lack of sexual spark

[throw]

ouch, this one hurts boys.

Again, same issue, I was under false impression that I get rid of it. I tried be more sexual, not sure where is the issue if not me.
So, last two weeks, 3 dates, all from tinder.( I am 28)

CONTEXT, you can skip to ACTUAL DATE
first one, let's call her Shakira, 28, date ended up with sex, nothing to talk about, but I run same routing from Shakira dates also with ladies below

second one, let's call her Inflation, 24, ends with passionate kissing. After kissing on walk in park I proposed to come to my place(1 min of walk..), she almost immediately called taxi to her home. Next day later I texted her cheeky if she is thinking about me, she said of course, all nigh, then silence...ghosted. Tried one msg 2 days later, then voice msg. Nothing.
Whole date I had (wrong) feeling that I had her, that's why I was so quick with text after date, I just felt that I messed up escalation to my place and she was maybe scared or, some availability issue(?).
During date we changed locations (on first location we had intense eyes contacts, but was not possible to sit next to each other, so we changed bar, in new location she was leaning about me, i was playing with her shoulder strap, hair, later hold her around shoulders...unfortunately there was a unexpectedly band performance and not possible to chat to much...but tension was there, she went with me without problem to park, there she first dodged kiss, I continued and then she immediately started very (!) passionately. We kissed for a while, I told her let's continue to walk and then when we were close to my street I told her I live near and the...she did what I described at the start of paragraph.

This third actually mentioned the "lack of sexual spark" ..so let's go(i mentioned 2 dates before because on all of them I run same routine bar->sitting next to each other -> eye tension,casual flirting, touching arms later hair, direct intense compliment to eyes, and with this one, I was able to put sexual talk) ->

So the third one, let's call her Recession, 30, ends with passionate kissing again, near to my fucking flat. Again. FUCK. Ahahaha, I love it.

This one I will give more description, I did some huge mistakes with her but ...context will hopefully helps.

We matched 2 weeks ago, she appreciated ice breaker, I was pretty in rush so I was pushing her to go out, she chickened out in evening before, that she has something important but she proposed other dates later plus her IG. (I said cool, but called her little bit out with something like "its cute like you are shy little girl", i was going out of country in 2 days and decided to push her and play it risky -> it failed but not miserably)
After I came back, I saw her on line, asked her after and ...ahahaha -> she wrote longer text in which she said: no, she needs to restore her "female energy"
Love it.
After few msgs we agreed on date, I decided to play risky again and in day of meeting (we weren't chatting 2 days and I had feeling she will skip again) I send her voice msgs that: looking forward to see you at "place x" will be near to "place y", i will be looking handsome, see ya babe, be sexy"
She replied that the audio msgs is too intimate thing to do.
She came. We talked about it and she asked me if I am really that "confident". In bar they messed up reservations and again..sitting in front of each other.
No problem, intense eye contacts, I did direct compliments about her appearance, face..later touching her...wasn't really able to change it to sex talk, it was awfully loud there. In middle of date she asked me again about my confidence, if I am aware how high is (in some situations I can be really confident, in other, like normal human being, I mess up, I am no womanizer, not virgin either.)

Have this issue often, like in my thread https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...-have-friendzone-situation.25864/#post-146345
I was actually little bitch (because in previous dates I had feelings that I was too much unavailable etc.)

ACTUAL DATE
When she came back from toilet, she asked me about other dates, If I am flirting often. I did not give her clear answer, we agreed for a walk.
In front of the bar she went for cigarette, the tension was high. Issue with my direct compliments is..they knew I like them. I deliver them confidently but here, she was telling boring story, I told her I am listening to it only because I found you hot, but its boring, she laughed, then she asked me what I am thinking -> me looking her deeply into eyes "I am thinking about kissing you Recession", she said not here, let's leave it to park but looked horny.

WHAT A DUMASS. Too direct. Too cocky. (but we were outside, no one was really near us)

We went to park,(10 minutes away, the closer one was ..unexpectedly closed..I am not kidding..logistics messed up).
10 minutes is a long way and I failed to carry on with atmosphere. I forgot everything from Chase's article about changing location. Totally failed to boring topics about city and life. Actually, it get even worse, I emphasized withe her(honestly) about pretty dark topic (quickly realized and changed to some nonsense)
Park was of course totally full, after a few mins of walking without place for privacy I told her "baby,if there will be no where to sit, I am gonna grab you and kiss you right there. There I kissed her, now when I am writing this butchery of a date, I am realizing...
The kissing was ok, but I tried for a deep dive, went all in, then started to touch her for butt and tits...she told me she is not horny, let's sit. (let me go for a shower, memories are killing me with cringe...but she was smiling and talkative so it was not totally ruined)
I was trying to be more sexual then with the Inflation, so we were sitting, overlooking nice view on city, She leaned on me, I was playing with her hair, tights, almost around pussy (she was wearing skirt). We were kissing, I asked her what she likes in bed -> nothing special, pretty ordinary, but she likes hard cock. Then she asked me and before I told her, she told me "you like to be dominant right?"(during kissing I chocked her a little).

And if you still reading, here is another royal fuck up-> she asked me when I had last time sex -> I said two weeks ago (you fucking donkey, that's when you cca matched!). Some type of morality said through me "sorry". She said that's ok.. (well..)
After a minute we walked, holding hands, than she called her roommate (Recession forgot the key)...I told her you don't need it, invited her to my place, she refused, I did stop and kissed her passionately, we continued to walk ( i was thinking to my place) , she asked me about my friends...and then in crossroad, she told me she is going home.
I asked her to kiss me, she kissed me, deeply, I also went all in. Then went even deeper with tongue, (I was really fighting that last minute resistance haha) but she broke it and said bye bye.
I should left her go, but I told her no, come to my place, I have great chocolate..she said she would go for pizza..finally kicked in I was just ruining my chances and felt pretty confident I will get her next time so I did not fight it anymore, told her bye.

Next nigh(again, I need to do same fucking mistake 5x till i learn) I text her (because liek with Inflation, I felt like I have it in a bag and "next time we fuck")

EDIT
when she came home, she sent me text "I am safely at home, thanks for evening, you did your job with empowering women very good ->5/5"

"Hi Recession, I was thinking about you and there is something about you...I decided to give you another chance" + time frame proposition"

She replied the she also thought about me and "she is not ready to take this generously presented shot"
Then, lots of compliments about how interesting, intelligent and opinionated person I am", but she DID NOT FEEL SEXUAL SPARK between us.

I told her "ok, pussy"

Then we texted back and forth for a bit, I think she liked attention, possibly texting also with her girlfriends but I..have nothing to lose, taking it as a learning experience.
Since she did not feel sexual spark, I was very sexual, asking her to my place, send some bdsm msgs, she replied I am never gonna get her and that she is just teasing me.(she also sent some teasing msgs)

Two days later I texted her that "you really don't like choking?" cmon Recession

She replied -> "Why you don;t leave it?" I am not interested in casual fucking,jsut it"

Now, all msgs above look obviously dumb, but she confused me with sexual tension part, so that's why I was so sexual with texting. It probably did irreversible damage, I did wrong assumption.

What next with her gentlemen? Ask her for a coffee?
Where did I mess up with Inflation? Kissing?(btw she is taller then me)? Before?

Also, there is tons of other mistakes I did not mention, but it is already too long.

 

[Glow]

It looks like youre doing a lot of good things from the responses - expressing yourself, having opinion, being confident or bold and pulling the trigger sexually. Many of the girls seem to respond well too your basic being and doing atm. Good.

and points for pulling the trigger repeatedly.

to improve you can consider a few things:

You really need to learn to turn women on more than force whatever thing you just want. I know where you are. And this core energy is GOOD. But youre missing escalation capacity.

so lesson one is
Work her. think of foreplay or buildup to each thing you try to force as a starting point. Think delayed gratification for more serious understandings. the bigger seductive capacity to build is to understand where she is. and evolve that. vs. hammering your way neanderthal style. understand that women needs to get sexually activated and their speed is different than yours. not slower. just different which you wanna adapt too and keep and eye on.

This way you want be hammering into walls but proactively making her turned on before you go for your blatant attempts. Or you need to understand woman better to deliver blatant escalatory moves as i can do these which is powerful. But i do them differently than you. and i do them with timing an understandin of where she is.

And thats another key - sense her and work adaptively in relation to where she is. Study ad think a lil about where each girl was in the process. her resistances. and see that she was not where you were and that you need to work her to get there. This entails a lot of micro movements before the big moves. Aka understand that escalation is a momentum of things. And things is a lot more multifacetted than what most see in here.

Theres more to it. But thats a bit of how part of it looks from an outside perspective.

 

[throw]

thank you. When I am writing things down, I am realizing the amount of "brute force" or rather "awkwardness" in escalation. It's like,even when I was successful, it was nevertheless my escalation, no to thanks my escalation.
But to my "defense", the logistics failed resp. didn't help either.

Do you have any tip how to continue with Recession? Her last response was "Why you don;t leave it?" I am not interested in casual fucking,just it".
I would go with coffee date proposition. But last time when I tried to slow things down because i though I was too unavailable/ too cocky, I failed miserably (previous thread) and change to little bitch.

 

[throw]

little update:
I sent voice msg on app where we matched (similar to tinder) where i proposed low pressure meeting -> ice cream and walk after my training
So basically i said: hi Recession, how is it going? I was thinking and (little sarcasm) you are right about casual fucking thing. Anyway,i enjoyed our night, had cool talk, how about ice cream? (Little sarcastically) no sex ,no fucking, no touching "

She replied something like: i am down to ice cream, but she's is not sure about my friendly intentions (or my sarcasms sucks or ..)

So.. what I do?
My idea is to had low pressure convo, not explaining alor talking about previous date (I just use it in voice msg to bring good memories that we have cool time), then isolate and go for kiss. Then i have no ideas, if to try escalate to my home if it already failed.

Is possible to move this low pressure second date to bed?(sorry for typos, written in gym on phone)

 

[ulrich]

Mmmhhh, not sure man.
If she was dead serious about not wanting sex with you (and not playful) you are likely to meet a ton of resistance on your next date.

That is a pretty bad frame to begin a date you intend to end in the bedroom.

I would cut my losses but let’s see if someone here has some tech for this situation.

 

[Rakehell]

Not to restate the obvious but you escalated too early. This ties back to what @Glow was saying about you two being on different stages of arousal. (You being ready to fuck and her not)

But thanks to your experiences we can make a educated deduction of why she wasn’t ready.

Everything she’s saying is pointing to ASD (Anti-Slut defense), or “im not that kind of girl”. Alek Rolstad has some good articles that educated me on the topic.

So on your next date you should work to make her feel allowed/more comfortable with the idea of having sex with you and with you in general. Gradually work to make her see how it isn’t a big deal to you and how you wouldn’t view her lesser for it. This has to be natural otherwise it’ll seem not genuine/contrived. Sex has to be just like any other thing.

On top of that turn up the sexual heat slowly, remembering to take 2 steps forward 1 step backward or even a hop backward depending on where she is.

Overall I think you did a good job it’s just she has mental barriers when it comes to sex with you that you need to unravel. She needed to feel more comfortable with you.

 

[TomInHo]

second one, let's call her Inflation, 24, ends with passionate kissing. After kissing on walk in park I proposed to come to my place(1 min of walk..), she almost immediately called taxi to her home. Next day later I texted her cheeky if she is thinking about me, she said of course, all nigh, then silence...ghosted. Tried one msg 2 days later, then voice msg. Nothing.
Whole date I had (wrong) feeling that I had her, that's why I was so quick with text after date, I just felt that I messed up escalation to my place and she was maybe scared or, some availability issue(?).
During date we changed locations (on first location we had intense eyes contacts, but was not possible to sit next to each other, so we changed bar, in new location she was leaning about me, i was playing with her shoulder strap, hair, later hold her around shoulders...unfortunately there was a unexpectedly band performance and not possible to chat to much...but tension was there, she went with me without problem to park, there she first dodged kiss, I continued and then she immediately started very (!) passionately. We kissed for a while, I told her let's continue to walk and then when we were close to my street I told her I live near and the...she did what I described at the start of paragraph.

Inflation was a good nickname for this girl, because IMO the only problem with your escalation was being too forward.

This may be a matter of style, but I've noticed girls are more compliant with pull attempts when your prior escalation used a lot of mixed signals or push/pull.

Speaking from experience, being more direct was great for getting reactions but also seemed to trigger ASD if the girl was not DTF and I did not set proper frames prior.

So by using mixed signals, this creates a sense of "what could happen?" and makes pulling to your house a lot easier, due to less chance of spiking ASD and also setting a proper frame to allow her to chase in order to release the sexual tension

So the third one, let's call her Recession, 30, ends with passionate kissing again, near to my fucking flat. Again. FUCK. Ahahaha, I love it.

There's a pattern here... do you see it?

After few msgs we agreed on date, I decided to play risky again and in day of meeting (we weren't chatting 2 days and I had feeling she will skip again) I send her voice msgs that: looking forward to see you at "place x" will be near to "place y", i will be looking handsome, see ya babe, be sexy"
She replied that the audio msgs is too intimate thing to do.

Classic ASD response, but love your bravado

She came. We talked about it and she asked me if I am really that "confident". In bar they messed up reservations and again..sitting in front of each other.
No problem, intense eye contacts, I did direct compliments about her appearance, face..later touching her...wasn't really able to change it to sex talk, it was awfully loud there. In middle of date she asked me again about my confidence, if I am aware how high is (in some situations I can be really confident, in other, like normal human being, I mess up, I am no womanizer, not virgin either.)

This was actually a sign of lower attainability. She's thinking you're a player and don't really give a damn about her

ACTUAL DATE
When she came back from toilet, she asked me about other dates, If I am flirting often.

See... too much player vibe hence why she's shit testing the hell out of you.

In front of the bar she went for cigarette, the tension was high. Issue with my direct compliments is..they knew I like them. I deliver them confidently but here, she was telling boring story, I told her I am listening to it only because I found you hot, but its boring, she laughed, then she asked me what I am thinking -> me looking her deeply into eyes "I am thinking about kissing you Recession", she said not here, let's leave it to park but looked horny.

WHAT A DUMASS. Too direct. Too cocky. (but we were outside, no one was really near us)

Yes! Based off her previous remarks it would have been wise to show more genuine interest.

The story may have been boring but your attainability was tanking at this point. It may have been wiser to cut the thread and direct the conversation somewhere more exciting

Park was of course totally full, after a few mins of walking without place for privacy I told her "baby,if there will be no where to sit, I am gonna grab you and kiss you right there. There I kissed her, now when I am writing this butchery of a date, I am realizing...

The kissing was ok, but I tried for a deep dive, went all in, then started to touch her for butt and tits...she told me she is not horny, let's sit. (let me go for a shower, memories are killing me with cringe...but she was smiling and talkative so it was not totally ruined)

She wasn't turned on because your attainability was low and you were trying to escalate at a low point.

What could have worked better in your escalation would have been listening to her and deep diving with a blank laidback expression (PUSH).... then when she said something interesting you could reward her with a warm touch, and more proximity (PULL)

This way you're increasing your attainability and also sexual tension simultaneously

I was trying to be more sexual then with the Inflation, so we were sitting, overlooking nice view on city, She leaned on me, I was playing with her hair, tights, almost around pussy (she was wearing skirt). We were kissing, I asked her what she likes in bed -> nothing special, pretty ordinary, but she likes hard cock. Then she asked me and before I told her, she told me "you like to be dominant right?"(during kissing I chocked her a little).

I'm personally not a fan of escalating this hard before isolation. Again it may trigger ASD because you make it too obvious what is going to happen before you go home.

And if you still reading, here is another royal fuck up-> she asked me when I had last time sex -> I said two weeks ago (you fucking donkey, that's when you cca matched!).

Attainability blow again because of a failed player test...

Many ways to answer this but my favorite is exaggeration...

You: "I just got laid 5 minutes ago"
Her: "But how, I was just with you"
You: "I banged that girl over there when you weren't looking, had to make it super quick"

This usually gets them to relax and see how ridiculous they're being with their accusations

DID NOT FEEL SEXUAL SPARK between us.

To sum it up, the reason why she didn't feel a spark was because your attainability was low and you did not give her enough room to chase you

But it's great to see that you upped the aggression compared to your last field report, and it's obviously working because you got a lay from it. Now it's just about fine tuning and pacing your escalation

 

[throw]

Thank you for all responses.

just a little (not important) update:
I was on "ice cream date" with her on Wed, before the date, she asked me for a number, so no need to communicate over app anymore. To be honest that was my goal, to get just a number and in worst case, resuscitate her after few weeks.
I felt like shit whole week, on Wed I was totally weak, "date" was boring and end up just me going home but(no remorse) ->

So the date. You were right guys, she saw me as a player, whole night she was trying to get more info from me about girls, later I get tired (of the date + combination with health) and we end up in pub, she multiple times mentioned that I am "alpha" (hahaha), and when we talked about some deeper topics, she said it's shame how I behave (player-ish) since I can be very interesting and nice guy. She waas also curious how sucesfful it is.
She started to criticize feminism(don't care..), sex culture, mentioned me she is happy she lost virginity later etc. Mentioned her father(lovely but weak man) and her mother (very strong and manipulative women, Recession is happy she is not at home with her..but I think she loves them both)

It's funny, because at the start of the date she asked me how I was spending time between our dates (now I wasn't dumb to talk how I fucked day before our ice cream date..which I did but boooooy she was ..interestingly looking, I would love to have her dead lift PR tho)

Recession told me she was on two dates during weekend, but she said both of them sucked. She was checking me and asking me if I am not angry Provoking me.
I was asking her more about dates and yes...coffee date? are you kidding me (both were older then me, even then her)
Was generously curious and she looked disappointed/frustrated that I was not angry/insulted.
Then I had 1 maybe two remarks to it later, but that was more of a joke and my goals was not to insult her by ignoring it totally.

So yeah, I was too aggressive with my first date escalation. Later, she ate last cherry from my drink, I was playing "angry" at her bc of that , she told me she is going to buy me cherries that night.(wasn't asking for it)
I told her i know place near to my apartment, she told me she knew something closer(not her place), she meant some shop (it was at least 10:30 pm).
I felt extremely weak and sleepy, so i did not care about sex(just shoot my shot), was totally unimpressed and uninterested to talk with her, she started to, let's say, "chase me" (do not think she was friend zoning me), proposing me "she likes museums and galleries but have no one to join her", we walked a lot and she was trying to get my mood bakc, "she would like to go with some one there and there".( i told her she should definitely visit some, they are beautiful galleries and museums here..and yeah, you should go with somebody but on purpose did not propose)..btw she is new to city, not sure if I mentioned that.

We were talking and walking and looking for cherries( i told her it's not about them, its about cherry in drink, so we are not even anyway and she should make me a drink -> she did not refuse but..i did not escalated), suddenly we are in front of her flat (she has roommates), I was not cold to her but I did not attempted to do anything, she hugged me, kissed me on cheek, I did same back. Then she told me she is very happy that we were out... looked me again( i did not care) and she said "really happy, seriously". I wink at her back (I can wink as motherfucker, extremely strong wink muscles).

I did not text her. (intend + I had very busy rest of the week anyway)
Thinking about my next move, I like her but not too much and not sure if she is worth the trouble and fighting, obv I don't want to give her some false idea and waste her time...but still would hit tho And, as shitty as it sounds, good practice and.. I like girls, overall it was fine night with ice cream and drinks. She is also not ..boring.

If I will have time and energy next week, I am thinking about calling her, to pub really close to my place, she will be sitting next to me...then try to take her to my place directly. I do not think she would agree with date at my place and I think after ice cream date she would not get ASD when I will try to take her less aggressively from pub. Another date like ice cream would be ...bad.

Sorry, not much PUA from me in this post/date, but wanted to give you update on it + maybe another resource WHAT TO NOT DO.
It did not end up horribly, I was not expecting sex to be honest, there were some sexy moments but either I did not escalated or she had her guard up.

Overall, this threats are very helpful to me,thanks to them i realized that I have very little if not zero game, and all the sex was because girls were DTF and already ready to fuck (except maybe one in my previous post which I was able to seduce -> but ironically, did not fuck ahaha, thank you penis). I am too upfront. (even in some cases with that girl which friend zoned me in my first post). It's either too much or too pussy with me. Yet.

But to be honest, how are other people dating? I do not recall when I last time saw somebody in a bar/pub/club to really seduce girl or was impressed how they approached...there are guys in a gym but they do stupid ALL or Nothing attempts (nothing..),when I sit with girl next to other couples, I often cringe how they talk, even more boring and less game then me.

Thanks again for all the advice and have a nice rest of a sunday.

 

[throw]

also, don't want to sound lazy, but I am trying to get more skills, since like in previous post was told, I have small playbook.
But I am overwhelmed by the numbers of articles on girlschase.com.
Do you have any specific which had impact on you,(I had now almost over 40 bookmarked...mixing it up-> in a bad way)
Some structure would be appreciated..

 

[ulrich]

also, don't want to sound lazy, but I am trying to get more skills, since like in previous post was told, I have small playbook.
But I am overwhelmed by the numbers of articles on girlschase.com.
Do you have any specific which had impact on you,(I had now almost over 40 bookmarked...mixing it up-> in a bad way)
Some structure would be appreciated..

This was very useful to me at the begging.

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