lack of eye candy I’d experienced earlier in the day. Soooo many gorgeous girls just walking around, it was rejuvenating. That didn’t make me space out on my plan, though. I did notice some other things for when I go out there again:

• Wearing a backpack will definitely help me blend in better. It wouldn’t hurt to have some ASU apparel either.
• After 3pm, the sun is blinding when you’re headed west, which I was for most of the time. It’s hard to make eye contact when you can’t even see faces. Sunglasses would be a big help here.
• When I bring my backpack, I should bring water as I’m going to be outside a lot.

I was worried my thread game was going to be off but it turns out it’s not hard to dress better than college bros at ASU. Some new shoes might be a worthwhile investment, though.

Around 5, I decided to take a walk down Mill and see what the traffic was like before the nightlife starts. Wasn’t quite what I was expecting… there were still quite a few “day lurkers” about, virtually no college kids. I actually spent a couple of days going up and down Mill last week passing out my résumé at bars like it was another testament of Jesus Christ; I knew what to expect during a good day, and this certainly didn’t seem like one. I decided to come back later and check out Tempe Town Lake (basically a concrete boardwalk along the river with a number of parks and boat rental piers). I saw a few joggers but none of them were female. Actually, the only girls out were three in a group who came out to rent a boat. After about 30 minutes of this, I decided I’d seen enough and went back to Mill. By this time, it was a little past 6 and more people were definitely starting to come out and bars were filling up, but the streets were kind of empty. I imagine weekdays are pretty average like that, and weekends are when the bustle happens. Last week there was a game between ASU and another state college and they had to shut down entire streets because of the foot traffic. I think it’s more of a night game location, but I’ll try again on different days at different times to get a better picture.

The highlight of my day came when I was walking past this insanely attractive girl (a little short, blonde, gorgeous eyes) with her boyfriend. I’ve always had a big fear of eye contact. Before I found GC I always used to instantaneously break by looking down, and even in conversations with people I knew and trusted I rarely looked them in the eye. Even now, unless I actively think about it I usually just look elsewhere. Working on my fundamentals these last few months has crushed most of that fear, but I still have a tinge of creeping uncertainty that I love to quelch with a crusader-like zeal anytime I feel it rising up. I felt that when this girl was walking towards me, so naturally I looked her right in the eyes as I was walking past her and her boyfriend hand-in-hand and she met my eyes. I started to let a slow smile creep across my face and I saw her eyes react for a split second like “what the hell is with this guy, doesn’t he see I’m with someone” but she never broke eye contact. After she passed I couldn’t keep from grinning.

I eventually decided to head home. I took a shortcut through ASU campus to get back to my bike and realized there were still quite a few people there. I figured most of the students would be back at their dorms or out with friends at that time. So I had another takeaway: unlike in community college, where 90% of classes are over by 3-4pm and everyone goes home, classes at ASU seem to be pretty consistent throughout the day until later on in the evening. Obviously mornings and afternoons are going to be better, but it seems like a viable venue at any time.

This is a pretty long entry for such a simple task, but it was a pretty enlightening day. Until now I’ve never actually gone out for the purpose of scoping out new venues for pick-up, and I’m pretty excited about the days and weeks ahead. I’ll conclude by writing some takeaways:

What did I do well?

• Went out. Seems small but putting forth the time for this is going to pay off in the long run.
• Focused on fundamentals throughout. Dominant posture, slow walk, parallel chin, eye contact, smiling without teeth, all of that was stuff I implemented throughout the day.
• Paid attention to the girls around me. I’ve gotten better about that but used to have a really big problem not even checking girls out because I felt it was rude or inappropriate. Some chronic niceguyosis still needs to get cured but progress is progress.
• Pushed myself. Rather than four venues, I went for six. Obviously, this is just a first-day thing and it’s not like I’m only ever going to go to these places to pick up girls, but practicing getting familiar with new areas makes it easier for when I’m moving around to different cities.

What can I do better?

• Get out of my own head. For most of the time I was walking around, I had headphones in. I did it this time because I knew I wasn’t going to be approaching anyone, but going forward I need to practice building social momentum and that starts by not being inward.
• Fundamentals. I know I said I did this right, but they could use some work still. I know my shoulder swagger needs some work, and I don’t feel like my legs are moving the way they should. After all this time, you’d think this would be closer to perfect, but no.
• Get comfortable looking at women. I can see the difference between looking at and casually checking out, and being a staring, uncalibrated creep. Plus, I can’t really show I’m interested in her if I’m not even looking at her.

How can I make this happen?

• Build social momentum by talking to people throughout the day. Music can be used as a momentary hype-up, but if I go too long without making social contact the momentum will be lost.
• Keep practicing fundamentals. Tomorrow is pretty much devoted to this anyway, so I’ll just make the most of it and exceed those objectives, too.
• Look at women. Simple as that. If they seem uncomfortable, a simple “hi” or small-talk question can break that ice. There is no harm in it, and the sooner I believe that wholeheartedly, the sooner I can get past this.

Recap Notes:

• Blend in with appropriate attire and accessories
• Bring water
• Eat beforehand (no more skipping breakfast at all)
• Focus on implementing approaching in daily routine

 

[Inbocca]

Day 2+3 - Posture and Eye Contact:

Objective: Go back out to the places you found in Day 1 and both practice walking around with better, more confident posture, and observe the posture of those around you on the street, in stores, in coffee shops, and other places. How straight are their backs? How confident are their walks? What impression do you get from the different people you see? Is your impression of someone walking down the street slouched over different from your impression of someone walking with his or her chest puffed out, back held straight, and head held high? Next, improve your own posture: arch your back, lift your chest up (imagine there is a fish hook underneath your breastbone that is pulling your chest up and out), throw your shoulders back, and hold your head parallel to the ground. Do people react differently to you when you walk down the street with great posture? Do they step out of your way more, and do women cast more glances your way? Spend at least twenty (20) minutes walking about with improved posture and get a feel for the difference in how people react to you.

Objective: Make and hold eye contact with at least ten (10) different people. See how long you can hold eye contact with each person for. Once you reach ten (10) people made eye contact with, see if you can do more. Get familiar with the different ways people respond to your eye contact and increase your ability to handle social pressure from others.

Bonus: Make and hold eye contact with at least ten (10) different people per venue.

Bonus: For each person you make eye contact with, hold it until they break.

I decided to lump these two into one because I've already been practicing my fundamentals and have noticed the tremendous effects they have on how people perceive me. Shaves an extra day off my assignment.

Tried giving myself more time to eat breakfast but I got distracted and ended up skipping it again. It put me in a really sour mood and I went through most of my morning before I started getting into the flow of my assignment today. Eye contact was more uncomfortable than usual, and remembering to keep posture wasn’t as instinctive as it normally is. I left one of my classes early to grab lunch and I felt better after that.

Lesson learned: Don’t skip meals. It matters a ton.

I still managed to make eye contact with at least 10 people before leaving campus for the day. I feel like there were more but I remember at least 8 made a neutral break and 2 looked down. No one broke upwards (I’ve figured out it’s pretty rare to get dismissed like that - it’s very rude). One guy locked eyes with me and had kind of a scowl on his face and as we got closer I just refused to break and he raised his eyebrows and his eyes shot down. Kind of surprised me but I’m learning more and more that boldness pays off.

Went to the gym around 4 today and it was a lot busier. A lot more women there today, too. As making eye contact was part of the agenda today, I definitely did a better job of looking at girls and feeling comfortable about it. It was a little harder to hit that 10-person mark because a lot of people were in their zone, but I made sure I did it before heading out the door. Again, not being the one to break eye contact first: 8 made a neutral break, 4 looked down.

Then it was off to ASU. There were a lot more people here than the other day, and I had a chance to explore the majority of the campus. I already had some momentum going from the other venues so making eye contact was actually pretty easy. I actually passed my 10-person mark early on and decided to go for 20. Once I started nearing that number, I realized it wasn’t really challenging to just make eye contact with any random stranger; I’m doing this to get better with attractive women, so why not try to make eye contact with attractive women? After reaching that conclusion, I decided to change the goal to make eye contact with an additional 5 women that I would consider approaching. That was a bit more challenging - I noticed it was a lot harder to resist the urge to break first - but eventually I did it. Ended up with 24 total points of eye contact: 18 neutral breaks and 6 down breaks. Feeling content, I went to Mill Avenue around 6:45, and this is where things changed.

Going off the same energy I was feeling on campus, I decided to go for 10 points of eye contact, but this time I was only going to count attractive women towards that number. I figured given the venue, how hard could it be? It was actually really difficult. Almost like a Cinderella story, once the clock struck 7, the sexy, powerful man I was portraying myself to be turned back into an indistinct nobody faded against the backdrop of the nightlife. It had nothing to do with my comfort level, it was just that nobody was meeting my gaze. For the first half hour, I think a whopping three girls even looked at me. I was perplexed. What had changed? I was still walking around with a straight back and puffed-out chest, my arms were swaggering, my shoulders were alternating with my steps, my head was straight when I walked and my chin was parallel to the ground. And this was having some effect: I noticed people were still getting out of my way when I was walking. Even really big dudes. Did I smell bad from walking around all day? Was it my clothing or the fact that I was still wearing my backpack? Was my black t-shirt not contrasting enough with the darkness hanging over the venue? Feeling frustrated and defeated, I began thinking that maybe I’d done good enough for today and I should head home. Right about then, my inner voice kicked in and said “That’s some pussy-ass bullshit. You’re not going home until you hit those 10 points. I don’t care if you have to walk in circles up and down this goddamn street all night!” So I crossed the street and started going back up again.

And I got my 10 points, plus one more.

They weren’t technically all on Mill, but I got them before I got back to campus where my bike was. Interestingly enough, once I got back on campus the glances started coming back. Not as much as before (it was dark at this point and difficult to see others’ eyes), but much more than on Mill. I think it really was the nightlife element or perhaps the fact that I was still wearing my backpack (on campus it totally works but when people are going out for drinks it’s a bit of a vibe killer).

Lesson learned: Mill is definitely going to be a different game than everywhere else. If I plan on hitting it on the same trip as ASU, I should bring a spare change of clothes and find a safe place to stash my backpack.

All in all, productive day. I knew my fundamentals were mostly solid (I need to slow down a bit still) so I didn’t focus too heavily on that today. That being said, the other part of Day 2 was to notice other people’s body language. I’ll be honest, I was paying much more attention to women today, but what I did notice about the men was that they were either very introverted or just neutral, but basically totally immersed in their world or their own little group. And while a fair amount of them were implementing various components of the fundamental set (posture, shoulder swagger, feet facing forward, puffed out chest, etc.), I didn’t see a single person who was doing all of them. Even the more natural guys were making some pretty simple mistakes. I noticed that I was quicker to judge the men looking down, walking fast, making no eye contact, and/or having poor posture as less assertive, less confident, perhaps even a little anxious. The guys that had better posture, who walked slower (which was surprisingly few), made eye contact, swaggered their shoulders and puffed out their chest looked much more confident and powerful, regardless of their dimensions.

The total count at the end of the day was 57 people I made eye contact with and held it until they broke. Near the end of the day, I began noticing some things that were making my eye contact game a little offsetting. Since I was intentionally trying to make and hold eye contact with as many people as possible, I found a lot of times I would try to initiate eye contact with someone at a certain point and keep staring at their eyes until I passed them. I feel this is can be threatening if not just a little unsettling. I think it was an overcompensation for missing that initial meet window, which I noticed kind of varied from person to person. Some people would first look at me 15 or even 20 feet away and make their snap judgment then, while others would wait to get closer (about 10 or even 5 feet away) before meeting my eyes. I’m sure I subconsciously picked up on this “sweet spot” earlier on because I would instinctively look at something else when they were at that distance, and then scramble to try and make eye contact after they got closer. But once a window is gone, it’s gone.

In conclusion…

What did I do well?

• Stayed out until I met all my goals.
• Consistently maintained good posture and a sexy walk.

What could I do better?

• Keep that negativity and self-criticism out of my head while I’m out in the field.
• Follow through on previous commitments.
• Practice more calibrated, communicating eye contact.
• Slow walk down just a bit.
• Prepare for differences between day game/night game.

How can I make this happen?

• Build and maintain momentum, keep mind tuned to the present moment, save any criticism for the field reports - and keep it constructive!
• Eat. Seriously, it’s not that hard.
• Revisit GC articles on Elite Eye Contact and Eye Contact Flirting, and implement those concepts going forward.
• Since other fundamentals seem to be nearing a state of consistency, focus more on slowing down my walk when out and about.
• Plan logistically what I'll need to do - spare clothes, safe place for belongings, approach tactics, etc.

Tomorrow's gonna be a bit different. Actually going to have to use my words; even if it is just one single-syllable word, it seems daunting. Looking forward to it, though. Cheers!

 

[Inbocca]

Day 4 - Say "Hi"

Day 4 - Say “Hi”:

Objective: Walk up to at least six (6) attractive women whom you do not already know and say "Hi."
Bonus: Walk up to at least ten (10) attractive women whom you do not already know and say "Hi."

Sounds pretty simple, right? It’s just saying hi, not wrestling mountain lions. But I can see why a lot of people quit posting their newbie assignments after day 3, and those that keep going just ramp up their game after this: day 4 is terrifying as fuck when you’re a total novice.

The day started off okay; I went to class after eating breakfast and the professor bailed early for personal reasons, so I went home to get strategizing. I think this was my first mistake: I started filling my head with all kinds of tactics and reading up on other newbie assignments to see how people did their approaches and it just got me really into my own head when I hit the field. All that planning did absolutely no good as I still had no experience going through an approach to get a feel for it.

I knew going out that I wasn’t going to have the entire day to devote to this, so I had to try and move quicker. I had an interview at a place on Mill Avenue (and got the job!) and afterward I decided I’d walk around while I was out there and get my assignment out of the way. First I went to ASU campus, and while there was definitely no shortage of attractive women, there was a shortage of cojones on my part. Virtually none of them made eye contact, or if they did it was from a distance so by the time I got within earshot they were already in auto-rejection walking past. There were two instances where two different girls did walk past and locked eyes with me within a vocal range and both times I made a slight smile, opened my mouth, and let out a mousy, barely-audible “hi…”, with ellipses added to show the level of backbone and confidence behind it. I’m pretty sure the first time the girl didn’t even know I said anything. I'm honestly not sure if I did; that’s how quiet it was.

The third time, I was leaving the campus headed towards Mill again and I came across this cute girl on her bike. I noticed timing and positioning issues played into the level of discomfort I felt about previously failed approaches, so I made sure the moment I stood right next to her, I met her eyes, smiled, and said “hi” at a volume that could be heard. She said “hey” and looked down. Then the pedestrian cross sign came on and I started walking. What I noticed about that one was that I basically had to outrun my thought process before I could even realize what I was doing and just do it. Reading that now, I’m thinking “duh, this is what everyone including yourself has been saying about getting out of your head”, but actually doing it felt pretty good. Unfortunately, that momentum didn’t last long before I started getting psyched out of other approaches. Once it got to about 4:30 or so I started heading home. Dissatisfied with the fact that I was only halfway to my objective, I decided to stop by the community college and try it out there. Seemed like a good idea, but it ended up not playing out well. I walked into the most populated part of campus and there was hardly anyone there, let alone attractive women. One girl who was pretty decent-looking walked into the coffee shop, so I entered after her. She was headed towards the queue and I had every intention of taking that place behind her and when she looked at me, smiling and saying “hi”. Then some dude took the place instead and she walked to another part of the counter to get something à la carte and it totally ruined what I anticipated happening. I feigned looking at the refreshments and then walked out of the coffee shop. I went to the library instead and looked around. Not much more luck there; there were a couple of cute girls on the computers, but I decided to try upstairs. I saw this woman sitting at the table studying something, so I grabbed a book off the shelf and came up with some kind of backstory as to why I was grabbing that book. I went and pulled up a chair, smiled, and said “hi” in a low voice, and she just looked up and back down. I feel silly about what I did next: following through on my concocted story, I started looking at the preface of the book, pulling out my notebook and pen, then, pretending to realize I grabbed the wrong book, I packed my stuff up and walked back to put the book away. I'm sure it would have been hilarious to watch; I'm looking forward to telling that anecdote someday. It would have been much better to just walk up and say “Hi, I just wanted to say I think you’re cute. I’m Inbocca, nice to meet you.” Worst case scenario, I would have gotten the same reaction and I wouldn’t have looked like I did playing out what was clearly an excuse to sit down near her. After this, I just decided to call it a day.

Lesson learned: the community college is pretty much just a morning/early afternoon venue.

So here’s what happened in summary: I let some bad vibes and setbacks mess up my flow, let that negative mentality interfere with my interactions, which led to discomfort and a lack of affirmative responses, which perpetuated the cycle until I began making excuses to go home. I let those excuses lead to quitting. Because I quit, I failed. I hate to say it, but… mission failed, guys. I’m pretty disappointed in myself, but I won’t let it stop me from moving forward. I can see a lot of room for improvement, and these breakdowns at the end of each day are really helpful.

So let’s look at it big picture:

What did I do well?

• Got a new job. Totally unrelated to pick up but it’s another reason to go out to Tempe on a regular basis which makes day game/night game more convenient. It’s also a mood booster, and not only is it a place on some prime real estate but it’s in a profession that involves talking to patrons throughout the day. What’s even better is that they’re building a bar as part of the store in the next few months and they’ll be needing a bartender (which is the profession I want to have right now).
• Fundamentals. Most of them, anyway. I feel like it took a dive because I was in a funk today, but it’s still present. There were some points where I started making it look more natural, but I was also trying to blend in a bit more with the other students. I feel like that’s not a good idea; the goal is to stand out in a good way, by walking slower, being more upright, and being more attractive overall than the competition. So maybe this was a backstep.
• Did actually approach and say hi. That’s more than some guys can say.

What could I do better?

• Get out of my head. Or at least ignore those game-based thoughts while I’m out in the field. I’m thankful to Denton for posting that article when he did yesterday; it was really something I needed to hear, I just wish I did a better job of implementing it.
• Fix my hair. One of the reasons I was in a funk was because I was dressed fairly nicely but I wasn’t getting any looks coming my way. I think it was because my hair game was definitely not on point today. So many times that inner critic kept saying “Your hair looks ridiculous, just go home and fix it tomorrow.” Excuses, I know; I ignored it for a few hours but not having a bad hair day to begin with would make that easier to deal with.
• Channel positive energy. Sounds like some Zen stuff, but there’s definitely something sexy about a positive, happy guy that a neutral or pessimistic guy can’t even come close to emulating.
• Take action. All the newbie assignments, journals, and articles I’ve read on the subject stress the importance of taking action and making approaches happen naturally. Not only do they look less forced, they feel less uncomfortable for both parties and tend to go way better.
• Don’t create characters or backstories. Not only is that ineffective as fuck, but it’s a clear sign of overthinking. I’m never making that mistake again. Don’t think, act.
• Stay out until I hit my mark. Today was a bit of an odd instance; I had something I needed to do today and wanted to make sure I’d have enough time after writing in my journal to do it. But as I learned yesterday, sometimes all you need to do is just stay out another 30 minutes or another hour and you’ll be good. Even if I don’t hit my goal, at least I’ll be getting more reference points.

How can I make this happen?

• I think I’ll try meditating for 10 minutes the moment I wake up. Not game-binging before I go out is another good idea; studying before tests might be a good idea, but the goal there is to have all the material in your head before you get there, and here the goal is to clear your head.
• I’ve been trying to study new hair styling techniques and products (still on a budget, trying to make the most of what I’ve got). Even if all else fails and I butcher my hair, though, it’s vastly more important to not let it affect my demeanor. This also goes back to keeping a clear, positive mentality.
• Find/do things to make me happy throughout the day, smile at complete strangers throughout the day to get me accustomed to it, practice light banter with people I meet, so that when I go out into the field, it feels more natural.
• I noticed a train of thought that happens when I see someone I want to approach: it goes like “She looks pretty cute > I’ll go talk to her > oh no, thing X is why I can’t”, where thing X is anything from being on the phone or having headphones in to studying on her computer or being with friends or pretty much anything else. What I need to do is act before that third point comes into play, or just stop listening after I decide I want to talk to her. Either way, that train moves kinda fast so I have to act faster.
• Anytime I come up with a new idea or “strategy” that involves anything other than taking action, I can just throw it in the garbage (or best case, the drawing board for when I get home). Because anything other than taking action is not going to work very well.
• If I have things to do during the day, I should make sure I budget my time accurately and appropriately. But once I’m out, I need to stay out until my goal has been hit - no exceptions, barring emergency.

As always, if anyone reading this has any input or advice, constructive criticism is always welcome. Day 5 is basically a ramped up version of day 4, so I'll just have to go hard tomorrow to make up for this.

 

[Inbocca]

Day 5 - "How's your day going?"

Objective: You must approach six (6) attractive women that you don't already know and say, "Hi. How's your day going?"
Bonus: You must approach ten (10) attractive women that you don't already know and say, "Hi. How's your day going?"


As part of my overall momentum-building efforts today, I tried to finish up my assignment from yesterday while getting started on this one today. As I finished three “hi”s yesterday, I needed another three to meet my quota. I started on my way to the first class of the day; there was a cute blonde in a denim shirt walking past me, and as I got close I made eye contact, smiled, and said hi. She smiled back and responded with “hi”.

After the first class, I took a detour to the coffee shop to take a look around. When I got there, I ended up in line behind this short Asian girl. When she turned around to see who was behind her, I smiled and said “hi, how’s your day going?” and was met with silence. Oh well, I did my part. I got my coffee, made some light conversation with the barista, and made my way to my next class.

After this class I went to the final one of the day. On the way there, I saw this brunette girl with pigtails and said hi while passing her, and got no response. Turns out she was in that class. Part of me was amused because I felt she might have felt awkward not responding to me and then seeing me five minutes later. I felt no such awkwardness; rejection isn’t foreign to me.

Before heading out, I decided to swoop by the library to see if I could talk to anyone else. On my way there, I saw this shorter Latina walking past. She seemed to recognize this guy who was about 10 feet in front of me and said “hi!” like he was a friend from another class she was surprised to see. Right after that, I smiled and said hi. I don’t know if it was just because of how close it was to the previous interaction or because of the randomness of the approach, but she awkwardly responded “hi”.

I went to the library and looked for a computer to finish an assignment I had, so I figured it might as well be next to someone attractive. I found this blonde girl studying for one of her classes so I sat down next to her, looked her way and said “hi, how’s your day going?” At first she seemed kind of taken aback but smiled and said “hi, it’s good, how’s yours going?” I said “It’s going pretty well” and left it at that. Not feeling too adventurous, I guess. Finished my assignment and left after checking out the upstairs - no one worth approaching, IIRC.

Went home and had lunch. I planned to meet up with a friend later this evening, so I knew if I was headed to the gym I would have to make as many approaches as possible then. I saw a few girls there worth approaching, but one had headphones in so I ended up not even trying her. The other two were a girl with dreads who ended up going around a few different spots and another girl doing yoga. I accidentally left my mat near the machine that the former was using, so that ended up being the perfect conduit to approach with. As I got near her, I smiled and said “hi, how’s your day going?” and she smiled back and said “good”. Then I grabbed my mat and left. I was trying to approach yoga girl but her back was turned towards everyone for most of the time and I know approaching from the rear is kind of creepy, so I was waiting for a better moment. I thought I found the perfect one; she was headed towards the drinking fountain and so was I, so I ended up walking behind her planning to open when she turned around. When she did, though, she turned to the side and kept on walking without even looking at me. In hindsight, I should have positioned myself in such a way that a) I was at her side not her rear and b) in such a position that she had to look at me. Since I didn’t do this, I didn’t end up opening on her. I left the gym to get ready for my night out.

I figured when I arrived I’d have some time to talk to some girls before my friend arrived. I ended up being the one late and she was early, so there was no time to approach anyone else. I hadn’t seen this friend since high school, so it was nice to catch up and have some drinks. We hung out until around midnight and then left, and by that point I was too inebriated to consider approaching; not to mention the clubs on Mill were opening and this particular day-game opener didn’t really seem like a response-getter at that time - even if I changed it to “how’s your night going?”

The good news is I finished my assignment from yesterday by adding three more “hi”s to my count. I only got three of the actual objective goals for today done, though, and I was beating myself up about it the entire way home. It would have been one thing if there just weren’t any attractive girls out and about during the day, but there were; I was just too much of a pussy to say anything, making excuses instead of approaches. Excuses being the nourishment of quitters, of course. But I’m not gonna go on about it here; I’ve given myself enough shit tonight.

So onto the lesson part of the evening.

What did I do well?

• Finished last assignment while making progress on current assignment. Turning in assignments late, just like I do in class. But an A is an A, right?
• Possibly found a wingwoman. That friend I was meeting with is a lesbian who’s also looking to socialize more and get into dating. She’s definitely down to go out to venues with me, the issue is I need to find a way to make it more beneficial for her (Tempe is pretty hoppin but the gay scene isn’t too big out here).

What could I do better?

• Approached more. I did my best to stay out of my head and not let negative perceptions and comments affect my approaches (though they did just a bit), but the main issue was my approach angle and tactics.
• Learn night game. I was dressed the part and felt confident enough, but as many people on this site have said quite a few times, girls’ guards are up more at night. I think day game is going to be more my thing for that very reason, once I get the hang of it. That being said, knowing both would be awesome.
• Limit alcohol intake. I had two Everclear daiquiris (thank you Fat Tuesday’s) and more than half a bottle of wine by the time my friend was headed out. Approaching girls was out of the question by that point, I was content to walk in a straight line and make it home in one piece. From previous experiences at night game, I think I need to institute a two-drink limit when it comes to trying to pick up at night. Anything more than that and I start losing what edge I have.

How can I make this happen?

• Get nuances in approach down and ultimately follow through. I feel like a big thing holding me back is a fear of coming across as awkward, but I need to be open to that. I’m still not used to approaching strangers, let alone expressing interest in them, so I shouldn’t really expect things to be anything less than awkward at this point. Suavité will come with time, for now it’s just about experience-building.
• Read articles and field reports, maybe watch a few infields if I have time, but the best thing I can do is just immerse myself in the nightlife of Tempe and Scottsdale to build my experience once I know what I’m doing. I really want to do this before attending college so I don’t look like a total AFC at that point.
• Institute two-drink limit. Alcohol can increase my social aptitude, but beyond a certain point it clearly impairs my ability to charm and that doesn’t help me at all.

One more thing I’ll leave you guys with: any of you PUAs planning on coming to Phoenix, I’d advise sticking to Tempe and Scottsdale. Other people will tell you the same thing, and for good reason: there’s really no decent market anywhere else. Might just be better off skipping the whole state and go to California, to be honest.

Until next time. I know tomorrow's the half-day, but I'm gonna finish the rest of this assignment tomorrow in addition to that one approach and intentionally getting rejected three times. That last part's gonna be fun - you won't wanna miss it

 

[Inbocca]

Day 6 - "Half Off" Day

Objective: Approach at least one (1) girl in any place and strike up a conversation. Try to do more than just one.
Bonus: Intentionally say something to try and get rejected three (3) different times.


I started the day off trying something new: I wasn’t going to dress myself up, spend 15 minutes styling my hair, pumping myself up with music, perusing through articles and discussions, or any of the things I normally do before going out. I had one goal headed out today: I was going to finish my assignment from yesterday any way I could. I was going to go up to three girls and ask them how their day was going. No overthinking, no insecurity, just action. Once I got to campus, I briefly scanned the area for anyone I could approach but didn’t find anyone to my liking (another note about that down below). As part of my niceguyosis treatment, I’ve been deliberately doing more selfish things - one of which is not holding doors for other people, unless they’re handicapped, elderly, or pregnant. Today I made an exception: there was a girl who was right behind me as I was entering the science building, and I just decided “what the hell, why not” and held the door for her instead of just walking through. When I looked at her as she walked passed, I noticed it was the girl who sits next to me in my bio class. She made eye contact, smiled, and said “thanks”, and proceeded to hold the next door for me. (Still familiarizing myself with the terminology on here, but would this be along the same lines as getting compliance/favors? Or would this be more like her balancing things out?) Once the lecture was over, I noticed that she lingered another five seconds or so to hold the door for me as I was leaving the classroom and smiled at me again. I’ve only said a few words to this girl in the 4 weeks we’ve been in class together, none of it has been meaningful conversation or banter, let alone frames or attempts to get her compliance or phone number; but I feel like these might be signals. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it. Next time I see her, I’ll try to start a conversation.

I decided to ask another girl from the same class how her day was going - one I’d had zero interactions with so far. I came up and said “hi, how’s your day going?” and she looked up and said “huh?” and I repeated “how’s your day going?” and was met with silence as she looked down at her phone. I think there was a lack of confidence in my voice, which based on the last few interactions seems to be a recurring element to my approaches.

Next class is a lab, and there’s this blonde theater major I sit next to (I definitely have a type, haha). We’ve worked together once before, so technically she’s not a girl that I’ve never met, but I said hi and asked her how her day was going. She smiled back and said hi, and tried to start a conversation. It fizzled shortly thereafter (still working on my conversation skills), and we just did the lab we were supposed to do. After the class, I tried asking her about what she was doing today, she mentioned something about going to her friend’s benefit dance. It went something like this:

Me: So you got anything fun planned for the rest of the day?

Her: Kind of, I’m going to this benefit dance for my friend’s organization. I don’t know much about it.

Me: Oh that’s cool. Is it like a dancing class where they teach you or something?

Her: Noo… I don’t really know much about it.

And after that, she left because the class was over. There might have been more said (don’t really remember) but that was the gist of it. I feel like I was asking questions she already answered, which is something I tend to do when I don’t know what to say next.

Still needing one more to finish my work from yesterday, I went to the library and found a girl sitting alone on a computer. I sat next to her, smiled and asked her how her day was going. She smiled and said “good, thank you”. It didn’t sound really invested, more like a polite response to a stranger asking a random question. Looking at my tone and approach style, I notice that I try to make it sound really nonchalant and uninvested like I’m making small talk with a stranger. I know I’m doing it to spare myself the discomfort of clearly putting myself out there, and it’s impacting my responses because when people do respond they either do so in a polite, small-talkish way or not at all (because the situation doesn’t call for small talk). I’m going to try and sound more invested like I’m trying to actually start a conversation or express interest instead of just trying to get my task out of the way, and see what results I get. All the tasks moving forward seem to revolve around this, so that will make it easier.

I went to work this afternoon determined to make at least one conversation with a good-looking stranger. My job does involve dealing with customers so I did my best to make conversation with as many as possible to practice building momentum. It started going well, and eventually this gorgeous, black-haired woman walked in. There was some light banter - nothing really flirty - but I asked her how her day was going and things kind of took a turn:

Her: It’s going okay. How about yours?

Me: Awesome! It’s always awesome.

*she laughs*

Me: My brother is in a band and they’re putting on a show tonight so I’m gonna go see them after this. <this was a lie; my brother’s friend was in the band and I knew nothing about them but I was going to see them, just changed the story a bit to make it sound more interesting but she shittested me and I failed>

Her: That’s so cool! What kind of music do they play?

Me: Uhh… I think it’s like… synthetic rock? (???)

Her: What’s their name?

Me: I honestly don’t even know.

Her: Oh, you’re a bad brother!

Moral of the story: Lying is a bad idea. Unless you’re good at it (which I’m not), it will just create more problems. For comparison, there was another girl that came in and I used the same story but mentioned it was my brother’s friend’s band and no such shittests were produced. The second girl looked a bit younger than me, friendly personality, pretty responsive to my questions and banter. At one point I totally messed up what I was doing, made a big mess and had to start over, and just played it off as a joke with a little self-depreciation. And she went along with it. That was pretty much all that happened today.

______________________________________________________________________________

Since this is sort of a half-day, I want to take some time in this entry to reflect on my progress so far. I’m bringing this up mainly because it’s important for me to recognize the progress I’ve made since I set sail on this voyage. Before the newbie assignment, I’d begun pinpointing negative influences and actions that were holding me back and removing them from my life; I’d started analyzing my actions, mindset, and the image that I give off to other people and altering them to better suit my interests; and best of all, I managed to shake off a crush I’d been hung up on for what seemed like forever over a girl I should have moved on from a long time ago. Within the last few days alone, I’ve found myself doing things I never dreamed of doing. It’s funny to think that just a couple days ago I couldn’t even say “hi” to a girl in a voice above a whisper, and the day before that I struggled with making eye contact with a total stranger. It’s comforting to know that the stress I may face today and in the days, months, and years to come will someday be something I can nostalgically chuckle about.

After doing some browsing over the boards and reading some of the more advanced guys’ journals and FRs, I’m starting to see some of the issues in my mindset. Reading over my own entries this last week, I can see the negativity in my attitude and the obstacles that I’m putting in my own way. It’s making things that should be simple a lot harder than they need to be. The gritty, keep-at-it attitude is helping me keep going, but I also need to put my all into these interactions if I want to see some serious results.

I saw something in one of the journals I was reading that stuck with me: “You have to be willing to do things others around you won't do, and find solutions to problems that aren't readily apparent. When obstacles come up, you must maneuver around them. And in the end, you'll succeed.” It makes me ask myself: what am I willing to do for what I want? How far am I willing to go down the rabbit hole? What trials aren’t I willing to face? What won’t I sacrifice for my goals? I would love to sit here and answer “Anything, all the way, none, nothing”; but I can’t honestly say that when I don’t even have the audacity to risk losing face for a few minutes to ask a girl how her day is going.

What did I do well?

• Kept eye on the ball. Stopped obsessing about appearance, fundamentals, and other minutiae, and managed to finish my task.
• Engaged in conversation and banter. Knowing how to do this actually makes the whole approach process a lot less intimidating. Most people like to have fun, engaging conversations.

What could I do better?

• Done the approaching myself. Where I work, people come up and talk to me. Doing it the other way around is how it’s supposed to be done.
• Not lie. This is similar to the realization I had the other day. Although lying is taking action, it’s ineffective unless it’s a really solid plan. The shittest struggle is real, truth is a more reliable foundation.
• Be flirtatious. Banter and conversationalism can get a person engaged, but without sexual interest being expressed it’s just conversation.
• Risk-taking. Being more adventurous with other people will help me get comfortable with all related risks.

How can I make this happen?

• Approach. When I’m not at work, at least. That way when things like this happen, it won’t feel like this is the only way I can make the conversation feel natural.
• Find a way to phrase the truth in a cool way. That way, it doesn’t even look like an enticing option and no lies have to be said.
• Flirt. Might need to look into being more flirtatious; there are plenty of examples and articles on the subject.
• Be weird in a socially-calibrated way. Giving random strangers high-fives on the street (which is a form of compliance), pass out compliments out of nowhere to get myself used to it, if there’s music playing publicly then dance with someone I’ve never met. Anything and everything that is like approaching that has a similar level of risk associated with it is great preparation to actually approach.

Since I got a new job, I’m only going to be working at this place for another week or so. Since I have nothing to lose, I decided that I’m going to practice flirting with customers on the job and ultimately ask someone for their number before I leave for my new location. I’ll be busy this weekend so I probably won’t have time for day 7, but I still want to try the bonus for this day - intentionally getting rejected sounds like it could be fun.

 

[Inbocca]

Day 07 - Genuine Interest:

Objective: Approach four (4) women and pay them a genuine compliment. Follow up the comment by introducing yourself.
Bonus: Try to get a number from each of these interactions if you can.


I only took a couple of days off from this assignment and I’m starting to see my confidence starting to drop. I knew this going in so I tried to counterbalance by doing some things earlier on in the day to get my “social muscle” warmed up. I went to class and then the gym before hitting the field, so by the time I went out it was about 4. But I was feeling pretty confident once I landed and hit the ground running. Didn’t do anything to psyche myself up, just parked my bike and went to the coffee shop. Had every intention of complimenting the first girl in line, except there was nobody in line. But the barista was cute and I just made light, flirty banter while she was making my drink. She was definitely giving positive signals the whole time. She mentioned skipping her class that morning, I made some us vs. them connection about how I’d skipped a class that morning too and we were both gonna be dropouts. She initiated the high five. I remember her telling the guy making my drink to “make it extra good” for me. Left with a smile on my face for sure. In hindsight, I should have pushed the interaction further and asked her what she was doing after she got off work or something. More will come once that natural confidence builds up.

After this, I scoped around for someone to compliment. This was a little bit tricky, and I’ve realized this was for a few reasons:
1) I’m way too picky. Compared to Mesa, the girls in Tempe are way more attractive, but I think just because I was surrounded by so many I was writing a few of them off because I was looking for the “better” ones.
2) I’m still too nervous to approach the “better” ones. So when you combine 1) and 2), it ends up in a lack-of-approach-a-thon.
3) Coming up with compliments was more difficult than I anticipated. I studied the articles mentioned before hitting the field, but I was focusing on saying something about clothing, accessories, hairstyle, and so on; and most of them were wearing the same basic kind of clothing.

There was one girl, though, sitting totally upright while she was on her phone. Her posture just really stood out to me for someone reason, absolutely no slouch at all. I came up to her and said “Excuse me, I just wanted to say you’ve got really great posture. You look like you could be a yoga master.” She laughed and said thanks, followed by “What a strange thing to say.” I smiled and extended my hand and said “Hi, I’m Inbocca” and she told me her name. We talked for a minute or so; I mentioned that I was in a yoga class (relatability) and asked her about her classes and experiences (trying to deep dive, got a little bit of a bite). The conversation was warm and intuitive, and for a first approach (beyond “hi, how’s your day going”) I think it went really well. I didn’t stick around to try and get her number, but I feel like if I had been more prepared I could have done it. I feel even more accomplished because the next day’s assignment involves approaching seated women and that’s supposedly more intimidating. I honestly found it a bit easier; until now, all the approaches I’ve made have been to standing or seated women. For some reason, the idea of stopping someone as they’re walking is a little bold for what I’m used to, and because the window of approach is shorter I usually end up choking and missing it. Another thing I’ve noticed - like you’ll always read in articles about direct game and compliments - is that girls are way more receptive to compliments than just some stranger coming up and saying “Hi.” It’s like the texting equivalent of “hey”: nothing to build on, shows little confidence or courage, just basically fishing for responses. But I can see why it’s a part of this assignment; if you lack the courage to say “hi” then a compliment can seem petrifying.

And petrifying it definitely seems. That was the only compliment I passed out today. I saw a few other girls I wanted to say something to, but most of them were with friends and that group thing is still an issue for me. Over the weekend I created an online dating profile (temporary for now, one picture, bare-bones bio, just to see what happens) and I got a few matches, been trying out compliments and banter on there, it seems to be going okay so far. Not using any basic openers and so far everyone’s been responding. I think it’s a good idea if for no other reason than to give a little confidence boost here and there. I’m seeing that goes a long way with momentum in the field. The fact that I was getting attention with the one picture (not even that good) I was using was really helpful in getting my mind off my fundamentals and onto my surroundings. I was thinking back to Hector’s story about being decked out in a full-on homeless get-up and still getting a number based on his personality alone.

Feeling a lot better about going forward. I’m getting more familiar with the environment and having more faith in my likeability. Seeing how much I’ve improved in the time I’ve had just makes me think how much better I would be improving if I stopped pussyfooting about dipping my foot in the water and just dove in. Just going out a couple times a week isn’t enough, especially with this craven-ass approach style. Gotta shape all that shit up and see some results. So let’s break it down:

What did I do well?

• Made banter and saw results. Went in with a smile on my face and absolutely zero outcome dependence and when I saw a bite on my line, everything I’ve been learning just came to mind and I rolled them out. Being confident, calm, and witty just made me charming as fuck and it showed.
• Approached and expressed genuine interest. In my limited experience in sales, I’ve given out a few ingenuine compliments; I remember how easily people dismiss them when they realize you’re just giving them out because you want something. This was why I wanted to make sure I could pinpoint something I genuinely liked about a girl before opening my mouth. But when I did it, I could see the difference. And it’s a good feeling when you can be yourself and still get somewhere.
• Got in the zone. It’s been hard to do until this point, and I was still only able to do it for a short time. I have confidence that it’s gonna get to a muscle-memory state once I have enough practice hitting the field and gearing up for day game.

What could I improve upon?

• Be less picky. I don’t even have an abundance mentality yet so I’m not sure where this is coming from. Maybe fear of not pushing myself? When I first started learning about seduction I found myself going for less attractive girls just because I figured I had a better chance with them. I still ran into difficulties, which made the top-tier girls seem even more out of reach. Now I can see the method is a bit different but not as impossible as it seemed, so maybe I’m trying to avoid less attractive girls because I’m afraid I’ll get accustomed to reaching lower.
• Made more approaches. It also seems like I was shying away out of AA, which by now I know is only going to go away by approaching.
• Spent more time in the field. I was basically out for two hours today - still should have been enough time to give out four little compliments - but it’s the principle: more time = more practice = more results.
• Get used to approach in my daily life. I’ve mentioned a couple times now that I’ve been spending more time in Tempe since my part of town is pretty desolate, but I still spend a good part of each day in the area and it’s not like there are zero beautiful women around. Plus, worst case scenario, it’s just more social momentum by convenience.
• Have an end goal in mind. What do I want to happen when I come up and talk to someone? Do I want their number? Do I want an insta date? Do I want to try and pull them on the spot? Any of these are acceptable options, but if I don’t have one in mind then I’m gonna fumble in the conversation and it won’t go anywhere. In my experience, this is where the friend zone starts.

How will I make this happen?

• Mix it up. Try to approach some moderately-attractive girls, some pretty attractive girls, and some absolutely gorgeous girls. See how different “tiers” react to my approaches and get a feel for how I can tailor them to each group.
• Approach. I did it at least once today, I can do it again. I like Chase’s idea of not letting myself go home until I do, but realistically if it takes all night to finish a task, I’m not gonna lie on a bench to sleep. And I have a better idea…
• Keep a tight schedule. I’ve tried keeping a loose schedule but I always end up making exceptions or taking too long to finish things and end up not doing others altogether. Treating everything like it’s my job that I cannot be late to will a) help me focus harder to get things done on time and b) give me a way to schedule day game in more often.
• Keep my goal in mind all day. Rather than hurrying to class, keep an eye out for girls to approach and just go for it if the time is right. Think about it: does a dominant man worry about being late for class? Not if he’s smart and finishes all his work on time, and builds a good rapport with the professor so the intrusion is minimal.
• Be more action-oriented in general. I really need to extend this to more than just pick-up, this has been an issue in my life for a while. I can start small: whenever I think about doing something, I should just do it then and there. Get used to following through on my thoughts and impulses (healthy ones, of course). Then, when I see someone and think “Should I compliment her on x?” I can follow that up with action.

Gonna add a new section here:

Specialized Areas for Practice:

• Pinpointing Signs of Attraction
• Banter
• Deep Diving
• “Us vs. Them” Dialogue

At the end of each day, I’ll take note of the finer points of my handles and make an effort to improve each of these specialized areas in addition to the ones listed above. Ultimately, practice will make my game better but focusing on a few elements at a time rather than just broad-spectrum “do this and profit” goals should ideally yield some better results.

Until next time!

 

[Inbocca]

Day 8 - Sitting Down Approach:

Objective: Approach at least two (2) women that are sitting down and introduce yourself.
Bonus: Stick around for at least 5 minutes before going for the number or excusing yourself.


Drafted up a daily schedule last night and it helped me not only schedule time for hitting the field but also helped get my mind off the other things I had planned, which gave me more time to think about my goals for today. Just two approaches, not so scary at all. When I got to the venue, I went to the coffee shop and I saw this gorgeous, tall women with black hair and a blue dress. I visualized the opener, acting like I just noticed her and opening. I walked right past and… I pussied out. Choked like a little bitch and walked away in defeat. As I was walking this older lady walked past me and almost barrelled right into me; I had to side step, which is something I haven’t done in weeks. Weakness is definitely transparent. I kept walking and looking around out of the corners of my eyes. I passed by opportunity after opportunity: choke, choke, choke. Finally, I sat down to give myself a minute. Told myself the next girl I saw I was going to approach. At this point, I hardly even cared what she looked like. I saw this girl sitting by herself at a table and thought “this is it” and choked again. Had half a mind to turn around and walk back but I didn’t deserve it. Or maybe I was too afraid. Came across a girl walking who sat down right in front me - a sure sign from the universe that this was supposed to be where my bitch streak ended today - and… you guessed it. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself at this point. But I wasn’t going to give myself the satisfaction of going home until I’d done what I’d come to do. I went to the restroom and when I came out I saw this shy-looking blonde girl studying in the food court. There were other people around, it was noisy, she had headphones in, she looked busy, blah blah blah, all the same stuff came through my head and I was having none of it this time. I walked up and when I got to the point where I choked each other time, I pushed through it. I paused and tried to act like I’d just noticed her (probably looked rehearsed but she wasn’t looking so w/e), turned and came up to her table. She was too engrossed in her work to even see me at this point, so I put my hand in her field of view and she looked up and took her headphones out.

Me: “Hey, this is going to sound really random, but I thought you were cute and I wanted to say hi. I'm Inbocca.”
Her: “Oh, thanks! Mary.” *totally surprised*
Me: “What are you studying? Looks like calculus.”
Her: “Pre-calc actually.”
Me: “I’m guessing… computer science major?”
“Interior design.”
“Really? And they’ve got you doing pre-calc?”

The conversation continued a bit like this for a minute or so. She talked a little bit more than that, but even still it’s pretty apparent that I was doing a bit of chasing in this conversation. There was also no banter, no intrigue or attraction building, no flirtation or interesting subjects being discussed, and I left without getting her number. But I beat the approach anxiety. She was totally closed off and I broke into her little world with blatant interest - and not even well-worded at that. I also sat down and she didn't seem disconcerted. And of course, all the shit I was worried about didn’t even matter. Nobody else saw or cared what I was doing, we had no problem hearing each other, and she took her headphones out and stopped looking at her book of her own accord. I think if I’d done a better job of building a conversation and attraction, she totally would have given me her number. I left that building feeling ready to do another approach. I looked around for a minute to find another girl sitting down and eventually I did. But then she got up. What can I say, it rained and nobody wanted to get their asses wet Eventually what momentum that encounter had given me wore off and I was supposed to meet a friend later that evening, and I left.

So here’s what I took away from this:

What did I do well?

• Pushed through AA and made an approach. What’s even more important is that I made a note of how to do it. Disregarding all the excuses, doing what I know how to do from countless visualizations even though in the moment it seems <insert bullshit here>, and following through. By the time I made the approach, the rest was kind of automatic. There was no instinct to walk away once she looked up at me; I knew I had to say something, so why not tell her the truth?

What could I improve upon?

• Give off a warmer vibe. That nervousness is transparent and it’s making her more nervous. It’s also going to affect what I come up with to say.
• Keep topic turned toward her, not her studies. This is boring, and talking to me is supposed to brighten her day.
• Add banter and flirtation. Otherwise, it’s a straight shot to the friend zone.
• Keep the end goal in mind. Constantly ask myself how what I’m saying right now is going to get to that goal.

How will I make this happen?

• Approach more. Easy answer for all of those. I’m a total novice at this, expecting myself to pull numbers on every encounter I have is beyond unreasonable. As I walked away and felt confident, I believed that I could do more. What would happen after that next one? I’d probably feel even better. And then even better after the next one. More approaches, more momentum, more confidence, better results. I can see why some guys on the boards say that they use the first 10 approaches as warm-ups. Keeping that numbers game mentality is crucial here.
• Build up momentum throughout the day. Talk to everyone in small amounts. Give random people high-fives on the street. Speak up in all my classes. Chat with hired guns if I happen to be in any stores for any reason.

Specialized Areas for Improvement:
- Annihilating Approach Anxiety (via Approach Addiction, cuz damn what a rush)
- Banter and Deep Diving

I want to give this day’s assignment another go. Not one more sit down approach, but both in one day. Gonna hit 5 approaches total tomorrow. Let's get this ball rolling.

 

[Inbocca]

Day 8.2 - More Sitting Down Approaches:

Objective: Approach at least two (2) women that are sitting down and introduce yourself.
Bonus: Approach a total of five (5) women.

Today was all about smashing approach anxiety. I wanted to get through the assignment proper, and I also learned a few more things in the process. I built up social momentum during the morning but I had a few negative interactions that were bogging me down, so when I landed at the venue I found a quiet spot to zen out for a few minutes. Once I got started I saw someone sitting down that would have been perfect. I grabbed some water and started walking in her general direction but found myself bailing on it. I didn’t approach that one but I made myself find someone else immediately after. I walked up to girl number two and said:

Me: Hey there, I saw you from over there and thought you were really cute and just had to say hi. I’m Inbocca.
Her: Oh thanks! I’m married, with kids, but thanks!
Me: Oh, no problem! Hope you have a good day!

Rejected. First time since doing this that it’s happened outright. Didn’t give a damn, though. Just happy to have another approach under my belt. I think I could have handled it a bit better, but I’m really not into moms so I’m not too worried about it. She actually didn’t look like the motherly type from behind, but you can kind of tell if someone’s got the “mom voice” and she definitely did. Maybe I bailed too soon, or maybe there’s some way I could have continued just to see what would have happened? I do know one thing: girl number one was cuter and was definitely too young to be a mom.

I walked around a bit more and this time I actually had a somewhat tough time finding girls who were sitting down. There were a few that I considered approaching and ended up not (because all of the excuses which apparently mean more to me than getting laid wtf), but there was a lack of women sitting down solo. Soon I’ll make an effort to start going for sets, but right now I’m just sticking to the basics.

Eventually, I did find another girl sitting down. This girl I came up to no problem. Used another direct opener, complimenting her sense of style, and asked her a question pertaining to school. She said she’s working on her Master’s in psychology.

I almost froze. Definitely broke eye contact, worked towards bringing it back but I was noticeably nervous after that. After a couple more questions - the latter of which fell flat - I excused myself and got out of there. For some reason, I felt really vulnerable after she told me she was a psych major. Here I was, this stranger coming up to her talking about her sense of style and then going into asking personal questions, and all I could think was how she’s breaking this down and trying to figure me out. After I left, I couldn’t help but feel like she was left wondering, “Was that guy trying to hit on me?” That was probably the worst part of the encounter. Not the premature ejection or the weird nervousness about psych majors, but the ambiguity in my intentions. I’m not naturally a sexy guy; in fact, I tend to give off pretty strong friend vibes around most women. It’s definitely a problem I’ve been trying to fix but haven’t been doing a great job of. And I can understanding women I’ve known for a while feeling that way about me; it’s almost impossible to undo that impression someone has of you at that point. What bugs me is now that I’m trying to be flirtatious and direct with my intentions, I’m still coming off as supplicating and friendly because of these old habits. These were the only approaches I had time to do before work today. I did get my objective done, but not the five I wanted. The AA was easier to deal with today, and I have no doubt it’s because I’ve already mustered up the balls to get past it a few times.

So here are a couple lessons I learned today:
1) I got a taste of rejection. In this case, it was sexual unavailability (or at least appeared to be, she could have been lying and I wouldn’t have known). As I get better, I’d like to be able to push past even this obstacle by doing something like asking about her kids, trying to get to know her better, or even calling her out by asking about her ring (which I didn’t even check for btw) or any number of things. Point is, rejection - which is one of the biggest fears when it comes to approaching - is not that bad at all. Way better than hating yourself for not approaching. Even if it’s not because they’re unavailable. Even if they just scoff or even laugh at you after your opener. It’s just another reference point.
2) My mindset is still a massive obstacle. Regarding women, myself, the idea of pickup, even my sex drive; all of these things are being hindered by my outlook. It’s changed a lot since the outset, but a couple decades of wrong thinking aren’t going to be undone by a couple months of browsing the internet. I’m going to take steps towards tackling this obstacle for good, and I think I’m going to need to do it one step at a time.

The solution to these issues is... more approaching. And I think I should be making more detailed notes of these individual interactions, rather than detailing everything that happened during the day. Seeing what I did wrong at what time is how field reports help, not just running over everything again and again.

Until next time!

 

[brandoan95]

Hey bro,
congrats on making it all the way to day 8 haha. I always wanted to try the newbie assignment but never went through with it. On your first day 8 approach i was laughing while reading because the same exact shit happened to me last Friday. I told myself i would approach and then i'd pussy out again and again. i even got an IOI similar to yours but it was even worse. She looked me dead in my eyes for 3 seconds but i looked away and kept walking. Mind you ive bee direct approaching for about 3 weeks now. So your actually not doing half bad with your assignment. What helps is forcing yourself to approach the girl. Even if you walk past her turn around immediately and say high just so you don't get into a bad habit of skipping out on approaches.
Good luck out there mane

 

[Inbocca]

Hey bro,
congrats on making it all the way to day 8 haha. I always wanted to try the newbie assignment but never went through with it. On your first day 8 approach i was laughing while reading because the same exact shit happened to me last Friday. I told myself i would approach and then i'd pussy out again and again. i even got an IOI similar to yours but it was even worse. She looked me dead in my eyes for 3 seconds but i looked away and kept walking. Mind you ive bee direct approaching for about 3 weeks now. So your actually not doing half bad with your assignment. What helps is forcing yourself to approach the girl. Even if you walk past her turn around immediately and say high just so you don't get into a bad habit of skipping out on approaches.
Good luck out there mane

Thanks, man! That's some pretty solid advice. I feel like momentum can go the other way, too; approaches can get easier if you keep making them, but also easier to pass up if you keep choking. Only fix is to not pass them up.

Best of luck out there in So Cal

 

[Inbocca]

Intermission:

It's been a few days since I've recorded any progress. Rest assured, comrades, I haven't given up; there's just been a lot going on (mid-terms, new job, stress from external stimuli, etc.) and I'm finding myself with a lot less free time than I've had before. Kinda makes me wish I'd used the time before the school semester started more efficiently. Nevertheless, I've still been trying to use this brief intermission to take a look at my mindset and see what I could be doing better right now, and also to look towards the future and plan out where I want to be.

I won't go too much into the latter because I'm gonna be making some journals specifically for those goals once I finish my Newbie Assignment. What I want to talk about right now is an issue I've been dealing with since I started getting more serious about getting good at this - and if I think about it, an issue I've dealt with for a lot longer. The issue I'm speaking of is a sense of a lack of support. I've always been a bit of a loner, but the people I've had in my life through this point aren't the kind of people who would accept this lifestyle. Not knowing a lot of guys who are really motivated to be good at or get better with girls (while at the same time still not entirely being the kind of guy that those kinds of people want to hang out with) can make one feel alone in his goals. I think this sense of aloneness combined with the terrifying fear of failure, the fact that when you're getting started you basically have no idea what you're doing, and the ostracism and hatred that you face from society, your friends, and in some cases even yourself is why a lot of guys give up when they start doing this. From this perspective (the most common one), being alone sucks.

The other day, I read Hector's article "The Gap Before the Finish Line" and it came at an important moment - though I think it would have been helpful at pretty much any point in time. One of the biggest takeaways is that you should find solace in your aloneness. As he puts it, you should "smile the warrior's smile." I wrestled with that at first; sure, it makes sense in theory because it removes one of those obstacles mentioned above and motivates you to make a change for yourself. But if you struggle to find happiness in aloneness, are you just supposed to fake it until you make it? And then something happened tonight. I was riding my bike home from work and trying to get home as quickly as possible. Normally when I'm riding, I'm constantly checking around me and noticing people, my environment, and events going on around me. I didn't really notice this before, but usually, I'm judging these things; criticizing them for not living up to my ridiculous standards, or criticizing myself for not being a part of something I value more. But tonight I tried something different: I looked as far down the street as I could and focused on one light several hundred yards away and just barrelled as fast as I could towards it. After about 10 seconds, I recognized the light I was looking at as the street I was supposed to turn on to go home. It seemed so close now that I was focusing directly on it. But even more astounding to me was how insignificant everything around me became. I wasn't paying attention to overflowing garbage cans and rundown storefronts and apartment complexes, or nice cars and fun-filled social gatherings. It was just me and the light I was staring at, which was now my primary goal. I could still see all the same distractions and process them; I just didn't care in the least. I felt totally alone as just a man with an objective, no one to help me obtain it, no one to care if I succeed or fail, and even the knowledge that the objective itself would be surpassed and replaced with another. And I couldn't help but smile. So many things I thought I needed, when it was this sense of need that made their absence impacting in the first place. All I needed was an objective and a will to surpass it and replace it with another one. In the face of this logic, what is rejection? What is failure? What is any one girl besides another lesson to be learned? I reached that light faster than I can ever remember reaching it, and then I found a new goal. Got home in record time, drenched in sweat and panting but not tired in the least. Still not tired, though I should be; it's hella late.

Gonna end this here tonight. Day 9 will be coming soon, I don't know when exactly because the rail system here is a little weird. I tried doing it the other day and literally only saw one girl I'd consider approaching, and it was after I'd sat down on board. If I have any interesting encounters to report before this happens, I'll just make a field report. I don't want to make a legit journal until after this assignment is done with.

Deuces.