Is cutting contact my only option?

[Anonymous]

Hi All,

I'll try and be brief. Met a girl a year ago while traveling. Hung out for few days, fun times etc. Left town. She called me week later and we began sporadic phone convos over few months. Flirty but nothing serious.

I ended up back in her town again few months later. We spent more time together and got little more physical. Definitely some connection. Shes young (20) and Im older with a high profile job so that helped. My attitude was always one of semi indifference to her. I always let her know i liked seeing her and being with her but I didnt call her much and didnt act as if I cared too much. because I still had control.

Fast forward a year and a few more rendezvous with her: Shes been calling me everyday and we have long talks (1 −3 hours). I know thats bad to talk so much but being long distance its all i had. Anyway, after our last visit, things got more physical than ever (still no sex but..) and since then Ive found that I'm really getting stuck on her. She recently sent me a pic of a guy and said "this is my new bf". She told me later that she was joking but initially my heart sank so hard I realized that Ive really fallen for this girl.

She saw what effect it had on me and now she has been mentioning other guys and the attention they pay her more and more. I try and seem indifferent but she can tell inside Im dying. Now shes starting to call less and i can feel the power has shifted from me to her. I honestly am 99% sure she doesnt want to be long term with me because of some issues she has with me not being her nationality and our ages etc.

Inside i know i should just walk away but I also know we only get one life and I want to have as may moments with her as i can. I love when she calls and how she includes me in her life. She used to ask about me a lot more but now its me just listening and its possible Ive been friendzoned.

Anyway, Im wondering how I can swing things back my way. I could try not picking up when she calls but Im pretty sure she'll just stop calling and I would hate that. Its crazy because if I dont hear from her everyday I get like a panic attack inside. She hasnt contacted me in a few days which is very abnormal because she used to call every day or every other. Or at least a text or something. Now nothing. Ive been feeling sick and anxious for days now. I havn't reached out to her because I feel in my heart shes lost interest so contacting her is going to push her farther away correct? Hopefully you cant lose someone if they really care. Its not like me to be tripping so hard over a girl so if anyone has any ideas besides "spin more plates" or "freeze out" Id appreciate it. Maybe something that creates more of a transition rather than just cold turnkey doing something out of character. Any advice is huge thank you all.

 

[northstar08]

Luckily there's a solution for people like yourself

https://www.girlschase.com/content/cant- ... more-girls

 

[Flames]

I think the solution is just say "How about we go out on a proper date?". She seemed to be trying the jealousy line on you to make you spring into action then when that failed she took a step back and admitted she was joking.

In short from what you've said about her (and that's not always an easy thing to judge) but she wants you to ask her out. If that's what you want then go ahead, but otherwise you'll find that auto-rejection kicks in sometime soon and you'll more than likely lose her anyway.

 

[Jay]

I would say that your best bet actually is to not contact her until she contacts you. If she is in fact playing the jealousy card, she will call you eventually, and as soon as she does, you will be back in control. I personally would not ask her out on a date in this situation, because I feel like from what I have heard she is testing you to see if you are really as needy as she thinks you are.

Once she does break and call you, you could surprise her by inviting her to dinner, and this will make her feel like she is in control because you passed her test, and put you in control again.

 

[Garrett]

Hey Drivel!

I think everyone has some good points about this. You definitely should be meeting more girls, because the mental state you are currently in is not good. I've been there so I know, if you can't stop thinking about her, you'll be pretty useless when you're with her and won't get the result you want. Normally, my advice is to disappear for a while, and start meeting other girls. You'll improve your skills, and you may even realize that this girl isn't all that special after all. You want to meet girls who live in your area or nearby. I think that your situation is unique to a typical auto-rejection because I feel like you can still salvage things. The girl obviously really liked you a lot so I feel like there is hope still.

In relation to your girl, if she calls, don't talk for hours man, that's going to kill attraction. Just keep it short and sweet, be warm when she contacts you, but don't get into those long text conversations. You should always try to move your interactions to meeting her in person until you 2 are dating, the rules don't apply as much. Seeing as you probably didn't sleep with her, I feel like she's starting to drift into auto-rejection, but I feel like she liked you A LOT, and is trying to make you move jealous to spark a reaction to make you think, "Well damn, if I don't do something/take action, I'm going to lose her." The girl really likes you, but she's trying to tell you that if you don't do something she'll eventually use her other options and will go cold to you for disappointing. Her attraction is starting to die out, and she wants you to make a move before it dies out. She wants you to succeed, you're just not making it happen as quickly as you should. I think for your own sake though, you should consider your options...

1. Get her out and move things forward fast/connect to her and you MUST sleep with her.

2. Cut things off, wait some time (this depends on your situation though), go meet other girls, and then make a comeback and tell her that you've been really busy and then use the texting to get her out!

3. Walk away from the situation

In your situation, it will be better to opt with number 1. because I feel like the window isn't completely shut just yet. I do however feel like her attraction is dying for you, so you have to escalate fast and sleep with her next time you see her, or it's probably done.

Normally, for auto-rejection circumstances, opt for number 2 because you're in a needy/desperate place and you won't be nearly as effective as you would be if you weren't as interested. Not only that, but if the girl is in auto-rejection, she hates your guts so you need to give it some cooling time before you can try again. Number 3 is there to show you that you can always walk away, and the way to tell that you're in a good mental state is to be able to say/DO, "I can walk away from this girl and never see her again at any time." That comes more with abundance, but I digress.

With your mental state, however, when she's lying naked in front of you, you'll probably be really nervous, and your chances of pulling the trigger and operating smoothly decrease significantly. In your situation, I don't think you have a choice, you need to take action.

I've been in preauto-rejection situations, so I've experienced this before and can relate. The difference is that the girl I'm interested in felt the same as your girl, but I didn't move fast and because of that she slipped into auto-rejection. I'm interested in reengaging this girl though, I haven't seen her for a year, and despite meeting other girls and being physical with them, I still keep my options open and want to try again with her. Now with you, if your girl does go into auto-rejection, you should know what to do in case this happens. Don't worry about this right now, but if it happens, don't panick and start chasing. My advice for you is to definitely stop texting her, stop looking at her facebook/twitter and basically cut her off completely and once you feel in more control of your feelings and still want her (but not as much as before), then be patient and then make a stunning comeback when the time is right. As I mentioned earlier, she'll start hating you so you need not to start chasing/trying to talk to her. Chase has you covered for that in case you need it, and it's good to know what to do incase this happens because it's quite common/frustrating, especially if you like the girl a lot and she seems perfect for you! Just focus on doing what I said above, and move things fast before you start getting deeper into auto-rejection territory because brother, it's not a fun place to be!

Best of luck,
Garrett