"invisible" VS "devil may care" approaches : what's better?

[lux7]

In an article about grocery shopping Chase recommends to go under the radar so that people around won't likely notice your approach and she doesn't feel any pressure to excuse herself (link: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-p ... -groceries ).

Makes a lot of sense, of course, and it's a topic I have often though about as I myself tend to care about the people around (maybe it's one of my weaknesses actually).

Though the "don't care about your surrounding approach" also has its advantages, below is a quick comparison.


Devil may care
Is loud and "makes it obvious", doesn't care about possible people around who may look and eavesdrop.
He shows he's a strong individual who doesn't need any approval from society, though it might show a bit of a lack of smarts. It's a bit more "raw".

Socially graceful
The under the radar style allows talks more softly and even if there were people around they can't tell what's going on.
It's less sexually aggressive maybe but the woman can feel more at ease and shows consideration and social intelligence. It's more "sophisticated".


YOUR THOUGHTS
Which one do you think is superior, and which one goes best for what occasion? What environments and girls call for a bolder approach?

 

[Franco]

luc,

I think you're confusing some of the aspects of what "Devil May Care" attitude is. Having that attitude does not necessarily equate to "being loud" (and as a matter of fact, I'd say most guys with a DMC attitude are actually rather subtle). All it means is that you have extreme outcome independence, and while you do act on your wants and needs, you know that one failure does not mean anything outside of that one instance. You move and chase your next desire with fervent ardor.

The guy who is DMC is actually very socially graceful -- possibly to an even greater extent that even your more common socially graceful individual. While your average guy is probably generally socially graceful in common situations, he might be the type of guy to be "shook up" when taken out of his comfort zone. But the guy who has the DMC attitude... well, everything is within his comfort zone. He's been there and he's done that. So when something doesn't work out today, he knows it might work out tomorrow. He'll walk away with a sly smile on his face knowing that opportunities are endless for him.

Just wanted to provide some clarity there. =)

- Franco

 

[lux7]

"devil may care" wasn't really a reference to any of Chase's article -I know there's one indeed-, just a name I put to that style.
Not the most descriptive one probably.

You could call it "invisible" VS "loud guy".

The question is which one works best, in which different situations.

 

[Drck]

Didn't read the mentioned article on GC but based on what you described, I think that those are two different styles.

The first one that you call Devil May Care (DMC) is more loud - perhaps more of an Asshole, more Alpha style: Hey everyone, I am here, everybody should notice me.

The second one that you call Socially Graceful (SC) is more quiet, softer, more subtle. He doesn't raise much attention, but as Franco said he also may have the "Devil May Care" attitude.

Which one is better? It IMO depends on your personality.

The DMC shows his dominance by loud voice and body language, he is most likely quite energized. He is probably more outgoing, more of an extrovert. To give great vibes he should probably be more happy, more exciting, more spontaneous. He should be able to be more effective in noisy clubs where he can use loud voice to dominate others. He is probably more of "I want what I want and I'm gonna get it no matter what others think". He's got probably bigger balls, plenty of adrenaline, and he is more straight forward and aggressive. On the other hand, if he is in public or work area, and starts talking to unknown girl, she may be quite ashamed as she doesn't want to disclose in front of everyone whether she'll go for a date with him.

The SC is most likely more introverted, more thoughtful of what he's doing, perhaps more mature and wise. His dominance is not necessary in loud voice and dominant body language, but rather in leading style. He is more socially tuned and aware. He's probably much more efficient in work area than GC where he can fly more under the radar. Most likely he would negotiate more with the girl and other people, as he understand that it is not just him.

These are of course only general differences, in real life it doesn't have to be black or white. Instead of trying to fit yourself to one of these styles and trying to imitate someone, you could chose the best of both styles and combine it to your own style.

For example, if you are more quiet introvert and don't have the natural robust/exciting energy of some extrovert who can seduce many girls, you just won't "fit" that style. Your success will be much less no matter what you do. On the other hand, if you are an extrovert who can spread lots of exciting energy around no matter where you go, and thus attract many girls, it would be silly to try to adapt to more quiet low energy style. You are not gonna accomplish anything, you will lose what you have and you will have to learn totally different things just to reach the same efficacy like before...

So, say you can apply the characteristics of SC such as leading style, maturity and wisdom, but you are less energized (keeping low energy and low profile). At the same time you can apply DMC's balls, aggressiveness, spontaneity, body language, and when needed loud voice. This way you are more dynamic, it's your own style, you only choose what fits you the best...

 

[Franco]

luc,

You could call it "invisible" VS "loud guy".

Gotcha.

In that case, I mostly agree with Drck. Neither one is necessarily "more effective" than the other, but one might feel much more comfortable and suit your personality better than the other. Since congruency is such an important thing, it makes it extra important to employ a style that feels the most natural to you so that it seems congruent with everything you do. If you're generally a quiet guy and suddenly decide to spit "loud" game, it's probably going to be much more difficult for you to do it well because you're just winging something that doesn't come naturally to you. I'm sure with enough practice you could probably completely change your style, but if you're getting results with one style that feels comfortable you, then I don't see any need to forcibly change your personality to convert to another.

So in summary, both can be equally effective depending on your personality.

- Franco