Insight?

[Novacane]

Just have a question here. I was wondering lets say you end up settling with a girl, what happens to all the other women you've interacted with prior? Do you suddenly stop messaging assuming that all you and the other women did was meet up to, well you know fxck aha. I'd like to know what others think about this, and if it ever were to happen how would you handle all the previous relationships you've established with other women prior to settling down.

 

[Franco]

Novacane,

Just have a question here. I was wondering lets say you end up settling with a girl, what happens to all the other women you've interacted with prior?

I generally continue to talk to them (and by them, I mean the ones I've had sex with. There's no reason to bother with women that you haven't sealed the deal with since they'll probably go into auto-rejection at some point soon thereafter anyway). However, after I've usually had sex with a girl, I actually try to leave sexual "banter" out of my text conversations so that I don't get girls trying to "sext" or send extremely flirty messages to me all the time, which can be very damaging to your exclusive relationship if your girl sees them.

The texts I'll receive are usually random ones from those girls either asking how I'm doing or referring to funny/interesting things that may have occurred between us. I usually respond to these, but I try to keep these texts warm and extremely platonic. And if a girl does try to send me a flirty text, I usually just don't respond as to not encourage it. They'll often send you another text again sometime in the near future fearing that they might have overstepped their boundaries, believe it or not!

You can't keep all of these girls around forever though, especially if you're not sleeping with them. And you'll often find that you'll suddenly stop receiving texts from these girls -- this usually means they've started seeing another guy. Some of them may continue to contact you, however, and it does leave a door open to hook up with them should your exclusive relationship go sour in the relatively near future.

Always good to have possible future options, but just make sure not to overstep your boundaries and hurt your girl.

- Franco

 

[Sly]

Completely agree with Franco's response.

After picking up girls and increasing my social circle of women for quite some time, I settled down with my current girlfriend. At the start, I attempted to maintain a platonic connection with some girls I dealt with in the past; but after a while of not giving them what they want (sex) and what the relationship was previously based on (sex), the relationship usually spirals downwards. As well, I realized I wouldn't want my girlfriend to be maintaining these kinds of relationships with past lovers, so I believed it was only fair to ultimately end my previous connections. Hate hypocrisy!

If in fact you do care about your girlfriend-- ending these ties shouldn't bother you; as it didn't to me. Firstly because I don't see breaking up with my girlfriend in the foreseeable future (thus no need for other women) and secondly because I know that in the scenario we do break up, my fundamentals are solid and I'll be able to find new women regardless.

SLY

 

[Marty]

Firstly because I don't see breaking up with my girlfriend in the foreseeable future (thus no need for other women)

"Thus" implies consequence. But for many men, myself included, there is no such logical progression. I cannot even conceive of being in a relationship, however stable, where I do not desire other women. I tell you, Sly, your view is by no means universal, and you may even be in a minority.

There's no reason to bother with women that you haven't sealed the deal with since they'll probably go into auto-rejection at some point soon thereafter anyway

Franco, if you have time can you explain that bit in a little more detail please? Does auto-rejection generally follow a lack of progress to sex? Is that because of attraction expiration, or the closing of the "window of opportunity"?

 

[Franco]

Marty,

Franco, if you have time can you explain that bit in a little more detail please? Does auto-rejection generally follow a lack of progress to sex? Is that because of attraction expiration, or the closing of the "window of opportunity"?

Both. A girl that you haven't slept with who is contacting you to try to get you to invite her out is only going to do so for long before she loses interest or feels like she needs to save face and stop trying. The one exception might be girls that are in your social circle. Sometimes these girls can have crushes on you for long periods of time, and seeing you periodically through mutual friends can be enough to get her to reach out every once in awhile and bring back that rush of emotions... that is, until she starts seeing another guy. Then she'll likely stop contacting you again!

- Franco

 

[Novacane]

Thank you for the input, I was a bit confused thinking that you should be the one to just drop all the previous woman focusing on just one.