Kalyan: the lover of women, adventure, and life

[kalyan]

I never wanted to do this. What's the point of writing this out for everyone to see? What if I am judged for my repeated failings? I record my stories frequently, but I do it on a copybook. I like holding a pen.

Gentlemen, I will not go into story telling mode now, but I will share a few small points about me. I am currently 21, but don't let that fool you: I've been described as more mature than my age by more people than I could imagine (last time was during a date I had with a gorgeous woman 12 years my senior who said I look 24, but mentally am 35). Not bragging, just a fact, and I thank God and my parents for it. Actually, I think most guys who seriously get into this journey are more mature than their age: would a typical 20 year old go these lengths to invest in himself in the most painful way? The most self-investment they could do is hit the gym (not saying it's bad, but relatively easier to pull off).

More about my qualities: I am rather good looking. If I were to objectively rate my face, I'd give it 7.5/10, and my body 8.5/10. Now, this is something I rarely think of. I know that 99% of guys fall within similar "ratings" as I do and it means nothing. I DO, however, try my best to be presentable.

I am genuinely a nice person. I like to give. I like to help friends. And I feel happy when my friends do good, or better than me. I learned at an early age to be interested in other people, and hence deep diving and not talking about myself comes so natural to me.

I spoke of my parents earlier. My dad is a very smart man. He makes a lot of money, we're talking top 1% net worth nationally. He also used to be a natural with women (he is married now, but still holds views against monogamy, which I wholeheartedly agree with). He is a good influence on me most times.

So looks, maturity, money. I couldn't have asked for more. But there is a lack, a weakness, and I began to discover this around 15, and started to actively work towards mending it around 18: the weakness is a mix of being sad (i won't call it depression, but I used to go days and weeks being sad for no reason) and inability to cope with women. I worked hard. I made progress. The "being sad" part is almost solved. I also am becoming more efficient. The women, I am improving with, but I have more.

I arrived to USA on January 2, 2017. Starting then, I approached relentlessly: I stopped counting at 98, and now have around 200 in around 2.5 months. However, very little results to show for it. But you need to understand something: at this point, it literally is win or die trying for me. Nothing short of death will stop me from success (for me, success is understanding what women want and are, and tresting them in the best way, while being the best version of myself I can be), and this isn't some motivational talk: I "failed" 200 times and don't feel like giving up, and as of today, women are my only hobby. Why stop, because my learning curve is longer than most? Well fuck that. I am learning new things everyday. I learned 10 months' worth of material in 2.5. And remember, I am a mature and clever individual. It's like Sherlock Holmes said: I see everything, that is a blessing and a curse.

I was reading HTMGC until I decided to take phone coaching with Hector. I thought long and hard before I decided to go for it: it is expensive. But you know what else is worth money? The hours I'm putting in reading, trying new things, ect. Also the heartache. I decided to go for it, because I want to succeed. As of now, we are halfway through. For whoever is interested in coaching, I tell you that in 6 weeks, I did not see and more results, BUT, i started to think and see things differently. Is it necessary for success? Of course not. Does it help you pinpoint what to think on, and keep you thinking? Yes. Is it worth it? Depends on how much money you have to spare (but remember, you probably waste hours and dollars on lots of bullshit things), and on how much you want to succeed. Hector is like a physical therapist: you tell him the symptoms, he touches one specific spot on your body and asks you if it hurts, and you scream yes in awe. He then proceeds in giving you a detailed explanation.

I was watching a youtube video of another seduction coach, whose philosophy is similar to GC (natural game). He suggested 3 things for improvement in approaching: start incrementally, go out consistently (minimum 5x a week), and JOURNALING. Hector already made a journal for our use, to track my thoughts and progress, but it's not public, but a good friend and GC board contributor recommended I do this, for reference and thoughts by more experienced people. And that was it: sure, why not! And so, this journal was made.

I think I am halfway through my journey to mastery. No, mastery doesn't mean I am on par with Chase. Mastery here means I don't really need to put in effort trying to study women anymore, although that doesn't mean I will stop. Why halfway? Many things. To keep it short, here are some of my big achievements/ qualities I attained, which I didn't have all my life: I can be very, very smooth with women/ I can approach and open almost any woman/ I can stay calm in many situations/ I am wayyy less self conscious/ I am more happy now than I have been for some time/ I am beginning to LOVE women/ I am giving dating advice to many people/ I am sad for much less amounts of time/ I have more self control.

I'm not saying I'm going to revolutionize the forums. But I am saying that I will keep on revolutionizing my life, and I have no fear of failing.

 

[kalyan]

My entry rules and legend.

Alright, let's get down to business. I like organizing things, so the following post is on how my information will be organized. It might be boring to you, if that's the case, it's ok. This is for me. If you like it feel free to use it. My ideas are from this YouTube video I mentioned earlier (actually 2 youtube videos from the same guy).
I will write the date before each entry as dd/mm. I will write on maybe 50% of days, but only move them to this journal once a week or so.
Video 1 ideas: track tension and growth. Note areas in life where you are avoiding tension (hint: this is getting easier for me as I am better at getting into tension. Give this tension a score: 0 is no tension, 10 is impossibly hard. See how you can make a 9-10 easier to handle, and do that. With each approach, or experience, I will journal what I learned from it; not what went wrong. As to growth, I will note it as I notice it (could happen randomly at the end of the week). Anything that I see as positive, as growth, is noted- what you focus on expands.

Video 2 ideas: this is specific to bars and nightclubs, and I decided to go out 5-6 times a week, so there shouldn't be shortage of input here. Goal: journal every after I do them. I tend to do at least 2 approaches a night. Sometimes 10. What to note: A) feeling before approach (fear, anxiety, nervousness..) and set a level for it, 0-10 (similar to 1). B) AFTER approach, write a score for the same feeling- should be a decrease. C) note positive feelings (happiness, courage, pride, self love) and a level for it. Do this immediately after an approach.
Also, journal what you learned from this approach, what you realized.
Read these right before you sleep, to take with you in your dreams

So a standard entry for an approach looks like this:
A pretty chick in red. Super hot. Was with her friend blabla (short description)
Anxiety, 4-3. Courage 7
I felt a little more confident after this, although no number.

I shall also journal about a few stories I want to share with you (in due time), a few questions that keep on bugging me, and other bits of ideas. I don't know if I will consistently be this organized, we will find out.

Legend:
1: relating to tension handling, growth, life realizations
2: approaching (at night unless mentioned otherwise), feelings, lessons
-: question or unclassified observation or story.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Kalyan,

Excellent initiative. Frankly don't worry about what guys will think. Just document your journey as objectively, regularly and consistently as you can. This is mostly a document for you and yourself. You will hopefully find it useful, like I did. It is interesting. I read what I wrote two years ago and can do my analysis of my own mistakes back then. Seeing how your experience and frame of mind evolved is very rewarding.

I hope to see many, many more posts here!

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[kalyan]

First encounter

Thanks for the kind words Sepukku, this should be a valuable tool for analysis. I can't promise you to see "many" posts, what I promise is less, but longer posts.
I want to edit one of my journal entry notes, and I couldn't find an edit button so I will do it here: i will use the prefixes D and N to discuss daygame and nightgame approaches. Note that a daygame- style approach at night (no music or alcohol in venue) counts as a daygame here.
Gentlemen, I was thinking of posting these at the end of the week, but I am excited to get some content up, so let me start by the last 2 days ' worth of notes!

First encounter

20/3
2: open slowly, take your time in articulating your idea or sentence . No rush in delivering, shows you're confident she won't just run away.

An uber driver actually gave me a nice tip on texting: girls are nervous to respond, so text “hey, can i ask you a question?” You’re giving her the path of least resistance option, which is to say “sure”. When they respond, their phone is in their hand, you can call (text works too, as you already started a dialogue). Ingenious idea, i think

Ask for complete honest naked feedback when you approach to an older woman who's not into you

Pause when necessary, /Smile during approach/ look at girl while talking to her. Let her see your beautiful eyes and know what's up.

2: Mindsets to adopt: think of sex, and know that she wants sex/ ask Do i like you VS Do you like me?/ she’s a 6 yr old, cute and silly

21/3
1: walking on campus, tension is 2/10. I feel like I have a lot of work following chase’s most recent article “what to do when your approach just isn't working”. But work is fine. There is 1 point about targeting specific women (4 or 5) which i noticed works against me: I am in a place filled with white girls, and I just realized my looks (I am a dark skinned caucasian motherfucker who could pass for latino, middle eastern, or north african) do not appeal to them. And my suspicion is further reinforced by the fact that one of the few dates I got here was with a black chick- in a place where you rarely see black chicks. Does this mean I will curse my luck for having to fight an uphill battle? Does it mean I will not approach a girl who says “like” and “literally” and has that super californian accent? No and no. I will adapt. Worst case scenario I will go home in a few months and be surprised at how easy this thing is.

D: really cute girl walking opposite me. I followed her. Open, ask if she’s in a hurry as I noticed she was going fast/ my hunch was right! Has Boyfriend. Hesitation 4-3. amusement: 6 (no big deal)

I really don't have approach anxiety anymore. I might hesitate or miss an approach, but it’s not really anxiety.. I mean, it's making excuses, but definitely not anxiety. That being said, I’d rather focus my energy on other, more pressing aspects of game now, not opening.

1: tension/ feeling down, 4/10. I feel I wasted time today, as I was not absorbed by work from the moment I woke up. I will go out tonight thought.

I finished an exam with a professor I like. I feel that nostalgia that hits when you end a trip: am I doing the right thing. Right after I approach a chick in pink and..
D: i compliment her jacket, ask for name, keep moving. I noticed she's busy with her texting. Im not too enthusiastic as she didn't inspire me. I did notice a sin I committed: breaking eye contact twice during my delivery. Hesitation 0-0. Relief 2 (no emotional charge registered)

N: i am out with a natural friend (drew). He gave me a few tips.
I opened a hot chick who sat next to me. “She sat next to you, she's interested” is what drew said. I had a 3 min convo with her then went back to drew. He said I made a few mistakes: i did not engage the friend (i should have introduced him to her) and i did not take the number (i had a few high points) and so i missed my chance, and going back seems desperate.
Anxiety 0-0 happiness 7
Drew's general method: go late so all the betas are done buying drinks (around 11:00). Scout the area for girls you like (drew is tall and has insane criteria for height, I don't even notice how tall a girl is). See their situation. Talk to them. If too early, take number and leave

Drew: BRO, slow the fuck down, you sprinted through the pussy. He thinks i ran past them walking into a new bar. I agree.

I tried to preopen a girl standing on the dance floor with friends. I kept my hand for a solid 4 seconds on her. But she didnt notice- what should I do, disarm her?

I had something weird (to me at least) happen: i was dancing on the floor alone, really having fun, and a girl walks to me and and starts dancing- grinding her ass on me. I ask her to turn so I can see her beautiful eyes. Doesnt comply, just continues. Leaves me after a minute. Another girl does the same: comes up to dance facing me, very aggressive, then turns around to grind. Then she just leaves after 2 minutes. Literally, what do I do? My take is that, she made a very aggressive move (the female equivalent of a direct approach) and you have to reward that by a kiss. Also, a partof me says not to be chasey and let her just leave and see her again (that didn't work tonight though)

 

[kalyan]

I see little need to use legends 1 and 2. Also, while discussing feelings, i will not note tension before and after. It's not that I don't feel hesitant, I do, that's why I don't approach every girl I see, but it's not measurable.
Also, there is some complaining language in some of the inputs. It is not my intention, but rather just my thoughts at the time. I want you to know that I genuinely am trying the hardest I can, and while qriting this I'm totally burned out. Without ado, here's the last week's highlights.

22/3
drew got laid, i didn’t. But I have awesome news:
1: i am happy at a realization; i am genuinely enjoying parties, and guess what: it JUST started! I am looking forward to going out tonight. I am looking forward to Friday, saturday, sunday. There is so much potential, and I am excited!
Also, another discovery that might change my life is the Discovery of a simple sleeping technique which might help me sleep at 3 and wake up at 8 with ease

say no to scarcity: I feel I should make the best use of my time in USA as this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. While the first part of the equation is valid, the second isn’t. I am a man who is able to model his life the way he want

I had a tinder date. I am actually writing this as we are killing time post LMR. She chased me hard for the date (fat girl), and i agreed for her to drive 20 minutes to come see me in my apartment . I mean, what more investment could happen? I tried to escalate 30 minutes into the date. LMR. Stopped. She had like 20 minutes on her park meter, and shit, i’m never going to see her again, so i ask: why the fuck not? Her first answer was “too fast”. I took only 30 minutes with her. Sometimes I take 1, 1.5 hours and still get LMR. I plowed deeper, and her answers were (without the fluff and bullshit): a) i will feel im a slut b) i’ll feel you think i’m a slut c) you’ll lose respect and never see me again. Now LMR is 1 of my biggest 2 problems, and im not getting rid of it soon, but then another twist happened. I will relive the convo.
*something about her lips, turns into how I want her to blow me*
“ so what’s the biggest cock you’ve seen”
“Just average”
“Not fun, how long?”
“Like 6 inches, didnt measure it though”
“So you’ve never blown a big cock, would you like that?”
“I mean ive seen a big cock in porn but not in life. I also prefer thick cocks”
“(Her description matches my criteria)Alright well, you think I have a big cock?”
“I dont know *starts looking at my cock* maybe”
“Ok, you can see”
*whips it out, shes amazed* “omg thats hugs”
“I know. Here touch is. Good. You can kiss it too”
“We really shouldn't”
“Just give it a kiss”
*gets off bed, on knees* “okay here”
“Good, have it”
She blows me for a few seconds, then goes LMR again. But she wants it so I tel her she has like a few minutes for her car so she should blow me. She does. I cum. And i am happy because I wanted her to blow but not fuck me. Therefore, this ultimately has to go down as a victory, but the problem of LMR is far from over.

1: I am out to a bar alone. Its lights on. I am sipping on a drink, low energy. I had eye contact with like 3 girls, but I kept doing my surveillance first- have a few contacts to approach later on. Tension is a 5/10- not enough to stop me, but its there.
N: cute chick out on her friend’s 21st bday. She leaves after 30 seconds cuz her friends run away (crazy drunk vibe).
Anxiety 0-0. Satisfaction 4
One thing i noticed, especially when you’re alone, you need a good vantage point. At first I was sitting somewhere where the view was obscured. Now i can see most movement, and who comes in and out of the bar.
i drank too much too fast. Plus no action, doesnt feel good. Next time drink less, drink slower, eat before you go out. Also, my limit is ONE drink. I will change venues now.
N: 2 girls standing out. Direct open, you look gorgeous. Some light convo. But I wasn't enjoying it, it wasn't genuine. She said she's good when I offered to have her number. Its ok, melissa.
“Not in the mood” 5-5. Happiness 2.
N: a girl sitting in the corner, alone presumably open with “i want to talk to you, but its really loud here. “ before i continue her boyfriend or girlfriend xomes in, trying to act cool.
“Is there a problem with where shes sitting”
“Are you guys dating?”
“Yeah is there a problem with where she's sitting?”
“I was just hitting on her, I didn't know”
“do you mind walking away?”
Bored look in response. Dont touch me. Walk away.
The reason I included these details is because its not a pickup, but a social situation, this is exposure too.
-i am in the 3rd venue of the night and finally enjoying myself- the vibe is hiphop/ clubbing here. A few stories, a few lessons
N: direct. Hottest girl ever. She asks me for a drink, i decline, she rejects. I need to learn how to answer this stupid test
N: introduced by a friend to a girl. 100% into me. 2 minute interaction, then tell her i gotta go meet my friends, no number taken. I see her after 15, she isnt into me anymore. This is the second time in as many days this happens. I have to stop doing this and make use of the initial attraction.
It's 12:40, and my mood is already dismantled. I am overthinking. It was either this or staying home and reading or whatever. Tomorrow will be a better day.
So i want to talk about positives. The only one I could think of is that even though I had around 10 opens that lead to nothing, i dont feel as bad as I would normally have. Other than that, I don’t find opening here as easy as anywhere else, and direct openers seem to be very inefficient. Also, i need to learn how to properly open girls dancing and not hope they open me
23/3
i direct opened a girl yesterday, she was with 2 friends. To acknowledge them, i leaned in and said something to each. I think that was too much. Next time, will suffice by only winking or raising eyebrow
Today i shared a ride with a girl i met on Facebook, offering a ride to LA for some gas money on a group. It's a 3 hour long ride. I think it was a really good ride as she taught me a lesson. I was being my natural self, talking about what comes to mind. She has a boyfriend, but I complimented her, and talked about relationships and sex and all. And around 25 minutes in the interaction, i ask her what she thinks of me. She asks if I want her to be honest, yes please, and she tells me the following few points: she felt that I am too forward and direct, and if she were not a confident girl she would have been “freaked out”. She thinks that I went to some topics too fast, and that’s something she's not used to. Like, this is a ride-share, and on rideshare people talk about “normal” things. She especially mentioned the fact that I complimented her, and that I asked her if she's had a threesome with her boyfriend (at this point, my instructions are to be sexual, but im naturally not perfect yet). And she thinks that while for her it's ok, it would put other girls (talking specifically of american girls) off. Most guys here are not so direct, this is different to her. I can see where she is coming from, no blaming her at all, but I am trying to understand how I have to operate in a way as to not be the guy who gets friendzoned easily. Now I’m being “too much”. She also alluded to the idea that its expected for guys to wait for a few days to text a girl after taking a number, or not ask for a number after a hookup in the view of being cool, which is something I don't do (i text within 2 hours). This is the bulk of her argument, and I feel her point, I really do, but I just don't know a better way to express my love to women yet.
I kind of relate to what she's saying. Due to my dependence on direct opening, I try to make it a point and compliment girls first chance I get to do it naturally so they know my intentions: it's mostly at the open, but if not, further down the line. Also, I liked the concept of using my interaction, my sentences, with a girl to tell her that she’s beautiful in different ways, but this is coming across as too much
24/3
1: i feel tension, around 6/10. I am with my cousin, at a predrink. I notice this setting always makes me tense, even though I would be in a good mood coming in. People are drinking and interacting but it's not easy for me to come in. Its not that I feel judged, but I don't approach these people for some reason. I also noticed that I opened a few conversations, which were on the deeper side (about sleep cycles, and about why people are lazy). That deepness should be a factor. So how will I enjoy this setting, I do not know yet.
My cousin told me that I have to embrace the situation. Its a valid thing, that’s the ultimate goal. But we’re out for now
N: cute chick with 2 friends. Compliment. 1 min talk then we lose contact. I see her after 4-5 min. Her friends mention she has a boyfriend. I ask if the other 2 are single, they are. “Oh so you’re fair game”. But somehow I bow out of the convo. I have to focus on staying in interactions for LONGER. I should have at least taken a number. Will possibly reengage later.!
N: my cousin is a natural. He told me to watch and learn: it was a set of 2 chicks. He stood by them for 3 minutes but then walked out. “They’re sooo into their convo. And its a bs convo”. I wanted to test for myself. They were dismissive, and wanted to go back to their convo about their husbands (thats what she said). There didn't seem to be much of a chance here, but if there were, it would have been ideal for me to wait for the convo to die down. Funny, I’ve read about all this but still feel the urge to test.

a lesson: we went with a group of 10 people to a bar this night. Those 2 approaches I did were literally the only single girls there. They even weren't single, just alone. There was a bar next to ours that had more potential. I did not think of it then, but I should have moved venues- no use at all sticking there, especially since I dont have problems being alone in a venue. Just didnt think of it. Now I know better though, will do better
25/3
N: opened a girl on the dance floor by hipbumping her but didnt know how to take it from there, so I tried talking. No bueno. Next time wink at her, should get the message across.
i’m in a crowded venue, night club. having a hard time enjoying myself, and thus a hard time projecting the vibe I want. Not relatable. I also notice that I crash: i start off ok, but very soon I’m drained
N: i had a series of outright rejections, but one success. Unsurprisingly, it came at the smoking section, where talking was easier. I just heard a girl say “80 bucks” to her friend and I remarked it's too much (no idea what they’re talking about) and that I’ve never seen 80$ in my life. 10 minute convo, we had to leave so I took contact info and left. Some remarkable piece of convo which happened was that the girl I want suggested I take both girls’ numbers, and I said I’d love to take them both on a date but I can't. One at a time.
26/3
i noticed that I would benefit from some better ability to handle tension. I am quick to look away from people. It also prevents me from approaching sometimes, also makes me eject soon. Its not approach anxiety, but it makes me want to avoid tense situations. However, I don't feel my heartrate change or anything.i dont know what it is.

D: this relates to the point just above. A hot girl walking with her friend. Walk by her side. Preopen touch, say hey… hey. Looks at me with confusion, keeping walking. I tell her that I have to tell her something important. She’s slowed, but continues walking. I turn around and walk. I sounded and felt weak. I felt a bit better afterwards but negative generally.
My cousin made an observation about me, it was simple but kept on evading me. He told me that it's not really the nighttime venue that's messing my mood/ energy. Even during the day, i would go from super high energy to really low.
Typically when I enter an interaction (approach) I'm not really sure on what to do, hence feel uncomfortable. I’m like ok, let me take her number and leave. A friend told me this is my ego- I don't want to expose myself to possible rejection.
I’m happy I’m making all these realizations. Thanks to all my friends who point it out.
28/3
I didn't go out 2 nights in a row, i feel stagnant. Luckily I have a whole week ahead of me.
I am on a sleep schedule that requires me to sleep at 2:30-3:00 am. Since I didn't go out, and I wasted time social media-ing at 11:00, i got sleepy by 12 and slept early. Lesson is to be busy to stay up until whenever necessary
D: our waitress was talkative. I liked her. Chatted her for a while then asked her up so she brought up her husband. My mood was already on the decline there, after being good for a few hours. 30 minutes later my mood was down. Surely I had no intention of doing any approach now, as my frame of mind wasn't sound.

I’m trying to understand what this is. Its not that I go expanding energy like crazy, no. But I get burned out after some while regardless.

1: I’m also conscious of complaining, and I don't like it. I also feel like I “should be doing something” all the time so it pressures me.

I had my nap. Much better. I woke up fast, not after minutes of torture. One big difference was that before I sleep I focused on waking up and visualized it. Nice. Salsa tonight.

I had a few rejections at salsa, a number and an ok interaction. I feel that I am not enjoying myself genuinely when I’m out- that happens very rarely. I might have a burst of energy but it's short lived- i go back to being down to a lesser state very soon. I do approach regardless, but I’m not in a “value giving” mood. I think a reevaluation is needed.
quick reevaluation: i compared my journey in seduction to my learnings in salsa. A big difference is that in salsa, i genuinely feel limited by my efforts: i am happy with the progress, and I know that had i pht more effort in, i would have gotten more out (i chose not to). Seduction is a different animal: I feel that putting in a lot of effort has been counter productive. My friend Frost said that im way out of my comfort zone and need to relax. I really want to sprint to the finish line but i guess he's right. I’m burned out. I will go out this week, but next week will be all slow for me.

 

[kalyan]

Quick analysis of recent happenings.

29/3
1: I took some time to observe what's happening. I have some leads, but before that, i want to report of one the interactions I had yesterday.
N: approach girl standing alone near bar, open, very receptive. She’s waiting for friends. Ask to dance, she’s into it. Very energetic dance for 5 minutes, then her friends come, and she says she has to leave. I ask for number before she leaves, but I know it's flaky, and sure enough I never get a reply to text after a few hours. I know that this was premature, but how else would I have gotten her to invest time?

EVALUATION:

I noticed a few things. I am able to approach any girl, technically. I might not know what to open with, but I approach. I also have no issue taking numbers. But I get nothing else. The problem is everything in between: that is why my numbers lead to nowhere in particular. There is an emotional connection that is missing, and I find it hard to keep an interaction running for 2 minutes or more. What happens is, after my smooth open, I think “ok, how can I take this number and exit?”. Let's dig deeper: why can't I enjoy my interactions with women? Because I lack a certain comfort while approaching. It's not approach anxiety, it's more of “oh I don't know what to do next/ how the fuck should I act now?” I used to fill this void with deep diving, but that's not the answer, especially with younger women. Banter and teasing only seem to get you so far, plus you have to be in the right mood for it, so not really reliable.

I have seen a few posts on gc with guys who have similar issues- they open, typically direct (same as I),they get a number, but that's it- and I think there's a few things to work on. Being sexual, that's not the immediate problem. Yes i do get boyfriend-zoned a lot, but it's not the main issue now I believe. The main issue is giving a girl reason to want to spend more time with me. It's not deep diving that's the problem, it's something on a more emotional level.

Additionally, my friend Frost suggested that need to take a break into the comfort zone a bit, and I will go for that next week- my body is reacting to big changes in a small time by closing me off. He also suggested going out without the intention of approaching.

 

[kalyan]

If anyone could teach me how to edit posts after they've been up for a while, I'd appreciate it.
I need to make a small adjustment to the previous one.
The first part of the second paragraph now reads like this:

Hector suggested a few things to work on. Being sexual is what we last tired , and while it is not a bad thing to improve, that's not the immediate problem. Yes i do get boyfriend-zoned sometimes, but it's not the main issue now I believe.

 

[kalyan]

Why so serious, man?

Alright, brief summary. your boy kalyan has continued to take action. I have decided to tone my activity down slightly this week to allow for meyself to relax: it's been a constant action taking roller coaster for the past 3 months. I am happy that I am better able to understand when i'm feeling my anxiety, but sadly haven't gotten to the bottom of it yet. I also am beginning to see why my interactions fail. Hector's been thankful in pointing it out (read below for analysis).

For all the knowledge, though, so many questions remain unanswered. I march.

-------
ENTRIES START HERE.


29/3

I went out to daygame. Made 4-5 approaches, all of which were over under 30 seconds. At this point I expect a rejection before approaching. This fucked me in two ways: the ones that I approached, didn't go well at all, and it prevented me from approaching at least 15 other girls (i would have happily taken those shots had I had some positive reinforcement).

A problem is that I cant get to stop if they’re walking, that little initial investment. Potential solution; call it out. It’s crude, but say you want a minute or something to talk to them, so stay.

D: it wasn't a seduction approach per se, but I approached 2 older women with kids who were evidently lebanese. I teased them before letting them know I’m lebanese too. We had a small interaction and they remarked a few times that I'm a cute/ fun (evidently they're not going to call me sexy as married women with their kids in sight). I made their day. Here's the thing: it was SO easy. And it should be this easy with all the girls; talking to girls is SIMPLE. I don't know why the same things don't yield a positive reaction with the target demographic (women I want to fuck)

1: realization: you are working towards a high barrier entry level skill set. It shouldn't be easy. But imagine how GOOD you would feel once you achieve that intermediate level.

you need to have a different mindset while out and about that’s going to keep you happy, sustainably and dependably. This will probably help give off the right vibe while approaching.

note to hector: i tried being sexual and focusing on eye contact every chance I got. However, 90% of my interactions wouldn't pass 1 minute, so I never got a chance to try this excessively.

1: its been a few hours after that outing full of rejections, and I feel awesome. Im comfortable and confident. I dont know what changed. Nothing did. I read hector’s article on how being gay is helpful in many contexts and that kindda made me happy

Half time at the game break, and i’m back fo feeling anxious, my mood fluctuates a lot, I noticed.

D: i am at the clippers game, very nervous . See that she's walking alone, looking around, i think she's looking for someone. Walk up, open enquiring who she's with. Shes alone, she wants to get a drink. I grab at this with both hands: “ok let’s get a drink”. She asks where I found her, i said she just appeared and I had to come. We get the drink. Bartender says its 30$. I say “how much does MY drink cost”. Here she goes “yeah we can do them seperate”. Bam. I go “let's take a seat”, she invites me to hers: she's alone. And single, i drew it out of her. After 10-15 minutes, I ask her to come meet my cousin, she obliges. Number close on the trip. We changed a total of 4 venues, and I got her investing quite a lot. I am happy that I tried my best and FINALLY had some success. Hopefully a date on friday.

HECTOR 6th call.

my focus now is on being playful, and vulnerable. i feel this takes the pressure off me as i put a lot of emphasis on being smooth. i dont know what to expect as it’s a new concept but i have a feeling i’m going to enjoy myself a lot more by embracing the fact that i’m not on top of my game. it's actually cool; i always tell women that i love women, but now i can convey, alongside that, that im LEARNING to love them, and hence am prone to making mistakes, instead of acting like im smooth all the time, which im not. BOTTOM LINE: due to the un-importance (and actually not-so-goodness) of being smooth, i can approach whenever i feel anxious too, because, well, that's awesome!!

i have a friend, hull, who is a bit of a natural. cant open for shit but can keep an interaction going after I open for him. i can see him being very playful in his convos. need to adopt that



1: I was having some nostalgia fueled anxiety. it got worse as I was on facebook. i decided to get off and meditate. it was a great decision, and made me come to a good realization:
when I got myself into pickup i had no idea what i’m getting myself into. “yeah good i can get to get girls to like me”. but oh was i mistaken. for one, its not as simple as doing a few tricks “with confidence” to achieve an outcome. but thats not what i want to talk about. in no particular order i shall list some lessons I learned.

i noticed how pickup shapes you as a man. think of it as work: yes it gets you $$, but you’d be dead wrong if you think that’s the only thing you get out of it.

through pickup i learned how to live better- how to be happy when nothing is happening, how to enjoy being alive.

i also learned how to tackle some tense situations: i feel nothing can unnerve me (little), and this is coming from a guy who used to fear his mom as litte as 5 years ago (yes its funny hahaha).

i learned a lot about independence, and this is a very hard lesson for me to learn as i live with my parents and am financially dependant: however, all the rejections shaped me nicely.

spending time alone? used to be a recipe for depression. now i have a lot to do. getting bored isnt an option, and no killing time (watching tv for example, although i kindda am a bit attached to social media and that is kindda game related). a similar point is that i don't need friends anymore. i am perfectly happy being out and about alone. i make my friends for the night. and if i dont that's fine.

generally having an easier time being genuine. i can joke around with people/ family i was tense around and be expressive. now, i'm not tucker max level ballsy (yet) but i am completely fine letting people know what i think, free of judgement. in fact, everyone i meet knows within 10 minutes that i love women. they will either love you for it, or at least respect you for having the balls to admit it.

i dont know. i feel i signed up for a quick fix deal and got sucked into something grander. yes, i wasn't looking for it, but i'm honestly happy i found it. i feel i have a bit more to live for. I am maturing faster than i would have before that.

one last point: i am not “seriously” in the workforce yet, i had a few stints, but time is coming soon. i think adapting game into workforce would be comparable to kiss closing a drunk girl who thinks you're casanova. it's going to be so easy. and that's enough motivation to go through the journey of becoming the best version of yourself you can.
-----
didnt go out tonight, but i have friday and saturday coming up. super excited. what a time to be alive, what a lifestyle to choose.

2: quick tip, to add to the playfulness: add a smile while approaching- actually, this is where the “warm” feelings come in. i keep on forgetting to do that. yes i know, its basic, but there's a lot to juggle. im working on internalizing all.

2: its beginning to make sense now- its not that girls were into me an all of a sudden they didn't want to respond to my texts. it’s that, i approach them in broad daylight, and they are alone, and they have no way to excuse themselves out of a convo, so they go ahead and try to just enjoy it, give me their number, and leave, finally happy to be over with me (of course never to reply). i would think i was successful cuz, well, she laughed and gave me her number! in fact, i remembered one of the interactions where the girl was laughing and all, and i was feeling smooth.. i wasn't trying to, but I was ACTING COOL, and didnt connect with her at all! she was amused, thinking “who the fuck does this guy think he is?” but i was so smooth that she kept on engaging me, then asked me to text her. so, all those girls rejected me: its just that they felt they had to be nice to me. which made me think im doing the right thing, and hence led me to do 100 more similar approaches. well, i'm aware now, thank you!!

note: i'm not saying im unable to attract women, playing the victim ect… i’m just saying i was making it very hard for these women to like me.

2: after some research, i think what i will combine to my playfulness is trying to hold a convo with a woman for as long as i can, with the intention of getting to know more about them. not worrying about impressions, dates, whatever. those will handle itself.

ARTICLE IDEA: how i read things but don't really take them in the right way, but after going through rejections and training finally understand them. ex of how my idea of opener changed throughout the months from solid, to having an idea from hussein, to totally fluid

31/3

D: first approach after my new mindset. girl walking away, i open, she keeps walking. i hit her with “hey are you going to stay and talk for a minute?” she laughed and came back, we talked for a little while. she was in a hurry, and i just let go.

D: i did two other interactions. the second sounded more like my previous approaches and ended like one too: boyfriend card. its not going to be easy changing this overnight.

i had a customized pizza today. the worker was putting sooo little mushrooms, cheese, ect… i should have called it out: hey this won't cut it, add some more!

D/N: approached 2 girls who were having dinner. i felt they’re uncomfortable and i ejected. in an unexpected twist, turned out that one of them has a date with my friend tomorrow. they talked and then she mentioned my approach, and that i came off too strong. how the fuck do i stop doing this? my immediate response would be to be laid back and slow… but then, i approach girls who are walking and don't stop when i start talking to them, im sure that wouldnt be a good tactic in that case. im confused.

we went to a night club. my cousin gave me a good opener idea on the dance floor. while dancing on the floor, squeeze a girl’s hand, and let go, continue the dancing. sounds laid back. i couldnt get myself to try it though. i did a hip bump open which didn't translate well (reason for failure was that the girl was facing away from me).
i find it hard to open on the dance floor. the only times i had success was when i was having fun and a girl forced herself onto me.
1: first night out after hector’s call was similar to previous ones in that i got shot down many time, again. this time, i was not bitter after each and every rejection though. i have a lot to work on

1/ 4:

i find it hard to be playful when tired/ sleepy. i feel so now. very nervous.

i keep on forgetting to fucking smile during approaches.

im at the lakers game again. there's a really pretty chick in the row ahead of me, like 2 meters away. just being in the vicinity makes me tense (although i have no plan to approach her yet).

im trying to observe how i feel in a benue with lots of hot women. i feel approaching women is forced- its not a natural thing that i am enjoying 100%. that happens, but quite rarely. UPDATE: i talked to a guy, then made 2 approaches. my energy shot up again but i want to understand how this works

2: here's a situation: was talking to 2 girls. they're sitting im standing. her jacket drops from her chair onto the floor, and im right next to it. i dont sweep down to collect it for her. she asks if im going to pick it for her. i ask if she wants me to. she laughs.

D: 2 girls walk out. boom, open, and with a hesitation/ playful element. i asked for a number 1 min into interaction cuz i was in a rush, which brings me to the realization: i try to use any excuse (to myself) to bow out of an interaction. i should let go of these bullshit excuses. anyways, they are hesitant, so i just say have a good day and move. i did learn a lesson: sometimes, girls stop when you say hi, and that helps you open slow. you should fight the urge to rush through the open when this opportunity presents itself

2/4:
same thing as yesterday: anxiety for just being out, at a restaurant this time. would like to solve that- how to be comfortable BEFORE doing 2-3 approaches?

2: question in this restaurant/ bar by the pool scenario: how does it sound to approach different sets of girls? There were no less than 5 i wanted to approach but i felt it would be weird for me to go through like 5 different groups in an hour and number close them all.


D: i rushed through another approach. i am beginning to see now, and slowly understand how it affects me. i actually used “are you single?” for the first time. it worked. she was quite sold.

2: i have just seduced a girl with a boyfriend, without even trying. I did not play games and it worked. On the other hand, there's a girl i met online who was heavily into me, and i tried to be gamey by hinting that i have women in my life without being asked for it- the interaction went south from there. Something to be conscious of.

1: i am home now. i am hit with another feeling of anxiety (i am getting better at identifying these as I improve my game). this is a sort of sadness in my stomach, different than what i feel when im out around lots of hot girls. it’s a feeling of unfulfillment, i think. of wishing for more.

1: when faced with an uncertain statement dont hesitate to ask for clarification, followed by “oh so what you mean is blabla”

3/ 4:
D: girl sitting alone on the grass. she's wearing yellow and has red hair- she's the artsy type. i approach, and ask to join her. she's in the same class as i am so we walk in together. i paid very special attention to talk SLOW and to give her soft eye contact, while adding in a bit of playfulness. it worked: she invested, and asked me many questions. she's white, and on top of that she's socially awkward (quiet, shy), so she's the personification of the type of girls I suck with, and i generally did well. there was a small hiccup at the end though: i hit her with “hey you’re a cool person, i’d like to see you again” and her facial expression was, like, super taken aback- i gave her 5 seconds of comfort for her to relax, and then got her number. i wanted to relieve the tension for her but found no natural way to do it, so just silence. i think the problem was she wasn't expecting a number close here. anyways, we talk a few minutes then part ways. lesson: my opening and most of the interaction was GOOD. i was successful in not being “too much” to a girl who can least handle aggression. the closing was where I blew it, but i suspect she likes me enough to continue.

2: another question similar to yesterday’s: my class has a ton of girls (big class), would people notice if i approach all?

 

[kalyan]

First lay, and shift in mindset

4/4:
D: girl sitting alone on grass. open and ask to join. she is asking questions but i have a feeling she's just being nice. at one point in the convo, like 7 minutes in, we have some silence, and she goes back to typing her email (she had a laptop with her). i just enjoy the sun for a few minutes. i ask “are you single” at some point and she says yes, but shes not looking for a relationship since she wants to work on herself. i reframe it: a good relationship shouldnt be much work. some more convo, then i number close cuz i felt like it- it worked. some more convo, then i leave.

D: girl sitting in the corner, waiting for a class to open. shes dead focused on her phone. i contemplate on how to open for a full minute, then tap her foot lightly with mine. she looks up, smiles, takes out headphones. i ask if i can join her, then sit and talk to her for a while. she says boyfriend when i number close.

2: in both approaches i felt more RELAXED. less focused on being sharp. another positive was that the interactions lasted more than 5 minutes without getting weird. however, looking back i feel i had to suppress some of my thoughts which might’ve been too much. i also didn't joke around, mostly because i was feeling low energy and it wouldn't have been congruent with who i am.

1: after being on the “other side” of success, you will wish to go back and comfort your anxious self that struggles and remind him to breath and relax and trust it will all work out. have faith. when working towards a goal sometimes we need to trust that what we want the most may be quietly emerging behind the scenes without us realizing it, and we call on patience. - this is today's message from the app “calm”.

1:i have a friend, sam, who just got out of a bad relationship. His game is bad. Results-wise, i dont have much more going my way, but i could feel my mindset is completely different: i have none of the “girls are whores/ i deserve better” mentality, and i know a little bit about women's psychology the reason I bring this up isnt to feel good about myself, but to understand that i used to be in his situation not too long ago, and to enjoy my learnings even though i am at a far younger age than he.

1: outside of the seduction scene, i am working on developing a better sleep pattern by monitoring what i do before sleep and after wakeup, and by incorporating siestas into my daily routine. A question which just struck me was, why haven't i thought of this earlier? It amazes me how i was oblivious to working on such an important aspect of life for so long! Then again, i was oblivious to being so invasive when dealing with people, too.

here's an interesting question: is any of the anxiety i experience linked to my tendency to be invasive? if so, how, and what to do about it? a quick look would tell me that if it is the case, a good idea would be to take a moment to disconnect from what's happening and relax- something i do already, but would be nice to do more often.

5/4:

as you might've noticed, this week's action was wayy less than average. i just chose to really get some shit done, and take a mini break from approaching to allow for some healing (like you would at the gym ). that being said, everytime i walk around campus i see tons of women i want to talk to: just today there were around 20 (and counting- im walking on campus). i’m not really nervous, i just cant wait to go back to action in a few days

1: another realization: i feel a whole less anxious now that i’m in college and living alone. is it possible that being around family, or just being dependent on them for rides and plans, is causing discomfort, even though i love them? i will find out.

6/4:

D: open a girl reading, by asking about what book she's reading. the problem was, i didn't remotely care about her book. thats what you get for preforming your opener. the conversation was super awkward as i was completely off. i excused myself. after it i loosened up.
D: told you i loosened up. i approached a girl with her mom; “dont take it the wrong way but i think your daughter is beautiful”. both delighted. mom even wants to take a pic of us. good convo, then i leave with girl’s number.
D: i talk to a girl who's in a rush. short convo, then i kindda fumble at the close. give her my number and tell her to text me. she says she'll do it later. she probably wont. i wanted to insist on texting me now, but didn't want to push it.

N: approach a girl walking alone while i was with 3 other guys. Didn’t expect for it to work but was pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed the conversation: hurray! After the approach, my mood improved. Good stuff, this being better after 1 approach.

7/4:

a very simple scenario, but worth mentioning nonetheless. I was having some food at 4:30 pm after being inside and not socializing all day, when 2 roommates and a girl come into the apartment. I immediately get a boost in anxiety. They stay in the living room, with me. After 5 minutes, the girl leaves, and the anxiety is still there, meaning it's not the female presence which triggers it, it's just human presence. I feel getting over this stupid anxiety is one of the most important steps towards achieving self mastery.

another realization i made is that even some of the guy friends i make also don't reply to my texts. it feels embarrassing to say but it's true. i got 2 uber drivers’ numbers after agreeing to go and party with them, but they both didn't reply. i might be wrong, but i think i felt i was the one pushing the interaction forward, with no push from their side. how do you fix this? i think qualifying them is a way to do that. (needless to say, the problem is the same with women).
thinking more of the previous point, i think that while showing plaufulness/ non- “salesman” behavior is important, its also important to give people a reson to be excited about seeing me again.

2: walking back home from salsa. not feeling particularly well, after getting rejected from a mom and her daughter (lol). I enjoyed part of the dancing but not having a plan, i just wanted to leave home… i need to be more resilient and push myself more, not leave as i get uncomfortable. A way to do that is scheduling it in. Will do that too!

2: hector’s last call got me thinking; if there is no need to be smooth while opening, why don't i just open everyone I see? It's simple and doable now that i think of it in the comfort of my room, let me see if it will be so tomorrow when im out.


Approach 20101001055304 - why did you leave her so quick? You don’t need to talk to so much and so fast.

Addie - very turned on in the beginning. Her voice was very submissive and attracted.

The “typically beautiful girls aren’t pretty” is like classic PUA lol. It’s cute but girls def see the game. Doesn’t mean it can’t work, but it’s not super natural.

You make conversation for the sake of conversation. Very boring responses. If you feed back wht she’s saying just to feed it back to her, it’s lifeless. Like when she was talking about how important education is and her exploring, it sounded like you were just agreeing with her to agree with her. If you do that, she is going to take it as supplicating.

Texting Investment:
Level 1. Responding to questions
Level 2: Asking you questions
Level 2.. And commenting on other persons’ answers

8/4:

a recap of my night out: i did around 10 approaches. the later ones were in a nightclub and i got quick rejections. the first few were fine, i shall recap a few of the more important ones:

N: i wasn't going to include this but fuck that, this was the funnest one! My wing opened a set of 4 girls sitting, then i join. They were having soo much fun. The alpha of their group, a big, fat 30 year old was into me. We were all laughing, and she went “let's go get ourselves drinks”, and i went fuck yes, buy me a drink. And she did. When we came back, i prompted her friends to make her dare to makeout with me, which we did. Also, i motorboated her. Very fun interaction.

N: a girl opens me complimenting my jacket. we hit it off instantly. i move her twice, was awesome. she said she loved me a few times and asks me to be her boyfriend. the problem was it was early in the night so i didnt want to stick with her, i cant pull her home yet! i took her number and left. i saw her briefly after a while she reminded me she loved me, but i had to leave the venue. i texted her but she’s too slow to reply, and it got to the point of no return (no reply).

N: a hot shorty mexican with a tatt. she gives me nice smile. i open. we talk, first 3 minutes are perfect. i move her. she's hesitant but she complies. then all of a sudden she goes back to her friend (who is chatting my wing) and they all move inside to dance. and just like that, bam, interest lost.

1:00 am. after a crazy time my energy is dipping. so i went to the bar to write this. i think my night had potential but i fucked it up somewhere on the way.

home. Looking back at the night, i think i have a new, nice sticking point: what to do when girls actually like me? I tend to send them into auto rejection. We just discussed with hector how i have to show more interest (reciprocate). I will work on that!

9/4:

Had a phone conversation with oli, really clever guy from denmark. He told me the value of focus. Main points:
Important to focus on right thing: frame it right. For example, if your car breaks down, don't take it as “oh fuck this my car died on me” but rather as a challenge to overcome. 9/10 times you will overcome . Also, focus duration matters: set a list, get down to business. Finally, don't set insane goals for 1 year, keep them short. More likely to be motivated.

2: on using less words: just noticed how powerful it is to start a dance in salsa without using words vs “do you wanna dance?”

N: i number closed the hottest 40+ year old i've ever met (yes she's more than double my age, i fucking love it). here's a sample interaction i liked:
- i would like to see you again.
-awww thats so sweet, you're young! how old are you? 22?
-hehe
-24? (im fucking 21)
-im not going to answer that question, its never led to anything good.
-blabla im not into casual sex (nice, her mind is working in the right direction
-i never said that
-ok we shall hang out *number close*
what's awesome is, she's a psychoanalyst. so yes im going to ask her what aspects of my game need improvement after i bed her. isnt life so beautiful?
for the upcoming date, i noticed she's discreet about meeting with me, so no public date. maybe go for a nice little walk.
what i did right which i liked: i took a few stories she told me, and guessed about her personality (that she loves life in this case). i also matched her enthusiasm- she got really happy i had the balls to ask her out. what i could’ve done differently waa push for more- lets hang out NOW. I didntndo it purely cuz i wanted to play it safe and not risk rejection… wrong move. worst case scenario she’ll leave me with her number and a possible date.. which is what i have now. so i should've pushed a bit more.


2: i just noticed that girls in general like me and want me to succeed- im attractive. Hoorah!

10/4:
Did 2 approaches today, both went pretty well. However, i feel my energy waning due to my sleep patterns; i attempted the DC1 sleep schedule and i dont think I have the dedication for it at this stage. Will go back to my normal siesta.

11/4:
Wow, day started bad as my body is very, very tired. I lost a lot of time today as I was too tired to be productive. On the flip side, i will very possibly see one of yesterday’s girls tomorrow: she is invited over to salsa. If not, i might see my older female friend

2: Observation: Hector pointed this out first, worked really well: when a girl is really into you, go for easier dates when you number close. that means, ditch the coffee date, invite her over instead. dont plan for “sometime” plan for “tonight”. i invited a girl for dancing at my place, and shes coming tomorrow at 8:30 pm…

which leads to my next point: stimulating conversation is fine, but everyone knows body language is the best way to show interest in a woman. sometimes, we don't know how to/ simply forget. learn to dance. i do salsa and bachata, and it helps me tell the girl how i feel about her. add wine into the picture and this is the ideal date.

N: salsa night. girl opens me. 3 minute convo then i offer to get drinks. we go to the bar to get drinks, but it doesnt work well. the vibe is off. and on top of that, the makes me pay for her drink: she suggested i pay by saying ”thanks for the tequila” and i obliged. she started giving me fake smiles from there on, and i know i lost her. i dance with her, and even the dance is off. i think she was expecting much more from me in terms of smoothness and dance skills, the motherfucker. happens.

12/4:

1: there have been a few setbacks. during the past 2-3 days i was unproductive. that was mainly due to my bad sleep schedule: i just wasn't rested enough to function properly. also, i feel i should review some of the good mindsets i came across, with hector and with “the alabaster girl”, as i find myself feeling anxious when i start conversations with women. a big part of this is nervousness due to all these concepts being new to me (remember, ive only seriously been in this for 3 months, and am just beginning to grasp the picture) and me not going out for long enough every day, to grow at the fast rate i want (i blame the sleep). i march.

2: on cutting down contribution in conversations: do it after the hook point is reached. with yesterday’s girl, i did it before, and the result was silents which were awkward and kindda premature.

FIRST COLD APPROACH LAY: for report, go to viewtopic.php?f=5&t=16118

13/4:
2: there is something which is puzzling me. just a few days ago i was in a good mindset to approach women. but now, that is not here. it used to be “i am putting out my truth to the world, my invitation out there”. and you cannot get rejected in this sense. but now it's sort of not here anymore. i am reviewing some key concepts i underwent with hector, maybe i will see what triggered this nice mindset in the first place.

D: i approached a girl on the train. cute calpoly student. i had the funnest, most interesting chat with her, and i was super calm. a big difference from where i was starting off.

2: here is an interesting interaction: a girl sits across from me. i catch her eye and smile. look away. look back and smile, look away. she noticed, and checked for a third time if i was looking. i didn't know what to make of it. so i asked her “i know its weird but what do you think of what happened?” she says she is confused and doesnt know why i was looking at her. hmmm. ok, that's unfortunate. i would rather get my message across without words but its fair.

i had dinner with my cousin and his girl, a smoking hot

14/4:
D: a group of 3 girls, at the legacy lounge. i was inside, one came in briefly. hey! didnt hear. hey again. she heard. shes stopped. approach, talk for a little while.. she's from dubai. she introduced me to her friends when i asked. i number close and leave. i did feel awkward during the interaction: internalizing the seducer frame is not always simple. i had the familiar feeling of discomfort. i keep forgetting to be mindful- really have to figure out a way to combat that

D: approach a super hot older woman. she was on her phone for 10 minutes, never went off her phone. i didnt know how to do it other than wait: when i had to leave, i just did it. happens that she had to get off her phone. i did the approach and stayed in silence, like she was telling me “you have my attention, now what?”. a few sentences. shes married with 3 kids, and married. well, was nice talking to you my darling. realization: i enjoyed it. she was smiling all the time. she asked for my name. we had good connection, but i had that familiar feeling of “ok i approached, i wanna end this and take number”. there's more to unlock.

 

[kalyan]

15/4:

do you feel appreciated? that is a nice question to ask a lady.
realization: again, being playful is key in life. it can help you flirt with anyone. i thought this while i thought of my interaction with the beautiful romanian salsa instructor: i was uneasy flirting with her especially after i found out she was married. but i did it regardless. oh, how easy it would be had i just taken it for the game it is. “let's run away together”. its a game. we both know. smile and wink.

D: did 3 approaches. i would say they were all somewhat into me. first one rejected me on the basis of age. second, i ejected for no reason. yes i should have stayed. third, very nice interaction. but i think i stalled during the texting. i lost her. realization: i have to be willing to skip the steps if i want to be congruent with my lover/ pirate persona. also, i notice that i really enjoy cold approaching, but still hesitate sometimes. nothing bad comes out of it, always do it.

16/4:
I’m writing this at night. Today's the first day i took no notes! I did approach women however: actually, for the first time, i approached a girl with her mom and dad, she was only 16 though. Also, another mom with her sister and various other family members. I still feel this lack of genuineness sometimes at least, but oh well. My mind is shifting.

17/4:
i feel good today. thank you lord. i went to class and…
2: there is a girl i am talking to in class. wanted to number close today. i fell prey to “waiting for the right moment “ problem. i didnt talk to her although i easily could have, just cuz she wasnt alone. but that's so uncharacteristic of me. remember zan: “all girls are my girls”. i can talk to my girl whenever! so next time dont be so apologetic to talk to her, or anyone in that matter. Do it even if she is with her friend. Flirt with her friend too, see what it leads to

2: A similar story with a girl i met at rueda: i felt we had awesome chemistry, and never did i get to mention that, cuz i was waiting for the right time. I should have said that to her on that day

18/4:

i approached a girl from class, direct. i felt like i acted the way i did weeks ago: salesmany. i tried to force rapport, not let there be any silence gap, and sure enough the whole interaction felt awkward.

2: i just realized some connections: being curious about a girl is very much related to qualifying them: do i like you? also related to asking “are you my girl?” and guess what? when you ask that, you have to be unapologetic. take your time to formulate your idea, and just say it.

19/4:
i wasnt feeling perfect. until i spoke to a girl from lebanon. i got happy. immediately my posture and smile improved. how about doing that next time you're not feeing 100%?
just had a call with her. she asked me if im the fuckboy or sweet guy. i went with romancer. also, she complained a bit about lebanese fuckboys, and how they are playing ect, which cemented the idea in my mind that yes, women are tired of games and are looking for authenticity.

2: i did a few approaches in downtown. i realized that i am shying away from being assertive due to fear of coming off too strong. it led to me cut short 2 interactions. this especially happens on the street as girls are busy trying to go somewhere, vs just chilling at a table (here they are more likely to talk as they aren't pressed for time)

2: class ended. i was talking to the girl i want to take out. i figured we’d talk until we go out of class then i’d ask her out. suddenly her friend appears in the picture and hijacks the conversation, and i get marginalized. no problem, i’ll wait for the convo to end, then talk to her again. what happens is they end up walking the same way. what to do in this case? i mean, it would've been bad enough if it were a cold approach scenario, but in a social circle (class) it’s even harder. also, note that i really didnt want to wait to ask her out while her friend interfered- i really wanted to do it. i didnt have a chance to give out my invitation and it felt horrible.

i want to focus on how i felt after that lack of chance to approach: i would take a rejection happily, but my inability to even try made me very sad for some time! UPDATE: relax on this. First, she didn't seem very interested, or else i think a chance would have appeared. Second, i did try my best, thats what matters.

i feel that this journey is being more complicated than it should be. there's something basic i am missing, and continue to miss. there is a baseline discomfort i am dealing with, all the time, especially when i step out of my room. i do not need to learn more things and be more charismatic- i can benefit yes, but i am enough and i know that by now. actually, i am MORE than enough. but something is missing, i am not in my element. and it breaks my heart because im trying the best i can.


to avoid coming off to strong im not escalating sometimes, leading me to lose girls, especially true during street game. Be ready to up your aggression during a street approach.

1: i am more relieved after the call. Now i typically feel better at night, so i possibly won't feel the same way tomorrow. But i feel more outcome independent, and more effortless. I shall do my part in this universe and let the rest slide.
I really dont hate myself. Nor dislike. I love myself. I want to push myself hard

20/4:

i had an awesome story leading into some makeup. i kissed a 42 year old, oldest by far. i wont be discussing more. it was an effortless seduction.

question: had awesome connection with this woman, but couldnt sexuaize it a lot. i mean, i got a good reaction, but it could've been more.

21/4:
zan trick; i actually noticed this as i was interacting with my 42 year old: i said “hi sweetie” many times. do that with all women.
2: i notice that i can get women to smile and laugh and have a good time when i interact with them. that's good.

N: the craziest thing happened. i opened a group of 6 girls on the street. perfect connection. then one of them gets too close to me, we kiss. immediately after the kiss, they start laughing even more and just run away. all of them together, so synchronized. Almost as if they planned for it, as if they understood each other perfectly.

N: I overhear a group of 3 girls say “had sex with andrew” as they walk towards me. i open asking who had sex with andrew. im quickly dismissed. next time, should have gotten them to invest (stop) first. After they stop, i could throw in my not-so-conventional opener.

N: i had some action with a girl who was quite happily intoxicated. I quickly lost her to the next attractive guy she found. Drunk girls arent my thing, but for the reference experience, try to be more aggressive next time in this situation: be the protective boyfriend who doesnt want other men around her, unless she wants to leave you.

i went with this drunk girl and her friends to a person’s house. I made few quick friends and started enjoying the night. I was nervous to start with but started feeling better as time passed. A good practice would be to mingle with some of the guests, then ask for the host, and introduce yourself, and how you’d like to join.

N: third girl i approach was walking home, we talk for less than a minute and them make out. She wasnt feeling the instant pull, so we exchanged numbers, and sure enough I never got a reply. I didn't think fast enough, but I should have pulled her somewhere in the corner and had a quick session with her- then after round one, maybe invite her home. The point is, in such situations, be mindful of the danger of not closing out, and dont aim for a pull home. Instead, use chase’s “come on, let's go for a walk”.

1: something i realized is working well with me: when possible, delay the kiss on lips. Do neck and shoulders, do touching, but don't go in for the kiss yet. I'm sure most guys jump in lips first as soon as she gives the opportunity. This might not work on drunk girls as you have to be aggressive.

22/4:
1: i just got to a new stage of outcome independence. Yesterday was a good night, yet i made a new guy friend and number closed a girl. The guy, i had awesome connection with, and he number closed me and invited me to a party. Both didn't respond today. If this were to happen a few months ago i would be baffled, but now I kindda expect it. Here's my observation: I’m tired of waiting for guys I meet to keep on being friendly, and girls who seem into me not reply. I mean, I am giving my all, and I seem to be making awesome connection when we talk, but magically things go to shit the second day. So, from now on, I think I will be truly outcome independent, in that I do what i think is best, and if they want to pursue friendship/ date, then be it. If not, ok. This is a not a bold move, but rather a move of choicelessness. If I continue to hope for things to happen, I will keep getting upset every time a guy tells me that he had the best connection with me (or a girl who gives me every signal that she loves me) I feel like I achieved a certain measure of success. It's just too taxing on my emotional wellbeing, and I’m too sensitive for this.
slight clarification: its not that i expect people to like me just for showing up. sometimes the connection is not there, and i might try, but im not confused when nothing comes out. it's that sometimes we just vibe so well, and the whole thing goes perfectly, that the only possible outcome I reasonably expect is positive, only it doesnt happen.i feel no resentment or anger, just confusion and emotional pain. I am not really frustrated at the fact that i got rejected. i know my worth (although it does sometimes make me question). my frustration is down to my inability to understand why i misread the situations this badly
i also noticed this has a negative effect on my confidence. I see things progressing well, it's beautiful, there's one logical way for this to progress, but it never does, so i have less confidence to judge outcome… i wander what's wrong with me. but now, i could be the most faulty individual. i accept myself.


Had a date with my 42 year old. She is not interested in intimacy, she makes that clear. I do eventually burst through the kiss barrier again but that's all she wants. One thing i noticed is, she gave me many signs of not wanting to pursue this, starting by rejecting my kiss invitations teice (very subtly). I did the mistake of persisting more, hence being put in chaser position. I had nothing to gain by this persistence, yet I did it. I effectively became too reliable: hey anytime you feel like fucking me, I’m here. Well, no. Not anymore.

23/4: and 24/4:
i had nothing to report on 23, and no phone on 24. i did 2 approaches and tossed around lots of ideas on stress management.
25/4:
its night. going to madonna inn. i feel awesome. i think its because i slept a lot

2: approach a couple of girls, got politely rejected by these two engaged women, but I noticed a shift: even though they were my first cold approaches that day, I felt “ease and delight”. It was a smooth, smooth interaction. I had fun.

The night was amazing. I had more development with my 42 year old- i am tempted to write a report, but feel like I shouldnt. Maybe will post one after a few months. Here is the interesting bit though: i told her “tell me something interesting about yourself. Something you haven't told anyone. Or maybe not a lot of people”. She giggled at the prospect first, then thought and told me of her brother, and how she feels lonely. Suddenly it struck a chord in me: of course she's lonely. No one has the balls to relate to her. And I, a guy half her age, call her a girl. But it went deeper. I told her how I would never leave, even though I may go away. And I value the trust she has in that she has opened up to me, and for that I will hold her dearly close to my heart and never hurt her. I don't remember what else I said, but oh boy, did I recite the Alabaster girl: it's become a lifestyle. Now i was feeling the connection between us, but a glance at her showed me it was more than just a connection: i looked at her, and the woman who is as old as my mother and has a vast sea of experience and a dominant, strong woman was reduced to tears. Holy fucking hippopotamus, i could not believe it. I shut up. My mind was overwhelmed: what did i do that had this profound effect? Sure I could guess, but i have no idea on the specifics. Here's my hypothesis: I did relate to her on a high level, I showed her that yes, I am here to listen for her, and that yes, she, the woman that’s so used to being strong and in control and leading can become a little girl in my presence. That's something completely alien to her, and coming from a very unlikely source, it was too much for her. I will paraphrase sentence I feel had a profound effect: ohh, it completely makes sense why you reached out to me. You're lonely. You're craving this connection. And you knew somehow I can provide it to you. It makes complete sense now”.

This is amazing. I touched another soul, and it feels great. The night had more mysteries, which I will keep to myself for now. But this alone was a life changer.

26/4:
In class, our professor sometimes gives us a small break mid class. She mentioned we’r getting one after 10 minutes: immediately i feel a small surge in anxiety. She announces it, and i feel the anxiety again. I choose to acknowledge it but take off regardless, and i met a really good guy, and had a nice interaction with a girl- made her day. Afterwards i felt amazed how silly it was of me to feel that anxiety.

27/4:
i approached many girls today. 3 or 4. i got rejected on all counts, but for the first time ever, i didnt feel rejected. i feel its a misrepresentation to call them rejections!
one of the approaches stood out: she told me she was stressed. i asked if she meditates, she replied by no. i invited her to meditate with me for 3 minutes, which was nice. we shared an intimate hug afterwards. also, i asked her out: she said yea, she'd like to hang out sometime. i said no, this is a date not a hang out. she clarified “boyfriend”... but i felt awesome that i stood up for my cause.

I went out tonight to farmers market. Beautiful women everywhere, i approached sure enough. A few things i noticed: how the fuck do you work the dynamic when there's two guys and two girls? We had a good laugh, jokes and all. I tried to lead the group but walking to a few various places, but honestly there was a lack of deeper connection, which brings me back to question of whether it is really required in a setting like this (basically, any setting that's chaotic and/ or not one on one). I had some problem generating compliance with the girl I liked, so, that I had to leave to hang.

Also, i need to learn how to qualify properly. Its not easy to think “do i like you?” While lacking the technical skills.

 

[kalyan]

This week was a good one. Things are falling into place nicely. I have happily concluded 5 lays in 4 months, only 1 of which was through an online medium. What's more is that 3 of those lays came in the last 3 weeks, whereas the other two (including the online one) came in the first 13 weeks or so of being in california. A dramatic uprise. I might have a lay tomorrow, and am definitely ravishing the weekend.


weekend of 28-30/ 4, and 1/ 5:
i didnt feel like writing much this period of time. i will provide a brief summary of what happened during this time.
i went out friday night. i feel much more confident now going out- i am able to crash random parties at will.
i got hooked to a video game friday night, starting 2 am. i spent a big portion of that night and he next day playing that game. its the first time i do this in a loooong time: i wanted to experiment what its like to be normal (ie time wasted). i hated it. i ruined my sleep schedule and felt bad the whole weekend.
i had a lay on sunday. my 42 year old. no report will be provided, but it was a well earned accomplishment.
monday is when i started to get my sleep and mood back on track.
monday night i came to the realization, that i want to prioritize sleep, and personal wellbeing. let go of what doesnt make you happy.
2/ 5:
i think the reason i am writing less is because i have less lessons i am stumbling upon as i approach. but also, i will focus on going out and exposing myself more: just do your work, which you would normally do home, outside. anyways..
D: approach a chick. she was receptive, so much so. i didnt number close because i didnt feel shes so high on my attraction scale- she was just cute. but seriously: i was attracted enough to approach, why not finish the deed, especially since the reaction was so good? something to think about on my next approach.

2: i had a 2-3 second eye contact with a girl. she was speaking to someone and smiling, i smiled at her and then left her to continue her conversation. something i did notice was the mindset of “i hope she liked me/ there's a big chance she doesn't like me”. i should really iron out this bad way of looking at things and flip it over its head.

D: i approached a girl, and startled her, due to a few reasons: she was walking alone, eating yogurt, and had headphones on. completely disconnected from the outside world. i worsened it by approaching from behind. note that i know technically not to do this- i should have walked some more, to overtake her, then talk. but i noticed a tendency to rush things: not the speaking itself, but starting the interaction. its almost as if i want to go under the radar and have it over with real quick, as if im doing something wrong or bad. this also puts me out of the playful mood i long to create.

1: overwriting my first claim: i am definitely approaching less. not cuz im more picky or anxious: i rarely dont approach a girl i really like. the reason is, i expose myself less now to situations where i see women. yes, go out more, focus on making it a part of your day without it becoming a burden

i went out this tuesday night. i saw some cute girls i approached and had conversations with, but i had an interesting story- see lay report viewtopic.php?f=5&t=16224 .

3/ 5:

2: never miss out on an approach on your way to class. fuck class. Seduction is priority.

2: don't tell a girl she is interesting if u mean cute. Tell her she is cute.

I went out to a bachata class this night. I observed an interesting phenomenon. At first, i did not have the “i can seduce any woman mindset”. Especially i felt insecure when i saw a woman in a stunning blue dress. As i got closer to her, i noticed that she is one of the women i am trying to bed, who knows my intentions and is fighting her instincts. But the point is that when i saw the lady was one who is attracted to me, my mindset autocorrected itself. The point is, i should have this mindset all the time, as it is a nice default to have, very helpful to seduction. Factual accuracy does not matter.

Now, specifically on my blue woman (btw,she is definitely older than 45), my 42 year old was also there, in red. As i was sitting with her, blue came, and the two had a 10 minute interaction i enjoyed. I was in the novel position of having to juggle attention between a woman i have bedded and another i badly want to bed. I danced with blue, and she asked if i am having sex with the other, which i easily deflected despite multiple attempts. I dont want to chase blue, so i put the ball in her court. Our dynamic is clear, she knows i am a lover, but i dont want to chase.


An older seducer friend of mine told me that not that i have 2 lays in 3 days, it'll transcribe into my vibe. andthat night, i got approached by a girl. it was the most direct thing ever:
- she asked me to dance
- she asked if the woman i was with (42 year old) is my wife (preselection)
- she told me that "this is not something she usually would tell people" but she just broke up with her boyfriend
- she asked me to hang out, and i set it for 5:30 tomorrow.

now, i wouldn't have considered her normally, but she's kindda cute, and i LOVED her directness, so i might just pull her home and fuck her to reward her. maybe bestfriend-zone her later

 

[kalyan]

Things are beginning to fall into place. I am getting more success, with less input... also, i am interested uppingmy approaches, to see what will happen. A problem now is that i am not journaling everything, guess what happens when you get busy with dates lol. I had a few good dates which might ead to date 2s, stay put!


5/5:
I went out with the chick which was aggressive to me. She's a cute thing, freshly out of a 6 year relationship, but sadly I am not attracted enough to do anything about it. I mean, I’ve definitely bedded similar girls, but only by lying to myself, which is not what i want to be doing. I will, however, treat her, if she persists hard enough.

At night i had my usual salsa event. I felt the familiar feeling of a certain anxiety stemming from inaction. The problem is, there is no new women for me to approach, yet i still felt i let myself down. Which is bad and irrational. I need to fix that, yes.
I felt the same thing in my dance: i have the moves, I can use them, but damn, i rush through and have a sense of confusion sometimes, instead of enjoying.
1: i feel that when i am overwhelmed or anxious the way i was during dancing, its best to take a break. Step back, close eyes, breath, make a quick logical analysis on why this is happening and how really things are ok.

6/5:
D: i was at starbucks waiting for a friend. i see a girl leaning on the wall, seems like she was crying. i smile at her, tap her slightly, and ask “what's wrong?”. she stays a second, then turns around and walks away. i think i was too much. its fine though.

N: i approach a group of 3 girls. i compliment them and tell them to wait until i come back because i am changing venues. the reception is amazing. which brings the question: every time i approach with the intention of leaving the set shortly, i have a hit. why?

N: approached a couple of girls. i was talking too fast, and not in control. I leave set shortly.

N: one of the girls i talked to tried to qualify me:
Me: hey lets do that bar instead. I cant promise, but we might be able to skip the line.
Her: oh yeah cuz you’re famous
Me: no. Im a regular guy
Her: no ur famous
Me: you know i dont like this little game. I want us to stop it, you dont need to do that with me

I realized that many of my approaches at night dont give me a positive initial reaction: do i persist here, or just let go? I’ve been letting go a lot.

Out of the girls who do open up to me, so many of them call me funny, (i always employ the romantic, “come run away with me” “you dont need to have walls around me” game). They have a genuinely good time, i enjoy it too, but it stalls there: no spending the night with me. I’ve been called funny maybe by 5 different girls in the past two weeks, a few times crazy, sometimes sweet. I need to see what needs to be added/ subtracted here.

I have better results on less crowded nights

I went home around 3:00 am. no results, but good mood: i didnt have an excess of energy to dance and be carefree for much of the time, save a few bursts, but i think i gave off a good vibe all round: there is no resentment, no bitterness, ever. And i love that

7/5:
I was thinking of screening, and i think i’m doing it: everytime i feel a girl doesn't give me a positive reaction, i move on, and the reason i stick with the ones who are receptive is to tell them that i would like to spend the night with them.

2: next time i open a girl, i would like to give 100% to start: i am going direct verbally, so i will match that with lazer eye contact, body positioning, slow and low voice.

8-10/5:
I got a bit lazy these days in writing my journal. I did my first instadate, which went really fine, although I didn't hear back from her, so we didnt do our planned date. Also, had a small after- class date with this cute chick from class, who suddenly remembered her paper was due, so that is a lost opportunity too. She's supposed to get back to me on Saturday. I dont know how to feel about it.

An interesting little story: an older woman i approached and complimented was flattered genuinely and suggested i should work in sales.i don't know if I should take that as a good thing lol.

11/5:
This day, i felt markedly worse than average, after being in a generally good mood on previous days. It was actually today that the classmate flaked. I went home for a nap afterwards, but was feeling off the whole time afterwards, and chose to go to farmers market afterwards… which ended up being pretty bad. A lot of my previous problems resurfaced, namely the “door to door salesman”y feeling. I was anxious, yet having fun, but anxious still. When i went home, the fun dissipated, and i still feel off as write this the next day.

I approached a group of 4 girls early on. Their initial reaction was phenomenal: 1 minute of asking me so many different questions. The mood got quiet after a while as i joined them in getting milkshakes. Conversation felt forced, i left after 10 minutes.

Approached another girl alone who gave me an amazing reception, we talked for a few minutes, until i asked to see her again, and she said no, because i’m leaving, which confused me as i leave in 2 months. Confused as I was, I left. I feel confused writing this.

I got in a social mood by now, but there was an element of being forced. My new friend pointed out that, I’m sort of trying to make things happen, instead of being chill. He loved how I take action, but he picked up on a needy energy.

I also felt it too. As i was walking around, I’m looking for an outlet to do something (ie approach). I want to prove something, go after something, and this drained me. In conversation, i want to drop a bomb (or more!) to show her that yes, I am a lover of women- this reminded me of when hector says to compliment only when I feel like it, not when i think I should feel like it. Yeah, didn't happen sadly.

Moving onto solutions: i remembered hector’s idea of not complimenting unless i certainly feel like it. Which is something i struggle with due to my game style, and overdose on compliments. No good. HOWEVER, a problem i struggle with is feeling a lack of attention unless I engage in this style of interaction. This is bad since I am depending on reactions, but I dont know what to do about it. Moreover, i find an issue with the concept of going stoic when I don't receive attention properly..


12/5:

My last call with hector was today. Thankful for the time

I read hector’s article on silence, amazing. I will try to implement it more.

1: if you cant think of something smooth/ lover-ish to say naturally, dont force yourself to say it. most ppl are ok with normal day to day conversation.

I number closed a girl yesterday, and set up a date with her today. Here's the thing: i was feeling sort of inadequate as i wasnt “doing” much during the conversation, but hey, it worked out fine! Which is to support the idea that i dont need to put in all that effort. Just open with your bomb compliment, then ease.

N: i approached a girl on the dance floor. we had good connection on the bachata. my typical game- although i just got to realize that im being a bit too much- one compliment should he enough to make my motives evident. anways, she says she needs to pee. we agree where she has to come meet me. never comes.
13/5:
New lay, check report viewtopic.php?f=5&t=16351
14/5:
I had a date set with a girl who i think would’ve been an easy lay. the date was at 7:30, i texted around 1:30 to confirm… she flaked an hour later. i think i came across as too thirsty, and for no good reason: i had an amazingly straightforward date, i should have just texted to confirm an hour or so in advance, assuming we are still on all that time!

New LR-, check report viewtopic.php?f=5&t=16352

15/5:

D: i approach a girl and then leave cuz i was too lazy even though the reaction was not bad at all. next time i should just let there be silence for a while. if she makes an effort to connect, i spend some time, number close, leave.
actually, on silence, I think it is very important in the first few seconds of the interaction to give her a few seconds to assess you. Let them catch up with what just happened.

Here's an interesting story. remember my gypsy from 2 weeks ago? they emailed me from the housing department for a meeting to discuss the incident since she was drugged. i got offensive. i went to the meeting offensive, and the guy i was working with was quick to point it out. i noticed and said to myself wow, how atypical of me! i wanted to convey a message of not caring and unwilling to cooperate, but that is sooo not me! one thing i did was not sit down to convey a sense of disapproval.. i mean come on, thats so unlike me. i fixed my attitude after that, starting by laying back into the chair. before i knew it i was back to my normal self, telling him how i made love to her when he asked me if she's ok… all was fine afterwards! but the message here is, i didn't need to get all tensed up for nothing

17/5:

i really should start leaving to go to class or events early: there is always some action that i am passing on. this time, in my way to my 6:10 class, i had to eush past a girl smiling at me, and another girl i fell in love with.

i noticed the importance of social momentum when i got into full swing after 2 approaches- these approaches were more friendly rather than romantic in nature, but did the greasing job well. the sad thing is, this is something i know, but don't appreciate enough!

i set a date with my first ever israeli girl! feeling amazing. i also noticed the mentalities of “open with presence” and “i can seduce any woman” are exceedingly helpful

18/5:
D: open a set of 3. neutral reception. i made a big deal out of moving them by asking if they want to move with us rather than leading with confidence: the energy got off.

Saw delight downtown after we cancelled our date. She texted to apologize. I didnt make a big deal out of it but i was sort of needy.. this wasnt a war i needed to take. I couldve deflected with “hey its fine enjoy your night with ur friends. We meet later”.

19/5:
D: did a mistake with this which who opened up quite well. I told her that she's not a good influence because she's going drinking at noon, even though it was playful. It was a competitive remark. I could have said that im similarly bad, or im a bad influence on her possibly too

D: approach girl, perfect reception. Suggested date at mine, deflected with lunch downtown. Said she needs to get to know me. I was meh about it; should have been more skeptical first, then “ of course you want to get to know me, me too, that's the goal of the date!”

20/5:
1: i noticed that yesterday in salsa, i found 3 women attractive but didnt make enough effort to tell them what i want. some part of me is still stuck in that mentality of girls not liking me even though evidence is starting to accumulate, stating otherwise. the reason why my wrong mindset still comes back is partially due to my blowouts in night game- for example, yesterday night i approached 10+ girls and i didnt get the nicest reception: my resilience is strong at this point, i dont get shaken (unless im emotionally tired) but this doesnt help me “loved by women” mindset.

1: i gamed with Mr Singer, an rsd guy. im not particularly fond of their techniques but i loved his energy: he opens a lot of people, just being social. i dont always do that, it doesnt do my social momentum justice. also, makes me skip some cuties! next time, make some more social approaches

21/5:
I had a date today. there is ONE aspect which i always struggle with, and that is being too much. i had a date with an asian girl today, and i didnt calibrate properly, leading to a few negatives:
- i held her hand 3 minutes into our date (it just happened naturally). she told me "you're holding my hand". i said umm, yes, i am. she said shes getting to know me or something. i replied in a suave way. its good, but i could have avoided this test altogether.
- she moved away from me when we were sitting close, telling me she feels im going to kiss her, and she's not comfortable. i said thats fine and told her not to be uncomfortable around me. no, this isnt needy/ creepy because its my style, and i own it.
- i tried to kiss her later. this i shouldnt have attempted, but i wanted to. after a soft rejection i turned my body away.
-she asked me if this date didnt go as i expected. i went like of course not, no expectation on my part. just want to make you happy.
as you see, my reactions are very good. however, i would like to go to the next level: avoiding these complications, without compromising my direct sexual nature.
this girl liked me. she told me i romance her like no one else. and that im attractive blabla... and that is what all the girls tell me. she tried so hard to qualify herself too. however, i always have this "being too much" problem: with more confident women, its less of a problem, but for a cute little asian chick it was too much.
i think an important distinction to make, to yourself and her, is to let her know you love women in general, and not her (yet). you are interested in her, but you need to make sure she is your girl (ie a girl you want to bed).
Also, there is the general issue of calibration. Start by incidental touching, move forward from there, ect...

 

[kalyan]

22/5:

did a round of approaches first one stood out:
D: i open with “excuse me” and in a submissive tone. not the best idea: she doesnt even stop. “i saw you walking here”... barely acknowledges me. she says “yes whats up” while still walking. i go like, never mind. my voice tone was very submissive, which is sad because my goal for the day was to open with presence. did a bad job. especially since she turned out to be really confident. after this my posture and voice automatically improved: i find that the first approach of a day tends to be rusty, like this one. but more experience is needed to fine tune this.

D: this was my last approach of that day, and it was perfect. Textbook. I walked away super satisfied. Wish i had recorded it. Moral of the story is to compare this to the first of the day, and see how big changes can occur in even the same day!

there is a hot latina in my bachata class. Its the third this time we take the class, and i thought i’d number close her this time. I talk to her for a minute after the class concluded, and just before i ask for her number, her friend points out to me that my girl wants my number. I was completely taken aback: just last week i felt shitty for not asking for the number, and now, i had the work done for me. The lesson here is not to be so harsh on yourself for not moving uber fast in a social circle environment. In fact, it is more acceptable to talk some time, possibly. Also, i came to another realization:

1: i am starting to achieve true abundance. I noticed that tomorrow i will be seeing miss delight in class, but in spite of some small setbacks, i cannot care less. I remembered some other girls i am talking to, but i cannot care less if things dont work out. I trust my ability to just walk up to a girl and have her interested now, to an extent where girls who i was “hoping” would work, i am more “meh” about now: if it works, perfect, but if not, it really doesnt register.

23/5:
1: i am beginning to notice that in my live interactions and text exchanges, i am taking teasing to a whole new level by using exaggeration: by not taking what she says seriously, and blowing jokes out of proportion. I like it.

1: i left to head to class late again, and regretted it. missed out on 5+ approaches. fuck this. very bad.

i noticed a distinction between my date with miss consent and the asian one a few days ago: i was very chill with consent, and seduced her better without trying (or failing lol)

1: i had a bad night at salsa tonight. I find funny how my dancing and social suaveness are proportional. Attempting to justify why i felt that way: in addition to being tired (i need to get that fixed asap) i noticed that in my interactions with a few older women who already had blown me off, i expected some sort of result, vs enjoying the interaction. This made things 10x worse. Letting go of expectations for success would be helpful.

Next time i feel that way, i want to focus on accepting my state, and being in tune with myself rather than trying to change.

24/5:
D: i just cold approached a beautiful girl, who was into me 100%. i was not in a mood to talk, so i told her that, and then we talked a bit about her major. i got her to invest a bit. towards the end, i ask to see her again, and she tells me that she has a boyfriend, but it was more of a "id really fuck you, but sadly i have a boyfriend". i took her number, invited her to come to salsa with me, and even bring her boyfriend if she feels like it. what i liked about this is that she is the first valley girl who receives me positively
new idea to try out: when it comes time for a date, ask her to “come see me”- at my place.

D: i had a really good interaction with a girl who, to my surprise, didnt want to see me again. i have an idea though: every time i feel like complimenting, just do it non-verbally: give a smile or raise your eyebrows. this would be in line with my idea of not being overwhelming.

on pushy/ salesmany vibe: this is cuz you are new to your skillset. You are showing off, and people see that you are too smooth… too rehearsed, something is off. As you get used to this personality, you become less tempted to show it, so you chill.. this is helpful in that you can focus on what the girl is telling you as well, investing with stories, ect… so basically, make a strong open, and chill.

I went out to party with my mexican salsa instructor. He is absolutely bomb in seduction: he doesnt speak english very well, but he has a sweet smile i love. He talks about loving women even though he evidently doesnt read any game material- that was a surprise to me, somehow. He just goes to the party, takes videos like he is a tourist (and tells people he is one) and doesn't show off his dance skills even though he is the best in the room. He lets other people shine, and claps for them. What a gentleman.

i had an interaction with a bouncer who didn't let me in at first, and only let me in after i used my connections. As i was getting in, he told me that it would have been better had i not used an attitude, which was surprising to me as i thought I didn't have one! I think this is something that's evidently part of who i am, especially when things don't go my way. It would be a good idea to be mindful of that when dealing with people of authority.

25/5:
focus on presence + playful open (smile, voice)
N: a girl with nipple piercings approached me. solid 8/10. i kindda acted thirsty, instead of just chilling. Lost a great great connection there.

i should use preselection when i go out to party in lebanon- just have a group of down girls to party with.

alllmost had a lay: check viewtopic.php?f=5&t=16475
26/5:
I did a mistake while trying to tip a bouncer: i just extended my money at him without interacting at all (after we got in) and showed him the money. I did not pay attention to the fact that there might be (and was) a camera in the vicinity, or that there might be someone looking. He pulled me aside for me to give him the tip. Next time, be more careful.

Mr singer fun lines: dont be too grabby (while dancing) / is that a shit test you’re giving me?

1: i did a ton of approaches this day. I got no real results, but it was so much fun. I feel I am on a different level again!

Mindset: i love women (not you, a single woman) and women TRY to seduce me

Escalation: be more aggressive (in moving, not words) with girls who show interest. Move them, not just talk.

Question: if i am with a girl, do i approach others?

D: i approached a girl on my way downtown. I made the mistake of going on an instadate with her: i was supposed to go approaching, meeting many women, but i chose to do this. It would be fine in an environment where there arent as many women, but it's full here, so i dragged myself into something less than ideal.
Lessons from this instadate:
less, less, less is more: the girl doesnt speak french. i tried to compensate by throwing what little french i have for her. too much effort: just do english, let her talk.. this brings me to an IMPORTANT point: in lebanon, just focus on speaking english. fuck those who dont conform.

Test for compliance and attraction: i asked her to do a few things for me, and she didn't comply. this shouldve been my cue to leave. i didnt. so i wasted 30-40 min of approaching. (but i learned a lot though)

1: another mistake: i went downtown, place to have fun and meet people, with a bag and ipad to do stuff. I mean, this is the equivalent of going to a party and texting: not enjoying the moment. You can do stuff like that at home, or if you want a change, at the library or somewhere else you are FAMILIAR with- if you go to a cozy environment, you have less exploring to do. In a new one, though, you better focus on the experience itself!

27/5:

1: a great realization for daygame: my ideal approach now consists of telling a girl i dont have much time after the 3 minute mark, and date setting there. then, continue for another 5 min.

cool opener idea; “no speak english… habibi hummus… you girls fucking seeexy, and seensual”

30/5:
i danced with a few girls today, using my new moves which are really sensual. amazingly them have the same effect my verbals have: vibe of too much. this is tiring me, really.

1/ 6:
1: in order to help with my sanity during this learning period, I have decided to focus on enjoying the journey rather than chasing results. I know the results will come, I genuinely know. It is all a matter of time: will it be in 6 months, or 12, or 24…? I was trying to rush things, learn as much as I can while in USA, but frankly, it doesnt matter anymore. I can do the same thing back home! Also, as happy as getting results makes me, it is not life or death. I am perfectly happy moving at my own pace
1: another point which compliments the previous is the idea of not having expectations from the interaction. That is to say, enjoy it for what it is, and also, don't wait for results. Again, it will follow. Finally, this whole thing is not a race, there is no much difference between achieving things now vs a year from now, so just be relieved by that fact and enjoy the journey.

2/6:
2: i am going to go back to basics; open with “hey how are you, what are you up to blabla…” then throw in a compliment somewhere. this forces me to focus on BASIC conversation, and non verbals, and being a friendly person. I also suspects it helps with qualifying: focusing on “do i like her?”

3/6:
I had a few good interactions and number closes yesterday. I think the screening and qualifying helped, although it is something i normally don't do enough. As mentioned previously, it ties in well with being seen as friendly, and girls being comfortable. I will keep on focusing on this type of conversation, while adding in the lover aspect.

4/6:
D: approached a beauty today. the first thing after my open, she says she loves my bracelet. turns out she's super confident; i was out of depth, as i am used to going slow and masking my confidence so as not to overwhelm. but i was dealing with a bartender here! that being said, next time, take cues like this as signals to up the level of interaction: a girl complimenting you back is saying she’ll take all you’ll give her.

5/ 6:
i had an amazing time today during noon. well worth noting that it started with a single (somewhat forced) approach. then, other approaches followed more easily. it supports the idea of starting with an approach to get things going!

i went out this night, and I was on a sorta small date with this cutie i might see tomorrow. A few flirty interactions here and there (I ran into miss fuse,) but no major approach. I did notice a few small social mistakes i made.
I danced With miss fuse a little. I told her that i wanted to say sorry for how i made her feel.. when she cuts me off and starts saying sorry too! I was too in the moment, so i insisted on my apology. Ideally i should have left her do the talking, less effort.
i asked the dj for a song for karaoke. i thought he didnt hear: repeated it. he said he heard it the first time. lesson: chill (again). ask if he got you again later
Again with the dj! I extended my hand to the extra mic, he scolded me telling me not to do that again.., I probably should have minded the hierarchy and not forced myself onto him the first place, but a bored look would have been appreciable even after the incident. I gave off a weak smile- however, they are becoming surprisingly less common these days.
My bachata instructor gave me a good pointer, to be used in dance and social interactions: breathe before you get in. Relax and take it slow. Specifically in dance, he told me that the sexy hand gesture he does (caressing his face with her hand, playing with her hair) needs to be done slowly so the correct energy is portrayed.

6/6:
new lay- viewtopic.php?f=5&t=16476

7/6:
D: approached a girl because i noticed that she was a girl i approached during Night at a bar. we had a sweet talk. one part of the interaction, i asked her what she felt about the way we talked during the night. turns out she completely forgot about me. the lesson: what you do during night does matter if the interaction doesnt lead to much.

8/6:
N: i approached a set of girls who left. right afterwards a girl approaches me. she was cute. we talk 7-10 min. all perfect, and i try to move her to the dance floor. we are walking , until i look behind and she's not there anymore. to chase or not to chase? i moved on.
i did some further research on this, hector’s article “what to do when she is thirsty for you”. Wow. 100% this case. Long story short, i did not escalate hard enough: I should've kissed her for when she told me she's adventurous, just got out of a relationship… fuck!

9/6:
N: i had a different experience today: i approached a girl i was talking to in salsa class during the dance. i isolated her to talk to her, and as soon as i felt her get sexy, boom, gave her a kiss. it was different; gave the conversation a sexual feel. also, it opened up the concept of being spontaneous, moving her for a quickie.. i didnt do it, but the idea materialized. this followed reading the article on how to properly handle a thirsty chick, and how to properly kiss in public. i will implement these sexy tactics more often
another raw mistake i did: i talked to one of my friends who i was getting in for free, told him to tip the bouncer next time to get in free.. that could've waited, and i risked being put in a bad position had the bouncer overheard. Discretion.
I started dancing with a girl at the dance floor, and I automatically went close. “Too intimate” she said before turning away. Calibrate!!

10/6:
Check FR: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=16477

12/6:
2: I approached a lot of girls today, yet still felt bad for missing some. I need to relax in this situation.. also, it helps to leave home early. I will prioritize this from now on.

adding to the previous idea: i read hector’s article on approach addiction, and noticed that while i am approaching, i am shying away from my frame of “a man who LOVES women”. I need that back. Also, i need to feed my love of approaching women more; why not? It's what I love to do, i have to do it more. Be at peace with the idea that I want to go out to meet women, because I love them. Also, remember that this is too much fun to pass up on, and that is your immediate goal, not getting results.
I think one thing which will help keep my mentality is sort of giving it a seductive, calm edge, vs fun/ cute one: think of a zan perrion-like, or juan Antonio when you approach… dont give off friendly hugs, give seductive ones. Dont laugh with familiarity, smile with sexiness.

13/6:
i approached 4 girls today after yesterday’s revelation. i find myself falling back onto the same problem of not demanding girls stay for a minute longer (in what i plan to be a 3 minute interaction anyways) to close the deal.

2: i would like to open with more situational comments and weave in my compliments as time passes.

1: beginner things “does she like me is she attracted?” Veteran thinks “how can i move this forward?” (The first question is irrelevant)
Beginner thinks “where am i, how are people perceiving me?” Veteran thinks “what do i do next?”

My natural dance instructor gave off a nice gem to me: saying “hello sexy” with a high pitch at the end, with a cute little smile.. boom.
N: opened a set standing in the smoking area in the back (4 girls 1 guy) with “you seem cool… my friends are inside… wanna make new friends”. It clicked instantly. The guy even said its ballsy. Do it more often.

1: i’ve been sacrificing daygame for nightgame a lot. I go out everynight but not nearly as much during the day, even though i am better at daygame. Also, i am not enjoying the type of nightgame I employ. Yes, i am building resilient and learning but it is not what i want to be doing all the time. So, in the future, modify this.

14/6:
D: approached a girl after my class (last one) today. Used indirect direct. Didnt go very well but, i took action: i feel happy every time i do so. Also,after i left, i saw a girl, and i opened her with “hey, i really need a hug right now” and drifted naturally into conversation. Ease and delight. Another girl gave me approach invitation which i did not take. But yeah, i wasnt planning on any of this happening and was forced into it! Its nice.

2: approach all girls possible. I want to find out if im interested. What if i turn out to be interested in a girl i originally thought wasnt that hot?

N: i opened a girl with a hug. went perfect until i tried to sample her drink without asking her, to which she pulled back her drink and said “i dont like the way you didnt ask for it” or something. premature compliance i guess. its not the first time i reach out for something without speaking about it and have it backfire.

2: i experimented with staying at the bar to elicit approaches and invitations. i was surprised, i actually interacted twice. the good thing is i saved lots of energy. the bad, is that i got so bored.

N: i approached a girl by tapping her, she looked away. i want to try “hey wait, dont worry, im sober” next time

15/6:

2: i just noticed a very bad habit i have: naturally, i am a bit shy on having my first approach of the day. after 1-2 approaches i feel happy. when i reach this beautiful state, i want to turn off: i noticed a desire to “celebrate” by taking out my earphones and listening to some good tunes. this is BAD: i am working so hard to get into a conductive state, only to waste it! i really like to make my life difficult sometimes lol. from now on, when you feel its on, feed the desire to approach even more.

16/6:
2: here is another change in mindset which is inevitable: i am very nonchalant when it comes to girls rejecting me offhand, but after open, if there is any turmoil anywhere, i try to fix it. today, for example, i girl i cold approached gave me resistance when i asked for compliance…. i was “hoping” that she’d be nice enough to comply… well fuck that: i am a man, this is what i want. you are either in, or you’re not- you lose my attention. i still need to do it in a calm way to show non neediness but its good for the most part. seriously, i feel bored of having to beg girls to be nice to me… “are you my girl? if not, i am leaving”.

 

[kalyan]

Return to the forum

Hello again,
It's been a long time since I last posted. I wasn't the most frequent contributor but I used to be very active a while back. this was mainly because I took a small break from seduction and focused on other things. when I say small break, the emphasis is on "small"- I kept on approaching girls regularly and set up a few dates, many leading to LMR, and 2 to more happy conclusions.

I will post a reflection I wrote a week ago to recap how my time was spent during my absence. note that a part about coaching is abridged.

October 5, 2017 reflection

“Time flies when you’re flying first class all the time” -Tyga

I am not one who likes to quote rappers- i find most of what they say all talk. But this quote describes my situation perfectly- i feel i am doing a good job of growing the best version of myself, and hence time flies. This is somewhat ironic, as i am not doing activities that are considered fun- as you will see, i am talking to less women than before, going out less, and am stuck in a routine which could kill most people’s motivation. However, more ironically, i am happier than i have ever been: i am loving life, and am enjoying even moments of sadness, anger, and disappointment.

The seduction journey
I think I’m going to adopt a new nickname: El Amante (meaning “the lover” in spanish). It’s sexy, it’s catchy, it’s a bit cheesy, and it’s me. Yes, it refers to my general love of life, but it very specifically refers to my ever-growing love of women. I remember feeling frustration at my lack of success for a few days, then setting a fuck date with Miss Nature. Just holding her hand gave me an energy which made me think “wow.. THIS is why i go through all the bullshit for. Totally worth it”. Another notable example is approaching Miss Triathlon- her feminine energy gave me an energy boost for 24 hours. I love women. I love women. I love women.

My LA journey started on June 17, with an interesting train ride (Miss Bird). I had high expectations: I was expecting at least 2 new lays in the month in which i was staying in LA. i had nothing to worry about- no work, school, family, nothing. Only women. And i put in a lot of work. I went out of my way and went down to Rodeo Drive and spent hours talking to women. I took 40$ and 90 minute uber rides from Pasadena to Santa Monica to approach women. I partied religiously, and Salsaed often. I probably approached 200 girls in that month alone.

Sadly, that expectation didn’t materialize. I had many makeouts (including 2 or 3 on the last day), a few very close calls (kendra white, the girl from salsa when i was with andrew, Yas the mexican from long beach, among others) but nothing came to fruition. I had a very hard time accepting the situation: the rejections that hurt the most are the ones that come from women who like you, who you KNOW like you, but ultimately flake/ avoid/ leave. I had serious doubts, and one particular episode (a few consecutive defeats, with Kendra not replying the icing on the cake) made me cry- I felt very defeated. But even during my crying, i was not hopeless. I knew i would improve.

I made a few important contacts during my time in LA. I attended a FEARLESS workshop, which was quite eye opening. I got to be friends with some of the FEARLESS students (Nick, Matthew, Anthony). They were very helpful in giving me some great exercises in santa monica, including saying hi to hundreds of strangers in santa monica. I got to be friends also with Andrew- he is the ONLY rsd based person i met in california with whom i felt comfortable. Almost everyone else was very weird. Andrew had great energy, and we still talk to this day. His insights were very helpful and we had immense fun when we were together.

Return to Lebanon was rather uneventful, seduction-wise. Indeed, after having 7 lays and 2 partial lays in 7 months in USA, I only had 1 lay and 1 partial lay in 2.5 months lebanon (and that one lay is a girl who used to be a partial sex regular before I went to USA, so it’s only an in principle lay). There is only one major reason for this: my conscious decision to push seduction to the periphery of my attention (will be discussed in more detail later. Let’s just say I have other priorities to focus my time on). This decision was extreme to the extent that I have a few girls I’ve known for a long time which I could probably easily set dates with, whom I talked to during my USA stay, but am choosing not to set dates with. I am also not engaging in online game; I set my tinder location outside morocco and am talking to girls there. This is to experiment texting game without “hurting” my lebanon tinder pool, while not setting up way too many dates. David will probably think it’s a good idea to analyze the texts once we officially start our coaching (more on that later). The only girls I am going on dates with are girls I meet through cold approaches, which are surprisingly many considering my very passive approach to dating. I picked up two girls who were walking on the street and offered them rides, and saw both of them again within a few days. I cold approached here and there and got numbers and dates. I pulled almost all of the girls I met to secluded locations, but received a lot of LMR- this is also a contributing factor to my declined lay rates. I now have only one semi- regular girl I am seeing, Miss Nature. This is far less than an ideal rotation of 3 or 4, but i am not too worried: i know i need around a month of serious work to rack up roughly 12 dates, 4 lays, and 2 new regulars- and besides, Miss triathlon is still work in progress. So it is important to note that while my lay rates have declined, my effort here has taken a dive as well.

I have, however, noted much improvement in my game. This improvement in game is a natural result of my insane effort in USA- I did not immediately see benefits, but over time things became easier for me. For one, I feel much more comfortable in a variety of situations. I step into tension like it’s nobody’s business- this is in seduction, in work, in dealing with family and friends… nothing intimidates me, and i respect myself for it. I also noticed that cold approaching became much more fruitful, even though i am doing it much less often. I am getting numbers and responses and dates from direct cold approaches at a much higher percentage than when I was in USA. there are many factors for this:
Lebanese women are starved for real men. The men here are much less proactive and do not go for what they want, so women are not used to cold approaches… At ALL. they admire confident and bold men. Step forward: El Amante.
Lebanon is a small country, so there is much to relate about. It has a family vibe to it. California itself is around 60 times larger than Lebanon- people are much more skeptical of “others”. Here we are much more loving.
SLO was a white community. And LA itself had a high percentage of white people. While I love white girls and do not pass on the opportunity to approach, I tend not to do well with them. This is due to a variety of reasons, including an incompatibility between my aggression and their passivity, some racism against middle eastern looking men, ect. Lebanese women like my looks, style, and wit. It is easier for them to relate. This is not a justification of any kind: i intend to improve my game and bed white girls as easily, but its going to come after i have advanced my skillset further.
A general improvement in my game, being more comfortable in my body, being smoother, being more comfortable talking to girls, being vastly more experience, and (as previously mentioned) being much more desirable than the competition.

There is a myth that lebanese women are hard to bed, stuck up, whatever. That’s bullshit. Lebanese women are amazing, it’s the men who can’t handle them. Luckily they have me now.

However, a problem I did face in Lebanon is increased LMR. LMR was rarely an issue in USA. but here, I got it many times, often early on in the escalation.. Very often on the kiss! I used to have it pre-USA, and i think it used to be a sexual value problem. Now i think that is solved, and the issue is attainability- women see me as too good to be true and are not comfortable with it. I need to find a way to solve that issue. If it weren’t for LMR, I would have had 2-4 more lays by now- now THAT would have been amazing.

this part is altered A final seduction topic is that of coaching. I took coaching with hector in the beginning of the year.

I received some coaching from FEARLESS (at a very good price, i must add!), from FEARLESS students, from andrew.

Recently i have been talking to David. this guy is really good. He knows what he’s doing, gave some nice brief, free pointers, and replies to extra questions. He offers so much, is very friendly, and asked me to pay whatever my budget could allow for.. We havent officially started yet, but i have high hopes.

Work, resilience, mind and body

There is a reason why seduction stopped being my only hobby when I came back to Lebanon. Many other priorities surfaced and were forced upon me. I restarted university. I started working in the family business, and this is in a period of intense growth.. Meaning work is much more intense. The combination of work and school is insanely overwhelming and unbearable. Add to this the obligations of meditation, friends, family, dancing and workout, and you have a very busy schedule. I used to party almost every night in California, but for the past few weeks I have reduced partying to a minimum; I havent went out on friday AND saturday for the past two weeks, and don’t plan on changing that this week. I am doing my best to enjoy the pressure i am under, for I know it will not last (school and work growth will end around mid december) and i will be much more relaxed for a long time to come. But now, there is work to be done.

I have a huge work/ family issue. Basically, my dad is a very financially successful man who has no idea how to control his emotions. The result is that he hurts himself and everyone around him with his toxic energy and words. And being his only son, and the person he wants to hand his business to, I get a very big share of the burden. Now, i would not have been able to handle this pressure last year. No way. I was starting to get into work, and was faced by his constant nonsense criticism and was so excited to get away from it in USA. now, i am much more equipped to deal with it. I take it as a challenge, see the opportunity for growth, release on the negative emotions he gives me, and move on with my life. I have also shown him that he cannot boss me around: i am confronting him when necessary and completely avoiding him whenever necessary. It is very sad that we have to work like this, but this is the situation, and i act as i see fit. I am waiting to have more control in the business to really show him what i am capable of, and basically force him to be a more positive person around me.

I have much of the rest of the family under control: mom and sister defer to me and act as i please for much of the time.. Not to be taken in a negative way. I do not abuse the privilege. The extended family respects me. And i like it.

Work-wise, i am expected to start making very good money starting january. This is good: i do not wish for money, i don’t see the value of having too much, but some freedom is much appreciated. Much money will be invested towards becoming healthier and towards being a better seducer.

I am also respected by people i meet: they see a real man who knows what he is doing. I fuckup sure, but there is a marked improvement.

An important theme in my life is mindfulness. I am focusing on that a lot. And that’s good, it’s helping me deal with the stress and pressure. It is also making approaches and dates go much smoother. It is reducing episodes of sadness, and even making them enjoyable. I have been meditating consistently and plan to make it a central part of life- my keystone habit. But probably the best result i got is groundedness specifically: i focused a lot on feeling my body and movements, am able to stay solid and deal with bullshit (especially from dad). I think this alone used to be one of my biggest problems meeting women and I see a difference in the way I react to women already; when they inconvenience me, i just ground myself and give them a bored look, and usually things go smoother. It would be interesting to see a difference in results once I restart my rampant seduction career in a few months. Finally, on the notion of having a healthy mind, I am currently working hard on implementing some nice, simple tips to help create good habits (james clear’s seminar). I am very excited and hope to make life even simpler and more enjoyable.

Finally, there is the matter of the body. I haven't been seriously working out for quite some time, but in the past few weeks there has been a marked improvement in my efforts; i am doing some minimal bodybuilding and some football. I also picked up the habit of slacklining, which is seriously improving my balance and possibly groundedness. But the biggest way in which i use my body is dancing: i went to salsa nights on multiple occasions in LA and also in Lebanon up until last month when i stopped going out to party altogether. I did meet a dance partner who comes and practices with me and that has been helpful: I plan on improving my salsa for a few months, then going back to improve my bachata, which is my favorite dance.

Life is beautiful and i am starting to see that. Due to some minor inconveniences i am unable to fully enjoy it, but it will change very, very soon. In the meantime, i am focused on my growth and am enjoying the journey.