Jolly Roger: Sails again

[JollyRoger]

I'm rusty. Really rusty. I have no idea what I'm doing any more.

So there I was, in a bar on Wednesday night, about to watch a local bar band perform. There's a really nice brunette sitting along at a table at the edge of the room. I had just ordered some food and pointed to the small table next to her's as the place the staff could bring my order.

As soon as I sat down I asked her if she was here to see the band as well and she told me that she had just moved to the area and was out exploring the neighborhood.

We made some small talk and I tried remembering some game. Don't ask too many questions, statements and stories, don't be afraid of pauses, hold good eye contact.

I felt in the beginning there might have been a little interest, especially during strong eye contact. Did I catch her looking at my mouth a few times? There was a moment of tension which I defused too early. Somewhere along the line I lost her. Perhaps being too eager to divulge about myself, my hobbies and interests. And the conversation being too logical at the time. The two little gambits I tried were trying to guess her job and asking her if she's good at keeping secrets but it came out of no where and didn't lead in to anything else.

When the band started playing I went out front to dance to the music. I didn't want to hang around. She stuck to her table at the back. I didn't see any other guy approach her even though there were plenty of guys there. Perhaps going up to strangers is just not as common any more. At the end when she was leaving I got a hand shake and a nice to meet you.

This isn't good enough. A girl that's new to the area, out on her own on a Wednesday night, dressed up, not approached by any other guys. Those are the kinds of situation we hope for. At the very least she should be thinking I'm the coolest guy she's met recently and be eager to swap details.

I have a bunch of theories and experiences all jumbled up in my mind. The success I had in the past with the methods of 60YOC and Captain Jack. My interest in using Vin DiCarlo's VAC and Chase's SAC models. What about Juggler and Todd V, they have some interesting ideas as well.

I need to break myself down and build myself back up again completely from scratch.

Positives from tonight:

1. Started a conversation without hesitating.
2. Allowed some tension to arise.
3. Allowed pauses to happen while I gathered my thoughts.
4. Attempt at breaking out of the logical get to know you type conversations.

 

[JollyRoger]

Here's a notable interaction from a week ago.

I approach two girls:

1. Ask: 'What are you celebrating?' Answer: The weekend, blah blah
2. I introduce myself. Briefly hold the hand with the on eI like.
3. She's very open to me. Her friend would leave us two to talk to other people. Periodically coming back. Something was communicated between them in their language perhaps? (not English)
4. I ask 'Are you good at keeping secrets?' She answers yes and asks why. I tell her I might tell her later.
5. We have some interested in common which I qualify her on.
6. I ask her about local guys and then what about **my nationality** guys? She says: ‘That’s very direct ‘, smiling. I didn’t dwell on it, just moved on.
7. We swapped social media.
8. I held her hand and placed it on my knee. She cautiously kept it there when I let go. I started caressing her hand under the table.
9. I start caressing her leg but made sure to stop when there was a chance her friend would see when she got up. While caressing made very normal conversation with her and her friend.
10. She fake disqualified me for not liking a particular kind of food.
11. I figure out the logistics that she doesn't live with her friend.
12. They say they have to go home. I offer to walk her home. Answer is no. I offer for her to walk me home. Answer is also no.
13. As I'm walking away I send her a message: ‘After party?’ but no reply.

Overall the interaction was pretty good but my close at the end was a bit weak.

 

[TwoNameGame]

Welcome back, @JollyRoger. The game is rewarding, but if it were easy, there wouldn't be anyone left for us.

As soon as I sat down I asked her if she was here to see the band as well and she told me that she had just moved to the area and was out exploring the neighborhood.

That's good. Trying to make things less awkward makes them more awkward, so sitting next to her and talking already escalates. One thing you could have done is build anticipation. If she is new in the neighborhood, you could have suggested other places for future dates. She would have been more eager to see you had you offered to show her places she wanted to visit. Maybe a few of these could have been insta-dates to help pace her reality.

We made some small talk and I tried remembering some game. Don't ask too many questions, statements and stories, don't be afraid of pauses, hold good eye contact.

Good. Interviews are stressful, but dull. Make a game of it, cold read, or phrase questions as statements. "Rock music has a way of relieve stress after a day at work," is better than "Do you like rock music? How's work?".

Another thing about pauses that works for me. If the conversation goes well, I let threads end to see if the girl asks me anything. If the girl is willing to keep the conversation going while we listen to music or eat, then you build investment.

I felt in the beginning there might have been a little interest,

Solid start, but attraction is fleeting. You escalated by sitting next to her, but you need something else to pattern-interrupt. Any kino? A handshake? Touch her shoulder?

There was a moment of tension which I defused too early. Somewhere along the line I lost her. Perhaps being too eager to divulge about myself, my hobbies and interests. And the conversation being too logical at the time.

These sound like the same core issue: you aren't inspiring any emotion. She isn't excited to know anything as you just give it to her, predictably. You built comfort so she doesn't get her heart racing in a bad way, now you need to make her heart race in a good way.

The two little gambits I tried were trying to guess her job and asking her if she's good at keeping secrets but it came out of no where and didn't lead in to anything else.

How did you guess her job? Clothes? Nearby places? Personality?

At university, I use a girl's personality to guess her major and am usually right. Being right builds intrigue and gets her excited because it means you understand her, which most guys might not. When in doubt, I might say an outrageous answer to make her laugh, which is still more fun than asking her job.

Also, some jobs/personality lend themselves to secrets, so tie them together. But you said they led nowhere. Surely you had a plan as this could go a few places.

When the band started playing I went out front to dance to the music.

Did you ask her to dance? This was the moment of truth.

At the end when she was leaving I got a hand shake and a nice to meet you.

Depending on context, she might have still been interested. It might have been worth it to try to move her or get her number. Check out Girls Chase's video on escalation windows on YouTube.

I have a bunch of theories and experiences all jumbled up in my mind.

Plenty of big leagues who write articles for Girls Chase pull from different theories. Each has a level of truth to them because they depend on style. Make sure to field test things to see what actually works for you. I started out with Simple Pickup, which solidified my inner game and nothing else, but inner game is half the battle already.

Positives from tonight:

1. Started a conversation without hesitating.
2. Allowed some tension to arise.
3. Allowed pauses to happen while I gathered my thoughts.
4. Attempt at breaking out of the logical get to know you type conversations.

Good fundamentals. I'm sure you'll be as eager to start an emotional conversation as you are a logical one, and allow for her to build investment when you learn more about it.

----------------------------

I approach two girls:

I introduce myself. Briefly hold the hand with the on eI like.
She's very open to me. Her friend would leave us two to talk to other people.

That's good! You subtly established a romantic frame and her friend let it happen. What did you notice about them that might help you find other groups you can approach?

Periodically coming back. Something was communicated between them in their language perhaps? (not English)

Quick question: what languages do you speak? There are a few tricks you can use from other languages to improve your game.

I ask 'Are you good at keeping secrets?' She answers yes and asks why. I tell her I might tell her later.

Did you ever build anticipation for it? Put on a mysterious vibe and tease a bit, otherwise it comes off as a gimmick. Ever seen a show where a weird thing happened, wasn't explained, and the show moved on and you forgot? What about a weird symbol that kept appearing and turned out to be important?

We swapped social media.

Usually a girl that hands out social media just wants an orbiter to follow her. From my experience in SoCal, it doesn't indicate interest.

I held her hand and placed it on my knee. She cautiously kept it there when I let go. I started caressing her hand under the table.

Good kino! This is a good way to escalate in a way that wouldn't trigger her anti-slut defense.

While caressing made very normal conversation with her and her friend.

Again, you need to transition to emotional topics to build passion. Normal conversation doesn't do build a connection that lasts after the interaction ends. Hence, she didn't want to go home with you since she didn't feel intimate enough to get intimate.

 

[JollyRoger]

Thanks for the comments. I tend to swap social media because I’m an artist and can always benefit from more followers if nothing else.

 

[TwoNameGame]

Thanks for the comments. I tend to swap social media because I’m an artist and can always benefit from more followers if nothing else.

That's cool. Do you discuss art? That's usually a good topic to escalate since art is about emotion. Plus, women usually like creative types.

 

[JollyRoger]

That's cool. Do you discuss art? That's usually a good topic to escalate since art is about emotion. Plus, women usually like creative types.

It will come up eventually because it's a big part of my life. But I don't lead with it.

 

[JollyRoger]

Right it's a new year and I'm getting active again.

I've been out every night from Monday to Friday and will most likely again tonight.

For some reason my city feels alive again after a couple of years. Maybe it's just me but I'm seeing more attractive women out and about again.

I must have done 30 to 50 approaches. Some blow outs, some good conversations. Can't say any of them were proper "man to women" interactions but that will come.

For now I will focus on the following 3 things.

1. Good tonality
2. At least 50/50 statements vs questions
3. Playfully disagreeing with her opinions for the first 5 - 10 minutes