Is wanting a connection before fucking feminine?

[Kaida]

I’m 17, and I just had my first time with a pretty cute social circle girl last week. She had a few bodies before me, I just did a good job of coming off as experienced.

All in all it was underwhelming. There were no real emotions involved. It was just this logical, “I want sex and you want sex, so why not?”, kind of thing. There was not much sexual tension either. I didnt even want to kiss her.

The act itself was mid as well - obviously as we were both inexperienced. I nutted after literally one stroke lol. The rest of the time we just scrambled to make the most of it before her parents got home with lame handjobs or whatever. I’m still quite proud of it regardless. The friendless video game nerd I was 2 years ago would never expect to have sex with any girl lol.

I’m not trying to make this a, “I put pi-pi in poon-poon, and now I’m enlightened!” type post. I’m still very inexperienced, & its not that serious. I still want sex with lots of girls. But now I'm reconsidering what I want my end goal to be. I’m not sure if my wants are well suited to the playboy life.

What I’ve imagined being a playboy was like was going on these emotionless, pick-up-and-fuck montages and then moving on to the next girl without a care in the world. This lifestyle seemed attractive at first, but now I’m not so sure. I want a nice connection with the girls. I don’t know if thats feminine or not, but its the truth.

I know without a doubt if I fucked a girl I had a stronger emotional connection with, with more of a tension buildup, the sex being bad would not matter. It would still have been an amazing experience. But the seduction advice that I see seems to contradict this way of getting girls.( “Minimize Investment. She doesn’t even have to know your name. etc” )

There was one girl I met in church a few years ago. Weird thing was, we didn’t even have any type of deep conversations or self disclosure to create the connection. All conversations were fairly surface-level. But she just kept complying with my requests and investing more and more. And as we got deeper into it an emotional connection was budding. The tension was built up like crazy. Got to the point where we were making out in the middle of a sermon. I know if I fucked her there I would have had an incredible time, no matter how good the sex was.

I know some of yall top-tier playboys are reading this and thinking I’m being way too picky for a beginner, and I understand. What I’m really looking for is direction here.

What exactly should my game plan be to become a man who can efficiently build nice, emotional connections like that with girls I want, and then fuck them? Because the normal skilledseducer advice doesn’t seem to be conducive to that - I may be wrong. Emotionless fucking doesn’t do it for me.

 

[ulrich]

Hey @Kaiderman, congratulations on pulling your first lay.
This is a good reason to celebrate.

Don’t think it too much, the truth is that for most people… guys included… certainly me included, the first time is super weird.
You don’t know half of what you’re doing, everything feels weird, you rarely lay the girl you really want and a lot of times you wake up with a feeling of regret.

In quick time you will learn to embrace the weirdness and enjoy the fun/connection you can get with sex.
It’s just natural.

To answer your question, yes.
Sex with a girl you crave is much much better than sex with a girl you don’t care for.
But in time, you will also learn to see the beauty in more women and go for the ones you truly like.

All in all, I hope you’re not being a dick to the girl you laid yesterday (I certainly was).

Next time challenge yourself to go for the ones you really like.
Soon, you will be wanting to be all over the place. I guarantee it.

 

[Will_V]

I’m 17, and I just had my first time with a pretty cute social circle girl last week. She had a few bodies before me, I just did a good job of coming off as experienced.

All in all it was underwhelming. There were no real emotions involved. It was just this logical, “I want sex and you want sex, so why not?”, kind of thing. There was not much sexual tension either. I didnt even want to kiss her.

The act itself was mid as well - obviously as we were both inexperienced. I nutted after literally one stroke lol. The rest of the time we just scrambled to make the most of it before her parents got home with lame handjobs or whatever. I’m still quite proud of it regardless. The friendless video game nerd I was 2 years ago would never expect to have sex with any girl lol.

I’m not trying to make this a, “I put pi-pi in poon-poon, and now I’m enlightened!” type post. I’m still very inexperienced, & its not that serious. I still want sex with lots of girls. But now I'm reconsidering what I want my end goal to be. I’m not sure if my wants are well suited to the playboy life.

What I’ve imagined being a playboy was like was going on these emotionless, pick-up-and-fuck montages and then moving on to the next girl without a care in the world. This lifestyle seemed attractive at first, but now I’m not so sure. I want a nice connection with the girls. I don’t know if thats feminine or not, but its the truth.

I know without a doubt if I fucked a girl I had a stronger emotional connection with, with more of a tension buildup, the sex being bad would not matter. It would still have been an amazing experience. But the seduction advice that I see seems to contradict this way of getting girls.( “Minimize Investment. She doesn’t even have to know your name. etc” )

There was one girl I met in church a few years ago. Weird thing was, we didn’t even have any type of deep conversations or self disclosure to create the connection. All conversations were fairly surface-level. But she just kept complying with my requests and investing more and more. And as we got deeper into it an emotional connection was budding. The tension was built up like crazy. Got to the point where we were making out in the middle of a sermon. I know if I fucked her there I would have had an incredible time, no matter how good the sex was.

I know some of yall top-tier playboys are reading this and thinking I’m being way too picky for a beginner, and I understand. What I’m really looking for is direction here.

What exactly should my game plan be to become a man who can efficiently build nice, emotional connections like that with girls I want, and then fuck them? Because the normal skilledseducer advice doesn’t seem to be conducive to that - I may be wrong. Emotionless fucking doesn’t do it for me.

Well done.

No it's not feminine, personally I don't really enjoy sex without a connection either. I mean it's fine but only 10% of what it could be. However it doesn't mean I want or need some deep romantic connection.

For me sex is about exploration and discovery. I like to get to know a woman's sexual nature and stimulate it (not just in the act of sex), I like the process of discovering what makes her open herself wide to me, and I like rewarding her for cumming along on the adventure with me. It usually takes a few weeks or even months to fully enjoy everything we could do together, and a big part of that is building the connection between us that makes the dance go so much more smoothly and effortlessly.

If it wasn't for that aspect I wouldn't even bother, I'd just go and sail around antarctica or something instead.

It is not without its problems though, women can fall in love very fast especially when a guy is really expressing himself into her, and I'm not very good at long term commitment (although I do try to improve on that part, but I separate it very much from sex itself).

 

[Kaida]

All in all, I hope you’re not being a dick to the girl you laid yesterday (I certainly was).

Yea we’re cool, just I’m not sure if she wants to come out again because of how bad it was. I want to go again with her for practice so I don’t fumble the sex with a girl I actually want.

No it's not feminine, personally I don't really enjoy sex without a connection either. I mean it's fine but only 10% of what it could be. However it doesn't mean I want or need some deep romantic connection.

Good to know its not just me. But the real question is that since I’m a beginner, should I lower that standard for the sake of gaining experience or what? I remember you saying never to fuck someone you wouldn’t stay with for at least a month. Does that still apply

 

[Will_V]

Yea we’re cool, just I’m not sure if she wants to come out again because of how bad it was. I want to go again with her for practice so I don’t fumble the sex with a girl I actually want.



Good to know its not just me. But the real question is that since I’m a beginner, should I lower that standard for the sake of gaining experience or what? I remember you saying never to fuck someone you wouldn’t stay with for at least a month. Does that still apply

Do whatever you think is best, but personally I don't do anything sexual that I don't enjoy, I don't have sex with women who don't turn me on, or who annoy me too much, or whatever. One of my guiding principles in life is to pursue the things that I am driven toward, I don't do anything because I 'should' or because someone told me it's a good idea. That way I know that I can be deeply satisfied with myself, regardless of any possible consequences.

 

[Conquistador]

What I’ve imagined being a playboy was like was going on these emotionless, pick-up-and-fuck montages and then moving on to the next girl without a care in the world.

The only guys who act like that are the ones who get girls via money and power. Not actual seducers.

This lifestyle seemed attractive at first, but now I’m not so sure. I want a nice connection with the girls.

Such a connection can sometimes be built in a pretty short time frame. Instant chemistry is a thing, but turning it into an SDL is unfortunately a more advanced thing.

That said, I feel you. IMO sex should be about connection. Even (especially?) if it's "just" a casual hookup.

I don’t know if thats feminine or not

It's not. At least not necessarily.

Btw there are definitely some women out there who belong to the "masculine" I-want-to-screw-you-on-sight camp.

but its the truth.

A lot of guys out there aren't man enough to admit such truths to themselves. So I think you have nothing to worry about.

I know without a doubt if I fucked a girl I had a stronger emotional connection with, with more of a tension buildup, the sex being bad would not matter. It would still have been an amazing experience.

But the seduction advice that I see

Where? Links please

reading this and thinking I’m being way too picky for a beginner

Welcome to my world
Don't worry about it.
Also screwing girls when/whom you don't want to isn't usually good for your game.

What exactly should my game plan be to become a man who can efficiently build nice, emotional connections like that with girls I want, and then fuck them?

I'm a beginner too but consider reading my journal. I've got the first part down pretty well. Still working on the second lol

Part of it involves being a friendly and open person, even if you aren't an extrovert (I'm not). Cultivating empathy. Making girls feel comfortable opening up to you.

Treating her as a thinking, self-aware individual, and making her feel like one. This is obviously not limited to seduction.

But building connections also comes down to technique. Vertical questioning. Using her name (or remembering it). etc

I'd suggest Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People as a general-purpose guide to this sort of thing. Be aware that his writing voice is going to sound a little old-timey though.

Because the normal skilledseducer advice doesn’t seem to be conducive to that - I may be wrong.

Funny, I've read plenty of GC articles and forum posts that didn't sound like that.

Ultimately, quality control/screening is an individual choice.

Emotionless fucking doesn’t do it for me.

That just means you're not a mindless bang machine like some beginners .

Use this to your advantage when gaming girls.