FR+ Initiative taking girls

[WinnerWinner]

What do you think about girls who actually is the ones who makes the moves?

Field report:

I was out yesterday night with two of my great buddies. We went to our usual cozy bar. We were having a great time at our table and I just made things work (talking to people around me, getting things going on and flowing in the group etc.) There was a 26y old girl and her mom next to us, talking very intensely about something.

I was sitting beside the 26y old girl. Eventually our group got into an interaction with the girl and her mom.

I remember not doing much, except being grateful (as I am most of the time) and being curious about who this girl is. Report you could say and I could sense that she was interested in me too. She made her mom ask how old I was.

Then she said she was too old for me and I naturally replied that she was too young for me and that it wont work out between us.

The girl and I went into topics like, men & women in society. How women get called sluts and men get probs for sleeping with a lot of people. Always interesting we also talked about being single and being in a couple. Then she wanted to talk about siblings, which I was not comfortable with and so I told her. I barely knew her and she went into family talk. What a curious girl! Then she asked what I liked to do and I said doing things that pushes my comfort zone. She didn't understand exactly and wanted me to give an example, so I did. I caressed her chin in a way like "you lovely thing" (I do that often with a girl I like though, just the quickest and most natural thing for me right there )
After 10 mins into the interaction she asked if any one of us smoked IOI. After 20 minutes she said something about us kissing but she didn't want to do it in front of her mother.

So I just slowly gave her a kiss. Or it almost felt like she was the one taking initiative to kiss me..

I remember later we were all talking at a point and in some context she just said out loud, SEX.

My friends were like, wow, congrats James and later I found out that they even betted if I went home with her or not.. geez... Anyways I told her that where have you been girl?? Why haven't I seen you before?! which she really liked and said you are so cute.. she put her hand on my lap and caressed close to my crotch. She was kinda turning me on.

We went outside to "get some fresh air" and we just kissed for 5 seconds and I said, lets get back to the others.

Back inside she whispered to me to fuck her every Sunday, if I would do that. I mean this girl was dirty! I gave her my number.

Not much happening in the end, except that I told her one of my friends wanted to hook up before we could leave so she went up to all the girls and tried to be a wingwoman haha. Anyways her mom was going to sleep at her house that night and I'm still living at home.

So something I'm curious about because when I say a thing like that, she seems to be oblivious to it: She had just tried to wing for my buddy. We stand on the floor, out in the open just beside the middle and she have her arms on my shoulders like a girl would do and she wanted to kiss or I always sensed she wanted to make-out a lot.

me, "you are turning me on right now"
her, "ohh you are that easy?"
me, "I'm easy to turn on but getting me ain't easy"
her, "I'm willing to work for it"

Then she wanted to kiss...

me, "this is too official isn't it?"
her, "is there something wrong with that?"
me, "no, not if you don't think so"

and then she seemed a little turned off by it.

we kissed though and then I stopped her and said, "It just ruins the mood in the group, if we are getting too intimate" (second time I told her that throughout the night)

but anyways, I told her to give me a kiss just before she left with her mom and she did a little hesitantly though and the farewell, "Have it really really good" like we weren't going to see each other again.

She texted me half an hour later that she thought I was cute and that she would like to see me again. I replied 12 hours later (after waking up with a big hangover) next day that I wanted to her again too and that it was a fun and long night.


Wow.. when I'm writing the things that happened down there are so many things but when it's experienced, it goes extremely fast!


James

 

[Ross]

Re: Initiative taking girls

Don't forget to add a prefix to your interaction in the title. Here it would be FR+, you can find all the listing of prefixes on the board rules.

To answer your initial question, she didn't really make the moves. She got what she wanted and was in power for most of the time, and she was extremely turned on.

On with the constructive critique..

In your initial conversation with her about women and views on society, it would've been better to deep dive. And by deep dive I don't mean find out her opinions on popular, controversial topics, I mean get to know her ambitions and talk about things that are exciting to her, such as her dreams. She didn't really initiate the kiss; she was gaming you more than you were gaming her, it seems. She planted the idea of kissing in your mind to get you to kiss her later, which was complying with her demand, in which she executed minimal effort to get what she wanted.

Back inside she whispered to me to fuck her every Sunday, if I would do that. I mean this girl was dirty! I gave her my number.

Bro, shut your mouth and move her out of here ASAP if she's that forward about things. That's the green light on having you take her home, with cars honking behind you to move it. All that lead up and you.. give her your number? Make sure your logistics are good before going out to meet women, and always have a plan on where you can take her, or at least be actively thinking of a place. Ask your buddies or something, but don't end up making an excuse that you had nowhere to take her simply because both of your living spaces were occupied.

me, "you are turning me on right now"
her, "ohh you are that easy?"
me, "I'm easy to turn on but getting me ain't easy"
her, "I'm willing to work for it"

Then she wanted to kiss...

me, "this is too official isn't it?"
her, "is there something wrong with that?"
me, "no, not if you don't think so"

and then she seemed a little turned off by it.

I really wish the scripts were flipped here, and you were saying what she was. You aren't acting like a powerful man that will lead her to the bedroom and give her a nice night; you say you are turned on by her, you are easy to turn on, but then quickly back track and try and shield the idea that you are, in fact, easy. When she wants to get more intimate you deny her that, and then comply with her question on whether or not there's something wrong with having something official by being defensive and trying to agree with her pretty hard. I don't blame her for getting turned off.

I would say don't text her back. Sure, there is a slight chance that she might sleep with you, but I feel that she's going to just backtrack and try and make you a friend that she can have whenever she wants. She has most of the power right now, so it is probably a lost cause.

 

[AFCnoob]

Re: Initiative taking girls

Personally, I love it when a girl is forward and makes her intentions known. The downsides, however, are that it can be a bit challenging to keep leading during an interaction like that.

After reading your post and RTB's response--and without making any assumptions whatsoever, it seems like you weren't 100% open to the idea of sleeping with this girl that night (or even now...?)

Then she wanted to talk about siblings, which I was not comfortable with and so I told her. I barely knew her and she went into family talk.

...and we just kissed for 5 seconds and I said, lets get back to the others.

Back inside she whispered to me to fuck her every Sunday, if I would do that. I mean this girl was dirty!

It seems like at several points in the interaction, you were slowing things down and backing up, and that she was pacing things. That's fine and everything, but I agree with RTB--either you end up being in a weak stance, and the chaser in this situation, or the girl goes into auto-rejection (if she hasn't already).

Hey, I've been in a very similar situation, it happens, I guess. Securing your intent (knowing exactly what you want out of the night, and the interaction), and handling your logistics should erase any problems.

 

[WinnerWinner]

Re: Initiative taking girls

Don't forget to add a prefix to your interaction in the title. Here it would be FR+, you can find all the listing of prefixes on the board rules.

I'll remember that next time.


I appreciate you've taken your time to analyze my encounter with this girl.

RTB, I can see you've been into game a lot by the way you are analyzing my FR. It seems much like a power-game to you but to me, I know that I don't care about that. Yes I am probably doing things which shows that I got more power etc. but essentially it's the one who is the least attached that has the most power and I'm on a very great process right now and great momentum for not being needy or attached to any girl.

Now, in my opinion I did what I felt and most of the things I did was great. Why would she do all these things then? Why would she initiate all these situations then? I wasn't needy for kissing with her and I didn't want to make-out with her much. I just don't feel that thing, unless we are isolated and comfortable. I could have taken her to the small toilet but I didn't, too much effort. Yes, I am a lazy lover.

I do take into consideration that you weren't there so there are some things I've left out that I remember now.

Deep-dive, that I did. I always do that to see if the girl is someone I could have great fun with.

About telling a girl that she's turning you on. It's hot. A girl loves to turn on a guy she can't really figure out or if he is of higher value.

And the logistics, it was a guys night out but you are right. Great idea to have some friends house close-by to take her

Anyways she texted me yesterday night about her day and then goodnight while I was in a bar with some people and this girl came up to me and told me I was very hot and she was a bit uncomfortable because of it. What a sweet and sincere girl. Gonna be in my next FR when I get the time.

My reply to her today:

One of my friends suggested me to try sending her a text saying, "It's Sunday" tomorrow. Let's see...

 

[Ross]

Re: Initiative taking girls

Now, in my opinion I did what I felt and most of the things I did was great. Why would she do all these things then? Why would she initiate all these situations then? I wasn't needy for kissing with her and I didn't want to make-out with her much. I just don't feel that thing, unless we are isolated and comfortable. I could have taken her to the small toilet but I didn't, too much effort. Yes, I am a lazy love

It's not all about neediness. You aren't exactly as lazy as you are a man without a clear goal. I suggest you find that goal with women (dating them, taking them home) and work on it so that your skills will take a large boost in effectiveness.

I do take into consideration that you weren't there so there are some things I've left out that I remember now.

Naturally, yes. It's quite hard to analyze words rather than a visible interaction, especially when you aren't explaining everything that happened, but that isn't even too important. I haven't analyzed many field reports so I assume that my abilities with finding out the true nature of relationships from dialogue will only increase.

Deep-dive, that I did. I always do that to see if the girl is someone I could have great fun with.

Deep-diving is more about a connection between the two of you. It's great for getting to know her, but try not to confuse it too much with screening. Screening is when you are asking questions to find out whether or not a girl is your type, while deep-diving is mostly questions about her ambition (which may also assist in knowing her type, but for deep-diving you are mostly listening, and for screening you are giving responses on letting her know if you approve.

About telling a girl that she's turning you on. It's hot. A girl loves to turn on a guy she can't really figure out or if he is of higher value.

Hmm. That is true that it could be enjoyable, especially if she finds you extremely high value. I just feel like it's not exactly my style to say that sort of stuff, as I'd rather let her know with the reward of physical escalation rather than some wordplay. Though the combination of those sounds pretty good, if you are both physically escalating.

And the logistics, it was a guys night out but you are right. Great idea to have some friends house close-by to take her

Chase has an amazing post on logistics, I suggest you read up on it. It talks a lot about goal-setting and logistics, and was really an eye opener for me.

 

[Just_Dave]

Re: Initiative taking girls

I enjoyed the read, I will say use it as a learning experience. Although you didn't sleep with her, you did get to kiss her. I will agree with RTB, I wish the script was flipped. However, we can't change the past and now you know for next time, it will be very hard to move things forward because she sounds more experienced than you. I would let her chase and make a meet up time on your terms if you really want to see her again.

Good work,

Just Dave