- Joined
- Oct 18, 2016
- Messages
- 10
So I go to college with this girl, 25. She has been single for a while. I paid no attention to her for the first two weeks of the course because I had no interest in her. Eventually I email her to ask her a question related to work. She asked me if I want to work with her on something - I refused.
She then started going out of her way to be next to me. Sitting next to me in every class. Staying after class just because I was doing the same. Showing up to classes early just so she could talk to me. At this point I still had no interest in her.
She then started avoiding me. I emailed her to ask what was wrong, and if I did something to upset her. She responded saying that she thought I didn't like spending time with her, but that she must have been wrong.
At this point she has this male friend who follows her around everywhere 24/7. They seem to enjoy each other’s company. She stopped going out of her way to be near me, but whenever we bumped into each other she started inviting me to do things like study with her and the other guy, and hangout with them both, but I was extremely careful not to follow her around like a dog like her guy friend does.
One time she bumped into me and invited me along. I spent some time with her and the other guy, who I tried to befriend. Her interest increased massively. She would keep making excuses to touch me e.g. hand me her phone to show me a picture on it just so she could touch my hand, and she would start ignoring her guy friend to focus on me. I would try to keep the conversation balanced between them.
After we have spent 3-4 hours together over several days, all of them due to her inviting me along after we bump into each other, her guy friend leave the room for a second. She is showing lots of interest. I tell her I want her to myself at some point and I ask her when her day off is. She freezes and says that she is busy and goes completely cold.
After she goes cold I ignore her. A couple of hours later she acts like nothing happened and put her arm around me and asked me to work with her. I was upset with her, so I ignored her and worked with someone else. She went cold again.
This is where I make some big mistakes: I email her apologising for making her uncomfortable and explaining that I liked spending time with her and wanted to get to know her better. I told her if she's not interested I'll back off and leave her alone.
She emails me saying she was just being friendly.
I email her back telling her I'm not interested in being friends, because many guys hang around girls pretending to be their friend when they want more, and it's a damaging situation.
She doesn't respond.
I email her again the next day and tell her we have nothing in common so I don't even know what I was thinking, and that it won't happen again.
She emails me back saying that she is happy to start new as friends.
I email her back telling her I'm not sorry because there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with someone you're fond of so that you can get to know each other properly, but that I don't know why I wanted that from her. I tell her that we can try to be friends but if any one-sided interest develops we need to end it.
She emails me back saying that she wants to be my friend because I am intelligent, bold and confident, and she likes how I challenge the tutors during the classes.
I email her back telling her that if she wants to be friends, I want to understand her better. I ask her a bunch of personal questions - no response.
The next time I see her, she is quite cold with me. She does bump into me and unenthusiastically invites me to study with her and her guy friend. I go with them and we start working on the first step of a group project together. She doesn't show me the respect or attention that she normally shows me in group work.
We don't speak for several days.
I decide to switch out of her group to work with someone else. She comes up behind me, much warmer than she has been lately, and asks if I want to study with her and her guy friend. I tell her that I've switched out of her group. She gets upset and asks me if it's because of what happened between us. I said it is not, and that I work better with the people in the other group. She seems upset and says "whatever" and walks off with her guy friend and ignores me.
I email her explaining to her that I switched out of her group because I sacrificed a lot to do this university course (along with details of sacrifices) and that recently her work has not been to a high standard and that she is not trying as hard as she could. I wrote that although she did hurt me, I have experienced much worse and I am still making progress, and that my studies take priority over everything else, and that my partner in the group I switched to takes their work very seriously.
She doesn't respond.
I email her the next day telling her to and that she should let me know if she thinks I'm wrong about her or if I'm being unreasonable. I tell her that I don't want there to be hard feeling between us but that she doesn't communicate.
She doesn't respond.
I email her the next day telling her that I was too hard on her, but that she can do well academically in university and beyond if she tries harder and doesn't give up.
No response.
After 3 days of no electronic communication, we start the next week of classes. We ignore each other all day other than a brief "hi" when we physically pass each other.
She then started going out of her way to be next to me. Sitting next to me in every class. Staying after class just because I was doing the same. Showing up to classes early just so she could talk to me. At this point I still had no interest in her.
She then started avoiding me. I emailed her to ask what was wrong, and if I did something to upset her. She responded saying that she thought I didn't like spending time with her, but that she must have been wrong.
At this point she has this male friend who follows her around everywhere 24/7. They seem to enjoy each other’s company. She stopped going out of her way to be near me, but whenever we bumped into each other she started inviting me to do things like study with her and the other guy, and hangout with them both, but I was extremely careful not to follow her around like a dog like her guy friend does.
One time she bumped into me and invited me along. I spent some time with her and the other guy, who I tried to befriend. Her interest increased massively. She would keep making excuses to touch me e.g. hand me her phone to show me a picture on it just so she could touch my hand, and she would start ignoring her guy friend to focus on me. I would try to keep the conversation balanced between them.
After we have spent 3-4 hours together over several days, all of them due to her inviting me along after we bump into each other, her guy friend leave the room for a second. She is showing lots of interest. I tell her I want her to myself at some point and I ask her when her day off is. She freezes and says that she is busy and goes completely cold.
After she goes cold I ignore her. A couple of hours later she acts like nothing happened and put her arm around me and asked me to work with her. I was upset with her, so I ignored her and worked with someone else. She went cold again.
This is where I make some big mistakes: I email her apologising for making her uncomfortable and explaining that I liked spending time with her and wanted to get to know her better. I told her if she's not interested I'll back off and leave her alone.
She emails me saying she was just being friendly.
I email her back telling her I'm not interested in being friends, because many guys hang around girls pretending to be their friend when they want more, and it's a damaging situation.
She doesn't respond.
I email her again the next day and tell her we have nothing in common so I don't even know what I was thinking, and that it won't happen again.
She emails me back saying that she is happy to start new as friends.
I email her back telling her I'm not sorry because there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with someone you're fond of so that you can get to know each other properly, but that I don't know why I wanted that from her. I tell her that we can try to be friends but if any one-sided interest develops we need to end it.
She emails me back saying that she wants to be my friend because I am intelligent, bold and confident, and she likes how I challenge the tutors during the classes.
I email her back telling her that if she wants to be friends, I want to understand her better. I ask her a bunch of personal questions - no response.
The next time I see her, she is quite cold with me. She does bump into me and unenthusiastically invites me to study with her and her guy friend. I go with them and we start working on the first step of a group project together. She doesn't show me the respect or attention that she normally shows me in group work.
We don't speak for several days.
I decide to switch out of her group to work with someone else. She comes up behind me, much warmer than she has been lately, and asks if I want to study with her and her guy friend. I tell her that I've switched out of her group. She gets upset and asks me if it's because of what happened between us. I said it is not, and that I work better with the people in the other group. She seems upset and says "whatever" and walks off with her guy friend and ignores me.
I email her explaining to her that I switched out of her group because I sacrificed a lot to do this university course (along with details of sacrifices) and that recently her work has not been to a high standard and that she is not trying as hard as she could. I wrote that although she did hurt me, I have experienced much worse and I am still making progress, and that my studies take priority over everything else, and that my partner in the group I switched to takes their work very seriously.
She doesn't respond.
I email her the next day telling her to and that she should let me know if she thinks I'm wrong about her or if I'm being unreasonable. I tell her that I don't want there to be hard feeling between us but that she doesn't communicate.
She doesn't respond.
I email her the next day telling her that I was too hard on her, but that she can do well academically in university and beyond if she tries harder and doesn't give up.
No response.
After 3 days of no electronic communication, we start the next week of classes. We ignore each other all day other than a brief "hi" when we physically pass each other.
