Is She Following the “Third Date Rule?”

[TSRaven]

I met this girl at a bar one night, I wasn't able to pull her home but I did get her number.

A week later we went on a coffee date and sat across from each other (I know that’s not ideal but there weren’t any couches etc).
It was basically more of a feeler date (get-to-know-you questions mixed with some teasing & deep diving).

I tried to invite her back to my place to watch a TV show we’d been talking about but she said we can do that later.

At the end of the date as I’m walking her back to her car we hug but we didn’t kiss. Afterwards I said, “No kiss?”
Which she said “Next time.”

While we're setting up the second date, she mentioned that she wanted to watch my YT videos (showing interest, triple texting, fast text response times, and even going so far to admit that she stalked my IG a bit).
I tried setting up the second date at my place (wine & a movie) to which she didn't respond. At the time I was confused by this, so I waited 3 days and sent her a text saying "Unless you have a better idea."
She responded "Let's go on a walk at the park."
I agreed and the second date was set.

Fast forward, we had our second date yesterday. As we're walking we talk about random stuff, shared some stories, deep dove, and pretty much vibed.
I touched her a bit more on this date than the last (since we weren't sitting across from each other). I still feel like I could've touched her a bit more and sexualized the date more.
As the date was reaching it's conclusion, I asked her what she had planned a bit later. She said that she didn't have anything planned. I mentioned that I was hungry and that we could go back to my place and cook together. She seemed open but didn't give a definite "yes."
I walked her back to her car, we kissed and I told her to text when she got home. She didn't.

I have a feeling that she's following that stupid "Third Date Rule."

Could this be what she is trying to do because she has a feeling that if she were to come over that we'd have sex?

Or is she trying to put me in the boyfriend category?

 

[Echoes]

Take my thoughts with a grain of salt. If having a date at your place is an option, I liked to pair it with a "normal" option, so you don't end up in a rut like this. I almost blew out my first girlfriend by pushing that route too much (she was ready for me from the start and she eagerly jumped me on the first date, but starting at my place was not an acceptable option to her). Why did you ditch at the end of the second date? Sounds like you could've made it happen by holding your frame of going to your place "to eat".

Only other thoughts are how did the exchange leading up to the first date ask go? Was there any agreement from her side to meetup prior to you asking her to come over?

 

[TSRaven]

Take my thoughts with a grain of salt. If having a date at your place is an option, I liked to pair it with a "normal" option, so you don't end up in a rut like this. I almost blew out my first girlfriend by pushing that route too much (she was ready for me from the start and she eagerly jumped me on the first date, but starting at my place was not an acceptable option to her). Why did you ditch at the end of the second date? Sounds like you could've made it happen by holding your frame of going to your place "to eat".

Only other thoughts are how did the exchange leading up to the first date ask go? Was there any agreement from her side to meetup prior to you asking her to come over?

I thought the cooking together route or movie & wine route were normal options.

I’m not sure of any other options except “showing her my studio” or “showing her my art sketches.”

As for why I left after the second date, honestly I’m not sure. In hindsight, I should’ve pushed a bit more for her to come over.

The lead up to our first date (at the bar when I first met her) was that we talked for a bit. I isolated her and she left to go back with her friends (she didn’t wanna get left behind) so she gave me her number and I texted her the next day.

She was definitely interested in meeting up again when she gave me her number however. I even scheduled the date like 6 days out (which isn’t ideal) and to my surprise she still showed up.

 

[Echoes]

I mean dinner/drinks somewhere else paired with the "at your place" option. Seeding the art sketches during the second date could've helped get her over for an "innocent" reason. Yeah, seems like she had some ASD popup with the suggestion of coming straight over. Hard for me to say what would've been the best recovery after the unanswered invite. Sounds like a good learning situation, from invites, to recovering in text, to being more firm with moving to close. Though one you kick yourself for afterwards lol.

 

[TSRaven]

Yeah I definitely should've been more firm with the moving to close at the end of the second date.

 

[Regal Tiger]

I met this girl at a bar one night, I wasn't able to pull her home but I did get her number.

A week later we went on a coffee date and sat across from each other (I know that’s not ideal but there weren’t any couches etc).
It was basically more of a feeler date (get-to-know-you questions mixed with some teasing & deep diving).

I tried to invite her back to my place to watch a TV show we’d been talking about but she said we can do that later.

At the end of the date as I’m walking her back to her car we hug but we didn’t kiss. Afterwards I said, “No kiss?”
Which she said “Next time.”

This right here is a red flag to me. Honestly, in my mind, literally nothing else matters because she's the one in the drivers seat. Saying "no kiss" also solidifies this frame and makes you look beneath her, which she acknowledges with the "next time"

Basically, there's a basic lack of respect from her towards you which you'll see in other areas from her if you think about it. And that's because she see's herself as above you, as the leader. In my personal opinion, she's not into you


So why's she going on dates with you? Who knows. Validation, money, boredom, rebound, revenge on an ex, cat just died, mom getting on her nerves... dunno and doesn't matter. My advice would be to turn and burn on this one

While we're setting up the second date, she mentioned that she wanted to watch my YT videos (showing interest, triple texting, fast text response times, and even going so far to admit that she stalked my IG a bit).
I tried setting up the second date at my place (wine & a movie) to which she didn't respond. At the time I was confused by this, so I waited 3 days and sent her a text saying "Unless you have a better idea."
She responded "Let's go on a walk at the park."
I agreed and the second date was set.

Eeeeeeeeeeeven more handing over the frame and the leadership role here

Fast forward, we had our second date yesterday. As we're walking we talk about random stuff, shared some stories, deep dove, and pretty much vibed.
I touched her a bit more on this date than the last (since we weren't sitting across from each other). I still feel like I could've touched her a bit more and sexualized the date more.
As the date was reaching it's conclusion, I asked her what she had planned a bit later. She said that she didn't have anything planned. I mentioned that I was hungry and that we could go back to my place and cook together. She seemed open but didn't give a definite "yes."
I walked her back to her car, we kissed and I told her to text when she got home. She didn't.

A girl who is interested will do what you ask, especially if it's about this. I've never been able to sleep with a woman who didn't send the check-in text after a date after asking them to

I have a feeling that she's following that stupid "Third Date Rule."

Could this be what she is trying to do because she has a feeling that if she were to come over that we'd have sex?

Or is she trying to put me in the boyfriend category?

Boyfriend category could be, but only if she thinks she can get something out of you that isn't related to attraction. Again, my opinion would be to turn and burn on this one

 

[TSRaven]

This right here is a red flag to me. Honestly, in my mind, literally nothing else matters because she's the one in the drivers seat. Saying "no kiss" also solidifies this frame and makes you look beneath her, which she acknowledges with the "next time"

Basically, there's a basic lack of respect from her towards you which you'll see in other areas from her if you think about it. And that's because she see's herself as above you, as the leader. In my personal opinion, she's not into you


So why's she going on dates with you? Who knows. Validation, money, boredom, rebound, revenge on an ex, cat just died, mom getting on her nerves... dunno and doesn't matter. My advice would be to turn and burn on this one

Eeeeeeeeeeeven more handing over the frame and the leadership role here

A girl who is interested will do what you ask, especially if it's about this. I've never been able to sleep with a woman who didn't send the check-in text after a date after asking them to

Boyfriend category could be, but only if she thinks she can get something out of you that isn't related to attraction. Again, my opinion would be to turn and burn on this one

Yeah Idk why I said that “No kiss” shit.

Also didn’t help that she would take hrs to respond most of the time. I’m more surprised she didn’t flake on the second date entirely.

Well at least I know what not to do next time.

 

[TheEcho]

There's a balance of not being a hardass to have everything your way, but you definitely want to work towards being the decider and executor. Whether that's giving the final say on a date suggestion from a point of authority (for example, "I like the sound of that") or just going for the kiss when you feel it in your gut, and whatever happens, being relaxed and carrying forward.

"I went for what I felt was right, and beyond respecting her autonomy, I make no apologies for it"

Assuming you aren't being obnoxious. I've lost many girls by not pushing forward when my gut told me to. It's a journey to get in sync with your instincts, but my gut feeling is my main signal to kiss a girl. I don't think it ever went wrong, the times I've been dodged were when I logically decided it was time or I let the feeling pass and tried after it was gone.