Is there a one-size-fits-all piece of advice on paying for dates?

[Dragonetti]

There seems to be no consensus on this.

 

[TomInHo]

Just pay. It’s not really a big deal unless you make it one

 

[Skills]

The title is completely off, if you are trying to get laid and be optimal you should not get into a dating situation but an encounter:

what is an encounter????

- coffee
-tee
-icecream
-boba
- a drink or 2

If you get caught up in a "food" type situation cause you lost control of the date or the set up (and this will happen no matter how smooth you are):

- tacos
- or pizza slices
- bistros...

^ dude always take the masculine role and pays.... The only time you should never pay, is if she is "DEMANDING" you to pay (really unlikely), in that case never pay.... Though one time at a club a girl told me"if you don't buy me a drink we are not fucking" my wallet came out faster than the flash.... and i got laid of course....

whoever says otherwise good for them.... god bless them! they are no optimal end of story...

 

[King]

Thanks for chiming in y'all

You got amazing answers @Dragonetti

@Skills and @TomInHo I've been wondering one thing, wanted to get both your opinions...

Lets say first few dates you go and do inexpensive stuff like coffee or even free like walk in the park etc

How about lets say eventually you go somewhere nice for lunch and there is a decent sized bill, which obviously the guy will pay, however..

What if to get a bare minimal investment out of her I say something like "I'm covering the bill/foods on me (which is the main course), can I rely on you to cover the desert for us?" Does that look bad on you?

like I'm covering 95% of the tab as desert is usually not that expensive, so would that be a buzzkill on her behalf to pay for that 5% to take care of her man or is that like later down the line - boyfriend type of move?

P.S the "my wallet came out faster than the flash," part made me laugh sooo hard LMAO

 

[Dreamer]

Though one time at a club a girl told me"if you don't buy me a drink we are not fucking" my wallet came out faster than the flash.... and i got laid of course....

 

[Skills]

Thanks for chiming in y'all

You got amazing answers @Dragonetti

@Skills and @TomInHo I've been wondering one thing, wanted to get both your opinions...

Lets say first few dates you go and do inexpensive stuff like coffee or even free like walk in the park etc

How about lets say eventually you go somewhere nice for lunch and there is a decent sized bill, which obviously the guy will pay, however..

What if to get a bare minimal investment out of her I say something like "I'm covering the bill/foods on me (which is the main course), can I rely on you to cover the desert for us?" Does that look bad on you?

like I'm covering 95% of the tab as desert is usually not that expensive, so would that be a buzzkill on her behalf to pay for that 5% to take care of her man or is that like later down the line - boyfriend type of move?

P.S the "my wallet came out faster than the flash," part made me laugh sooo hard LMAO

Couple of dates worries me, after 2 days getting laid chances go down, you can do a 3rd only if the sexual escalation investment amplifying... After 2 dates chances of lays go to shit..... I personally pay the whole thing... Everything is here:

Date Plans - The complete guide on How to date - Dating dynamics 101

Why listen to me on this, well i was never good at dating, i would either do ons or long texting (second gen/grandmaster) setting up sexual encounters or i would replicate what happened in the club a second time by doing a club date (since I am the highest value guy in the dance floor made...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Bismarck]

It’s interesting to note how since 2000s and 2010s Western society seems to have come full circle on this.

I remember Style recommending you don’t pay for her. Now not only is it recommended you pay, but it also seems girls are pushing for more “bf-type” investment (cf. DWW’s most recent thread) even within the confines of FB/mLTR-type arrangements.

Might have something to do with what Chase wrote in his “Is it still worth getting married” article - as sex becomes more commonplace, society seeks not only to regulate it (consent, condom, etc.) but also to give it a respectable veneer (pay for her drink, give her more attention (a la gf)).

 

[ulrich]

You CAN get away without paying for dates, there’s tech for that.

As to whether you SHOULD pay, that’s a whole different discussion.
In my opinion, it’s more a matter of calibrating to the specific girl/situation and a decision on your part of how you want to manage the relationship.

There are several frames you could take for splitting the bill like you are a starving artist or you’re a modern equalitarian man… just keep in mind that some of these disqualify you hard with some specific types of women.

 

[POB]

Date Plans - How to not pay for dates (101 on how to save money while still being a gentleman)

"You should always split the bill so 304s will not take advantage of you" G-zus if sometimes red pill guys are retarted when it comes to dates. Let's analize a little bit what this "I'll never pay for dates" mantra will acomplish for you: - she will think you are not a "gentleman"; - you'll...

www.skilledseducer.com

^^^This is a usefull tactic, but really...just avoid food dates and pay for the damn thing
Much more simple.

 

[Michael Chief]

Recent studies have shown that women will find a man more attractive if he displays what is called "benevolent sexism," which encompass attitudes such as "women should be protected and cherished by men." A man offering to pay on dates as a default move aligns with a benevolent sexism attitude IMO, so that's what I generally do.

I'm personally not looking for some conservative tradwife, though, so I'm going to lose interest if she just lets me pay every time without offering to pay for anything herself.

 

[Will_V]

I usually pay for dates, but I'm not in the habit of going to expensive places, and my favorite first date venue is a coffee club.

That said, I've never properly compared the two. I just don't particularly like the frame of splitting - it makes me feel like we're just friends or something. Possibly irrational, but there it is.

 

[Skills]

It’s interesting how since 2000s and 2010s Western society seems to have come full circle on this.

I remember Style recommending you don’t pay for her. Now not only is it recommended you pay, but it also seems girls are pushing for more “bf-type” investment (cf. DWW’s most recent thread) even within the confines of FB/mLTR-type arrangements.

Might have something to do with what Chase wrote in his “Is it still worth getting married” article - as sex becomes more commonplace, society seeks not only to regulate it (consent, condom, etc.) but also to give it a respectable veneer (pay for her drink, give her more attention (a la gf)).

any links, i never read this from style...

Are you sure is not in the "buy me a drink" that back in the dates (outdated) girls used to shit test about?? that is what i read from old pick up books....

p.s. i am talking in the context pre fuck paying for encounters, after you fuck them(2 or 3 times and they are invested, who cares)

 

[topcat]

she pays - i get laid. i pay - i get laid. we split - i get laid.

do what’s easiest.

 

[Skills]

she pays - i get laid. i pay - i get laid. we split - i get laid.

do what’s easiest.

Same here doesn't mean is optimal...

 

[topcat]

Same here doesn't mean is optimal...

it’s never mattered tbh. majority of my lays i split. only just started paying due to laziness. no effect either way..

 

[DoWhatWorks]

There seems to be no consensus on this.

Like 99% of things girl related... If it's not a big deal to you, it won't be a big deal to her (whether you pay or don't pay)

Spoiler: Guys Incorrectly Project

Guys have a knack of overcomplicating dating & projecting to women e.g. not paying makes me less of a man so she'll find me less attractive. When in reality most women will care more about getting butterflies and enjoying your company... Not whether she contributed financially to the date or not.

I'll give a more nuanced answer - do what makes sense for your situation.

A little younger and/or have less money? Split the bill with an expectant "halves?" like it's a non-issue, because it really isn't. Never had a girl challenge this in over a decade of gaming. If a girl did I'd smirk and say it's 2024 and I'm a feminist with a straight face lol.

A little older and/or have more money? Pay for the bill. I find myself doing this more these days as it just easier/smoother. E.g. cover the bill in one swoop, book an uber & when she comes back from the bathroom we go out & our lift to my place is waiting for us...

I remember Style recommending you don’t pay for her. Now not only is it recommended you pay, but it also seems girls are pushing for more “bf-type” investment (cf. DWW’s most recent thread) even within the confines of FB/mLTR-type arrangements.

Also for reference, I split with all my FBs.

Spoiler: Funny FB Side Note

One of my FBs who I went on holiday with shared a post on Instagram of how she'd never date a guy who doesn't pay for the bill... Meanwhile when we go out, she takes it in turns to pay without prompting. In general men take women way too seriously

The longer they've been with me the more I pay though because I like to build dynamics where the girl gets more investment the longer she's been with me. Basically giving her progression & doing the opposite of most guys. Think it's a big reason I'm getting 12 month+ retention quite consistently these days (when the girl sticks around)

My last post was more in reference to new girls you've slept with once or twice. They need more "bf" I.E don't ask her to come straight to your place on the 2nd meet to ease them into strict casual FB but even with girls I'm one date laying, I'm splitting the bill with no issues.

 

[Skills]

it’s never mattered tbh. majority of my lays i split. only just started paying due to laziness. no effect either way..

You guys are going to confuse guys, again, because you and i can get away with gorls paying...does not mean is xonsistently higher odds, i have read dozens of reporta were guys have lost women do to not wsnting to pay.... You are subcommunicating cheap which is not attractive... Because for the last 20 years i have women paying my housing... I really don't expect guys having former onitis then becoming mains and paying housing...

There is another point if the girl a lot of times is offering to pay is actually in some cases bad, cause the sub is i am paying cause i dont want to think because you are paying i am obligated to sleep with you....

Noone is cheaper than me in this forum... optimal is optimal...you may get away if You are skillfull enough with no paying, but there will be a girl or 2 you will lose for no paying and you will never know it was part of it....

A dude that doesn't have 5 to 10 bucks if any sometimes not Even that to pay is a major problem...

After you bang them couple of times you will recover the investment...

The guys asking for this anyways are guys doing wrong set ups... They are taking the to actual restaurant or courtship...

No setting it up right.... You will never see a 50 plus lay count making a post about this... Unless he is new to online or day game.... So lets not confuse people...

 

[Bismarck]

any links, i never read this from style...

Are you sure is not in the "buy me a drink" that back in the dates (outdated) girls used to shit test about?? that is what i read from old pick up books....

p.s. i am talking in the context pre fuck paying for encounters, after you fuck them(2 or 3 times and they are invested, who cares)

Old pick-up lore was all about not paying for her drinks to set yourself apart from AFCs (Mystery, Style and them), wasn’t it? At least this was the impression I had.

 

[ulrich]

Old pick-up lore was all about not paying for her drinks to set yourself apart from AFCs (Mystery, Style and them), wasn’t it? At least this was the impression I had.

I thought it was for protecting you from gold diggers.

 

[Skills]

Old pick-up lore was all about not paying for her drinks to set yourself apart from AFCs (Mystery, Style and them), wasn’t it? At least this was the impression I had.

Yes if course, night game context women you met shit testing to buy drinks . .. that was common with gen x, op talking about encounter.... Context bis..