Last minute resistance: what I could do better

[diegoC]

I know this girl like a week ago. She called me to have dinner at her house. At her place there was one guy more (who I also met the same day I met her). I really don't know if she invitde both of us or he just got invited due to the circumstances (he didn't have power at his house, so he went to the home of this girl to watch a very important soccer game for him).

During the meal I think she wanted to touch me. Her feet touching mine sometimes. Moving her leg to feel my hand touch (my knee was near hers, my hand was alsoa resting on my knee on purpose). Eventually the other gut left. We sat on the couch and I had my arm over her (no touching yet). I brush her hair… I'm pretty sure she knew what could happen and when I made a bold move (I told her I like her before but just like casual about it, just throwing it right there) and kiss her neck, ear… right then she told me "I'm looking for friends"

The thing is she is leaving on February 16th, so she said so, like… I'm leaving on the 16th so I just want friends. It's great to be on this forum/community cuz I see all this stuff with a different perspective. I persisted but I really don't know if it was in the ideal way. What I said was something like "I like you, and I want to travel (she is from Australia) so I could go there, you never now what could happen." Maybe I should have not try to picture to her a future between both of us to try to fuck her. I don't know. I am looking for your advice and expertise.

At the end she was like "you are making feel uncomfortable" because she wanted a "friend". I was really relax thx to this forum cuz for me this was LMR (last minute resistence) so I pushed but on the same perspective (me traveling, maybe going to australia. Like I wanted to know her). At the end she left to his room. I put my shoes on (I had taken them off), went to the kitchen to wash my hands. She was on the living room to meet me when I came out. I told her not to be scared (cuz she was saying like I was making her feel uncomfortable), hold her hand, told her to look at me (although she didn't do that much. Like she looking at me when I told her to do it but looking away most of the time after that. I end up saying that she should call me if she wants to. She said she won't call me back.

It's great to be in this forum cuz now I see this in a really positive way. A way to improve. Not like before when, in that situation, I would have been really uncomfortable with the girl

Maybe I talk to much in some ways cuz we were 3 at first. When the subject steered on relationships I said something that ended up looking like I was a guy that didn't had real relationships and that just 1 year ago my mentality towards them had changed: I wanted to find a gal I could really like.Which is true but maybe I shouldn't have said nothing that could define me.

I would be happy to hear any inputs. Any doubts you have I would answer them happily.

Cheers

PS: I'm kinda tipsy. Excuse me if my writing is no good.

 

[diegoC]

I've been analyzing the scenario and I guess I escalated to quickly. Although there were some casual touch I should have take my time cuz was the first time we were alone. And I brush her hair also… that's no incidental touch, it's a romantic touch… and I kiss her neck after a while. I think I pushed to fast

Also, she came back and sat next to me after this, when she had already told me that she was looking for a friend. She didn't leave, she came back. I should have stop and start escalating, baby steps, little by little. Instead I kinda tell her "I don't think so…" blablabla. Doesn't matter. This is good. This is experience. I will learn. Oh yeah!

 

[Chase]

Diego-

The biggest problem here was you pushing for a relationship when she told you she was leaving:

During the meal I think she wanted to touch me. Her feet touching mine sometimes. Moving her leg to feel my hand touch (my knee was near hers, my hand was alsoa resting on my knee on purpose). Eventually the other gut left. We sat on the couch and I had my arm over her (no touching yet). I brush her hair… I'm pretty sure she knew what could happen and when I made a bold move (I told her I like her before but just like casual about it, just throwing it right there) and kiss her neck, ear… right then she told me "I'm looking for friends"

Only thing to do here is ask her something provocative like, "So you're saying we aren't friends?" and then keep escalating. That ties up her logic and frees her to do what she wants - provided your read is correct and what she wants is you, of course.

The thing is she is leaving on February 16th, so she said so, like… I'm leaving on the 16th so I just want friends. It's great to be on this forum/community cuz I see all this stuff with a different perspective. I persisted but I really don't know if it was in the ideal way. What I said was something like "I like you, and I want to travel (she is from Australia) so I could go there, you never now what could happen." Maybe I should have not try to picture to her a future between both of us to try to fuck her. I don't know. I am looking for your advice and expertise.

Your later read here is correct. When a woman is leaving and you start talking about how "maybe" you're going to chase her down to some foreign country in order to get sex, it makes her think one of two things, depending on how much she likes you and how needy (or not) she is for a relationship:

• "Oh wow! He might actually chase me down. I'd better NOT have sex with him now, or he'll never come! He needs to have something to work towards!"
• "Whoa... he's going to chase me down to AUSTRALIA? This guy must be REALLY desperate... get him AWAY from me!"

I think the mentality behind why you said this was, "Women only want sex in relationships; so, if I promise her a relationship, she'll be more likely to have sex with me!" but actually, it reduces the chances she will. Fast sex rarely happens in a relationship context; it's most likely to happen with a man a woman knows she WON'T have a relationships with.

The more you make it sound like you're a potential boyfriend, the slower she's going to make it take.

And the more willing you communicate to her you are to go to the ends of the Earth to get her, the faster your value as a sexual man drops like a stone in water.

You need to be chill, non-needy, and NOT a boyfriend candidate to make this happen.

At the end she was like "you are making feel uncomfortable" because she wanted a "friend". I was really relax thx to this forum cuz for me this was LMR (last minute resistence) so I pushed but on the same perspective (me traveling, maybe going to australia. Like I wanted to know her). At the end she left to his room. I put my shoes on (I had taken them off), went to the kitchen to wash my hands. She was on the living room to meet me when I came out. I told her not to be scared (cuz she was saying like I was making her feel uncomfortable), hold her hand, told her to look at me (although she didn't do that much. Like she looking at me when I told her to do it but looking away most of the time after that. I end up saying that she should call me if she wants to. She said she won't call me back.

It's great to be in this forum cuz now I see this in a really positive way. A way to improve. Not like before when, in that situation, I would have been really uncomfortable with the girl

It's good you're seeing it as an opportunity to try things, figure them out, and improve. Keep chipping away at it - you'll get it going right for you, amigo.

Just remember - a potential boyfriend / guy who will follow her to the ends of the Earth is the OPPOSITE of what you want to be if you want her to go to bed with you quickly. The ends-of-the-Earth guy's the guy who gets put into the "Break in Case of Emergency" box for safekeeping for when she needs him, instead.

Chase

 

[diegoC]

Yep. I realized just leaving that it was sooooo bad to talk about relation when I have read all about the boyfriend scenario. Great advice Chase.

I'll keep it up.