Introvert gaining incremental progress. HELP

[IntrovertLegend]

Hello I am new here and need your advice on how win someone’s heart. I had a bad education so my english grammar is not excellent but alright.

I lack the conventional behaviors of autism but have the more intellectual/mental traits if that makes sense. Behavior wise I am introverted, geeky, and logical.

I would say I am the mechanical learning type from how I understand your model.

I am pursuing someone called Tyler

Here are some simple details on what the person is like and i’ll divide it in short, two parts.

The Wild Side
This person is 20 years old, likes to party, use recreational drugs but weed specifically, extremely perceptive/photographic memory, is the flirty/touchy type that receives lots of attention, and is hypersexual.

If you read personality psychology this person is ENFP, flamboyant, sociable, hedonist/sensation seeking and very agreeable.

The Intimate Side
This person is the more artistic type that loves music, candles, and nostalgic cartoons. Externally is tom boyish but internally is very effeminate.

Emotionally they have issues with self-defeating depression, had a very close relationship with their dad who unfortunately passed away, and bad relationship with the mother. The mother was emotionally abusive and hyper religious.

For context the dad was very eccentric, kinda queer, and very agreeable.

If it offers more context this person is politically liberal, supports BLM, LGBTQ+ and is spiritual/agnostic but not super religious. And enneagram is type 9. So they like to create social harmony in the environment, accepts peoples differences, and conflict avoidant.

This person has issues with being cared for. The very protective of friends and wants to be the shoulder you cry on type. Doesn’t like to receive gifts. Has issues with being in a relationship half of it because in the past Tyler always feels used sexually but not desired for personality and identity.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style
Those with fearful-avoidant attachments want love from others. They may even crave that affection. But, at the same time, they are reluctant to have close or intimate relationships.

My Goal
My question is how can I improve upon what i’m already doing? Ideally I want to see if I can develop a relationship. But i’m also happy just being friends with benefits.

I know I have known Tyler for around 10 months. We work in the same restaurant and live in the same building. I ended up in the friend zone due to inexperience and subterfuge from tyler’s controlling friend. I was gonna take it slow but it didn’t happen. Now the controlling friend has moved away.

So far through determination, proving how much I care, helping out mutual friends, showing my vulnerability, flirting with other women, and sharing weed there is less weird tension between us and even some flirting. Personally I think what started it was flirting with others, me teasing at the “right moment”, and sharing weed increased my rapport absurdly.

It feels like i’m now stuck in the back pocket and provider role. Which isn’t bad because I can turn it to my advantage.

I want to be the stable, older guy (i’m 26) that can be a good provider for a potential intimate relationship or FWB. But also show I can be a lover type.

I heard that for my personality type and based on the characteristics I told you about. I need too:
Do more nonverbal flirting
Ask for more compliance
Be more mysterious but unpredictable
Show more vulnerability and how I can be emotionally stable
More verbal escalation/frames
Giving attention to other women

Is there anything more you can add/improve? I don’t care if it is a lot. I just need to know what steps I can do to increase attraction, and be in a position where a relationship or FWB sounds attractive to Tyler.

I am incrementally trying out your advice and am willing to move on. But because there is some potential here I want to see it through. So far I think Tyler has some unconscious attraction to me. But it’s still to low imo if it’s anything significant.

The mentality I have is I want to be so amazing I become a new standard that is hard to compete with. If I fail no big deal i’ll learn from this and still have a friendship but if not I get to be with someone I like.

 

[Toby2030]

You won't get results if you do not approach. You haven't mentioned the number of approaches you make. How many approaches do you do per week?

 

[IntrovertLegend]

You won't get results if you do not approach. You haven't mentioned the number of approaches you make. How many approaches do you do per week?

What do you mean by approaches? Like how ma y times we interact in general? If so we see each other 2-3 times a week. Two of it is in passing like around the building or with friends for small talk. The other half is at work. The other is hanging out after work.

 

[IntrovertLegend]

Mind you this seems like a low amount. But because of the aforementioned I do try to make each limited interaction as best as possible and do stuff like surprises. So if there was an event keep it a surprise & let that person guess what it is.

 

[IntrovertLegend]

And I think it can be useful as less pressure to impress all the time if we met everyday do to my current skill level. I think if I kept up the provider role as it is now but slowly in layers became more mysterious, exciting and like a lover type things me escalate.

 

[IntrovertLegend]

I guess i’m trying to say I do think tyler does want something more stable (fearful avoidant) eventually & I am so far. I just need to spice things up more with someone that likes to flirt & is extroverted. So the stability thing can be more appealing

 

[Toby2030]

By approaches I mean, how many different people do you talk to and try to pick-up during the week?

You can compare game a lot to sports.

Imagine you have a game against a team, that you just REALLY want to win.

The problem is the game is in 1 month and you haven't trained for this game.

You are not confident when you enter the pitch, your technique is rusty and your conditioning isn't the best.

You will probably lose the game.

BUT

What if you trained every day for this game? You improved your conditioning, you did a lot of drills that made your technique better and you became used to playing?

By this approach, your skill level increases and you will have a lot higher chance of reaching your goal of winning the match.

How can you compare this to game you may ask? It's simple.

You learn to talk to girls by talking to a lot of girls.

You learn to flirt non-verbally by flirting non-verbally a lot with different people

You learn to escalate be mysterious and interesting by training your conversational skills with different people

You learn to escalate by trying to escalate with different people and getting in different situations.

As Tyler used to say: "Your sticking points will auto-correct if you just go out".

What this means for you:

Stop focusing on one girl and focus on improving your skills.

Start focusing on APPROACHES rather than theory and only read theory appropriate to your sticking points based on your feedback from your approaches.

This is the ONLY way you will improve. Game is about behaviour and communication changes, and you can't change yourself overnight without practice.

 

[IntrovertLegend]

You can compare game a lot to sports.

Imagine you have a game against a team, that you just REALLY want to win.

The problem is the game is in 1 month and you haven't trained for this game.

You are not confident when you enter the pitch, your technique is rusty and your conditioning isn't the best.

You will probably lose the game.

BUT

What if you trained every day for this game? You improved your conditioning, you did a lot of drills that made your technique better and you became used to playing?

By this approach, your skill level increases and you will have a lot higher chance of reaching your goal of winning the match.

How can you compare this to game you may ask? It's simple.

You learn to talk to girls by talking to a lot of girls.

You learn to flirt non-verbally by flirting non-verbally a lot with different people

You learn to escalate be mysterious and interesting by training your conversational skills with different people

You learn to escalate by trying to escalate with different people and getting in different situations.

As Tyler used to say: "Your sticking points will auto-correct if you just go out".

What this means for you:

Stop focusing on one girl and focus on improving your skills.

Start focusing on APPROACHES rather than theory and only read theory appropriate to your sticking points based on your feedback from your approaches.

This is the ONLY way you will improve. Game is about behaviour and communication changes, and you can't change yourself overnight without practice.

I do talk to other people mind you and not just women people in general. I was more so just asking our what strategies I suggested seem sound based on the personality & background information I told you?

 

[IntrovertLegend]

By approaches I mean, how many different people do you talk to and try to pick-up during the week?

You can compare game a lot to sports.

Imagine you have a game against a team, that you just REALLY want to win.

The problem is the game is in 1 month and you haven't trained for this game.

You are not confident when you enter the pitch, your technique is rusty and your conditioning isn't the best.

You will probably lose the game.

BUT

What if you trained every day for this game? You improved your conditioning, you did a lot of drills that made your technique better and you became used to playing?

By this approach, your skill level increases and you will have a lot higher chance of reaching your goal of winning the match.

How can you compare this to game you may ask? It's simple.

You learn to talk to girls by talking to a lot of girls.

You learn to flirt non-verbally by flirting non-verbally a lot with different people

You learn to escalate be mysterious and interesting by training your conversational skills with different people

You learn to escalate by trying to escalate with different people and getting in different situations.

As Tyler used to say: "Your sticking points will auto-correct if you just go out".

What this means for you:

Stop focusing on one girl and focus on improving your skills.

Start focusing on APPROACHES rather than theory and only read theory appropriate to your sticking points based on your feedback from your approaches.

This is the ONLY way you will improve. Game is about behaviour and communication changes, and you can't change yourself overnight without practice.

I do believe in hard work ethic & training. I was just wondering if I was in the backpocket & seem more like the provider type with some flirty extravert would the strategies I listed here be useful? These are stuff I read on your site & stuff like seddit but thought there could be more nuance and more feedback by asking in a forum



I heard that for my personality type and based on the characteristics I told you about. I need too:
Do more nonverbal flirting
Ask for more compliance
Be more mysterious but unpredictable
Show more vulnerability and how I can be emotionally stable
More verbal escalation/frames
Giving attention to other women